Have you ever "disowned" a family member or been cut off by your own family?

United States
January 3, 2009 8:54am CST
I was wondering if anyone here has disowned a family member, OR been cut off by your family? I know that 2o years ago my father and grandmother disowned me because I married a man outside of my race. THye missed out on my wornderful children and said I brought shame to our family. My kids father is no longer with us, and I aam remarried to a wonderful man. My grandmother never accepted my new husband even though he is the same race. I know that others have been disowend by family for many reasons. I was wondering if this has happened to anyone else here and if you would like to share about it?
5 people like this
11 responses
@Barbietre (1442)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Yes, My daugher in law decided she did not like me and cut her, my son and the grandchildren from our family. I have seen my son a few times since then, but not my grandchildren. I think feuds serve no purpose, the person winds up with so much hate inside they wind up being bitter. My DIL is a fool, she is cutting of her family from loving people. It is her loss. People can be so petty sometimes.
3 people like this
• United States
4 Jan 09
Now that is sad. I am sorry that she is so selfish. I could understand if there were some danger to her or her kids, but she is robbing her chilren and you. I am sorry that she cannot see that. Maybe one day she will grow up and see the light before it is too late. Thanks for sharing your story! Be well,
• United States
4 Jan 09
Well I did hear how two brothers disowned their father after their father is accused of child molestation. I am not sure if the father did it or not but the brothers did not want to have anything to do with their father any more. The ironic thing is that the brothers are criminals and their father arrived in prison after the brothers were already in prison.
3 people like this
@Fortunata (1137)
• United States
4 Jan 09
I'm sorry to hear that your family treated you like that, they should be ashamed. Yes, my husband's two sisters disowned the rest of the family. They sent terrible christmas cards to my husband and the other siblings more or less telling them to go to hell, and that was the last anyone's heard or seen of them. It's their loss, because there's children being born and people getting married...It's petty and childish to the extreme.
• United States
4 Jan 09
I feel they are the ones who missed out, we have all have very full lives and we are very blessed to have our children. It is thier loss for sure. THye have always been judgmental people. I am gald I havent ahd to deal with that negitivity all these years... Be well,
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Hey doula! That is a terrible shame! I do have family that my Mom and I don't even bother with for whatever reasons. One in fact is her brother. He is just a very miserable and mean and selfish person who did something to her years ago that I felt she should have never forgiven him for. She kept in touch with him, but now he doesn't even bother with her. We don't keep in touch with anyone in my father's family, but I hated my father so that is another story. So my Mom keeps in touch with her cousin, who I don't like but that is all! So it is just the two of us! And she has no idea that I am with someone who is black or she would disown me! So aren't families just so wonderful?
3 people like this
• United States
4 Jan 09
Thanks Opal for your response, I don't have ill feelings toward my family any longer. I got over that a long time ago. it is their loss. I hope that you and you mom are have a wonderful life. I also hope things are well with you and your boyfriend are happy!
@mzplased (255)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I have disowned one of my sister in laws. She is very disrespectful to the family. Nobody ever speaks up to her and tells her how she makes people feel. One day i did and we had a big blowout. I chose not to ever speak to her again.Its easy now because they live in a differant state. When I did see her I held true to my word and didnt speak one word to her, nor did she to me. You know what? I dont feel sad, it was the nicest visit I had with the family because her mouth was shut..LOL A part of me does feel a bit childish about it, but I am just so tired of all her drama. I also feel that she should appologize for the things she has said and done and then maybe I will speak to her again. I do talk and treat my brother and nephews just the same as I always have. i wouldnt ever not go to a function because she is there, and I wouldnt not invite their family to a function because of her, but I will not speak to her.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 09
Oh tha i so funny, well not haha funny, but ironic funny... I have a sister in law too that got offended when she found out that everyone on HER side of the family (as well as my family)came to our very informal wedding, except her, she swears that we didnt invite her, which is simply not true. my husband went to her house first when we decided, I talked to her on the phone 3 times about the date and time of our wedding (we got married on a monday at the court house and went out for dinner after) I even talked to her the sat before when she called to congratulate my one the wedding and I said Oh no we arent married yet, it isnt until this MONDAY, are you comming? she said "No, I keep telling you I have to work on Mondays". Then her sister called her Monday after the wedding and said well, its a done deal, they area married, and we all had a really nice time after with all the family, we all sure missed you. We went to Red Lobster and had dinner and cake it was really nice! she hung up on her sister and never talked to me since... or HER mother (my mother in law) who she swears had something to do with her "not being invited" when in fact she was invited over and over and ech time she declined. I have been to many family functions and she refuses to speak to me and often leaves, which is fine by me too, she is loud,rude and obnoxious and everyone cringes when she opens her mouth in fear of what she will say next. So peaceul cannot begin to discribe holiday and family celebrations with out her... and it has been 15 years!! any how thanks for sharing. Here is a toast to family who hate us, and the misery we avoid! Be well,
• United States
3 Jan 09
when i first got with my fiance ..my parents stopped talkibg to me for a long time because he is black n im white.. it took my parents forever to talk to me again
3 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 09
I am glad they are talking to you again. Do they accept him too? I wish you both well. Thanks for responding! Happy New Year!
@James72 (26832)
• Australia
3 Jan 09
I have not encountered circumstances quite the same as yours doula, but I did make the decision to cease all contact with my Father about 3 years ago and I have no intention of ever seeing him or speaking to him again. Life is too short! If you don't mind, that is all I would like to say regarding the matter. It is a sad situation you have been in yourself and I guess all there is to say is that it has been their loss. It is very disheartening when people cannot embrace their own no matter what.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 09
the details are not important to me. It is sad when things come between family members, I do know that it is sometimes the only healthy choices when others are not healthy and we must protect our self or our children. Be well, Life is Short, enjoy every moment!
2 people like this
@James72 (26832)
• Australia
3 Jan 09
I could not agree with you more doula. The negative domino effect has to stop somewhere and as painful as it can be, cutting ties is sometimes the ONLY right thing to do. I am a far more optimistic and positive person for it believe me!
2 people like this
@sacmom (14336)
• United States
4 Jan 09
No, I have never disowned a family member. However, my sister disowned our mom's side of the family (me included) when I was just 15 years old (she was 17). My sister and our mom had a falling out and my sister moved out. I didn't see her again for 10 years. That was 7 and a half years ago. My sister and I never really got along (her choice), so for me it wasn't any great loss, though I do feel bad for our mom as that is her daughter, after all. It's sad that some of your family members disowned you, all because you married someone outside your race. But with family like that you're probably better off without them.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jan 09
I agreee that I have missed a lot of grief with them disowneing me. I still feel it was their loss. I hope things work out for you mom and your sister. It is a shame that people let things get in the way of family. Thnaks for sharing your story, Be well,
@tammytwo (4305)
• United States
4 Jan 09
I haven't spoken to my father in over 14 years because he chooses to live a lifestyle I would rather not have my children involved in. The things he does could not only put himself in danger but my children and myself as well. He hasn't made an effort to contact us and we don't speak to him.
1 person likes this
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
5 Jan 09
Hrm...I temporarily disowned my sister because she failed to bring the apple jam our mom made me when my sister was visiting me, it's been close to 10 years since my mom made the jam, almost didn't even let my sister into my house haha.
• United States
6 Jan 09
LOL well that isnt quite what I was going for, but it still counts! tell her to mail it! Be Well, Thanks for your reply!
• India
7 Jan 09
I have disowned scores of family members for a variety of reasons, the chief of them being their inability to refrain from criticizing and condemning me. I see nothing wrong with disowning people who can't respect you. Cheers and happy Mylotting