Taken for Granted!!!

@dhangski (3194)
Philippines
January 7, 2009 7:43pm CST
Hello friends! It's been awhile since I last posted a discussion here. Been busy with my normal life, with my family. I just wanted to know, Have you ever experienced being taken for granted? I don't want to sound like this is a confession but I've been married for 11 years, my husband is working abroad and then months ago a prominent guy here in our place showed interest on me. He courted me and lately, I fell for him. I don't know what came to my mind but It's the second time that I felt like this first was with my husband. We went dating, he always visits me and spends time with my kids. I really felt loved. Our relationship continues up to this day but lately, he had been busy with something else and spends less time with me. We haven't seen each other for days now. Even text messages are limited. I don't know, but don't you think I'm right that with what I feel now that I've been taken for granted? I'm trying to break up with him but he doesn't want to. He told me that he can't afford to lose me. But I'm asking why he is acting like that? What would you do guys if you were in my position? I'm confused right now. Taken for granted? or he's just busy? Don't worry guys, I will be ending my relationship with this guy I'll just have to find time when will I do it. I made a mistake, I'll try to live by it. HUGZ to all!!!
5 people like this
26 responses
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
8 Jan 09
U are not being taken for granted.. RAther, u are actually taking for husband for granted.. U are taking his love for u and the family for granted.. Do u know the reason why?? BEcause if u truly love your husband, this short term relationship wont even happen.. ANd u started the relationship with this new guy, is because u know your husband wont be back within the time period.. SO instead of feeling for yourself, spare a thought for your hubby as he will be so disappointed with u if he were to know about that..
@yuna15 (2708)
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
Being away from a loved one could feel extremely sad. She saw something in that guy that she found in her husband. Which could have triggered her weakness of falling for the guy. I think the guy took advantage of her since he most probably know that she is already married and have kids! They both have their own fault and like she said I'm sure she loves her husband because she's willing to end the relationship she had.
1 person likes this
@bfarrier1 (2083)
• United States
8 Jan 09
First of all I think everyone sometimes in their lives feel like they are being taken for granted,you say your husband is working abroad and you are dating some other guy,so isnt that taking your husband for granted? Is your husband aware that you are dating? Good Luck to you and hopefully your husband wont be to hurt by this.
1 person likes this
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
No, he doesn't know about what I've done. I feel guilty and decided to end this affair as soon as possible before my husband knows it. HUGZ!
2 people like this
@bfarrier1 (2083)
• United States
11 Jan 09
Hopefully your husband dont hear about this other guy from someone else maybe you need to have a long talk with him and ask for his forgiveness,at least it will be coming from you.Good Luck
@longbangod (1791)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
Oh my God, is this true? Are you serious? Hmm, this only shows that you are still that attractive, imagine, he still courted you even if you are already married. But seriously, even if I am not God to judge you, I still find it wrong. I hope you will really find time to get away with it. Now if he's having less time with you already, it might be a sign that you better learn to forget him, after all you still have your husband.
1 person likes this
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
I'm serious bro. I know what I did was wrong and I want to correct the biggest mistake that I've done. Thanks for everything. HUGZ always. Miss you bro.
@stephcjh (32385)
• United States
8 Jan 09
I have been taken for granted many times in my life and it is not a good feling at all. I would question this relationship also. He needs to make more time for you.
1 person likes this
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
You're right, it's not really a good feeling. Actually, it really hurts from within when you were treated that way. HUGZ!
1 person likes this
8 Jan 09
Hi dhangski, I am so sorry this has happened to you, yes he took advantage of you because your husband is not with you at the moment, you were vurnerable and he saw his chances,please be carful and finish with him as he is no good for you, also what will hapen if your husband finds out? so be very careful my friend. Love and hugs. Tamara
1 person likes this
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
Hi tamara. That's what I feel right now. I feel that he really took advantage of me. I made a decision to end this affair the sooner as I can think of but I should make the right timing. I'll be careful from now on. HUGZ always my dear friend. Thanks for the advice. It really helps.
