Should a woman have to cook to make a good wife ?

@ronnyb (6125)
Jamaica
December 30, 2008 11:06am CST
Now I am sure this is going to generate a lot of sexist backlash mostly aimed at me but I assure you I am not a chauvinistic pig .I am just trying to gain insight into your views on this issue. We are all familiar with the traditional view of women ,home in apron taking acre of the kids ,doing household chores etc and we need not go there .What I would like to know is what role does this traditional view have in modern society ? Lets say for example you are a young man and you are looking for a wife ,would you chooses someone who couldn’t prepare even the most basic meals. How important is this issue for you ? ,would it be a major turning point for you even if you found a woman with every other trait that you were looking for but just couldn’t cook. On the flipside to that ,lets say you are a woman and you are being pursued by a man that you like ,would you just let it slip that you are good in the kitchen as a way to entice your prospective husband. Would you consider this as a kind of parading your self or setting up your self for a life of drudgery and menial house work or you take pleasure in being able to cook for your man . On yet another flipside of this issue ,what about you ladies ,do you like your man to be able to cook or do you like him dependent on you ? Tell us your views ,be as passionate as you can be ,even take a few literary shots at the author if needs be (but keep this at a minimum please lol ) .
7 people like this
40 responses
@CRSunrise (2964)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I would say that if a woman or man had just about all the traits you wanted in a partner, but couldn't cook, give them a chance. Cooking is a skill that can be learned over time. As long as the other person is willing to deal with mess-ups along the way, eventually it'll pan out in the end.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
30 Dec 08
Thats a good answer at least cooking can be learned ,it may be harder to get someone with all the traits
1 person likes this
@Pitgull (1523)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I would not lie about my abilities. Some people like to cook, some people can't cook....some people try though... I am lucky... My boyfriend loves to cook; however, I do know how to make my way around the kitchen. That being said, no. A good wife is exactly that. Like a good husband. You are the best friend to your partner, a legal team. You take care of each other and you take care of what is yours (both of yours!!!!). It is a team effort. If one member of the team likes to cook, or does the cooking...and it is not the wife....the wife should probably do the dishes. It is only fair. But even if you cannot or do not cook, it does not mean you are a bad wife...as long as you contribute something to the relationship....and that something should be understood and agreed to.... Doing what works and understanding the person you are with are keys to a healthy, successful relationship (I believe)... Compromise and compassion.... To be a good wife, I believe you should be faithful, loyal to, and respectful of your partner. And I believe the same of good husband---faithful, loyal to, and respectful of his partner.
• United States
31 Dec 08
Thumbs up to you Pitgull. You nailed on the head. I agree with you it should be a team effort and not a one sided thing. All this does is create conflict when one person in a relationship has to pick after somebody. It's hard work especially when you add kids into the equation, then it's worst. A marriage should be a team effort, a partnership, half for me and half for you. Not all for me and none for you cause your a man or woman.
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 09
Well said ,you have effectively turned around a situation that could potentially be problematic by offering a practical work around,teamwork
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 09
Well said ,you have effectively taken a sitution that could be problematic and offered a good workaround,teamwork and compromise.One thing though what if you both cant cook ,how would take it upon themselves to learn ....how would you decide then. Thank you for your response ,a good answer you have given
@regal_aeros (2606)
• Singapore
31 Dec 08
for me, i don't really know how to whip up a fantastic 9 course meal. But i've been trying to pick up from my mum and have offered to start cooking dinner for the family. The reason being, yes some men (like my dad who doesn't really like to cook nor can cook) thinks that women should know how to at least cook a simply meal. SOOOoOO being a traditional man, he does "make" me cook for him when mum is busy. but as for finding a future partner, i would like it if my man didn't depend on me to cook dinner. it would be nice if he could cook for me too (like a romantic dinner.. hee).
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 09
Well even if you cant whip up a fantastic nine course meal (do you have that by the way),I am sure he would appreciate even a two course one when he needs something to eat.Happy to hear taht you are learning ,everyone should be able to atleast cook for themselves. Thanks for esponding
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 09
Well I guess everyone should learn to cook for themselves first and then for a partner next and I am sure you r partner would appreciate even a two course meal if he was hungry.Hope you find a man who can cook for you. Thanks for responding.
