Would You Want A Man Who You Barely Know To Babysit Your Daughter?

United States
December 28, 2008 9:20pm CST
My ex has primary custody of our 7 year old daughter. In our parenting agreement HE gets to choose her daycare. She is on Christmas break right now, but I have her for the next couple days. He is off work until the first of the year and I called him earlier to tell him when I was going to be bringing our daughter out for him to keep her while I work tomorrow and he said that he was going to have to go into work for a few hours tomorrow. I said, "Well, she can just stay with my son's babysitter then". He said, "Well, if she's going to stay with her, is she going to charge me because if she is then she can just go stay with my sister's boyfriend tomorrow". I said, "No, don't worry about it, if she charges any extra I will pay for it". He said, "Well, I'm not a charity case, but I would just rather her stay with him so I don't have to pay anyone". I said, "She will just stay with my babysitter, don't worry about it". Okay, so I barely know this man. My ex's sister has only been with him since the summer. I just don't think a man should be babysitting my daughter especially when I barely know him. I'm very protective of my daughter. Tonight I asked her if she stays with this man a lot and she said yes. She told me that he is very nice to her. I explained to her that if he ever does anything that he shouldn't do like touching her, etc that she should tell me. I told her that just because he's nice to her and plays games, etc with her doesn't mean that he won't do anything that he isn't supposed to do to her. She just kept saying, "I know, Mom". She is only 7 years old and I know she doesn't fulling understand about all of it. I just don't understand how my ex can be so freaking stupid about this. It's all because he doesn't want to fork out $10 at the most for someone to babysit our daughter. Isn't that crazy? I think $10 is cheap compared to the safety of my child! What do you think? Would you let a man you barely know babysit your daughter?
10 people like this
24 responses
• United States
29 Dec 08
I wouldn't let someone I barely know to watch my children unless I was able to meet them myself and actually spend time in their presence while they were interacting with my children. I just don't think you can ever be too careful sometimes especially with men you don't know. You can never be too careful.
3 people like this
• United States
29 Dec 08
Thats so true.
3 people like this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
29 Dec 08
Same here, I wouldn't risk my kids over some money. There's what you call a mom's gut feel, and I would be pretty sure that I won't feel comfortable knowing that my child is with someone who I don't think could keep her safe.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
29 Dec 08
I have a three year old son and I would not like him to stay with any one he didn't know. Espe ially in this day with all the stories you hear. I would rather be safe than sorry. I would rather lose a day or two's pay than chance something happen to him with someone he doesn't know.
3 people like this
@conbill (369)
• United States
29 Dec 08
I'm with you, I wouldn't want a virtual stranger to watch my child. You can't be too careful these days with everything you hear. I think your ex is being very stupid. What is ten dollars compared to the safety of his daughter? You know everyone thinks it couldn't happy to me but unfortunately with all the kooks in the world it does. This may be just of very nice man but I say better safe than sorry.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Dec 08
Exactly my point, it is better to be safe than sorry. I would rather pay $10 to have someone watch her than to pay nothing and have someone harm her in any way. Thanks for the comment! Happy MyLotting, SingleMommy
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
29 Dec 08
I don't have any children, but I think you're absolutely right because I wouldn't allow them to watch my dogs. I know pets are not the same as a child, but it's the closest thing I have to a child. I have people that would watch my dogs for free when ever I go on vacation, but I'd rather pay $100 a day to put them in the kennel that they always go to. I know the staff and I know how great they are with everyone's pets. Plus, they know what to do if there is ever an emergency situation.
