Would you be with someone who has been in many marriages/relationships ?

@ronnyb (6120)
Jamaica
December 31, 2008 4:02pm CST
Or would you shun such a person thinking that they are either easy or problematic ?.Or could it just be that they are unlucky in love and just haven’t found the right person and this might just be you .Maybe you would be with someone who has been in multiple relationships but there are extenuating circumstances that you would have to know about before. Maybe there is a limit beyond which you would never go ? Tell us what are your views and also give explanation as to why you would or wouldn’t ? Also do you think men and women view this issue the same way? ,that is are men who have been in multiple relationships viewed the same way as a women in the same position ?
3 people like this
24 responses
@regal_aeros (2606)
• Singapore
1 Jan 09
hmmm... i would still give the relationship a try if i really like him. But there must be some problem if he has been in many relationships and things didn't work out. It can't always be the other person's problem. If things always goes wrong with you, maybe you are the problem. But who am i to judge right. So i'd still give him a chance because everybody deserves chances.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
15 Jan 09
Thats what I am thinking too
• Morocco
31 Dec 08
i would just say "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 09
Just like that you wouldnt even consider extenuating circumstances lol
• United States
31 Dec 08
I think that a person who has previous relationships may be a bit afraid of future commitment. I think that I may be more hesitant to enter into a relatioship with someone who has been previously married. I think that I would be afraid that if they made the wrong decision before, they might make it again with me. I think that men and women do view this differently. I think that men are less likely to shy away from a relationship with someone who has been previously married. I think that women are more cautious.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
1 Jan 09
You have made some good points.I however thought that men may have been less reluctant to accept someone previuosly married and women were more eager but that is just mt thought
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I am actually my husband's third wife. I did not shun away when he told me he had been married twice. I did not judge what or what didn't happen in his previous marriages. I was concerned about how he treated me. We have been married for nine years, and I think he finally got it right, since this is the longest he has been married out of his other two.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Dec 08
for you, sudalunts, i hope that your marriage to your husband will last a lifetime. i am hoping the best for you, friend. when one person has found the right partner, there is no ending to the partnership. that's always the way it goes.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
1 Jan 09
I would never be with a girl if i know that she was in a lot of relationships. I don`t want an experienced girl, i just want a girl just the way she is, not influented from other relatinshiops. i want a girl just for me, not a girl that was with a lot of people and when i`m walking with her, thouse guys to laugh that i don`t know what they made with her, or something, or just i don`t like a girl to talk with her ex boyfriend. Hope you understand what i wanna tell.
1 person likes this
@Vicstar (98)
1 Jan 09
Hmmm. My experience on this one would support caution! I ignored such caution some years back and had good cause to regret it. Unfortunately there is an awful tendency for people to repeat patterns in relationships. Having said that, I guess we all deserve the benefit of the doubt and it is great when there can be a turnaround. Sometimes people make the wrong choices and then learn by their mistakes and realise that for them, a wise choice must be based on a realistic appraisal of their needs and capacities rather than on needs that may not be totally realistic and which may lead to trouble as they are based more on fantasies than on the reality of the situation. What really goads me looking back on it is that sometimes it is very difficult to know what someone is REALLY like underneath. My instinct is that if someone has been through many relationships you need to look at why those relationships broke up....and also look to see what terms they are on with their ex partners. The chances are that however well you get on with someone if you partner up with them if you eventually part company you are likely to see that the pattern reflects the ways in which their previous relationships have broken up......!
1 person likes this
@lovesummer (1162)
• Malaysia
1 Jan 09
I think love is blind. When you meet someone and fall in love with them you forget about it. for me it is like that as long as I go well with the person and they are very nice. Do not have abusive or really disasterous behavior histery.
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@annjilena (5620)
• United States
15 Jan 09
well if you been in a bad marriage few times that person is sometimes drawn to same type of person that he/she was married to the first time.you have to break that cycle and seek something better for yourself.if not you will whine up in many bad marriages.
@dpk262006 (56473)
• Delhi, India
2 Jan 09
I think it will depend on the situation, I mean what kind of relationship I am going to develop with a person, who had earlier been married more than once or had more than one relationship. If the person is nice to me and interacts with me in a friendly and acceptable manner, then I will have no problems, with her past.
@savak03 (6681)
• United States
2 Jan 09
It is hard to make a decision about something like this in the abstract. I think every possible relationship should be judged on it's own merits. On the other hand if it was common knowledge that the person I was considering was abusive or a cheater then I would probably not consider him for long.
