It's Always About Them

United States
December 28, 2008 7:06pm CST
I have a friend that always calls me and complains about her life. She talks about her money troubles, her relationship problems, everything. And to make it so bad she calls me really early in the morning and gets mad because I'm asleep. I try telling her that I'm busy with school and work and that I need my sleep, and she tells me that I complain too much. I think that's really selfish of her. She whines and complains all the time, and I just say "I'm kinda tired right now" and she says she doesn't want to hear it. However, she can call me and complain for 4 hours about absolutely nothing. Do you have any friends that are only concerned with their problems and could care less about yours?
5 people like this
24 responses
@jzqt27 (542)
• Canada
29 Dec 08
hey shortakbar, wow seems like you friend is very selfish and really don't care about your feelings at all. to be honest, i know she your friend, maybe you should tell her what's she's doing wrong. find a good time and explain! no i don't have any friends like that, if i do i will go nuts. but my friend ex girlfriend is like that! she always call him around 2 - 4 am all the time. and one day he had enough and told her what's the issues is and hope she stop. did it work? yes it did and she actually finally realize she was wrong. so go ahead and tell her, if you don't she will keep going and going.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6747)
• Defiance, Ohio
4 Jan 09
It sounds like your friend needs something to vent to and you allow her to do so. I think it has gotten to the point where it sounds like she is using you instead. maybe it is time to break ties or get caller ID.
@Takashy (496)
• Latvia
29 Dec 08
Well, not really. I mean, yeah I have heard complains from my friends but its not hard for me to listen to them since they usually take just a few min to listen to. And you could simply hang up the phone if u don't feel like listening to your friends complains. Or just turn it off completely.
@celticeagle (114185)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Dec 08
I think you are right. She is being selfish. I think people are more this way now days. You are obviously a better friend. Either put up with it or tell her how you feel. This is one reason I quit calling my friends and whining all the time. If they ask I tell them but usually I don't whine and carry on like I used to. I ask them for advice and tell the real and lagitimate things that are bothering me but that is all. I think you should say something or not answer your phone to her as often. And if she asked why tell her. Being honest is a very good characteristic to have.
• Singapore
29 Dec 08
It is true that some friends like to voice out their worries, anxiety or so on. They need someone to listen to. What we can help is to listen patiently and find out what actually their problems and do our best to provide some advice. For our part, we need to be cool when interacting with these type of people. If not, we ourselves will be confused. Personally, I still haven't encountered these type of friends.
@irishidid (8119)
• United States
29 Dec 08
You have the listener's curse. Once someone finds out you are a listener they take advantage of it. I know because I'm a listener. I have gotten to the point of not answering my phone every time a particular person calls. I suggest you do the same.
• India
29 Dec 08
Yes, I did have and I cut off all relations with her. Her problem was that she was the typical business and socializing type, exact opposite of mine. We met when neither of us knew ourselves well and in those college days we all liked to hang out together. But later after marriage, I turned into a reserved homely type who dislikes too much of socializing while she became a business associated of a programme which thrived on social network. She would constantly ring me up and pester me either to join her or promote her stuff or buy from her. I gradually started avoiding her and over a period of time she got the message and now we are no longer in touch.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
29 Dec 08
I do know people like that and I don't consider them friends. In fact, I avoid them at all costs. I would not pick up the phone when she calls and I would actually probably just tell her to please stop calling me. I would not care at all if she never spoke to me again. She doesn't sound like much of a friend anyway. I'd be relieved if she didn't like me, really. People like that add negativity to our lives and I try to remain as positive as possible so I can be there to help my "real friends" when they need a shoulder to cry on. People like you describe tend to drain us and then when someone truly deserving needs our compassion, we are drained of it.
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
29 Dec 08
i usually ignore those type of friends... those people are not worth to be called my friends if they can only take advantage of me... basically, they can only receive and never give... at the end, i get tired of those type of friends and i leave them... i believe that friendship is about taking and giving and we should not take advantage of other people's kindness... take care and have a nice day...
@wjcp2008 (106)
• China
29 Dec 08
If I were you, I will tell her what's my feeling and try to make her understang me.Also maybe she need some work to do to kill her time,so she won't complain these little things.I will make this suggestion to her.
@huyanfen (58)
• China
29 Dec 08
hello i could imagine your bad feelings about this,i am now staying with my cousin,she is 5 years older than me,she is very talktive,she talks about everything which she is thinking,including her money,her love,her family and her plans for making money,every morning when she gets up and finish washing,she will ask me how to wear and how she looks today,and is she beautiful today sth. like that,i was patient to her words at the very beginnig,but now i just listen and do my own things,don't answer her questions if i could----if i don't answer her questions,she will ask me again and again :(
@Ithink (6077)
• United States
29 Dec 08
This is where I have to say .. Are they really a friend then? You are being one but they sure aren't. I have to say I don't have friends like this as my friendships are give and take. If I'm the only one giving or listening in this case, I know that they aren't really a friend and I move on. Callus maybe but makes things a lot nicer.
• China
29 Dec 08
It's really selfish of someone who always takes up their friends' time to complain about petty things without considering what their friends feel. My friends often call me, but not to complain things. We usually talk about something happens around us. Though sometime, we also complain to each other the problems of being a teacher. I think it's right of you say things like "I'm kind of tired right now". You don't have to sacrifice your own sleeping time to hear her complaining. We should do things for the sake of ourselves, especially when it is in our interest.