2 people like this
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
29 Dec 08
I can understand your concern. It sounds like he has watched her before and she is comfortable with him though. Unfortunately, with him having primary custody of her, there isn't much you can do as to who her babysitter is when she is there, unless there is a threat of her being harmed, or she has been harmed in any way. Not all men are bad babysitters. As a matter of fact, when my husband and I are working, we prefer for his brother to watch our kids because he is family and he has been around our kids quite a bit. I would rather have a man watch my kids and know that they are taken care of and safe, than to have a woman watch them and have to worry about what is going on. This isn't saying that your babysitter is bad, I am only saying that the man who has watched her when she is with her father may actually be an okay guy. I imagine that if anything happened to your daughter, she would tell you pretty quickly. Unfortunately, when we get divorced, and we have kids, we don't always have as much control as we would like, and I know from experience myself, it is really hard to trust the man we divorced to properly look out for the well-being of our kids. I would not trust my ex as far as I could throw him to even be alone for 5 minutes with my kids, let alone take care of them.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
30 Dec 08
No way! That is crazy. I would never leave one of my daughters with a strange man. Most children are molested by people they or their parents know. It's a shame but it's true. He may be a really good guy but what if he's not. I agree with you. Saving $10 is not worth losing the innocence of your child. I've always been very cautious about who's watched my girls or even who they've been exposed to. You can never be to careful and that ex needs to wake up to the world.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Dec 08
Amen to that! I believe he needs to wake up too. Thanks for the comment! Happy MyLotting, SingleMommy
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I understand your concern but I'm thinking that maybe he knows the sister's boyfriend more than you do and does trust him. I'm sure he cares about your daughter as much as you do and would not let her be with someone he didn't trust. On the flip side...he probably doesn't know your son's sitter. I am guessing that if asked, he will tell you there was more to his reasoning behind this. 7 years old is old enough to know and tell you if something is wrong. She trusts the situation and obviously knows this guy and is comfortable with him. The very fact that your ex has primary custody tells me to trust his judgement.
1 person likes this
@oldboy46 (2132)
• Australia
30 Dec 08
It is an awful situation you are in and more than most as your ex-husband has primary care of your daughter. It deends on the terms of yior oarenting agreement as to whether you actually have to tell your ex where you daughter is and what she is doing while she is with you. I am thinking this sounds like you have your daughter for an access visit for a few days. Unless the parenting agreement said I specifically had to tell me ex, then I would say nothing personally. I would just have my daughter minded by someone I knew I could trust and then pay the cost myself. Less stressful all round as far as I am concerned and no doiubt your daughter would enjoy being with your son's babysitter for the day. When my ex-wife and I separated I said: 1. I didn't want her boyfiend in the home while my children were there. 2. She had to limit the "displays of affection" between her and her boyfriend in front of our daughters. 3. Our daughters were not to get into her boyfriend's car as it was a trash bucket on wheels and an unsafe one at that. 4. Her boyfriend was not to be left alone or in charge of our daughters and he was not to discipline them in any way. 5. Her boyfriend was not to stay overnight in our house. 6. Her boyfriend was not to enter our daughters' bedrooms or the bathroom. Basically I was intent on making sure that our daughters suffered as little as possible as a result of the separation. I also wanted to be sure that my ex-wife understood that these were also my children and her boyfriend was not to take on a parental/paternal role in any way. That was my responsibility, not his. As it happened she chose to ignored my wishes on the basis that "she was entitled to a life and to welcome friends into her home". The claim of "her home" was actually the marital home which I had built after our marriage. The end result was that I took the matter to the Family Court and asked that if my ex-wife did not accept my requirements for the safety of our daughters that I be granted for sole custody of our children. The judge ruled in my favour on all but conditions 1 and 5 and said if my ex-wife did not abide by his decision, the issue of custody would be looked at. Her father told me it made things very awkward and she was regularly asked them to care for the children so she could see her boyfriend. They soon got sick of doing that several nights a week. The end result was that the boyfriend broke it off with her within a couple of months. So I agree with you about having a stranger care for your daughter. I was the same and in fact I was much less tolerant than you are being when it comes to your daughter. Did I deliberately make it difficult for me ex-wife? Yes I most certainly did. Would I do it again if the same situation arose? Yes I would. The welfare of our children is probably the most important thing that a parent has to be sure is done correctly. I believe that we cannot take too much care who we allow to spend time with our children, as that is the only way we can protect them from potential harm. Good luck and I hope that this situation never arises again for you.
