How do you support depression?

@Lore2009 (7389)
United States
January 9, 2009 12:43pm CST
How do you deal with the depression of other people? I've had depression in my life and I found it harder when my friends told me that I can't be depressed and I need to 'snap out of it'. I think the best support I've got are from the ones who tell me that I can take my time and I will eventually get out of it... not the ones who rush me and make me feel guilty for feeling sad. I think I've recovered quicker in the long run by dealing with it then to avoid or hide or pretend that I don't have it. Do you find people being depressed as an annoyance?
3 people like this
11 responses
@kerriannc (4282)
• Jamaica
9 Jan 09
You see Lore2009, I answer your discussion under anxiety and you insult me. I inform you that I couldn't associate with anxiety but more with depression I even gave you a link. But here you are in the no response with the same topic I was informing you about.
2 people like this
9 Jan 09
I was sorry to read your Link Kerri...noone would wish that for their friends or family but I am glad to see that you are coping well. :) Good for you! As for Lore....I think she only wants people to say what she wants to hear. Anyone who says something she does not like is not a good person. Kerri...you keep smiling hunny :)
@kerriannc (4282)
• Jamaica
9 Jan 09
Hey littletinker thank you for the encouragement.
1 person likes this
12 Jan 09
hi lore2009 i think the best way to deal with anyone who has depression is to actually listen to them, let them talk about what is getting them down, let them feel listened to and not that they are a bother to you. people who have never experienced this feeling of depression do not fully understand wher it comes from. it can have little effect or a major effect on you and your life, but i would recommend seeing a counsellor as they are trained in this field and sometimes the depressd person may find it easy to talk to a stranger. most of all the root of the problem needs to be dealt with and looked at in a serious way and then you can erasae that from your life or find a coping skill for it. hope this helps. lots of love and healing sent to you.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Thanks, that is true. You should be a counselor yourself!
16 Jan 09
hi lore, i am a counsellor. but i have also struggled with mild depression for lots of different reasons, mainly relationship issues. if you need to chat i'm here for you.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
9 Jan 09
I found it harder when my friends told me that I can't be depressed and I need to 'snap out of it'. Being one who has suffered from depression pretty much my whole life I have to honestly say that I have ZERO tolerance for ppl with that sort of attitude...Just like I can't stand the expression "get over it" when it comes to dealing with traumas from the past.. How do I handle it..well I make sure I'm supportive, I listen when its needed and I give advice and/or my opinions when its needed and I NEVER candy coat it. I'm very honest BUT tactful in how i go about it of course...
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
11 Jan 09
I've heard a quote that went something like this... "Who ever said 'Time heals all things' don't know what the F they're talking about." (Jonestown Survivor). And I completely agree.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Jan 09
I find being depressed an annoyance. Actually I haven't really dealt much with other people being depressed!
1 person likes this
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
18 Jan 09
Good point Dawn being depressed is definitely at least as annoying as dealing with someone has depression. I've been there done that to, and think I'm gonna leave it on the shelf for a while though. You know, it's kind of ironic physically life has never been as bad as it is right now. Psychologically though I couldn't be better. Now don't get me wrong I'm not complaining because without my mind, I would never be able to deal with my body.
@chulce (1540)
• United States
9 Jan 09
Hi, My husband suffers from major depression, it is a genetic based depression, his mother has it, several other members of his family. I have been around it for a very long time, I have learned to understand it. There have been times that his depression has been so bad that I literally couldn't leave him alone at home. I would either have to force him to go with me to work or I would call in and explain to my boss what was going on. If I stayed home, I would have him lay down or do what ever and then check on him periodically, it has made life rough for us, but, understanding and knowing what to do are very important. He eventually was put on medication to help him. Recently, he was able to come off the medication and is now working a job that has helped him a great deal. Sure there are times that he gets a little down, then he thinks about what he is doing now and it helps. We are currently controlling his depression through diet and exercise. There are times when it doesn't always work. I have never found people with depression an annoyance. They are normal people just with different quirks. :)
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
11 Jan 09
Thank you for all that you do. People like you are rare.
1 person likes this
@Aurone (4758)
• United States
13 Jan 09
As someone with Chronic Depression, I have been told, "You don't have anything to be depressed about." And that just makes it worse. I hate it when people say that. Or it will get better. All that well meaning empty words nonsense that people spout when they don't want to deal with someone who has this disorder. I am really understanding of people with depression and other disorders. My soon to be ex husband (he left me) is bipolar and that is a difficult disorder to leave with, simple because they do interesting things like walking out on you one day for no real reason. Still, although I don't think I would marry someone with bipolar disorder again, I do have a couple of close friends with the disorder that I am very supportive to.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Exactly! Are you sure you're not me? My ex may have been bipolar too.
