Is She Crazy or What?

@worldwise1 (14887)
United States
December 24, 2008 1:51pm CST
I have to start by saying that I do consider this woman a close friend. She is my neighbor, and she has been through a rough time with medical problems over the past few years. I try my best to be there for her when she needs me, but lately she has been showing signs of being unbalanced. I knew that she had some mental health issues - most everyone does. Increasingly however, I have seen her mental state grow worse this year. She is giving to loud outbursts, whether it be praising the Lord or fits of cursing. She was hospitalized recently when she "went off" one night. She was knocking on doors and cursing loudly. I admit that I was frightened by all of this. I refused to let her into my apartment that night. Anyway, she was released from the hospital a few days later and I thought she was alright. Her actions over the past week have changed my mind about that. I am not well myself and cannot stand any more stress in my life. I have tried to talk to her and she is taking medication, but it clearly is not working. I don't want to abandon her but neither do I want to place myself at risk in light of her volatile behavior lately. One of my daughters has told me that I should break off my friendship with this woman. The problem is that I just don't know how to walk away from a friend. I would appreciate any suggestions from my friends here on mylot.
1 person likes this
9 responses
• United States
24 Dec 08
I know it's hard to turn your back on your friends. If you do that you gonna feel guilty. But you have to think about your family and your safety first. Just reading this I can see that you are a really good friend and a good person. Also it's hard to say that sometimes in your life you have to be selfish and think about yourself only.
2 people like this
• Philippines
24 Dec 08
yes, it is really difficult to turn one's back to a friend. and i agree with you, lucas, that there is a need for our friend here to consider the safety of her family also. for this reason, it is best that she keeps her friend off her house. since it is not that easy to cut off the friendship, i don't believe it will be selfishness if the talks will be taking place outside of our friend's home. her volatile behaviour cannot cost any damage to the family this way.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
26 Dec 08
My family is very concerned for my safety, lucas, and I am not treating this matter lightly. I do plan to keep her out of my apartment in the future. I've noticed that her visits to me increase during the times that she gets worse.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
25 Dec 08
First let me say happy holidays to you. I can really relate to your problem. I was, notice I said was, friends with a female who showed the same type of behavior. There were times she threatened to kill herself and then other times she would throw things, yell and scream. My patience grew thin as I did everything possible to help her. Bought groceries, took her places, filled up her tank with gas, spent hours on the phone with her trying to ease her pain. Our daughter's, all grown now, and my husband told me there was nothing I could do to "fix" her or her problems. They were right. I gradually faded out of her life. This wasn't easy but I did it. I finally told her that I hate the phone, not a lie, and the best way to reach me was by email. This ended the long, 2 hour crying and griping sessions by phone. At first I felt awful but then decided I was being used. She needed my friendship but I really didn't need hers since it was so violent and crazy. This friend also had mental health issues but she didn't think I knew it. Once you can get beyond the guilty feelings, you can walk away gracefully. I feel fine about it all now and rarely hear from her. I am a good, committed friend and don't do this on a regular basis. Have plenty of resources to verify this fact. I also went through the feelings of feeling like a bad person because basically I was ditching her. Make peace with yourself move on with your life. Besides, you can't take risks with your life as a result of her wild behavior. Hope this helps just a little bit.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
26 Dec 08
I sincerely hope you are enjoying the holiday season, carolbee! The voice of reason dwells within you. I've learned that often people who have mental issues can be the most manipulative of all. I believe this is the case with this woman. I have been a good friend to her for a couple of years and discovered that all was not the way she led me to believe. I used to cook for this woman all the time because she said she didn't know how to cook. I later found out this was untrue. I gave her nice clothes because she dressed so shabbily. I later discovered that her income is nearly twice the amount I have coming in. In short, she completely misrepresented herself to me. I still tried to be a good friend. Her recent actions, however, have led me to believe that she might be capable of harming me. This is just something that I feel. My New Years resolution is to move on without her in my life.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
27 Dec 08
Thank you for giving me the best response. Hopefully you can move on and never look back. If you've been the friend she needed and she continued to abuse you, just feel sorry for her. This is what helped me. I also felt threatened by the friend I was referring to in my response. I saw sudden outbursts of anger and finally thought it wasn't worth my being in her company to feel in danger. I did all I could to be friends, remain friends but didn't asked to be insulted and beaten up with words. I didn't deserve it and didn't need it. I do feel sorry for her because she never tried to "better" herself. Everyone owed her something was her story because she was cheated and had a lousy life. It took time but I got over my guilty feelings and avoided all the times she wanted to meet for lunch. Nope, I am not getting back into that trap of, "oh I would buy you lunch but I have no money." Or I have no groceries, etc. My husband works hard and wasn't about to continue to feed her. My sympathy ran out! Hopefully you will find some comfort in knowing this happens to others.