1 person likes this
@mimico (3619)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
NO Of course I would never leave my child under the care of a stranger. That's weird. I'd never entrust a stranger with my possession like my cellphone or car key. Sometimes, I'll ask a stranger to keep my place in line or hold something for me, but when it comes to things especially people who are dear to me then I will also be very cautious and protective. Anyway, I guess your ex thinks that because he sort of knows the man then it's okay. But she's your daughter too so you obviously have a say in the babysitting arrangement as well.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
30 Dec 08
you are right if you don,t know that person don,t leave your child with that person too much is happening these days.we have to be vert careful where and who we leave our kids with.
@halynn (1809)
• United States
30 Dec 08
NO FREAKING WAY. U are doing the right thing!!!
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Dec 08
The only strangers I would allow to babysit my children would have to be accredited as babysitters by the Province or the State. Anyone else, has to come and interact with them in my presence until I can be sure that I trust them. That guy might be the nicest man in the world, and a non child molester but sometime he might tell your daughter not to do something dangerous and she will say, "you're not my father," and go ahead and do it, then where will you be? Tell your ex to pay a proper babvsitter. Ten dollars is not much compared to the alternative.
1 person likes this
@hildas (3031)
30 Dec 08
You really do sound like me. I would worry about a stranger babysitting any of my daughters especially if you barely know them. It really is a tough time being a Mum and we really want to protect our children all the time. I do not think I would trust anyone to look after my daughters as you herar so many bad things these days. I think you should go with your instinct on this one. If your daughter feels comfortable around this person then maybe he is ok. This really is a tough one though.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Um no. I am really weird about who I ever leave my daughter with, and the few people I do are people I am very close to. I would NEVER leave her with a stranger! I have one really close friend where she can stay overnight and a few friends whom I would use in a pinch or let her visit but they are people I do know well enough to trust for a few hours. Otherwise I would not leave her in their care. For the record, my daughter is four, almost five. I have been her primary caregiver (along with my husband) for her whole life. I would never want that to change.
1 person likes this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I feel the same as you I wouldn't let my child stay with someone I barely know. I don't have any answers to your problem but I don't think she should stay with him until you met him to see what kind of "vibe" you get from him.
1 person likes this
@healer (1783)
• India
29 Dec 08
I don't find comfortable to let a stranger babysit my kids whether its a male or a female. Even the kids they don't want to be with someone they don't know and we cannot force them to be with whom they don't want to be. And even if i do also i' ll try to find a female babysitter because i think they are more reliable.
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
29 Dec 08
Heck no! I would make my ex bring me my son back so I could bring him to the sitter. I can't believe he would ever consider letting your sone stay with someone like that. Of course, my ex isnt' much better. He wants to move acorss the country to be w/his girlfriend and think that is it okay for our son who barely knows this woman to spend the summer up there and have her watch our son when he is out of town for business
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16194)
29 Dec 08
To be honest with you I would not be too happy about it either, I know from experience that even the people that everyone says would not hurt a fly can turn out to be monsters so no I would not be happy at all. No amount of money compares to the well being of a child it is daft.
1 person likes this
@ANW517 (30)
• United States
29 Dec 08
NEVER! I don't have children, but anyone who watches I child that is my responsibility will be thoroughly screened.
1 person likes this
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
29 Dec 08
hello singlemommy, In my own opinion, I think it's hard to trust anyone babysit my daughter whom I barely know for the life of my daughter is at stake there. I prefer not to go to work anymore if my 'ex' can't take care of our child if that will be the case. At least I have peace of mind that my daughter is safe. Incase, I let him babysit my daughter, I think I can not do my work well because I worry too much and my performance from work will be affected. It's so hard to trust anyone nowadays. So for me, it's better to be careful than sorry. The life of my daughter is much worth than saving some money.