1 person likes this
@vanities (11351)
• Davao, Philippines
8 Jan 09
hello dhangski!! im speehless!! kidding ok..well..since you promise to end this..then maybe you had to think hard first..forget him ok....just remember that you are married and have children...its no good to continue this kind of relationship..what if you husband knows it..i mean from a relative or whatever..what will happen then to your relationship and children...?im glad that you acknowledge or admit that it was a mistake its a first step to re route you path now...
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
Thanks for the advice vanities. I promise my self that I will be ending this relationship soon. I really admit I did a big mistake and should accept what the circumstances are. Again, thank you so much for clearing my mind. HUGZ always!!!
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
8 Jan 09
H[i]i dhangski, I understand your situation and will not say anything about that! I know you're matured enough, educated and I know you know what you are doing! ABout your question, maybe he is really busy and we do not know if it's job or another girl...This is not to add injury friend but let's be open the possibility! My advise for you friend, just take it easy, do not give 100 percent of your feelings! Take care![/i]
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
[i]Uh uh... this is a complicated situation you're in. I mean, you're married, not separated (though you're physically far from each other). I don't mean to judge you but of course you know you are cheating and that's the reason why your "boyfriend" is taking you for granted. I have enough guy friends to understand some guys' actions. There are guys (of course it also applies to women) who think that if the girl can't be loyal to her husband (she cheats), then she can't be loyal to him as well. I think he's taking advantage of that fact. Thinking he's got the right to do this to you since you are cheating your husband anyways and that he's just sharing you with another man and that nothing can be serious between you two because you're still married. You're right though, you made a mistake and I am glad you opened your eyes to that fact and that you want to make amends now.. Good luck.[/i]
1 person likes this
• India
8 Jan 09
I think you are being childish in not recognizing life as it unfolds. You still have a romantic streak active in you and since your husband is not being able to give you time, you are looking for other company. While that is OK (after all its your life and your marriage and your kids), what you forget is that even this guy will one day give more importance to his work than to you. People need to work to eat and that doesn’t mean they don’t love. As long as a relationship is new, its all cosy between the couple and they have time for nothing else. Once the relation matures, they start thinking of other things, including jobs coz a healthy human being cant live on love alone. Its in times like these, that they have less and less time for each other. This does never mean that they don’t love each other. You have to take this in a more matured way…no guy can ever remain tied to your apron strings forever…they will have to look for other things, jobs, hobbies, whatever. You will also have to take interest in other things than love…only then will you be truly appreciated.
1 person likes this
• China
8 Jan 09
ah...your decion to end this relationship with that guy is right, perhaps you accept him only by hollowness, you still love your husband and your kids, bythe way, there is saying with"long distance. soon forget", so you'd better try to live together with your husband for your family's sake. best wishes.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
8 Jan 09
you have admitted to your folly and you are taking steps to correct the situation.thats it!!no need to feel more guilty.after all you are human and humans do make mistakes.nobody is born as a saint.
1 person likes this
@bombshell (11268)
• Germany
8 Jan 09
its normal dangski that you felt that way because your husband not around you.so maybe needs time to think.we are only human not a saint.everyone gets mistakes and thru mistakes we learn it.
