should I bless her or ask her to cut the relationship with him

China
December 28, 2008 8:49pm CST
I have a good friend and actually we are roomates on campus.We always chat on web .Several days ago she told me that her boyfriend who I have met for several times before was a guy who had a son about 1 years old.I can hardly believe it.Besauce she didn't tell us this when we already know his boyfriend for some time.Maybe she thought it maybe a little embarrassing.We just graduate from school. I thought it over and chat with her a lot.I don't think she was the type of living with someone for money.However,the future is really complicated for her.She will be another boy's step monther and have to accept the boy's mother's family.The key point is that we are so young in our career and life.Who knows what the future will be?I learned from her that the guy treat her well now.Will it last long? Finally I just told her that go ahead with your heart feeling.
4 people like this
12 responses
@benzzzz (57)
• China
29 Dec 08
I know it's hard for your good friend to make this decision. But the true love is the greatest, maybe there is a true love between them which you don't know. As a young girl, it's a hard decision for her to make to live with a guy who has married and has a boy. I guess they will have a hard life in the future if they made the decision to live together. You should talk to your friend deeply and let her think deeply. Is love more important or is the future life more important?
1 person likes this
• China
31 Dec 08
You are right.love is important.However,it is more realistic for us to live well and have a better future.I talked a lot with her deeply and maybe i cannot play the role to alienate her from the guy.So it is up to her to make the decision.
@savengt (89)
• Singapore
29 Dec 08
She needs to think carefully. It is not loving the boyfriend alone but also the son. Only if hse can do that, then can she go further in the relationship. It takes alot of love to love both father and son. It will irresponsible to love only the father and neglect the son. The son is innocent.
1 person likes this
• China
31 Dec 08
it is so complicated to handle this relationship well for a girl who just graduate from school.To tell the truth,if i was in her shoes,i will cut this relations with the guy.
• Malaysia
29 Dec 08
May I ask what happened to the boy's mother? Is she still around? If yes, then I don't really think it's a good idea especially if the mother is still with the family. If not, then it is still acceptable since the boy is still very young and doesn't know a lot of things. If your friend truly knows what she is doing and truly loves this guy, then you should tell her what you feel but at the end of the day, what matters most is you giving your best wishes to her. Because I believe there will be many people who object to this decision of hers, and she will need any kind of support she can get particularly from family and friends.
1 person likes this
• China
31 Dec 08
for the boy's mother,i know little about her and don't know whether she is around.Thank you for you comment.Maybe bless her is the only way after i talk a lot with her.
• China
29 Dec 08
go ahead with the heart feeling is good, love is blind , her can't think others deep through because she is in loving, anyway, the person she loving is the boy isn't it? love will solve the problem as the boy also treat her well.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
29 Dec 08
well, love is really a very complicated thing and can really make people blind... i don't think that there is anything that you can do to your friend... you can only tell her about how you feel about the her relationship with this man but the decision again is up to her... if she can accept the whole situation and bear the consequences, i don't think that there is anything wrong for her to pursue the relationship... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
29 Dec 08
You should bless her. It is her choice and her life and her consequences and her decision alone to make. If you ask her to end the relationship, you'd be stepping beyond your bounds. You could express your concerns but also let her know that you support whatever choice she makes and pray that she will be happy. We all make choices at times in life that are not always the best. It is comforting to know that we have friends that will be there for us if we fall. If it is the right choice, you can be happy for her and if not, you can be there to comfort her.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
30 Dec 08
well i think her boyfriensd should have told her abput his child so she would have had a choice to stay with him are not.he was wrong for not telling her
• United States
30 Dec 08
Well, it's good to follow your heart's feeling but at the same time its dangerous. Where is the boy's mother? How long were the boy's parents together? is just a few questions she needs to ask herself. If she is young, she doesn't need to be with someone who already has a child. Being in a relationship like that can cause some drama in the long run. Something she doesn't need. As a friend, I think you need to talk to her about this guy and the precautions she needs to take.
@sirnose (2440)
• United States
29 Dec 08
The key questions here is,how long has she known this guy? Is she mature enough and ready to start a family and the problems that comes with it? If the answer to anyone of these questions is a negative i think it your duty to tell her maybe she should wait awhile before making such a serious decision to move-in with this guy especially if they haven't known each other for at least a year,as you state your concerns about her and your young careers...Money isn't everythings...I place happiness as my number one priority in any relationship,if i think that i won't be happy even if the sitution will make my life a little more easier i still won't except it...It's better to be happy and content than sad and miserable.Good luck with whatever you and your friend decides...
@amdevine (12)
• United States
29 Dec 08
I think that you should be a good friend to her and bless her for her decisions she will make with this guy and his son. Its her life and she will have to be the one to deal with whatever comes her way. You can still be her friend and help her through whatever life brings her way and just be a ear when she needs to talk or let things out by screaming and crying. If you ask her to cut the relationship she just might decide to cut all ties with you. People do not like to be made to chose between people the care about so be a good friend and just give her your blessing and let her know that you are there for her no matter what.
@modstar (9616)
• Philippines
29 Dec 08
Maybe you have underestimated your friend. She must be matured enough emotionally that's why she engaged herself in a relationship with a single father. There's really nothing wrong with it. If your friend is happy with her newfound love, then who are we to argue right? We're just there to guide them. She'll learn from it anyway, i'm sure your friend is smart. Just relax and just go with the flow for now. All we can do for now is to give her a sisterly advice. Give her your blessing.
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
29 Dec 08
fangxum, In the first place, I think your friend will need to do a little more homework before she use her heart to decide over the matter. Matters like is her boyfriend legally divorced will be a start and I do not think some wishy washy guesswork is going to help. Then, there is the issue of the child who will is going to be with her throughout. I can understand the doubts and concern so, trusting your heart is not going to be good and wise enough here. I just feel that your friend has a lot more issues than a normal relationship and that she will need to look further for the sake of the relationship with her boyfriend and his child. Finally, as I always advocate since this problem ain't exactly yours, it would be advisable to advise and leave the decision to her. Whatever she decides, you will just have to respect it and support her. Cheers and compliments of the season.