mothers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Canada
January 10, 2009 7:52pm CST
Do you ever have issues with them? I know most people do but i feel like my issues with mine happen so much more than regular people. It is getting to the point where I disike her. Now don't get me wrong I love her but her personality over the past 5 years just reaks. She used to love spendin time with her grandkids and now she will do everything possible to avoid having to spend time with them. If she doesn't want to go out somewhere with the kids she will drink alcohol. Due to financial reasons I am living with her. She begged me to move here to help her and it took alot for me to even do it and now everything I do is wrong. If I do anything good to do with the house or other things she doesn't see it she only sees the wrong things and the things I haven't done. She has never been the type to praise for things wel done ut it seems to have gotten worse and now my kids are having to deal with it. I have to get my butt in gear and move out because I don't know what will happen if I don't. She does have a history of hitting when she is drunk and she has done that to my sister 3 christmas's ago when my sister tried to stop my mother's bf from hitting our mom. Have you ever had to deal with this type of mother/mother in law?
2 people like this
6 responses
• India
12 Jan 09
I have issues with my mom to the point that I have stopped interacting with her except for the basic niceties. Similar to you, due to some problems, my son gets down at her place after school and so I get to meet her daily when I go to pick my son after office. Since the time I remember, she has never had one word of praise for any of my efforts. Whatever I did never met with her standards. She will help you out but only after grinding your nose to the ground for doing a worthless job and then she’ll step in to show how its done (according to her)…she was trying to do the same to my son. I would take none of it so I had a big showdown one day and threatened to put him in some crèche so that I would no longer have to take her sacrifices and guidance and redemption. I know exactly how you feel…I love her too and sometimes I remember my childhood days and moments when I clung to her bosom and her smell and her hugs and tears come to my eyes. I really don’t know why she is the way she is. I have seen so many moms totally appreciative of every tiny effort of their children…yet here I am!
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@messageme (2821)
• United States
11 Jan 09
That is sad to hear. I would get out of there as soon as you can. It is not good for your kids to see that. They may even resort to drinking when they get older because that is what they see. I hope to god they don't, but it doesn't sound like you mother is being a very good role model. If your mother has a bf why does she need your help? You have kids, you need to worry about them and you first. Granite she is your mother, but she is an adult and should take care of herself. I wish you the best of luck!!
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Jan 09
She needs my help because she kicked him out about a yr ago. They didn't speak for about 6 months but now she is at his place alot and says they are not together which is crap. They act like bf/gf. She claims its to get money out of him but she is lying to herself and to me. It drives me nuts. Her language is foul all the time around my kids. She will actually swear at them when she talks to them like they are adults or something. I am moving out asap I cannot deal with it anymore.
2 people like this
@messageme (2821)
• United States
11 Jan 09
Some people just never grow up, do they. And don't you hate it when they lie to your face like that....Does she really think your that stupid and would believe that that is the only reason she goes there...Duh, I hate people like that! Sorry she is your mom, but i just can't stand people like that.
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 Jan 09
Oh dont be sorry. She is the way she is and I see her in the same light as you do. I really think lately she has become a pathalogical liar.
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@suzzy3 (8357)
12 Jan 09
My mother was kind and caring although she did get a bit selfish later on in life,not bothered whether she saw my children or not,but she wanted her freedom and that is what she got,she has passed away now,but my goodness you poor thing.Move out and have a life for goodness sake,you are only there to subsidise her drinking maybe once you have your own place you might make a better relationship with her,drink does terrible things to people when taken daily and a lot of it.I strongly urge you to move out as you don't deserve to live a life like that and how on earth will you meet anyone if you have her dragging you down,My mum always encouraged us to get on with life ,get married have kids and be happy,and that is what I have done with my kids,love and cherish them and their children I find it hard to think of the abuse you are acccepting as normal.Maybe you could put her in touch with AA or some organisation who helps people with drink problems,Please don't think I am advocating deserting her,I am not ,but no one should be exposed to this abuse and that what is happening to you abused.you deserve better ,I always say that you cannot be responsible for someone elses life as they have the choices you have,just move out and try to get her some help,but it is up to her if she takes help or not,I have had this very conversation with my kids as their father is reliant on drink to survive and goodness they have tried to help them and they are thirty three and thirty but they have come to the conclusion they love their dad but it is up to him how he lives his life.Please take care of yourself,don't wait till you get belted like I did before you do anything.xx
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8357)
13 Jan 09
Iwill sleep better knowing this you and your daughter have suffered enough god bless you and take care.
1 person likes this
@tonniek02 (457)
• United States
11 Jan 09
Sorry to hear that your mother has become this way. It doesn't sound like a good enviroment for the children. Children will memick what they see and hear, and if you keep them in that kind of household, it will cause you more problems as they age. You need to do what is best for the kid. If your mother has just started acting this way, maybe there is something wrong, such as medical or depression. That may be treated. But, you need to put your children first above anything else. Even if it means upsetting your mother. Sometime, when someone is so down on themselves they only see the wrong. There is nothing you can do to please them. I know, My husband is that way. I can do nothing right. And he never says how good something looks, not even me. As far as my mother we get along real good. But I also live in the med west and she lives in CA. I talk to her quite often. But haven't seen her in meny years. Good luck with your problem, and just sit down and look into the eyes of your children. That will tell you what to do, fallow your heart. God bless you and be safe
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Jan 09
I know exactly what is wrong and it is partly depression and the pther part is that she will not leave her abusive boyfriend. And I plan on moving out ASAP now that she is basically saying things have only gotten worse since my kids and I move back here to HELP HER. I can't put up with all the crap anymore and I probably will not be speakin with her until she does something to change her life.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 09
Well, you have to take care of yourself and your kids. After all, you can't help someone who won't help themselves. And until she realizes that she had drove her family away there is nothing you can do.. Just do right by your own kids. Love them and protect them... Sometimes people won't change until they fall...Just let your mother know your feeling and let her know as long as her boyfriend is in the picture, you can't have that cr@p around your children. And you can't love someone that doesn't want to be loved..
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@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Jan 09
I have been there before too with my mom. We had not spoke for a few years until here recently. I love my mom too but we had issues to deal with. Things are better now for us.
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@riyasam (16578)
• India
11 Jan 09
my mother doesnot drink and she is quite good with my kids but one thing which really bothers me is,when she says she has a weak heart or she has some other disease and she doesnt agree to go for checkup also.........i donot know why she does so
1 person likes this