what if your man broke your arm and your leg would you stay with him?

@annjilena (5621)
United States
December 31, 2008 1:16pm CST
he been beating her throughout the relationship blacking her eyes and stomping her in the face and she is light skinned so you know how this looks.she keep going back to this man she says she love him.i took and picked her up on day and had a talk with her.i told her let say her name is brenda .i said brenda you have to leave this man he going to kill you,i took her back to the house she packed all her things and move in with her cousin only to go back a week later.she got her own place and moved him in he beat her,on a regular basic when i saw him i would ask about her, he says she is alright then he broke her leg first she moved back with her, mom and dad stayed for a months are so then she came back they was ok for a while then he broke her arm.he now on the most wanted list for beating her so badly.and yet she stills calls him.is she crazy are what?something needs to happen do you know what help please.
2 people like this
21 responses
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
1 Jan 09
no I would not stay with anyone who beats me up, but she has got to realize for herself that she cannot go back, as long as she gets out and goes back there is nothing anybody can do to help her. He yes should be arrested but she should also stop going back. There are shelters for women etc she can go there but they will tell her the same she has to stop going back to him.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
1 Jan 09
one time he beat her in front of his mother she his mother called the police he was arrested and she did not show up in court so it was thrown out.they had no case on him he is such a sweet talker he alway saying iam sorry.her mom step in and she still went back.and that when he broke her leg
2 people like this
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
1 Jan 09
as you say one day he might just kill her.
1 person likes this
• India
1 Jan 09
I think some women are just like that with a twisted sense of love and allegiance. No matter how much you try to drill sense into her, she will not listen until she herself feels the need too. I know its painful but you can only watch and wait and hope its not too late. You can of course try for psychological counseling but I doubt if she would ever agree to it.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
get this she don,t think there is anything wrong with him he just letting off steam on her head and them black eyes she getting something is wrong with her.i think she needs help as well
@lyzabelle (1669)
• Philippines
1 Jan 09
For the love of God...I pray that I would never meet a man like this. Because if i do...he will be sorry he meet me in the first place. I will never let anyone beat me physically. I will fight...even if I love him.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
1 Jan 09
thats what she do fight him like a man one time he had not 1 but 2 black eyes he was all scatched up his lip was swollen she put a wiping on him but good.but we all know mens are strong then women.thank you for sharing happy new year
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jan 09
No way I would stay. My man knew from the day we got together that the 1st time he EVER lays a hand on me he is gone. I will not tolerate such behaviour and I will not subject my children to it. The only way your friend can be helped is to help herself and leave for good and cut off contact with this man. If he is on the most wanted list someone needs to find out where he is and turn him in and then he can not hit her again.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jan 09
No, I would not stay with a man who has caused me bodily harm . Your friend does need to get away from this man. If she values her life she needs to get away fast because it's obvious he does not know where to draw the line and he will kill her at some point and time if she keeps on going back to him.She needs serious professional consoling because it's obvious she isn't thinking clearly because no logical woman of sound mind would return to a abusive man. I wish her the best of luck regarding this, don't give up on her, she really does need your friendship.
• United States
1 Jan 09
No sound person would continue to be in an abusive relationship. Woman or man...
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
i have met him he is crazy he thinks everyone wants her starts fights about anything i can,t believe she believe this man love her.
@sunil_008 (1270)
• India
1 Jan 09
well after breaking all the major parts of human body, how can someone move?so there is no other option than staying with him. the day you will learn to crawl without hurting your legs and hands then you can move. but till that i think you have to stay with him...happy new year.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
she don,t have to stay with such a man he is very abusives and he hurt women every one he has dated he have beaten them.he have a reputation of beating his women.
@sunil_008 (1270)
• India
13 Jan 09
why she chose such a man?didn't she know that before?then whats the point of saying about his abusiveness later.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
1 Jan 09
SHe need to go to a abuse house and stay. and some how get it in her head that he will end up killing her or she him! Same thing happened to one of my friends but the brusies were hide real good. For 5 years I didnt know he beat her and we spent almost every night up talking! and then she had enough and shot him while he was coming after her.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
she leave and keep coming back what is wrong with her this man is phyically hurting you and you still with him.everyone have tried to help her leave this msn a lone she alway go back saying he loves her
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
13 Jan 09
she nneeds to run fast and far maybe ya take her way out of town to someone thqat can hel her stay away from him!