• United States
29 Dec 08
I used to live with a girl that did this. We were friends for about 3 years and boy am I glad she finally wimped out and decided she didn't want to live with us anymore. It was nothing but constant complaints about her life. My life sucks, I have no money (but she could spend hundreds of dollars on stuff that she didn't need, nor did she actually work), she blamed everyone else for her problems and the one time we'd talk about what was going on in our lives that was terrible, she'd fly off the handle and tell us we had no right because we didn't know what it was like. In my opinion the best thing you can do is just try to end this friendship. It will only get worse never better and you'll just end up stressed constantly because of having to put up the complaining, not to mention the loss of sleep if they keep calling you while you are trying to sleep!
• Philippines
29 Dec 08
Hi there ShortyAkbar! I have experienced this with some of my friends. I must admit that it can be very irritating. Selfishness and self-centeredness leads people to just think of themselves and would not even care about others. They would make you listen to everything they have to say but you can't tell them anything. Well, there are times when it can help to remind them about what they are doing. I did. I might not have been successful with some but I was able to talk some sense into the others... Your friend seems to demand so much from you. Have you tried talking to her about it?
@EvrWonder (3577)
• Canada
29 Dec 08
Hello ShortyAkbar; I concur and am happy to say that at least I am not alone. What is it with this type of behavior? It is a very selfish act and leaves one to wonder how can they continue like that without any conscious feelings that they are lacking in contributing to a meaningful friendship? I get this often. Afterward I think, they never and I mean never ask me how I am doing or what I am doing, if I am busy, do I have a second to talk. This really annoys me as it is like I am there at their disposal and quite frankly, I am not! I am often very busy, on my way out the door or simply not feeling like talking. Sometimes I just say hey, I am just on my way out. I can not lie and say I am busy when I am not or that I was just heading out if I am not. There has been the odd occasion that i just didn't answer the phone as I have call display. If I was woken up, I would stop them in mid flight of their babble and say hey, I haven't even woke up yet, I am going to have to call you back and if they got rude and spit some nasties at me I would continue to tell them that they can refrain from being rude to me. I would even go as far as hang up. Give them something to think about. There have been hours of one way conversation. Some breaks where I am asked a question, quite irrelevant to anything about myself however and only to continue on with the babble without even considering what I may respond with much less that it may be something worthy to their situation. It is self centered and truly believe that there comes a time when we must stand up to these types. Simply just tell them the way it is and set some boundaries. If they don't lke it then they were never your friend any way. What do you think? I get so tired of the whining and crying, simply using me to unload. Once in a while with maybe a quick check first to see if I have a moment to share an ear I could maybe handle but I don't even get that. Do you find that this occurs the same time every year? I am wondering if this person isn't bipolar who does this to me. It seems so outlandish. Inordinately to the way other people in my life treat me, especially when they call. Well, stand your ground if you can stand the chance of loosing a friend if it is really ticking you off. If this person is truly your friend, giving her your own point of view of the situation may be a good wake up call. Perhaps she will only then realize that she is being extremely rude, selfish and even abusive. I think it is going to be up to you to put your foot down. Sooner or later this is going to push you to your limit and you;'re going to let her have it. Sometimes it is better to confront the situation with composure to avoid a full blown out burst that later will leave you feeling shaky from adrenalin and upset to say the least. I know what you are going through because I do too. There is going to come a time where I say it like it is, starting with hey, you don't even ask how I am when you call and need an ear. [I could of had a bad day already] You don't ask me if I am busy or even available to listen for a few hours. [I may have a prior engagement and unable to talk and will have to cut them off short] and let them know how selfish I find that is. I am the type of person who if I am busy or on my way out I will cut the person short and just say so. I hope you can find a way to manage this situation for the best. For you and your friend.
• United States
29 Dec 08
I hate to tell you this but she isn't your friend, if she was she would respect the faact that you are tired, next time she calls tell her in a firm voice that you will talk to her when you have had some sleep and are not tired then hang up. If she calls back turn the dialer off. After a while she will get the message. I know it sounds rude, but I had a so called friend who did similar things years ago and that is what it took to get her to reilize I had no intention of staying up all night on the phone with her or anyone else. We need our sleep
• United States
29 Dec 08
She sounds like abusing your friendship. I felt she is very self-centered. I may have problems on ym own and want to share it with my friends but I always consider if it is alright to call them at certain times. I don't want to disturb other people since they too have a life and family of their own. Friendship for me is give and take and not take and take. It is a good thing that you listen. When I start to listen to my friends whine my husband would call me my friends' therapist. I have friends who does that and there are times that I give myself distance away from her because I also get tired. I don't want to say anything bad to them because I really also don't want to hurt them. You know when your friend is abusing you and it hurts a lot when they do this.
• Indonesia
29 Dec 08
yupe i have. If she call me, 1st i ask what do U want to talk & we just talk it not over 30 minute. If she want share every think, i told her call me in my free time.
@hildas (3031)
29 Dec 08
Yes! My Mother is very like your friend. It really is so annoying when they constantly do this. My Mum talks and complains about herself and her troubles for hours to me on the phone and never listens to what I have to say at all, in fact she talks over me sometimes and pretends she never heard what I said. I really cam sympathise with you. I think your friend is very selfish and she should not call you so early in the mornings with all her problems as you really are a busy person. My husband says I really should tell her that she constantly does this, as hearing this my Mother might change her ways but I do not have the heart to say this to her.