To Enhance Your Social Life Would You (Especially If Female) Go To A Pub Alone?

@ellie333 (21029)
January 11, 2009 1:41pm CST
I have many friends but most live a few hours away in the town I originate from, I have lived in the town I live now for a while but as an older single mother I find the older mums at the school are in relationships and the mums of the children my son plays with are as young as my eldest daughter, my neighbours is lovely and I get on really well but also married and married guys don't like their wives out with single women which is understandable, so on Friday I thought nothing ventured, nothing gained and took myself off downtown. I met some lovely people and women my age out on a birthday evening who said for me to join them. They all thought I was really brave and I have exchanged a lot of numbers. I had a really enjoyable evening. So would you go out alone? Do you think I was brave as these women said? Huggles. Ellie :D
6 people like this
37 responses
@gemini_rose (16194)
12 Jan 09
I would yes if I had too. Many years ago before I got married I always went out to the pubs alone and then I would just find people to talk too while out. It is a brave thing to do yes, because taking that step is really hard, I remember one time I walked around the pub about five times before plucking the courage up to actually go inside it lol, once a few drinks are had its cool anyway!!
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Gemini, Well done you for doing the same, I took a big deep breath and then entered and once in I was fine and the people were really friendly it was just taking that first step really. Huggles. Ellie :D
@avidwhit (1492)
• Mexico
12 Jan 09
Hola Ellie, This depends on the pub. I generally am not comfortable in most all pubs bars cantinas nightclubs etc I have been to, And not for anything gender related reasons, mostly atmostfear and the typeand attitude of the people. Everyone is a bit different though. You can always think church functions stores cyber malls etc. Sure wish we where where closer I also enjoy the chance to socialize and even more so in english. Stay warm and take care! Avid Amikin Whit.
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@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
HI David, This pub is more of a social place rather than drinking venue if that makes sense and I make sure I had transport to and from. I haven't been to church for a while now and when I did go there were not very many people in my age group. Yes a shame we are not closer. My daughter enjoyed her stay in Mexico, she got back last week stayed in Cancun I think she said. Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@avidwhit (1492)
• Mexico
12 Jan 09
Sounds like a nice place. I know what you mean about some churches and age groups. Really I know nothing of the churches there. I thinkk as long as you have a for sure reliable ride home and dont take rides from strangers you will be just fine. Cancun is across the sea of cortez about 18 hours by ferri about due west of here. It being on the Baja is 2 times as much for living costs and for having small local populations gets tons of turism. Happy to hear they enjoyed there travel? Whats better for them New York or Mexico not that they are remotely similar? Take good care!
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@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
I think returning to England from Mexico was a bit more of a weather shock as it was freezing here but they love both. Huggles. Ellie :D
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@ElicBxn (59952)
• United States
11 Jan 09
Yes I do! I don't drink or smoke so bars don't hold any interest for me, they are just loud smelly places with too many drunks. Of course, this is the states and we don't have the neighborhood pub like you do, they tell me there are neighborhood bars, but they just aren't the kind of place I like. I'd rather hang out at home on the computer.
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@ellie333 (21029)
11 Jan 09
Hi Elic, It is slightly different in the UK and there is no smoking at all inside. I met some really lovely people and had a few dances too and a really enjoyable evening. I was a bit nervous to begin with though I must admit. Huggles. Ellie :D
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@ElicBxn (59952)
• United States
11 Jan 09
That mustta changed recently, because it seemed to me that everyone smoked where ever when I was there in 03.
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@ellie333 (21029)
11 Jan 09
I think it has been the last couple of years that there is a complete smoking ban in all public areas here.
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@UK_Shree (3604)
12 Jan 09
Hey, I think you did a brilliant thing and yes it was very brave of you. I think there are few people (and especially women) that would be comfortable about going out to the pub on their own. I am so glad that you had a good time, and even made new friends! I probably wouldn't go out to the pub on my own mainly because I'm not really into going to the pub anyway. But I don't know if I would go somewhere social on my own that I do enjoy. I guess sometimes it really is good to put yourself out there and step out of your comfort zone.