@laedyan (192)
• Philippines
13 Jan 09
I think that she's out of her mind. I'm sorry for telling you this but i don't really see why she wants him still after what he did to her. What kind of woman will love a person like that? This is the first time that i read something like this and i don't know really if her senses are still right or she's going blank because of love. Try to advice her that its not appropriate already to still love a person who doesn't respect her to the extent of breaking her arm and leg.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
this how women who have been abuse feel they feel worthless the man has called her names and beating her self esteem down so bad this how she thinks now. i work near a women shelter and i met a woman there she told me, her husband had cut her throat from ear to ear.she was still saying i loved this man.he have been beating her for years she has 4 children by him.now is this crazy are what.
@ronaldinu (12454)
• Malta
2 Jan 09
I would report this case to the police or to any other organisation that might be of help. If she is not going to gather her self dignity nobody is going to respect her. She deservs better than this, otherwise next time she is going to pay with her own life.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
she have taken out warrents and don,t show up in court so they have to throw the case out they have no case.then she will reappear a few weeks later
• India
1 Jan 09
i think sh eis out of her mind to stick on to him. i hope she is not into pain and enjoying the torturing at his hands. It is senseless to carry on which such a relationship. one has to be mad to still cling to the relationship. She must jsut quit and move out and have nothing to do with him again.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
i think she neds to run and keep runningshe will not even listen to her mom she says this man is going to kill you if you don,t run and keep going.she said stay away from this man guest what she back with him
@snowy22315 (34412)
• United States
1 Jan 09
She clearly needs serious help. I would take her by the hand and have her get a restraining order and run not walk to the nearest battered woman's shelter hopefully they can access her and help her get the help she needs, she should also be evaluated psychologically because clearly she is a danger to herself. Stick with her she needs your support.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
she left the the state to get away from him she kept calling him and finally came back only to get beat by him.i talked her into runing once she pack her stuff i took her to her cousin she stay away tree weeks only to return
@sunil_008 (1270)
• India
1 Jan 09
is there any other option that you have left with ? when your major parts are broken then how can you move?and dont know what else in his mind to break yours. so its a better idea to stay with him. and the day you will learn to crawl you can move slowly away from him.but, till then its a better idea to stay with him...wish you a very happy new year.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
she don,t have to stay with such a man he is very abusives and he hurt women every one he has dated he have beaten them.he have a reputation of beating his women.
@sunil_008 (1270)
• India
1 Jan 09
well is there any other option ? when your major parts are broken how can you move? so its better to stay with him. otherwise who knows he will shut down your whole system. so as long as your system is running and you have the ability to think what to do with the situation ,you must have to stay with him. the day you learn to cral without the help of those parts then of course you can move but till then better idea to stay with him...happy New Year.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
1 second ago she don,t have to stay with such a man he is very abusives and he hurt women every one he has dated he have beaten them.he have a reputation of beating his women.
• India
1 Jan 09
oho never live with such a person he/she does love you anymore there is no meaning in this life. better plan out a better life
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
when she plan she plan with him iam afraid one day he will kill her no one love you if they beat the crap out of you iam sorry.she need to run as fast as she can to get away from this man he is crazy
• United States
1 Jan 09
Well here we are into a New Year, and the same old story is being posted again and again. And why? Let's look at what we teach each other? Let's look at our RELIGIOUS beliefs and how these people create the mayhem that the rest of us have to suffer through... We can find plenty of posts examining the flaws of the followers of religions. Shall I give a few links for example? How does a person get involved with a maniac that thrives on Power and Control and how do these IDIOTS (I don't often use that word but it is so appropriate) in the Professional world allow abuse to flourish? This is the real dangerous part for the love of money, these Professionals have worked out a system to create and allow emotional harm to come to others like a trap and if you physically react you are an abusive person. To fight back in reaction is just the same as being the abuser. So how do you break the cycle? First don't follow the bad suggestions made by Professionals, we need to face the facts. Our DEFINITION OF LOVE needs to be fixed. What you have described is that Brenda is in a relationship filled with HATE and HATRED is caused when people take away instead of giving. They display an attitude of DESTRUCTION. You will know them by their fruits. They take away dignity, and cause much pain both emotionally and physically. An abusive person is not interested