1 person likes this
@ktosea (2027)
• China
8 Jan 09
I didn't got you clearly,you are asking that your husband taken for Granted or you just take you situation for granted?I mean you have been married for 11 years and it's really a hard time for you to live alone without your husband being around.how long has this last? many years? if so I think you need to talk with your husband,it's always a hard time for a yong woman be alone at home.the chances for you to meet each other is so limited and the other prominent guys have chance to court you. so my advices if :first, you need to break up with the guy who is pursuing you right now,it's not a good way to date other guys when you have a boyfiend or husband.then find some time to talk with your husband,I guess it's also a hard time for him being without you abroad and he could understand well have a good day
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jan 09
Well, it can be hard for me to feel I really have a grasp of the situation in full. However, it sounds like you are in a bad position that I would not wish to be in. The biggest question you have, however, is about being taken for granted. So, I'll avoid other issues which might be important in your circumstance and only focus on the one you've asked about. Yes, you are being taken for granted by this guy. He probably thinks that's ok because he doesn't respect you. He'll tell you what he wants to string you along, but his lack of interest probably stems from the fact that he's courting someone else. He's trying to invest just the bare minimum to keep you on the back burner. I would be surprised if he doesn't try to leverage possible guilt over your infidelity to his advantage. How can I say this clearly and sensitively? Adulterer-man knows you are married. He knows your situation with your husband working abroad. He has seduced you. Now he's trying to seduce someone new. (Biologically speaking, your health is at risk.) You can't really just drop him or easily believe that he's using you. See, then you'd have to feel extra guilty that you are married and having and affair. So you have to believe that you love him. Conversely, you have to believe he loves you. Otherwise, you have to admit you have been used and that stings a lot. People tend to see what they need to see to protect their sense of self-worth and it seems to me that this guy knows enough of how to feign sincerity and can use that for his advantage. I think it is unsafe for you to. I feel he is taking advantage of you. And, I feel he might make you feel as if it is unsafe for you to break up with him because he'll let slip to your husband what you've been up to. As i said, this seems like a terribly difficult and sensitive situation. I wish you all the best.
@julyteen (13265)
• Davao, Philippines
12 Jan 09
If you love you family you should stop. I know it is hard to do it but that is the way and the only solution than you can hurt anybody except both of you. Felt pity to your kids and your husband. Although you felt being taken for granted but you must also understand his part being away from you to work hard to sustain your family needs. It's not easy to work abroad away from your family. Both of you struggle all the trials and hindrances being separated by distance. Sometimes he need to priorities his work than his family and should know that. I don't have experience working abroad but i felt that way because i am living now away from my family. It's hard to live alone thinking what happen to your family. I know he felt the same. Hoping for a positive action my friend. Best of luck you and your family.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Jan 09
We all commit mistakes sometimes, in some part of our lives, along the way, there are slippery part of the road that we cannot avoid but to fall. But the best thing to do when it comes is to stand up and try not to pass by that part of the road. I too had been there before but I made up and keep my eyes open.
@JOIEMARVIC (2342)
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
you are being took for granted.That is a very clear thing for me.Given a chance you were not married and you got involved with this guy.If he does not text you,calls you,asks how you have been doing,he's simply not into you.he likes you but he does not like you that much.your too godd to be treated like that.
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
I don't want to sound judgemental , but you shouldn't be worrying how this boyfriend of yours not treating you well at the moment, you should be worrying how to preserve your marriage/family, how to make your wrong doings into right. I know that long distance relationship is so hard, there's a lot of temptation out there but we should learn to remember always our vow with our partner. But it's a good thing that your trying to end this relationship already....you keep the faith and be strong.
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
huh oh! i was rather surprised to read this confession. i'll give you a piece of my mind whether you want it or not! LOL! i think, you are unfair to hubby even if he is treating you unfairly. it is unfair to you too because i do not think you want this to happen to you if the situation is reversed. if you think you are open to another relationship, then end your relationship to hubby. that is fair to both of you. fair to him because he can look for someone and fair to you so you can look for someone. i am not one to judge anyone what they want to do with their life because i have my fair share of mistakes but i know when to draw the line. when a situation will get me into trouble or would make me regret it later, i'd rather stay away from it. i'm doing it not for myself but for my kids. i do not want them to hate me. i hope you get my drift...
@yuna15 (2708)
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
I understand how you feel. First, being away from your husband could make you feel so lonely. Regarding how this guy is behaving, I think it's a big sign that you indeed need to end that relationship. It's not fair for your husband. If this guy takes you for granted then he doesn't deserve you at all. Thanks for sharing this dang!