Rest and recreation

Australia
January 5, 2009 6:46am CST
All this talk about panda spanking, and some of the no so subtle double entendres that have raised their ugly little heads in the course of some of our discussions reminded me of a song I wrote back in the early nineties, after the failure of my 4th marrigae, to a feminist social worker. I mean I should have had my head read; a social worker for Chrissake. Anyway, I thought I would share it with my fellow panda spankers. The last verse may provide a certain clue as to the genesis of my panda spanking predilictions. REST AND RECREATION 1. There are times I wish that I’d been born In the garden before the fall, ‘Cause I’m part of a species facing extinction Backs against the wall. And the fact that we love these Visigoths Is the cruellest jest of all - They’re middle-class women with Master’s Degrees In removing a gentleman’s balls. 2. As a fair-minded man I could see that women Get the short end of the stick, So I read the books, and I learned the line Thinking that might do the trick. But all of that meant diddly-sh1t,I must’ve been as thick as a brick, ‘Cause I found that what a lot of them want Is a woman with a (I can't say THAT!). 3. I learned to be a sensitive Newage guy, You know, a SNAG. But you’ll notice it rhymes with sewage And translates as a bloody dag. I could cook and wash and clean and sew And do it like a prize stud stag. I’d have made some woman a wonderful wife ‘Cause I never learned how to nag (oops). Bridge. I’ve spent six years in the muck and slime Of the trenches of the gender war. And I think the time has come for me To get some R & R. 5. So give me a girl, an old-fashioned girl With matching knickers and bra, And a sexy dress and that forties look To remind me of my ma. And I don’t give a damn if the rose in her cheek Comes out of an Avon jar, With bells in her nipples and a ring through her nose --- Hell, I think I’ve gone a little too far. Bridge. But I’ve spent six years in the muck and slime Of the trenches of the gender war. And I think the time has come for me To get some R & R. Lash
2 people like this
4 responses
@James72 (26832)
• Australia
5 Jan 09
I tell you something Lash..... After 4 marriages you sure as hell have earned the right for some R & R if you ask me! And the 4th one was a feminist social worker? Now I wonder why the heck THAT one didn't work out then?? As a twist on the original joke, I guess the difference between a rottweiler and a feminist social worker is that a rottweiler will eventually give you your balls back! Your lyrics started off profoundly and then became even more and more panda spankish as they progressed. It is inspiring for me to realize that the art of panda spanking was around way before I ever knew of it! Maybe it is like this secret underground doctrine along the lines of Freemasonry? If it is then I would sure as heck love to see the handshake! lol. We've replaced SNAG with metrosexual now too I think, but good luck rhyming with that word! lol. I am trying to get an idea in my head of what form the accompanying music would take, but I am coming up short. For some reason I'm imagining a reggae/Billy Bragg type flavour! And visigoth's was an interesting word to whack in there too, I must admit. I am also assuming you are safely free from those trenches today, yes? Ah, the casualties of war, You were one of the ones who actually made it home Lash!
1 person likes this
@sharra1 (6344)
• Australia
5 Jan 09
Ah it is a funny song but sadly not everyone appreciates it. Still the 4th wife was years ago and he gets lots of R&R from that sort of thing these days. I may be sick but I still try and look after him. Are you sure rottweilers give them back? I thought they ate them. Hmmm. I find this idea amusing as I thought about being a social worker once but I was talked out of that career choice as I was told I was too emotionally sensitive to cope with the emotional trauma. I think they meant that I cared about people which is what I thought social workers did. I also used to be a feminist. Still the feminist socialist sociology tutor I had in first year was definitely a Visigoth. I can see her being like that. What is a metrosexual? Never heard of that one.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Yea..what is a metrosexual?
1 person likes this
• Australia
6 Jan 09
Metrosexual - hmmn, the rhyme contra-textual comes to mind, but I would have to think about how it would fit. I actually always preferred to think of myself as a Well Integrated Male Partner rather than a SNAG, but snag gave me such lovely rhymes. Lash
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Jan 09
So when are you gonna put this up on youtube? I like it. My b/f puts stuff on youtube all the time. Not alot of his original stuff. Mostly covers. You should and give us all a headsup so we can look for you there. If Sharra sings haul her over to do some vocals.Maybe a battlecry here and there lol I'm not the singer at all so the most mine gets out of me is a hum and that's not on youtube.
• Australia
6 Jan 09
I pulled the plug on music 12 years ago, and anyway, I'm so technologically dyslexic that youtube is like darkest Africa in my mind. And I don't have the recording gear anyway. But nice idea. If I was twenty years younger and still writing/singing I'd probably try to conquor my dyslexia. Lash
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
6 Jan 09
lol...come on now..musicians are always musicians! Grab the webcam..record...upload.Opening up an account there is easier than it is here..give it a shot! My b/f is always looking for kindred spirits to share music with! He play acoustic,electric,lol anything with strings and some with not.Check him out..awesomesound73 on youtube.Beware though...his songs are a bit racey from time to time.I think you'll like him though.Let me know what you think.
• Australia
6 Jan 09
First, no webcam, and even if I did I'd have to upgrade my computer by about 4 generations lol. As for youtube, never been there and frankly wouldn't know how. I told you I'm dyslexic. I don't blog, have never seen a blog, can't text (well, I can, but only in direst emergency), rarely have my mobile turned on, and shall I continue??? I can't even program a video player lol. Lash
@riyasam (16578)
• India
7 Jan 09
funny song but i do use avon products and my hubby doesnot complain about it or rather i would say,he does protests sometimes,very feebly,he has too stay with me,naa.
@sharra1 (6344)
• Australia
5 Jan 09
Good song and funny. I once knew a woman who would fit that description. Interesting as she was a Marxist feminist sociologist. lol. We argued about everything which was tricky as she was one of my uni tutors so I had to watch my tongue. I have never met a social worker and so my only experience is on tv and that is not real. What is it about this job that makes the person so dangerous?