Parents: Intervene or not!

Philippines
December 29, 2008 9:12am CST
This idea came out of my mind since i am reading posts about inter cultural or inter racial marriages. Some cultures or races the parents intervene if their children are not marrying a spouse similar to their culture or races. If you are a parent will you intervene to matters of the heart of your children. Let us say that your daughter is marrying a foreign national, will you allow her? Your response will be appreciated.
3 people like this
17 responses
@mobhomeir (7567)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
A big yes. If any one of my children wanted to marry not from our race I will them go provided that they love each others fiancees. As for me, if I will just be followed, it would be nice if all of them would get married same customs and traditions with ours. But since I am not in position of questioning their hearts, I would rather advice them, probably enumerate them the advantages and dis-advantages warn them the risk of living them abroad and marriage would be in trouble. If they still go on with it in spite of all that I said, then, Go for it. I will let them go with all my blessings. Parents has no right to interfere the hearts of their children with it comes to marriage and love affairs. What the parent should do is to explain, advice the concern children what the parents wanted for the good of themselves. If they (children) still insist, then it's up to them. Whatever happens that's their own will anyhow not the parents. Cheers...Happy New Year
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
got it mobhomeir! well said! for that i will mark your post as best response. be blessed
@mobhomeir (7567)
• Philippines
31 Dec 08
hello roselynm happy new year. Million thanks for making my response as your best response not only that, as i noticed my star was already colored and i am already at number 8. I don't the significant of this star and number. I think I owe this all from you thanks...a good start for my new year at mylot...cheers and again happy new year to you and to your family circle...
@liisafiat (660)
• Latvia
29 Dec 08
Yes, probably I would say my word and restrict to have such marriage. Interracial marriages means that their children might have difficulties to adapt in a society, because they look `half-of-half` from both races. Also interracial marriages would mean that somebody has to move to other location and country, and very often it causes many fightings and disappointments, as the race can not manage to adapt in the new environment and culture.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Inter-racialdoes not necessarily mean inter-cultural. I have to point this out because where I live in America, there are many people who live with the SAME culture but they may be different races. For the sake of simplicity, let's say all these people live in 'middle class suburban white America'. I know that sounds weird but bear with me. They all go to the same schools, jobs, have the same good level of education, make the same good income, live in the same type of homes, live the same lifestyle. So... what does it matter what 'color' any of them are? They are the same culture. They live the same way. Likely have the same traditions. In this manner, it wouldn't matter who married who. There would be no adapting, no differences in the way they lived. Who cares what they look like? The only issue there would be what OTHER people who were shallow or petty thought! Nobody would have to move anywhere or change anything. Just food for thought. This is common sense for a lot of people. The whole adapting and 'hard life' is something that is not common in America, at least wherever I've lived. Maybe it is like this in other countries, I don't know.
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
hi mommyboo, i dont get the thought of your post. can you please expound the idea between inter racial and inter cultural marriages. well i guess each races has different cultures. were talking here of marriage if the parent will allow their children to marry a man or a woman that does not belong to their race or to make it simple not belong to their nationality. your response to expound the thought will be appreciated, happy new year.
@tessah (6638)
• United States
31 Dec 08
i think any parent who teaches their children to not love someone because of their race or other differences ought be drawn, quartered and publicly flogged! no! i most certainly will not intervene and tell my children they shouldnt love who they love. i dont care WHO they love as long as the person loves them back and theyre happy.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Jan 09
i guess your idea is correct! thank you for posting!
• United States
30 Dec 08
Hi there, there was three thing's I ask of my Children. and by the grace of God they helt to them,(almost). 1. Finish high School 2. don't get Married unitl your Twenty 3. stay with in your race now let me explane, #1 If you don't have a education it's so hard to find a desent jod to suport the one's you love, even in good time's. I didn't and I had to scrap sh-- with the Chickens to rase my Family.so yes on education. #2 I was married at Fourteen, missed my whole Child hood. raising Children. God knows I love them and respect's them with all that's in me.but I think with five Children, and holding down two full time job's for a while got rough. but there was always in momma's hand's. #3. my son did marry a sweet girl. decendent from Mexico. they have been married almost thirty year's. oh"yes they had culture differences.my son would call me quite often and ask me what should I do. but back then it was not what should him & and her do. it was where dose the Children fit in.My advice to him. In time all thing change but you have to work at it. give her a chanch and don't think she's the only one that has to change. let her know how inportant your valus are and let her do the same. and then both of you lay down ground role's her's and your's and comperimise on them together. I think any diffren race or culture's should spend time with them for a while in there surrounding's to see if you fit in or they do.can eather of you live this way for the rest of your life.(not just until the new wares off) the I DO'S should be the I DON'TS until then. ( watch not with out my Cild)with SALLY FIELD'S. GOOD LUCK firemountain
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Jan 09
hi thank you for your long response. for that i will marked your comment positive. i guess your son's experience can testify the struggles that one has to overcome when engaging to mixed culture marriages. but i guess if they i mean the couple really love each other then they can conquer all the challenges whatever it may be. wish you all the best firemountain.
• United States
30 Dec 08
This subject is something close to my heart. I am a white American. I was born and raised in Southern California. My husband is from Mexico. He came to the United States when he was 18 years old and has been here ever since. I fell in love with him, not his race or culture. My father was not happy at first but now he and my whole family adore my husband. We have a gorgeous teenage son who is a mixture of his father and myself. He has NO problem living his life and no one gives him any problems because he is either white or Mexican. Thankfully, Southern California is a melting pot of various races, cultures, colors and everything else. We are very tolerant of mixed raced marriages and relationships and children/people and if I could choose, I wouldn't live anywhere else. Now.. a mixture of religion may be a different story - something I am dealing with at the moment with my son and his girlfriend.