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@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi UK_Shree, I went out a bit nervous but in my head thought if I felt uncomfortable I could always come away again and grab a take out on the way home but nothing ventured, nothing gained and it worked really well and am meeting up for a coffee during the day with one of the woman later in the week. Thank you for you support. Huggles. Ellie :D
@UK_Shree (3604)
13 Jan 09
Hello again, I am really pleased for you. Hope you have found new long-lasting friendships
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@Darkwing (21590)
12 Jan 09
I have no qualms with going into pubs alone. I often do it and have done for many years... I don't feel I'm "brave" in doing so, but then, I worked for many, many years as a barmaid. Then again, I think you have, and you get to know the type of clientelle to steer clear of! lol. No, I wouldn't give it a second thought, and I've made a lot of friends and acquaintances through doing so. I think the villagers around here would wonder if I was ill if I ceased to go to the pub alone. As for pubs that are further afield, I don't have any qualms with entering those either... like when I'm away on holiday... but the closer ones are widely spread, and as you know, I don't drive, so in the absence of evening buses, I'm normally in company when I go to them. Brightest Blessings, and well done my friend! It's good to get out and break with routine sometimes. xx
@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Darkwing, Yes we know the types to avoid LOL. I also took a taxi to and from so wasn't out alone as such just within the pub and I had a wonderful evening. We are a pretty sociable pair so I can imagine you going in alone also. Huggles. Ellie :D xx
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@Darkwing (21590)
12 Jan 09
Yes, we are, and I think we share a similar interest in different people. I'm not averse to chatting with somebody I don't know and indeed, taking the lead. I know from experience when I was down with you, that you're the same. :)
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@polachicago (19143)
• United States
11 Jan 09
I may go to the restaurant by myself, but not tho the pub... Going to the pub is like introducing myself to dating and I don't think I would like to do it. Even if I want to date, pub wouldn't be the best place to find good guys. I wouldn't go to the pub for drink, because I don't drink at all.
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@ellie333 (21029)
11 Jan 09
Hi Polachicago, Perhaps pubs are slightly different in the UK as they are not pick up places as such but more social bars, the one I went to had a live band and I danced a fair bit too. I just went out to try to broaden my local social circle which I did manage to do. Huggles. Ellie :D
@polachicago (19143)
• United States
11 Jan 09
you are right...I wouldn't mind to go for the concert...most bars and pubs in here are for guys to go for drink...single female who is not drinking and alone is looking for trouble... I love places with live concerts...
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@sunshine4 (8710)
• United States
11 Jan 09
I admire you ellie. I would never go out to a pub on my own. Even when I meet a girlfried out for the evening, we always meet in the parking lot because we don't like to walk into the bar on our own. It is great that you did this and met some new friends that you can continue to hang out with. You made the right decision for sure.
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@ellie333 (21029)
11 Jan 09
Hi Sunshine4, Thank you, I was very nervous but knew I had to make an effort and it was great. I am meeting up for coffee with one of the girls on Wednesday so my social circle locally is expanding already. Huggles. Ellie :D
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
This is exactly what I do with my friends too. Again, Congrats Ellie! I wanna be able to do that before I die, you've now given me a new goal in life. I want to have the absolute confidence and self esteem in who im walk into a bar alone! Thanks for the inspiration
1 person likes this
@trm820 (222)
• United States
11 Jan 09
Yes I do believe that you were brave. That is something I would not ever do. Heck I don't even go to places like that. -lol- I am way too shy to do something like that. However, it seems you have made some friends, so this is rather good. Happy Mylotting.