@winterose (39917)
• Canada
24 Dec 08
first of all I don't like the term crazy, that is very degrading the woman is ill and needs help and compassionate people around her to help her because she is not stable enough to help herself, whether you want to be there to help her or not only you can answer that question for yourself.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
26 Dec 08
Sorry you have a problem with the term "crazy," winterose, but I have a history of mental illness myself and I have seen people act crazy a few times. I mean in in no derogatory way. You seem to be insinuating that I would be turning my back on a friend, but I look at it quite differently. The main reasons I do is because my health is not up to par and I don't have the full use of one of my arms. This would make it impossible for me to fend off an attack if that should happen. Also, there is probably a lot about her that I don't know since we've only been friends for such a short time, so it's not like there is a long-term relationship here.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39917)
• Canada
26 Dec 08
crazy is a derogatory term, that is why I don't like it, people are not crazy, they can act crazy of course I agree with that, and I am not insinuating anything, actually what I said was very supportive of you, I said it is your choice to do what you feel about this person, that is why only you can answer this yourself, you may want continue to be friends or not but you were the one that brought it up by saying you may need to break away from her, all I said was it is your decision to make, however you go with it, this is totally non judgmental, and if you want to remain her friend good for you and if you don't want to that is still good for you because you do what you feel is best for you,.
@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
25 Dec 08
I realize it might be hard to leave a friend, however you are not a professional mental health care worker and until she gets proper health she might be a danger to you and your family. All you can do is be a friend and supportive. If she is not properly medicated I will be hard to be the same friend you once were. This might not be the same person you became friends with though.. I might not walk away yet but monitor the situation, but unfortunately you cannot risk a confrontation with this woman.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
26 Dec 08
It's like she has changed into a different person since I first met her, mariposaman. I believe that she has a long history of problems that can sometimes be masked for periods of time. Her actions lately have given me reason to be fearful and I think I should follow my instincts.
• India
25 Dec 08
I can under stand that you are not able to break the relationship with her so if she has any relatives just tell them your situation and your health conditions and tell them to convey in a manner so that she doesnt come to your house till she's getting cured and after that you could remain friends..if she's not having any relatives i will say you what to do since i have studied psychology i think i can try to help you help in this issue..Happy mylotting..
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
26 Dec 08
Other than her daughter, balacancer, I have not met other family members. Her daughter didn't bother to even acknowledge my message when I phoned to tell her about the most recent event that led to her mother being hospitalized.
• China
25 Dec 08
There are somethings in reality that we can do nothing about it, just like the case you told. You neighbour, the woman, is obviously suffering from mental illness. If the doctors can do nothing to improve her bad condition, then you can do nothing either. It is natural that we should be friendly to others and try to help those in need, but we don't have to do that at the expense of our own safety. If you try to help her, there might be some trouble for you. So, the best suggestion I can give you is that you should think about moving to another place to live. For example, you can move to live with your daughter. After the woman gets better, you can move back.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
26 Dec 08
Moving is not an option for me, chenxiaoyue. It might sound cold, but I don't have a problem with breaking off the friendship because it has become too stressful for me. I believe that a true friend should take advice when it is offered and try to improve her condition.
• United States
24 Dec 08
That's a tough situation that you're in. You're right. It's hard to turn your back on a friend especially when it seems like they need a friend but if they are not in a state of mind where they will even recognize that you are being there for them and could be a danger to you then you need to think about yourself first. She doesn't have any family members to support her? I would guess that her doctor gave her medication for whatever it is she's going through. I wonder what's wrong with her. I honestly don't know what to tell you. I'm trying to picture what I would do in a situation like that but I don't know what I would do. I know I wouldn't want to turn my back on that person if they were a close friend of mine but I would probably try to find some way to help them if I can. If the person was not someone that I was close to and they were just an associate that I said "hi" to once in a while I might not go out of my way but I go out of my way for people that I am close to. I wish you the best and I hope that someone here can help give you some suggestions that will be able to help you and hopefully your friend too.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
26 Dec 08
This woman has one daughter, Chastised, who is about the age of my grandchildren. The relationship between them is not very good at all. She is pretty heavily medicated but that doesn't seem to help. As I said before, she is so stubborn she will argue with you if you try to tell her something that might help. Since she is not a life-long friend I don't think I would really be turning my back on her.
• Philippines
24 Dec 08
i don't see any problem here at all, in all honesty. she is your friend, alright. you can still be friends even if you do not talk to her or let her into your house. when you meet her at the street, greet and exchange some good short conversation with her. when she knocks at your door for anything, don't let her in. talk to her outside. many friends just simply converse with friends by the doorway. i often do this. this is understandable since at home, we attend to a lot of housechores. letting someone in in the middle of so much work can disrupt the flow of our accomplishing them all. so talk to her at the shortest possible time then excuse yourself. tell her that you have so much work to do yet. this way, you will not hurt her feelings. i have some friends who are like that, too. i know what i am talking about, worldwise.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
26 Dec 08
I believe, trinidadvelasco, that this woman invents excuses to invite herself to my place whenever she wants. She says things like, "Can I come up and watch a movie with you." When she is acting normally she never just drops in without phoning first, but at other times she will just appear at my door. She is quite a bit heavier than me and I wouldn't want her to overpower me.
@arthi_88 (1518)
• India
24 Dec 08
She need more care and mediacl attention and though you feel bad but she is obviously not safe for you presently and being with her won't help her...Try to reason to her or her close ones if you know them that she need more extensive mediacl care...It will still be difficlt for you to see her deprove or do nothing about helping her..Have a nice day and Merry Christmas!
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
26 Dec 08
I don't know her family members very well at all, arthi. In fact, I only met her daughter for the first time a few months ago. I do know, however, that this woman is stubborn. She told me that some members of her family wanted to have her put away during the summer so I don't understand why they are dragging their feet on the matter. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!