What do you do when you see someone you know crying?

@808nala (640)
United States
January 5, 2009 10:24am CST
I'm curious to know what other people do when they see someone they know crying. 1. Do you try to comfort them and see if they need a hug or someone to talk to? 2. Do you assume they want to be alone and let them have their space? 3. Do you pretend that you didn't see them and continue what you were doing? 4. Other? I will generally try to comfort them. If they say the want to be left alone, I will respect their wishes. Sometimes I wish I didn't comfort them because I have a difficult time leaving and I get stuck there for hours. I feel really bad when I finally tell them that I really have to go. What do you do?
11 people like this
57 responses
@cybersoft01 (1284)
• India
12 Jan 09
A very nice discussion. I find such situations very embarrassing and don't know how to react to it. It depends on the situation what I do. Sometimes, I just pretend that I have not seen them. Sometimes I try to talk to them and console them.
2 people like this
@gtdonna (1738)
12 Jan 09
My first question is always "What's wrong" and then proceed to comfort them best way I know. If they say leave them alone I will do just that, but not before letting them know that if they need me I am always there for them.
2 people like this
@getnbuy (1312)
• United States
7 Jan 09
If I know the person, I do as you do. If I don't know them I might ask if I can help them or I might leave them alone. It is a difficult thing because you want to help, but you don't want to intrude, either.
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
That's true. Some people might feel like you're trying to intrude when all you want to do is help. It can be difficult sometimes.
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
7 Jan 09
For the most part, I have learned to just ask people if everything is alright. If they say yes, I leave them alone. If they say no, I ask them if they want to talk about it. But, it also depends on how close I am to that person or if I have some idea of what is going on.
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I guess that would be a good way to determine if the person needs comforting or not.
• United States
7 Jan 09
It depends on how they are acting. If they are trying to hide it, I will act as if I do not notice, as I know what it is like to not want to be noticed. If they seem like they are looking for some comfort, I will offer it to them.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jan 09
I dislike crying in front of people, I suppose that is where most of my empathy comes from. If I had no problem with it, I might be one of those people who continue to insist that they are informed of the reasons. I have to find a place to be alone when it happens.
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I have to admit that in the past I tried to hide my crying from certain people. I like having a shoulder to cry on, but mostly from those I trust.
• United States
5 Jan 09
depends on the situation,m sometimes i hug them sometimes i don't sometimes i talk to them sometimes i don't. There are always clues as how to handle the situation
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
7 Jan 09
Good point. It really depends on the situation and the person. Keep doing what you're doing as it seems to work out well for you.
1 person likes this
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
7 Jan 09
the same to me.many times somebody don't hope others to ask them the reason,they only hope somebody can stay with them. if my friends were crying,i will give them a hug and stay with them until them can control their emotions.
1 person likes this
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
7 Jan 09
hi 808nala!! i guess i have to ask her the cause of the crying thing..and offer my help if she needed it ..if not then i will live her alone if that will make her feel better...coz some people is better left alone than comforting by others...actually im like that..i dont want to be comforted and i dont like as much as possible be seen by anybody crying..coz for me i guess its a sign of weakness...
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I don't think it's a sign of weakness, but I understand why you feel that way. I think there are many people that feel the same way as you. Sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on and other times I want to be left alone. It is good to know that you have someone there that cares though.
• Philippines
6 Jan 09
Of course I ask the person what's the matter and if s/he would like to tell me.If s/he does,I'll be there to listen to him/her.Then I'll offer some help and empathize with im/her.That is if the person is my friend.But if it's someone that I abhor,I'd just think that it's karma for him/her for being so mean to me.I know that God will get even with hem sooner or later.
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Many times, people just need someone to listen. It's good to have friends that you can rely on.
@Annmac (949)
7 Jan 09
The first thing I do is ask what was wrong if I don't already know! Then I'd react according to the circumstances! Comfort if they need it, a hug if they'll accept it and an encouragement to talk about it! People cry because they are hurting and sometimes they'd rather be alone whilst they do it, so then I wait till they are ready to talk. I don't try to change the subject, when I've been crying I've hated people doing it to me! I try to listen more than talk! If I have no reason to leave I'll stay as long as I feel they need me! If it's family I never see it has being stuck! As I'm a care-worker I often do see tears! Sometimes just getting them to talk whilst I do the usual tasks around them is enough, obviously I can't stay and they know that when I say I have to go I'm not making excuses, sometimes it's hard walking away! Depends on why they are crying!
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
It is difficult to walk away from a crying person, but sometimes you have to because you have other things to do. I hate when that happens. I feel really guilty. I like to listen more than talk too. Sometimes they just want to get it off their chest. I would hate if someone changes the subject on me too.