@Aurone (4758)
• United States
14 Jan 09
Its always nice to find someone who has gone through the same thing as you, isn't it.
• United States
22 Jan 09
It is really enlightning to read all of this! My husband is depressed and I just don't always know what I am supposed to do. I try to be supportive and just hope an episode will pass. Then when it doesn't I worry that I am letting him whither away. I always think I should try to "motivate" him to work. When I ask him what I should do, he doesn't really have an answer. Reading these responses I feel like, even though I wasn't saying get over yourself and deal with it, that is exactly what I was implying. I just don't know what to do? He has been the primary provider for us for so long. We have three young children. I stopped working full-time 8 years ago at his insistence. I know look back and see that part of his problem is wanting to make things perfect for everyone. Or what he assumes is perfect. In the time that I wasn't working and not paying attention to things, because I was busy with the kids (who were babies) he made a financial diaster of our lives. I take on as much responsibility as him because I was ignoring things. In my mind I am just as responsible. A lot of people have said they can't believe I haven't left him, but I just don't see it that way. Of course the financial problems along with having surgery (for an injury from being attacked at a football stadium by security guards for doing nothing) this past summer has sent him over the edge. He is self-employed and hasn't worked in months. Against his wished I took a part-time job while the kids are in school. My youngest started full-time Kindergarten this year. I also applied for state help for health insurance. I didn't care what he said. I need to know at the least I can put food on the table and take care of the medical needs of him and my children. He is constantly telling me he is going to fix everything and I didn't need to take such drastic measures. It is like he doesn't even see reality though? My truck has been reposessed. We are currently a month behind on the mortgage. And we have shut off notices for everything! I try not to harass him about this stuff and just pray that God will see us through this. I was ready to lose it this morning though. I told him I was angry and frustrated and then left for work. When I called and asked him if he called in his prescription and called his doctor he said no, but he would. He was driving around, because he didn't want to be home. I am glad I came on read this post, because I was planning on going home and telling him exactly how I felt. That I had enough and he needed to get over this hump! Instead I going to go home and tell him I love him and accept him no matter what! I know someday this will all be fine and I just have to look at the positives. What can I do to help him besides telling him I am there for him and understand, making sure he makes an appt with Dr. and making sure he takes his meds. I really have a need to do more?? Thanks.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
23 Jan 09
To me, it sounds like you are doing all that you can for your husband. I know how he feels at the fact of his depression, but there is also fact that he has a family and people who care and need him too. I don't want you to forget you are human too. I think it is good that you are doing all that you can and I really believe that you are despite of what your husband is saying. I think it is really important that there is communication there too. Have you suggested counceling for your husband? That can also put some pressure on some people. Maybe you guys can start a journal/ diary for each other, and write down the things that bother you in a very unoffensive way (always adding how much you love each other). I think it's important for him to take all the time he needs but also that you believe in him too. Thanks for all that you do and thanks for sharing your situation.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I would never support any one by telling them that they are going to snap out of something like sadness or depression. I think that the type of thing of depression needs to be taken a good look at and monitored in the right way as well. I like to be of help to those that might be suffering. It probably makes people feel better knowing that they have a good support system especially through familiy and friends. Take care.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Thanks for being a carer of others!
@besthope44 (12146)
• India
9 Oct 10
i feel i get refreshed after having my chocolates. And best remedy is Meditation, try breathing exercise, it will help you balance and handle depression.
@underdogtoo (9601)
• Philippines
16 Jan 09
I find depressed people annoying. Even myself, I find annoying when I am depressed. It is a disease which is difficult to treat because it is so seductive. Sadness is very enticing. It can lead to depression which is truly annoying.
@suegt31 (166)
• Australia
15 Jan 09
I am so sorry that you too have to suffer from depression. It's one of the worst things. I am on medication for it and i will be for the rest of my life. I still have really done periods. I really hate it when people say just snap out of it. These people have no idea what they are talking about. It's not something you can just turn on and off like a tap. It takes time and understanding. I find the people that know nothing about it are the annoyance. They just have no understanding of the condition. I do tend to hide it though, especially from those friends who have no understand. People with depression can be good at putting on a happy face, while underneath, they are falling appart. I really hope that you are feeling much better now. Taking one day at a time is helpful and really try not to be too hard on yourself. Remember it's a illness and not something you have any control over.