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@ellie333 (21029)
11 Jan 09
Hi Trm820, Well I thought if I don't make an effort to go out, the people won't come to me eh! I am meeting one of the girls for a coffee on Wednesday and another has a son that goes to my sons school so yes I have met a few new people. Huggles. Ellie :D
@trm820 (222)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Hello there. Yes that is true; you do have to make the effort. However, with one as shy as I am, that is quite hard to do. -lol- That is good. I do hope that you enjoy your coffee with her. -smiles- Ah well see you found one who also has a son, this too is quite good. -hugs-
1 person likes this
@PearlGrace (3172)
• United States
24 Jan 09
Ellie, I think you were quite brave to go out alone. Plus, that is so great that you made some new friends and may have some people to hang out with from time to time. I don't think I would go out in the evening alone, but I'm not sure. Now, I would go to the local bookstore, which stays open really late. People meet and congregate there, so I'd be comfortable with that. Anyway, I think that was a cool thing to do and it sounds like it really paid off. Have fun and be safe.
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@ellie333 (21029)
26 Jan 09
Hi PearlGrace, There isn't anything like a bookstore here in this town so the social events do seem to be based around the pubs but now I have met these people we can go for coffee during the day or have a bite to eat instead. Huggles. Ellie :D
@guybrush (4662)
• Australia
17 Jan 09
I'm a bit shy about things like this - so I doubt I'd do it. When I was working, I'd even be a bit embarrassed about having lunch in a cafe by myself - but after a while I worked out if I took a book with me, I could bury my head in that and (like an ostrich with its head in the sand) I kind of felt nobody was looking at me! It's very brave to go out alone - so good on you for having the nerve - and I hope you meet lots of lovely new friends so you'll have plenty of company to go out with in future!
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@ellie333 (21029)
17 Jan 09
Hi Guybrush, I am quite an outgoing person so I guess it was easy for me in a way but I did take a bit deep breath before I walked in but it wasn't long before I felt comfortable and had joined a group celebrating a 40th birthday. It now means in future if I fancy going out I have some people I can go out with, not that I will often but needed to make the effort to meet local people really. Huggles. Ellie :D
@ronaldinu (12454)
• Malta
16 Jan 09
Hi Ellie I think you are a really brave women. I am not the type of guy that I would go somewhere on my own without going with one friend at least. I would find it hard if I was single to into a bar and meet new people for the first time. It is ok to mix up after that I am inroduced but I would find it hard to take the firs step. However If I am pressed and living on my own I think I would do it.
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@ellie333 (21029)
17 Jan 09
Hi Ronaldinu, Well I am pleased that I did make the effort as now if I fancy going out I can call up a few people to see if they are going out and meet up or know that I can walk in and see familar faces, not that I go out often but it is nice to know I won't be alone in future. Huggles. Ellie :D
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Jan 09
Yes you are brave, I have never gone anywhere except to a social group alone. I only went to see a movie once alone, and I would be too afraid and too bored to go to a pub alone.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
13 Jan 09
Hi Winterose, I wasn't alone for long and did have a wonderful time. I have never been to the movies alone so well done you. Huggles. Ellie :D
• Canada
12 Jan 09
I might if I was single and new a good one. I am a married woman and we are having a hard time find people to hang out with. We find most couples our age...even though they have children, are still partiers...we are late 20's and have 3 children so it is hard to find people to hang out with. If I was single I might venture out on my own but I'm not too sure...I'm kind of a shy girl!!!
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Mag_keizer, I hadn't thought that couples would find a similar problem but I guess they can, I know that if I had 3 children in my late 20's I wouldn't have the energy for partying either but it would be nice to have a couple come round for a meal and maybe play a board game or something. Thanks for sharing this. Huggles. Ellie :D
@kprofgames (3021)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I think it's a very brave thing to do. By being okay and okay with your own company, it shows people that you know who you are and are a confident person. In all honesty, people usually hone in on them because they feel more secure with a person who is sure of themselves. There will be a few out there that get the wrong picture or ideas, but I don't see anything wrong with a group of friends going out together. Married or not. A lot of the times when you enter a place you know the difference between the people looking for some action and those just enjoying themselves. So, ya, I go it alone. I don't have any problems with it an I met a lot of people, brush off a few but over all it's just having a good time. There aren't any rules out there that you have to go anywhere in 2's so I say live it up.