@lyzabelle (1669)
• Philippines
31 Dec 08
I love cooking and love eating foods. Unfortunately,I'm not a good cook. But I'm learning how to. Maybe I should let my mother teach me how to cook delicious foods.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 09
lol you could try that and then you would be able to eat what you have cooked.thanks for your answer
@UK_Shree (3604)
30 Dec 08
Well I personally think that even in this day and age, most men would prefer a woman that is able to cook over one that cannot. Whilst society has moved on in so many ways I believe that the cooking issue is something that has not changed much. I don't mind cooking for my man - infact it is often a pleasure and incredibly satisfying when the one that you cook for enjoys but also appreciates the meal and the love and effort that has gone into making it. However, I do like a man that has some idea of how to cook, and a man that can cook is very attractive. Even more attractive is someone who is willing to give a hand in the kitchen if needed as that shows a certain level of consideration. In addition, if a man is aware of how to cook, then he is more likely to know how much effort goes into preparing a meal and therefore will be genuinely appreciative of his meals
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 09
Very good points you have made.You have hinted at the traditional values that are still dear to modern men.You have aslo mentioned something that I personally like a woman in th kitchen and how I treasure such a woman and appreciate her efforts.nd finally to balance that how a man who can cook would value her efforts. Thank you very much for your answer
@kerriannc (4282)
• Jamaica
30 Dec 08
I am a good cook but I don't like to cook. For the five years Norris and I had been talking I only cook about five times and this is when he was sick. When I am dating someone I let him know that I have phobia where cooking is concern. This was cause from I was a child. It is like when I turn on the stove and the fire came up my mind is telling me that something terrible is going to happen. Even electricity I am afraid of. I am hoping to overcome this because I don't think I will be lucky to find another man who enjoyed cooking such as Norris. But in my opinion a female should know how to cook as well as a male. They say that the way to a man heart is food. Don't you see that with D'Angel and Beenie Man.lol
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
30 Dec 08
lolo yu no easy you know Kerry .Well personally i like a woman that can cook too even if she doesnt want to.Sorry to hear about your phobia and hope you will get over it soon.Mind you I wouldnt turn away a woman because she cant cook but I would love to know that she can cook even if its in the times when i am sick but would hope for more cooked food though.I must say I really admire and find it sexy to see a woman in the kitchen doing her thing .Thank you for responding Kerry.
1 person likes this
@mkmoney (468)
30 Dec 08
i think if a women cant cook then she needs for learn but she shouldnt just get dumped for something if she cant cook.
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
30 Dec 08
a balanced response and its also nice that it is coming from a male
1 person likes this
@Zelda414 (149)
• United States
31 Dec 08
Well you are right it is possible that it may bring some sexist backlash but i am just going to voice my opinion in general speak of honesty. i feel that a good wife should be something more then a cook n house slave basically now each persons version of a good wife will vary based on each situation, if the man works n takes care of everything then yes she should know how to cook n clean n handle at least basic things for the house because a wife n husband are suppose to be help mates to each other, now if the man is a home body n the wife works well then he should take care the basic cooking, cleaning etc while she handles the bills etc. I mean like i said it really varies because now a days more men are staying home, but honestly i think that on the man or wifes days off they should come together for cooking n cleaning n truthfully a wife n husband can make each other feel more appreciated instead of just slaves by supporting each other n doing their best to pick up after themselves you know rinse ur dishes at least n put them in the kitchen when you are done eating n put ur dirty clothes where they belong instead of all over the house. i am in a wheelchair with a back n neck injury n pregnant, i do cook when i can, clean when i can, etc n since my situation makes it difficult i have a care provider who assists me in these kinds of things. but even though i cook n clean n go to school i do expect him to bring the money to pay the bills while i fight for my income n when i get my income then we can share in bills like we have in the past, share in cooking n cleaning see i also agree that if both parties are working then they can both share in the house chores etc.
2 people like this
@tjades (3594)
• Jamaica
31 Dec 08
I think its important for both partners to be able to cook whether or they are good at it or not. I would never cook to impress a man as cooking is not my strong point. I make sure that that is known. A man who harbours the old fashioned view that a womans place is in the kitchen is avoided like the plague as far as I am concerned. Since I hate cooking I would like it very much if my partner is good at that skill. I absolutely enjoy it when a man is a good cook. I dont like junk food so cooking is important to me. Just not good at it. lol
• India
31 Dec 08
no it is not necessary that a woman who cant cook cat be a good wife.cooking is a very good thing and everybody should learn..men also included
2 people like this
@lazeebee (5468)
• Malaysia
31 Dec 08
Ronnyb, if your question stands true, then I'd have been discarded long ago as a wife. I love eating, but I hate cooking - from the preparation to the cleaning up! I try sometimes though - cook some dishes; but I find that it's something that I can't make myself enjoy. My husband cooks one or two dishes at times - his specialties like steak and fried rice!
