does a dead family member still come up in your conversations?

@oyenkai (4394)
Philippines
December 28, 2008 4:14am CST
I lost my very chubby and beautiful grandmother almost 10 months ago. She lived a year in our house - she previously lived with one of her other daughter before she came to live with us. We loved her and tried our best to keep her safe and to make her healthy. She was bright even though she was sick and almost everyday that I'm together with my mom, she'd come up in our conversation - the funny things she said and did when she was with us. We love talking about her :)
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12 responses
@oldboy46 (2129)
• Australia
28 Dec 08
Yes the same thing does happen in my family. More so when I am with one of my brothers than when it is just my partner and myself. We have only been together for 10 years now. In tha time, there have only been 2 deaths in my family and none on her side of things. One of my brothers and my mother has passed away - my brother she had never met and my mother had alzheimers when they met so she did not really know Mum. However those two people were a major part of my life and just because they are not with us in body it does not mean we can forget them either. I think that not to talk about them would be very unnatural and in a way it would also be denying the major affect they had on my life. My sister-in-law in particular often talks about Mum - they were very close - and is not slow in reminding us what Mum would have said/done if she thought we were acting inappropriately. lol Mum had alzheimers for about the last 15 years of her life although she wasn't too bad for a number of years. Then suddenly she became a danger to herself so we had to take steps to protect her as much as we could. It was not possible for her to live with any of us (her children) as we had all moved to other districts and states in some cases. They told us to move her from where she lived would only make her worse sooner than otherwise, so we left her in her unit. Eventually for her own safety we had to move her into a nursing home and then she really went downhill. Although she had good care there, she also did not have a lot of contact with people who did not have either dementia or alzheimers, so she lost her communication skills. When we talk about her it is often things that she taught us when we were growing up, how she made certain foods as well as her very strong views on certain aspects of life. Yes we do miss her but in other ways, she is still with us and always will be.
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@oldboy46 (2129)
• Australia
29 Dec 08
Thanks for giving me best response to this discussion. Actually I was talking to my partner and some friends about this particular discussion of yours this morning and we all agreed that talking is one way that we can remember those who are no longer with us. It seems to me that many people think the same way as we do. Thanks for giving me best response.
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
28 Dec 08
I lost my brother in law very recently to cancer in september. My sister moved back in with us after that. We talk about him all the time. I think even though people leave us physically, they are still around with us, if we choose to keep them alive. He was such a wonderful person, a great husband, a great brother, and a really funny guy. We have so many special memories with him, and it's nice to talk about him, and remember all the fun times. After all, we can't just take people out of conversations, just because they have passed on. Although to admit the truth, I was first hesitant to start any conversations about him, as I didn't know how my sister would feel, or if she's even ready to talk about him. But once she started it, then it was fine. It doesn't feel weird talking about him at all. It feels nice. Because it's always a conversation about how great he was, and what we used to do. It makes him even more special, because we are constantly reminded of how fabulous he was.
1 person likes this
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
28 Dec 08
I'm sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about talking about how great your brother in law was - we talk about how funny she was when my grandmother was with us, the ways she'd try to outsmart us so that she could eat what we wouldn't let her hahaha it makes us miss her so much.
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@mflower2053 (3223)
• United States
29 Dec 08
We always talk about people who are no longer with us and I believe those people are still around us. I've seen them. Well oddly I haven't seen my grandmother. I'e just recently had an out of body experience and seen my cousin who left us last month. We keep them alive by sharing good times with one another. Its hard to lose someone who was so close to us. We miss them so much but I know we will see them again. Even if its through an out of body experience. I read somewhere where you can make yourself have 1.
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@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
29 Dec 08
hello oyenkai, My father-in-law live with us for ten years. He was the one who took care of our three kids. Aside from that, he did also the cooking and bringing the kids to school and getting them back. He even does the washing of our clothes. He was a retired soldier that's why he can do all these stuff. He was so kind to our children. Indeed we always remember him for he was so good to us and helped us a lot. We missed him so dearly that in our conversations he is always coming up. He was really is the man and always will be.
• China
29 Dec 08
about this i have the experience .when my grandmonther pssed away .i keep silence for one year.the year i do want to tell anything to everything ,including my parents. what is you fell ,my dear friend.i wsh you everything is well.
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@savengt (89)
• Singapore
29 Dec 08
Yes, especially when that person means alot in your life.
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@lovesummer (1162)
• Malaysia
28 Dec 08
I think it is normal when we have memories for them. Is a good thing I think. :) I have a great grandmother was gone at her 100. because of a little bicycle accident some boy hit on her while she was crossing the road back into the house she fell down and knock her head probably at night she passed away because of brain hematoma. She would have live longer otherwise. She was a very healthy old lady and diligent, she sells her own vegetable at that age. could go around by herself. she is just great. Sometimes we still talk about her although it was a long time already since she passed away about 10 years now. she is still in our memory for sure. :)
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• United States
29 Dec 08
Yes, departed loved ones do come up in conversation. They were a big part of our lives and their loss leaves big holes. We have our moments of grief and crying, but far more of our conversations dwell on the fun and love we had with the departed. It is hard when we didn't have a good relationship with the departed person. Often there is guilt mixed with the sorrow. We all need to remember to say to our loved ones how much we value them. We can't just assume that they know how we feel. Just as angry words can never be taken back, so too, our words of love and appriciation are forever out there.
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@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
28 Dec 08
My brother passed away back in July, it was hard on the whole family to accept, but we have. We still talk about him from time to time and still remember the good times we all had with him. I don't think that we should forget him just because we can't see him. I believe that even though we can't see them, when we need them they are there.
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@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
28 Dec 08
i have a few cousins who passed away and we talk about them from time to time. we also talk about my grandparents from time to time. in fact all of them were mentioned in a family conversation we had here at my house yesterday afternoon. some memories were fond and some were not but it was an interesting conversation nonetheless.
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@nini89 (670)
• India
31 Dec 08
Yes I often bring my husbands rememberance while I on mylot he left me on 29th May 2008 . I can live one day lso without remembering him. I wont talk to people about this but always in my mind. I myself cry sometimes. Happy posting and have a nice day.
@suzzy3 (8342)
28 Dec 08
I lost my mum is april and we talk about her. She was a bit of a charactor and spoke as she found and we often laugh at what Mum would have said to that,and what she came out with was no body business.Just because someones passed on does not mean they have gone from out thoughts and conversations,we loved her lets keep the memory alive .
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