@snowy22315 (51159)
• United States
2 Jan 09
I think that a person has to have down some analysis of their prior relationships and why they didn't work. if they keep repeating patterns of the past they are not going to get it right. Some people just rush into relationships because they are afraid to be alone, some people just are stubborn and self centered and do not hav ethe skills or the interest in other people to make it work long term. It really depends on the person and and the fact that each relationship is different as well.
@suzzy3 (8357)
1 Jan 09
I think that is abit unfair,supposing someone has just been plain unlucky,mind you it would be a good idea to do a bit of investigating,especially if you suspect a serial adulterer sometimes people set out to be faithful and cannot help themselves.It also depends on the kids you may have and if they like the person you are thinking about and how it will effect them.I guess if you are single it is not quite so important but you have feelings and can do without the constant heartbreak.I think it has not changed in the way the woman is supposed to be pure and chaste and the bloke is expected to put it about,makes him more manly if there is such a word.When It boils down to it,you have to take a chance with someone if you don't you run the risk of a lonely old person.When love arrives common sence usually flys out the window anyway.I am out of the business of worrying about all this as I have been with my hubby for sixteen years and until you brought this up I had not given it any thought.The world has moved on since I was on the market,but theres one thing if you don't consider anyone with baggage espeically as you get older you cut down on your options,most people have baggage and a life before you met them and it is down to what you want and how happy you think the person will make you.There was a programme on tv a little while ago about the dating game,most of these people on it will never find anyone.There expectations of what they expected from a partner was completely unrealistic.Saints that did what they were told when they were told,mindreaders,rich,.Their are no people like that on this earth.
• China
1 Jan 09
Marriage is more serious,so I do not agree with the marriage, there is polyhedrosis relations.If it is not a common language personality clashes,or lead to feelings of separation between the two places change or derail the other side can not tolerate, or cultural differences between the two growing,or by the mother-in -low relations and so on and so on. It can not mediate it , choose to divorce is good to the two sides.In fact,pre-marital good mutual understanding,marriage is the right path running properly.
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
1 Jan 09
i doubt u are going to find many people who haven't been married or in a bunch of relationships unless they are pretty young. i would be leary of somone who has been married a bunchof times. i have been married twice & my ex married i don't know how many times after we split . he's still single, too darn mean for anyone to live with. i don't think men & women see things alike at all. lol
• Indonesia
1 Jan 09
I have almost experience that, once, when i'm in my junior year in Law School. I thought he's the one, cos he always be there for me. And i have a big crush on him since the very first time i saw him. He never mention about having a Girlfriend. Every time i asked, he just laugh. And i realize, there's something went wrong. And, ta da, his friend told me that he's already have a girlfriend, for years. I'm shocked, but, i finally woke up and go on with my own life, cos if he didn't say the truth from the beginning, and i'm stand on my will to have a relationship with him, the only person who will get hurt is me. So, there's no chance i would go out with someone who has been in a relationship.
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
1 Jan 09
I have been with two men who have been married a lot of times and had many many relationships. I'm no longer with them and I can see why they have been in so many relationships and so many divorces. Some people just don't have it to make a relationship last so they just hop around and love the person as long as they can and then move onto someone else. I think they got bored and when things got tough they went looking for someone else and the honeymoon starts over again. It's really sad that they do this I think they should stop and seek some counseling or something so that they can be with someone for a very long time and stop bouncing around. I personally wouldn't get with someone who has had a lot of relationships, I would just keep it as a friendship instead.
• India
1 Jan 09
I have not been in such a situation but I do think I will shun that person. It’s a mental block on my part maybe, but I would always be haunted by thoughts of times my partner spent with his previous partners. Even if he did not, I would be comparing our times to those times and I don’t think I would ever be truly happy.
• India
1 Jan 09
I would be least bothered to peep into the past relationships or marriage of my partner or the girl i am hangin with ..the thing that matters for me is the present..evry person has a different personality and to find a complimenting personality is most of the times matter of chance...so it is very much possible that many relationships and marriages get broken ..i dont think it constitutes finickiness...
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
1 Jan 09
I would not shun the person but I would be very careful. Each individual is different but usually there are patterns to certain things leading to generalised opinions. There is more than one reason for someone to has had many relationships. The essy types, the problematic types, the fun types, and the vindictive types are several categories we can meet. In my case I would try to find out the person's background and life history. I do not mind purchasing a broken down equipment if I am told what exactly is wrong with it. I do not like finding it out myself. all the best, rosdimy
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
1 Jan 09
well, i have been married 3 times and so has my s/o. so, no i would not, nor do i hold that against somebody, man or woman. i think life is too short to be unhappy, and that includes being in a marriage that is unhappy all the time. and it is the past, and should stay in the past.