in saving the wealth and health of their family they take the ability away, they take away the peace and rest that could be obtained, they take away the ability to vacation, they take away the keys to happiness, there is great loss associated with an abusive person. I can look back at my life and trace my losses with an emotionally abusive mate, there were and are many as she never gave herself to be a part of me and trust me to be her guide and her protector. She treated me like the object of provision like a slave and then tried to project to the rest of the world that she was the victim of some sort of abuse. So women and men can hold the reigns of abuse in their hands, it is just that some women have less physical ways of abusing their mates. We are all human and we can all make mistakes, the real concern is that we learn from our mistakes, but if the mistake or abuse continues it is a pattern of abuse and no one should have such a low self esteem as to need to stay in a relationship where there is any pattern of abuse. Brenda needs to learn the true definition of love and what to look for in a healthy relationship. Brenda also has to look at herself and check that she doesn't project and cause any of this abuse through emotional manipulation. I would say that the man is lacking some mental ability to control his actions and if Brenda is innocent she needs to find a man that is healthy and stay away from this polluted soul. If Brenda is not innocent then she has work that she needs to do before getting into another relationship. Do you understand my advice? Do you need links to other conversations to prove that there are plenty of bad people exhibiting hatred and promoting hatred instead of seeking to find peace and healing? I can show you the way as a guide, and if you can get your friend to see and know of what I write about. I hope that we can all find Peace and Blessings in this New Year, Happy 2009, Sincerely, Gary
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
thank you for sharing
@oyenkai (4399)
• Philippines
1 Jan 09
Can't you report this to the police or something? They treat reports with confidentiality right? You're right. This has to stop and because you're concerned, I think you could help stop this. That girl isn't in love with that man. She just thinks she is. She can end up hating you, but what matters more? That your friend is safe, or that your friend "thinks you're her friend".
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
this has been reported so many time he beat her one night in the street up one street and down the other she was holling and scream and she ran to one of our friends house.we called the police she had him arrested.she was cut and bleeding a amb came to take care of her.
@lvaldean (1613)
• United States
1 Jan 09
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1801073.aspx There is a cycle to abuse and reasons why women stay in abusive relationships. In the discussion above I posted that cycle. Rather than repost I though I would just provide the link. Would I stay? Well no, but it is easier said than done. People get conditioned. Within an abusive relationship especially the cycle is all you know and the fear of loss, the fear that no one else will ever "love" you again in your life is crippling. Believe me the abuse becomes one of the forms of "love" within the cycle. Until the abused partner can step out of the cycle it is nearly impossible to help them.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
wow this really help us to understand why she feels the way she does and why it so hard to just leave.
• Philippines
1 Jan 09
I say Brenda is not crazy, but i think she has a very low self esteem. Battered women usually have this problem. First she meets a man who promises all the world to her, then they enter a serious relationship, and the guy starts beating up the woman. The woman thinks, "He's just confused, he's depressed, he had a bad childhood, I can change him." Sadly, in most cases, she can't. The worse thing is SHE THINKS THAT NO OTHER MAN WILL EVER LOVE HER LIKE HE DOES. This is the reason why she thinks she can never let him go. If there is some way, or better, someone who can make her change the way she thinks, boost her self esteem and make her realize that she is a beautiful, desirable woman, she'd be happier...safer.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
you are so right i believe she believe that too.
@opalina143 (1237)
• Morristown, New Jersey
1 Jan 09
I can understand how upsetting and frustrating this must be, if I were in your show I'd be mad at both him and my friend! I don't know what is wrong with her. You said she was Christian? Could a church help, like having a pastor talk to her and maybe convince her to leave him? I don't know if that would work at all, or if anyone can talk sense into her. I think, like an alcholic, she just has to hit bottom and realize she has a problem. She seems to be in denial of the situation. Unfortunately, until she decides to face reality, the reality that he is a monster who will kill her if she stays, there is really nothing you can do.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
her pastor tryed to talk with her when she go to church with black eyes are she have brusies around her neck.the pastor ask her is this the way you want to live your life her answer was i know he has some problems but we trying to work through them is that crazy are what
• India
1 Jan 09
I don't know why she he is beating i want you to ask him. Whats the reason he is kicking her.!!
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
13 Jan 09
i did ask him he say he is jealous he thinks she is beening dishonest with him in some way.he beat all the girls he have dated that i know of