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
hi! nice to hear that you and your husband are product of marriage of different culture, race and color. now it can testify that love conquers all. basically religion if of different case because it entails a real and serious discussion between the families of the man and the woman. but i guess if they love each other so much one has to give way. thanks for the response and happy new year
@ronaldinu (12454)
• Malta
29 Dec 08
I am against mixed marriages. I do think that a marriage already has its difficulties that you have to overcome if you marry a person from your own nationality and pertain to the same religion. In my opinon you are adding extra hurdles which they can be overcome but at a great expense. If I had a daughter I would find it difficult to give my consent to her to marry a muslim. I have so many friends who have married a muslim and their marriage has collapsed because they were not prepared about their culture and religious difference.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I do agree with you about that - cultural and religious differences can wreak havoc. If someone is the same culture and same religion (or non religious or non practicing) then I do not think it matters what nationality or ethnicity or race though. If they act the same as another person, with the same traditions and same beliefs then the rest doesn't matter.
@crazydaisy (3899)
• Canada
29 Dec 08
It would depend on how they were raise if they have strong belevies that they can work there to gether theres nothing wrong but if the one has allthe say no way it takes to ..the family's should let their children work it out bye them selfs. cd
1 person likes this
@tinkerick (1257)
• United States
29 Dec 08
As a parent, we may feel the need or desire to intervene when we think a decision is going to make life difficult for our children. However, we must realize that there is only so much we can, or should do. Life is full of difficulties, and if the child is aware of those difficulties that they will face and still make the same decision, then we should let it be. If the decision will place them in dire danger, we would do all we can within our power to prevent such a thing. But often life doesn't allow us the ability to change certain things. Mind you, my family was very upset upon hearing about my marriage. (I eloped.) They all thought it was a terrible idea and it would never last and that my husband was doing me terrible harm, etc etc. Well, we're still married and have been for over a decade. The family has gotten over it and have accepted him. We can't see what will happen for sure in the future, and sometimes our fears are warranted, but sometimes we have to let things be and work themselves out.
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
29 Dec 08
How exactly am I supposed to stop her? I understand that parents have more control over their children in some cultures but here in the U.S., once you reach the age of 18, you're an adult and free to make your own decisions. Trying to intervene can cause problems with your relationship with your child. You can't control who you fall in love with an, in my opinion, that person's character is more important to me than the color of his skin or what culture he comes from.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Well, I don't see the purpose in interfering. People fall in love with whomever they fall in love with. It isn't up to anybody else to think they know what is right or not, just the couple. Personally I would hope there isn't a culture difference, only because a culture difference could mean an unfamiliar way of life. I'm not saying it always does but it can. Sometimes that can make things complicated. Racial difference? That's nothing, and it makes absolutely no difference at all if you share the same culture. I don't know why people do not realize this!
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
hi mommyboo i acknowledge your point that your not seeing the purpose in intervening if your children falls in love with a man/woman of different culture. but my question is as a parent will you intervene? meaning if your child approach you and say mom i want to get married with my bf who is a man / woman of another nationality, with different culture, with different race but i love this person so much. will you allow her/him? that is the question were not talking here of cultures and differences. thank you for posting and happy new year.
@jenn624 (24)
• United States
4 Jan 09
so long as my daughter is marrying him for love, and the man truly loves her in return and treats her with the respect she deserves... it would not bother me one bit.
@rusty2rusty (6747)
• Defiance, Ohio
4 Jan 09
To be honest interrracial marriages have never bothered me. I do have a problem with foreigners coming here to marry. Than takingthe woman to a foreign country where they have less rights and treated as posseions instead of a wife.
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
31 Dec 08
since I married a person from a different race and culture and my child is bi racial he can marry whomever he wants.
@conbill (369)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I have been in that situation and I did not intervene. All I ask of my kids is to hopefully be with someone who will love and respect them. I don't see color or nationalities when I look at people, I believe all people were created equal. I have taught my children to be the same. I have three grandchildren which are the result of interracial unions.
@krissy32 (205)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I would have to say no about interfering, as I didn't like it when my own mother tried it. She knows now that it didn't work. It took some time for her to warm up to my husband, but it all worked out for the best. I could not interfere, as another poster said after a certain age, it is none of our business about who our kids fall in love with and contemplate marriage, but the important thing is if or when it falls apart, to be there for them as a shoulder to cry on or advise. But other than that, its best to let kids work things out for themselves, but obviously someone who act abusive while dating, then that sends a real big red flag to me and I would not put up with such behavior and advise my child that for her own safety and her mother's sanity and peace of mind to please not marry that particular bozo.
@onlydia (2808)
• United States
30 Dec 08
WEll, I don't have a daughter but I would let her as it is her life. If later she would need me then I would help her. I have a son and yes he will marry whom ever he wants. As He has to live with her not me. And he does have a girlfriend now and I never get to see them at my house alway's at her house. She is shyright. She is alot like me and doesn't like to leave her house. Which is still ok with me. YOur friend onlydia
@ravinskye (8245)
• United States
29 Dec 08
The only way I would intervene in my kids relationships is if the person they were with was not a good person. The color of their skin means nothing to me. As long as they have a good heart and treat my kids well then I'm happy. I want my kids to have long happy relationships and be with the ones they love. As long as they are happy and safe I'm happy.