Spread my wings but risk losing Bf ?!?

@jess07 (319)
December 29, 2008 10:00am CST
Okay, Si I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly two months now. With had ups and downs of course but recently was the worst one.See i haven't seen him for the a couple of weeks because its the christmas holidays and that he went to see his family. But in those two weeks a lot of things changed for me.Believe it or not but i started to believe in God (somebody finally opened up my mind!=D ) I made myself a new project and goal for 2009 and i changed a lot. And he can't accept that.He can not accept that i've changed and that the old me won't come back, that i'm growing up and that some other things interest me! He says stupid sarcastique things when i talk about stuff like "whoopy doo" and "waw"and in a way it hurts! What should i do? I love him but i need to spread my wings and live my life the way i feel is right?! Any help would be great!
1 person likes this
14 responses
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
29 Dec 08
Congratulations on your new found faith. Now you do have a bit of a problem. What you've discovered is something new and foreign to your boyfriend. If I were you, I would sit down and explain how important your belief in God is and invite him to explore getting to know God with you. If he's not interested, sadly, I would tell him that you still care for him but that you need to do this for yourself and if he's not willing to be excited for you or to come along on the journey, that you need to sepearate yourself from him. (The Bible does tell us that we should not be unequally yoked.) What you need now is to surround yourself with friends who have similar beliefs, to study your faith, to learn and to grow. While doing that, I would certainly pray for your boyfriend. Perhaps he'll come around some day.
1 person likes this
@angela38 (122)
• United States
29 Dec 08
I read this and I do feel for you. I feel that the first flag here was when the boyfriend went to see family and did not even take you along. This man went and did his own thing so why not you do yours? I agree with all the advice gave to ytou so far and I think you should take the advice gave but I think you have to ask yourself if the relationship was not already headed for trouble any way before you found your new found freedoms. Just my oppinion.
1 person likes this
• Canada
30 Dec 08
Hello Angela, they have only been seeing each other for two months and two of those weeks he was not even there. That means he went to see his family only after seeing this woman for six weeks, hardly a commitment or long term relationship.
@jess07 (319)
31 Dec 08
Hello, Thank you Kenzie for your response.I am not asking for him to believe in the same things that i believe in.I'm not like that but i feel i must believe in what i find good to believe in.All i ask for is for him to show a bit of respect.He's warned me that he will show no enthusiasme and told me not to talk about God, Faith,Grace or anything else to him.I've tried many a time to tell him that i'm stil the same girl i still love to have fun and go out, still have the same sense of humour but i don't see the harm in growing up.Then again i don't go to church or pray but i believe and believing gives me hope.
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
29 Dec 08
You need to do what is best for you. If your boyfriend cannot accept the fact that you are changing and that you feel that this change is best for you then maybe he is not the right one for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Dec 08
Lilybug is right. Over the course of a lifetime, we change many times. If the person who supposedly loves you cannot understand those changes, then is it really love?
@jess07 (319)
31 Dec 08
I know you are both right but i'm so used to being able to run to him for help and support, in a way of lost that now..
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
29 Dec 08
You need to do what you feel is right in your heart for yourself. You can not be stuck in one mode with someone who doesn't support you.
1 person likes this
@jess07 (319)
31 Dec 08
Hi, thanks for your response, when i told my boyfriend that i had started to believe in certain things and i asked him if he could accept that his exact words were "don't count on me to be inthusiastic, whoopey doo for you" So maybe i should just try and move on .
@kixsh101 (746)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
Let me say this straight. DO YOUR BF LOVES YOU? That's the question to be answered. If he said yes, then he should be READY TO accept you, your past, your present and your future! If he is not ready to accept any changes then be ready to let him go! You can't get anywhere if you will just stick with him. This is just an indication that soon he might be a very big hindrance to IN ACHIEVING your goals, ambitions or dreams in your life. If he really loves you then he should learn to GROW WITH YOU! THAT'S IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU!
@kixsh101 (746)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
just close you're eyes meditate! Ask for God's help! He knows more where to lead you!
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
Hello there Jess! For me, if the person truly loves you then he would be supporting you especially if you are going to change for the better. In a relationship,there should be a give and take so both of you will have a chance to do things that you really want. My boyfriend and I had similar situation before. He quit his job because he is not happy. I was not happy either because we need to work. Then finally, he had an offer abroad for a job that he really want. I didn't agree, he didn't pursue but I see in his eyes that he want that job really bad.. so I give in... and I know that is the right thing to do.. he need to spread his wings to be successful in his life... and even me, that is what I am doing.. We update each other... As much as possible, we tell our plans to each other... then we meet halfway.. in other words... we work things out and support each other... If he can't accept you right now then better to give him space and show him whtat you really have in your change.. if he can't accept it... maybe, you were not meant to be but still hoping that you and your boyfriend will sort things out... :) Hi Happy New Year! And Happy Mylotting! Cheers!
