to have a friend, be a friend

Japan
December 26, 2008 10:22pm CST
TO have a friend, be a friend. This phrase doesn't exist in my world. I have been a friend to this woman whom she calls me a bestfriend for ten years now. For 10 years I have been there for her through thick and thin but I have to give up our friendship because I think I couldn't rely on her. She can't be happy for me when I'm happy or on top of my league; She can't empathize or even sympathize when I am down because she makes fun of my struggles; and she is always selfish. She finally noticed it and apologize and admitted to be selfish. But I am tired, do you think I should give her a chance again?
11 responses
@twinklee (895)
• India
8 Jan 09
Hi few relations in earth never die.. This is what the expansion of FRIEND.. Its really obvious isn't?? A friend should be both in your good and bad times. Few crazy friends laugh at you when you make mistakes, but at the same time gives you hand to come up with that difficulty. Few people only laugh at you, even at your success. They are not friends at all. So please categorize your friends , even if they drop you, you be gentle enough not to drop them, after all that is the real meaning of real friend. So i suggest you to forgive her .. even next time she leaves you, you shower your affection on her. But only to some extent you can adjust, if it crosses the limit, make your heart to be the deciding factor.,after all Emotions do play a greater part than forgiveness :) Take care:)
• China
30 Dec 08
Everyone has his advantages and shortcomings. I think that is not the first time you want to end this relationship or hesitate to whether to give her a chance to apologize. Why would you be irresolute? Just because of ten years? I think there would be something others that you would not give up or end. What is it? Maybe that is important. In your words, I can seemly only see her shortcomings. Does she have advantages? Why would you become friends, and best friends for 10 years? I don't know her at all. But if she can give apologies, that is still good and is an advantage. Maybe you think you give her so many chances, but she just apologizes again and again, and don't change herself a little. But do you know it is so hard to change someone, espically an adult. So, do you change for her, or do you have mistakes? Please do not put the blame on someone, and do not give up this hastily. Good luck!
@lvramos (16)
• Philippines
28 Dec 08
I have the same experience. I don't want to detail it but there are times that you have to give up the friendship 'coz its not healthy anymore. I agree to what others said, friendship is a two-way street. You have to give and take. It's not that you really have to return the favor but it's just out of respect for your friend. What I did was to rely on my hubby to be my partner in life and my bestfriend too. But if there's in any way a conviction in your heart to give her a chance, why not. Maybe God is signaling to you something.
• China
28 Dec 08
if she regret abt what she did to you,and decide to change it,then give her a chance.afterward,you can feel her heart,if she treated by her kind heart,or not,leave her,then meet the right and true friends,i believe you will meet them in your life.
@myskina (182)
• China
27 Dec 08
well, it's really doesn't matter at all, you are the old friends, you should give the more chance than the other generals, ten years, you should not give up your friendship, that's the worth of our lifes, you do not to use rely on anyone `` you can be good, just like the past, everything is gonna be okey, treasure what you owned ``
@zhangfzoe (432)
• China
27 Dec 08
If the situation as you mentioned is seldom, you can give her a second chance. If you encounter such kind of situation too much, I think you should no longer close to her. She is not a true friend anymore. A friend in need is a friend indeed.
• Philippines
27 Dec 08
Ten years? And not really a true friend in that time span? I'm inclined to say the person does not deserve your friendship. My advice is for you to find another person or persons worthy of your friendship, trust and confidence.
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
27 Dec 08
i have a friend who is like that too. she calls me bestfriend so i treat her like a sister for thats what best friends should be. she looks happy when i am happy but then i found out the smiles was all for fake. when i turn around all she says are bad things about me. all she says that i became what i am right now because of her. we are still friends but i am not that close to her anymore. i would rather be alone than to be with people who are fake. welcome to mylot hope you like it here like most of us do
• Philippines
27 Dec 08
Hello fulghum, It depends on how you define friendship and how the other party define friendship too...If it is real freindship that you are talking about,then we don't count what we shared. I think the friendship you were talking about has strong foundation by now,but maybe one of you ,maybe she, is taking it unseriously knowing that. Or maybe you spoiled her but tell her frankly of what you feel perhaps she is unaware,so give a second chance...Or maybe you define friendship differently too. Tell me, are you in love with your bestfriend, ? and your friend treats you as bestfriend? If that is the case, you can't expect then same feeling, so better as well court her...Just a suggestion
@nanayangel (7839)
• Philippines
27 Dec 08
Hi there Fulghum! I think that you should give her a second chance. There are times that we commit mistakes and hurt people that we love when we take them for granted without us meaning to make them feel the way that they did. Sometimes, we just needed to be reminded that what we were doing were wrong, that we need to change our ways, that we might lose something that is really special to us if we don't.
@relundad (2311)
• United States
27 Dec 08
Friendship should definitely be a two way street. However often times one of the friends will tend to be more dependent on the other, whether it be emotionally, financially, physically etc. Whenever you are in a friendship, I don't think its necessary for all things to necessarily be equal, but both parties should be willing to give whenever needed. If think if on the rare occassions that I needed something of my friend that was within their ability and they did not step up to the plate, I would have to evaluate whether or not this person should really be characterized as a friend.