2 people like this
@mimico (3619)
• Philippines
31 Dec 08
In my country, it seems that way. This is probably not true in more westernized countries where both the husband and the wife are breadwinners. Anyway, I'm a bit westernized so if the guy I marry doesn't dictate that I have to take care of cooking in the household then I'll definitely NOT learn anymore haha. We have helpers anyway who do the cooking.
2 people like this
@robert19ph (4586)
• Philippines
31 Dec 08
hello ronnyb, If your girl or wife doesn't know how to cook doesn't mean you can't accept her anymore. But if she can that is a plus factor. Everything can be learned, so that's not a problem. If she is interested to learn about it, she can do it in no time. Preparing food for your family or husband is really something that you can be proud of. It's a gift and makes you perfect. For not everyone can do that. Now a days, both man and woman can be a chef. It's not a requirement though if you're going into a relationship.
• United States
31 Dec 08
Before I got married my husband showed his best to me that he can cook. That was impressive since I did not expect that from him. I also cooked for him once in a while and it was fine with him but he is not really pushing me to that. Then when I got married and relocated with my kids, my husband cooked but my kids cannot adjust to the kind of food he prepares for us. We are filipinos and he prepares american food. So I have to cook and he was the one adjusting his taste buds with the kind of food I make for all of us. I think he like the food I make since I never hear any complains from him. He never really expected that I can cook, he was just amazed that I can cook. It is a good thing that it did not take long for him to adjust eating with the kind of food I make. I have been a working mom so most of the time I really did not cook that much before. But now I am a stay at home mom so I have all the time in the world to prepare food. And regarding your question I think it is good that a woman can cook because I beleive in the saying that says,"the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." As a woman I believe you have to learn how to cook for your family since you will become a mother. Learning how to cook I think is not difficult you can always try and try. I believe this is one of the role of a wife. Motherhood and cooking co-exist. What will you feed your kids if you don't know how to cook? From time to time my husband is always willing to volunteer to cook for us and it makes me happy to have a day off from my cooking time.
@tammytwo (4305)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I think it all depends on the husband's feelings. If one of the things he is looking for in a good wife is the ability to cook, he would not want one that can't. To him a non cooking wife would be a bad one. You know they say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," this could pertain to this situation. A husband who is happy with microwave meals evey night may love that his wife spends her free time giving him special attention rather than slaving away in the kitchen. But a husband who has come accustom to a nice home cooked meal everyday may detest the wife that can't even find the on knob on a stove.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
31 Dec 08
now you would think if you want to marry at least be able to perpare a meal but when i got married i couldn,t cook at all i learn once i was married to cook.and i learn very quickly to cook.because eating out every night can be very expensive. i feel it,s best for a woman to know how to cook i also train him how to cook marriage is 50/50 iam not doing all the cooking he need to know in case iam sick.
@lourry (72)
• China
31 Dec 08
personally, a woman with excellent cooking skill which,i believe,is one of the most important factors to be a qualified and good wife or mother, will be more attractive to both men and children. however, i should say that breaking up with a woman merely because that the woman is not good at cooking really sounds unreasonable and even ridiculous since as a common sense, a good cooking is just as a result of untiring practice and practice makes perfect. unless the woman is relucatant to practice cooking, she can become a good cook sooner or later. happy new year,ronnyb.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I think it takes alot to be a good wife or husband for that matter. To be a good partner I think you have to have something cooking besides food. lol...now don't get the wrong idea although that helps too. In my household, I work fulltime and my partner at this point is not so...this makes for a tricky relationship. I find that splitting responsibilities and not factoring male or female into a job catagory helps in making a good partner. As partners you are a team working together for a common goal so it really doesn't matter who's doing what as long as it gets done. We like cooking for one another. As for having a woman that can't cook..lol she can always learn and will more than likely want to if it pleases the man she loves.The upside is that you can teach her the way you like it done.lol
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Dec 08
I do not believe that a women should have to cook to make a good wife. I believe that relationships should be a helping hand to each other. A help mate each other. If a thing needs to be done in a house which ever person happens on it should go ahead and do it. Cooking or otherwise. The same goes with who takes care of the kids. It took two to make the children so why shouldn't both help take care of the kids. My main opinion is whatever works for each couple should be fine. What works for one couple doesn't mean it will work for the next couple. Let us stop saying that this choir is for one party of the couple simple because that person happens to be a women. Personally I think that is very old fashioned.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Dec 08
Be it man or woman, everyone should know how to cook. Why? Survival. If you care about living and being independent then learn how to cook.
1 person likes this