@jess07 (319)
31 Dec 08
Hiya thanks for your response, Well we've got really different point of views on life.But he never supports me in anything i do.I suppose love blinds us.
• United States
29 Dec 08
If he's not willing to support you now, then he won't be willing to support you later in your newfound faith. Odds are, that he's just trying to be negative in an attempt to discourage you from it and bring you back to him and your old thoughts/interests/ways. If you're serious about wanting to find God/be saved/whatever then go for it! I wouldn't try to shove it down his throat because then it will make him rebel and be disinterested even more, but explain that this is your decision, that you've made your choice, and that if he isn't willing to stand by you and let you do this on your own without causing problems/being obviously negative, then it's time for you to let him go. Also, in this same regard, if he -says- that he'll do better, but continues behaving the same way, drop him like a rock. :D
@jess07 (319)
31 Dec 08
Hiya, Er, its not as if i'm praying and things like that, so i wear a cross and believe ? Big deal ! It just seems because he doesn't believe Nobody should and certainly not me, he can't see that believing in god (even though i'm cynical towards certain of god's politics) gives me hope! Don't worry if he starts saying things like that i will defiitely drop him like a rock !
@liisafiat (660)
• Latvia
29 Dec 08
He is afraid to loose You, because this is what happens when a person changes inside. If in Your relationships he is hurting You and insulting You: then I would like to say: He is an Egoist. If he truly loves You and wants to spend his time with You: he would step back for Your needs and wings, as long as You stay with him. You said You are changing, but You did not mention that You would like to break up with him. Then why cant he accept Your changes? Is he honest towards You? Stop relations like this immediately. It will become only worse. He will want to cotnrol every decision that You make, every movement You make, and everything. He will cut Your wings when he will see that You can be happy and independant without him. I like the song of Lamb-Gabriel: "I can shine even in the darkness, but I crave the light that he brings... I am strong even on my own- but from him I never want to part." You seem to be young, the best is yet to come. Believe it.
@jess07 (319)
31 Dec 08
Thanks so much for you're response. He knows that i love him but he's scared i'll slip away but i never even mentioned leaving him, the thought didn't even cross my mind ! I really liked the last bit of your response, yes i believe the best is yet to come, but it always helps when someone tells you that.Thank you for being the one to say it !
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
29 Dec 08
By the way, I read an older discussion you started about your boyfriend, and I wonder... A controlling nature is a good sign of someone who is or will be abusive.
@jess07 (319)
31 Dec 08
Well...Uhm he's not abusive but he can be a bit frightening.But only when he has his mood swings.(I know I know its not a good thing !)
@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
30 Dec 08
I realize you think you are the first one to find God, but you are not. Those with new found religion seem to be the most intolerant of those without the same direction. I might not say it is selfish but it is unfair to make such a fundamental change and expect someone else to change with you on your timetable. I see others dumping on the boyfriend, but you are not the same person he picked out of the crowd to go out with. Two months is only a few weeks so I hear people calling him and egotist which he is not. If he suddenly became a Buddhist would you become a Buddhist too? I think not. Forgive him and yourself and move on.
@hey_baby (426)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
you have been enlightened. good for you. a lot of people are looking for that. what's the use of keeping a boyfriend if he doesn't support you with what you want.
@UK_Shree (3604)
30 Dec 08
I would say that you need to be happy within yourself rather than worrying too much about what makes your boyfriend happy. You have been with him for only two months - in the first few months of any relationship you are finding out about each other and getting to know one another - if you find/or he finds that there are incompatabilities, then it is not a bad thing, in fact it is quite natural. If you feel that there are certain things which make you happy, but your boyfriend does not understand, then he needs respect them. If not, then you will not be happy together. Good luck
• India
30 Dec 08
oh ! good thing you changed, before you two tied the knot(if you were ). So at least now you know how he reacts to change. you can take proper decissions now/
@n30wing (4771)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
I think everything change, for the better or for the worst. We make our life, even sometimes our decision hurts, cause we just know since the start it was not meant to be. We are blinded by our feelings, and emotions, just to feel love at all,and not regretting the mistakes, but what is really good for our selves.Life has to go on with or with out a partner. It's just up to you, will you go on? I think you have to think of what will make you happy with your life. Think what you really want for your self, but think 10 times or more. Sometimes you learn life by being hurt in the end, spreading your wings,it's not easy when you don't wanna let go. I think why not tell him, open up, so he can understand you or he can just let you go, and being yourself. If it was really meant for you, it was meant for you if the person comes back to you. Love4 is risk! It's all up to you! God be with you!
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
hello jess07, If he really loves, he will understand and accept you even more. Just do what you think is right for you. You have already told him and explained about it. If he can not get you still, then what's the use. He might be not he right guy for you. At least, you've known him earlier than loving him much more.