January 8, 2009 5:14pm CST
Hello everyone! I don't know maby its just me but lately I find my self doing a lot more yelling the older my children get and ifeel so bad but I have to keep repeating myself over and over to get the kids to pick up after them selves and when I yell they say geez mommy ya loud!!!! Then I yell some more about the mess their are making I never had to yell at my kids the way I do now im starting to think that maybe its the children they are in school with and they are picking up on their behavior but im drained and tired of yelling so much is their any advice someone can give to me so I can stop yelling GO PICK YA COAT UP AND HANG IT IN THE CLOSET. All advice is appreciated
9 Jan 09
It is difficult in trying to convince children to at least put their things at their place. Well my child is still a toddler and still makes me shout, altought afterwards I feel really bad. But she screams a lot, she is so stubborn that makes me and my mother crazy. This morning, I was at work, and my mum phoned me to tell me that my child is shouting and crying like crazy because she didn't want to go to school. I was so angry that I shouted with her on the phone in my office, where everyone of my colleges knows that she didn't want to go to school. It is really frustrating and makes my day really in bad mood, I now what you are passing trough. Even at home, after work, I have to tell them, EVEN MY HUSBAND to put things in their place, they are making me crazy.
• United States
8 Jan 09
I feel your pain. As a mom of 5, the only time I stop yelling/talking with my kids is when they are all in bed and asleep. I have found that taking away privileges works well though. My children all love to play the computer, watch their favorite shows or have a favorite toy. Cruel though it may be, I do take away privileges when chores are not done, or stuff has not been picked up. Earlier bed times seem to work well for the younger children as well. I think it does have to do with school, and the fact that they are learning to assert their own style of independence. However, it is our jobs as parents to make sure they are growing up to be responsible adults. The last poster mentioned getting some alone time, and all I can say is, he or she is right! Grab an hour of Mom wants to be left alone time each day. It helps!
• United States
8 Jan 09
I have no advice, but I can offer empathy! I'm going through the same thing with my daughter - ever since she started school, we've been fighting with her. She has so much ATTITUDE! I don't know what to do; I've tried everything. I'm usually a pretty laid back mom, but lately it's all I can do not to lock her in her room! I guess the only suggestion I can offer is to make sure you get some time to yourself whenever possible so that you can keep your stress level from getting too high - the more stressed you are, the more likely you are to lose your temper with them, even over small infractions. Wish I could be more help!
16 Jan 09
Firstly give allowance to their age. Toddlers can not be expected to behave like grownups. Expect mess and be grateful they can move around. I have a friend whose son is immobile for the past 19 years! One technique I successfuly used was to ask my sons, whenever they misbehave , WHY they do it?. I believe that they must start THINKING about their behavior, and not always act compulsively. If your yelling do not get the expected result, then maybe you have to change tactics. Try praising every little good thing they do, and downplay the mistakes. I heard it said that children constantly long for a parent's approval, and when he gets it, it prods him to do more things he can be approved of.
12 Jan 09
It seems most of us moms are going thru the same. Sometime I think that maybe I have not trained my son properly when he was just growing up…maybe I was blind in my love and spoiled him. Not totally but in some areas…like I have always picked up his clothes and books and toys but not that he is already 9+, I would like him to help me out. He does, but neither spontaneously nor regularly. Its, as you say, only when I shout at that my words seem to penetrate his world. Whenever I speak gently or casually, he takes it casually too. but gradually I am becoming more firm with him…I have assigned him some specific chores which I expect him to do daily otherwise it doesn’t get done…that’s all! Sometimes I help him out but most of the times he sees how clumsy his bed is with toys and colours strewn and he just cant sleep there and he will clean it. Or maybe his dirty plates are lying where they are (I am not picking them up) and after some dillydallying, he will pick it up. One thing is…tolerate the dirtiness and dishevelled look round the house…but don’t do it for them. After a time, hopefully, they will get used to it.