@taface412 (3175)
• United States
6 Jan 09
It depends on the person. If they are one who needs space I let them have their moment and if they want to talk I let them know I am there for them. And anyone who knws me knows that what they say stays with me.
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Having someone you can trust is very helpful. I don't tell my problems to anyone except those I can trust. You're a great friend to those around you.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
6 Jan 09
I wish that I could respond more effectively to emotional people, but I am so empathic that pretty soon I'm emotional also. s And I don't think that is the way to help
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thanks. I'm the same way. I've actually cried with them before. I felt terrible that I probably made them more sad, but I meant to be there to help.
@hdjohnson (2981)
• United States
6 Jan 09
But of course, I'm going to find out whatever is troubling them. As I'm sure they do not want the world to know why they are crying. Most people I know; know me well and that I don't reveal other peoples' business. I do of course share a lot of my own personal challenges that I've already overcome or are overcoming. This way I give them a practical and tangible example that if I can do it or overcome it, then surely they can over come it as well. I am a good encourager, so even when I may not be doing the best, I can always lift someone else's spirits up as high as I know that they should be. To be as young as I am, I have seen and also gone through a lot of stuff. I understand quite a bit, because I have listened to folks who are older than I am and applied the practical wisdom that they have once shared with me. I believe we are all here to help one another out of whatever situation they may have gotten themselves into. It takes compassion and the demonstration of the love of God to get personally involved in someone else's personal challenges. But how else would people know that someone cares if we didn't get involved?
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
That is a great way to handle this situation. Everyone needs encouragement sometimes and they would be very lucky to have someone like you in their lives. Thank you for sharing your well thought out response.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
7 Jan 09
How much time I will spend with a person who is crying dependes on the relationship I have with him or her. I always ask what is wrong and offer advice, a hug or both. If it someone I don't know too well I will offer comfort and then leave them to deal with their problem, although it does depend on the situation. For a friend or family member I will be there for as long as it takes.
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
For me, it makes a difference on who it is too. I am always there for my friends and family, but not always for people I don't know too well. i will offer them a hug though.
@ashwlzhq (47)
• China
6 Jan 09
Hello,808nala.To tell the truth,i really didn't think about it carefully before i read your topic.I search my memory and find that i will comfort him or her in most cases.I think a cring person must have a bad mood and needs a person to talk to.Maybe you will be the one he or she talks to when you approach to him.Sometimes the sad person says nothing to me and my effort doesn't work.But i feel it will be better to get along with him in subsequent days.He or she can appreciate your good after they become fine.So when you see someone you know crying,go ahead to comfort them please. Best wishes!!!
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Yes, sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone at the time either, but a few days later I might talk about it to someone I trust. I will always try to comfort those I care about.
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
6 Jan 09
This is a tough one nana, for different people have different ways to overcome hurts and pains. If i know the person, I would go by his/her comfort level. Generally, I feel words are poor comforters so I just hug or hold the hand or try to comfort the person by just being there.
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
A hug goes a long way. Sometimes when I cry, that's all I need to help me feel better. Thanks.
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
6 Jan 09
It depends on the situation. It depends on the person. If I am famiiar twith the person who is in distress yes I would offer my help without any second thinking. However if it is a stranger I would think twice before giving my help. Maybe the person would like to be on his or her own. I would try to give them my time but if I have to go I just that I have other important things to do and hope to meet some other time.
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
It does depend on the person and situation. I will always help people I know as well, but I don't often help strangers.
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
6 Jan 09
I am right there with a hug and a kleenex! I let them cry until they are ready to talk and we usually discuss what the problem is. It seems like I can usually make the person feel better and even get them to laugh and cheer up a lot! I seldom leave a person alone and let them have their space as their crying is a signal that they are beyond frustration and really do need help from a friend.
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
You must be an amazing friend. I bet your friends are glad to have you throughout their lives. Thanks.
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
6 Jan 09
I try to comfort them if I can. If they prefer to be left alone then I leave them alone, but let them know that I am there to listen if they want to talk.
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
That's the best thing to do. As long as they know they have someone to lean on it would probably make them feel better that someone cares.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
6 Jan 09
Hi 808nala, It would really depend on the person and the circumstance, but most times I just sit and listen because often they just want to know that someone cares and is willing to listen to them. Just being there is often all that's required. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
You are right. Sometimes it's better not to discuss the problem as it may make them feel worse. I like knowing that someone is there for me if I need them and often times a hug is all I need.
@chevill (316)
• Philippines
6 Jan 09
I will immediately ask him/ her what's the matter. If he/she will allow me to know the reason i will start to listen to him/her but if she/he can't say it and don't want to share it to me it's okay. I will tell her/him that Im just here if she/he needs someone to talk to if she/he can't bear it anymore!
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
12 Jan 09
That would be a great way to handle this situation. Thanks.