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@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Kprofgames, I agree you can usually tell which people are there for the action, the people that were drawn to me were genuine people out having fun for a birthday occasion and were more than happy to invite me to join them and we had a great time. Thank you for your words of support. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Huggles. Ellie :D
@artaucan (97)
• United States
12 Jan 09
There is nothing wrong with going to a bar alone, I know that most people think these are pick up places and that you could never find someone worthy, but these are all misconceptions, I have plenty of stories of people who have met in the so called "wrong" places and are living happily, love is unpredictable and you can find it when and where you least expect it.
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@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Artaucan, Welcome to myLot and thank you for your encouragement. I am so pleased I did go out and had a very enjoyable evening. I was nervous but once out was fine with it. Huggles. Ellie :D
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I think you did the right thing, to get out to meet new people. The pub you went to sounds like a nice place for friendly people to meet each other. Being somewhat shy myself, I think anytime someone goes out anywhere to meet new people is a brave thing. Being a single mother is no reason not to have friends that you are compatible with. I'm leaving out the word 'older' on purpose. Age is relative...lol. Congratulations on taking the steps to make your life more fulfilling. If you are happier, all aspects of your life improve...including parenting.
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@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Catdla, Ah thanks for missing the age bit out, I agree it is relative. I am so pleased that I made the effort and will be meeting up with one of the ladies for coffee later in the week. I knew people wouldn't come knocking so I had to make the effort myself really and so pleased I did. Huggles. Ellie :D
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@cynthiann (18572)
• Jamaica
12 Jan 09
Yes, you are brave to have gone out on your own. and look what happened? You met new friends that you can link up with again. When you are widowed (as I am) you fond out who your real friends are as you are no longet invited out etc. When I did go out it was strange to enter a room and chat with people n-even though I knew most of them. Really odd to get used to. Now, I can do it o.k but I do miss him on ocassions like this. You have to make a life for yourself and to do so you have to be brave. Well done! I hope that these new friends can become close to yo and more outings can be arranged. Blessings
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@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Cynthiann, When signle or widowed you are looked upon differently by some I agree. I should imagine you miss your husband very much and occasions like this do make it worse I agree. Thanks for saying I was brave, I am meetin up with one of them again later in the week for coffee so like I said nothing ventured, nothing gained eh! Huggles. Ellie :D
@us2owls (1681)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Well done Ellie. I grew up in England but I have never gone into a pub alone because I always thought the men in there would think I was out on the prowl trying to pick someone up. I live in the USA and will not go into a bar there on my own unless it is to meet one of my family that I know is already in there. My husband is English and we go to the pub together either just the two of us or to meet friends. I admire you and I hope that you make many friends of both sexes and enjoy yourself.
@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Us2owls, Thank you I was nervous but once I was there I was fine and the people were very welcoming. I did take the precaution of booking a taxi to and from there though for safety and am so pleased I went. At least if I go out another time I will know some familar faces and can phone a phone people to see if they are also out. Huggles. Ellie :D
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
12 Jan 09
i wouldn't actually... i don't like pub and in fact, i never step my foot into one before... i think i am just too scared and already have a bad impression about pubs... anyway, good on you for being able to make friends and daring to go to a pub alone... take care and have a nice day...
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@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Lingli, English pubs are fine, I suppose it depends on what type of one you go to also. I am pleased I did go and had a lot of fun too. Huggles. Ellie :D
@scorpio19 (1363)
12 Jan 09
Hi Ellie, I do think your very brave but also well done for doing that, like you say nothing ventured, nothing gained been a single parent myself, I may just do the same myself this Friday evening..lol
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@ellie333 (21029)
12 Jan 09
Hi Scorpio, I was nervous but at the same time knew I had to get out to meet people rather than wait for them to come to me, which is just not going to happen and the people I met aren't usual pub goers but were out for an occasion and will meet them again for a coffee and to get to know more. You go for it! Let me know how your Friday goes. Huggles. Ellie :D