Is spanking a child an appropriate form of discipline?

Parent spanking a child - Is parenting an appropriate form of discipline?
@wheel416 (1019)
Canada
January 11, 2009 3:56pm CST
I do not want to go into too much detail about my own opinion, because I do not want to slant the opening of this discussion in any way. I have friends and family members who use spanking as part of their discipline for their children, and I also have friends and family who discipline in other ways. What is your personal opinion? Please tell me why you think it is or is not an appropriate form of disciplining children? No matter which side of this debate you come down on, your thoughts and comments are always appreciated.
4 people like this
29 responses
• United States
11 Jan 09
this is a really hard one, when I was little I used to get spanking, but we didn't call it spanking we called them getting a whipping. I think because I was raised up with getting spankings from my parents I also whipped my kids when I thought that they needed one. Now that I'm older and my kids are grown I can see that all your doing when your spanking your kids is teaching them to do the same thing. Looking back if I could do it all over again I don't think I would spank them, I think are better ways that you can discipline a child besides hitting them.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
11 Jan 09
Interesting, I would be interested in knowing why you would do it differently today? I realize that I know nothing about your personal situation and if this is crossing the line please accept my apologies. Would you mind telling me why you would not do the same thing you did when you raised your own children? Or to put it another why do you believe that there are other "better ways that you can discipline a child besides hitting them."? Again I don't want to get too personal, and I certainly appreciate your response. Happy Mylotting
• United States
12 Jan 09
Sorry it took so long for me to get back, I just signed back on. the reason I feel the way that I do now is because I think it takes a little away from the persons self asteem as well as creating a fear in them. I also believe that a child will learn how to lie because of spanking to. what I'm talking about is, when a child gets a spanking for everything that you think they do wrong,they can become sneeky and lie to keep from getting a spanking. Don't get me wrong, sometimes kids do things that they know are wrong but they do it anyway,you try everything that you can to try to let them know that its wrong without spanking them but they turn around and do the same thing again. Well Yes then I think they need a spanking.
@Arkie69 (2156)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I didn't fear my parents for whipping me. Instead I respected them very much. This also helped me to respect others outside our home. This is one of the most important things we are not growing in our kids now. They don't respect themselves or anyone around them. They think they can do anything they want to and get away with it. And usually do. This is not the way we should be raising our future world leaders. Being a parent isn't easy and everyone isn't cut out for it. The first thing any parent has got to do is be smarter than their child. If they are not then they are both in for a lot of pain. Different kids require different kinds of guidance. They don't come, one size fits all. Back then girls didn't require as much attention as boys did. Us boys could, and did, get out and get into a lot of things we shouldn't have. Art
1 person likes this
@Arkie69 (2156)
• United States
11 Jan 09
Never spank with your hand. It is too easy to hurt a small child. Also if you spank a child with your hand the child will hold it against you. A 12 inch wood ruler or one of the short plastic fly swats is all you need to get the point across to the child and you won't hurt them. Never hit a child with anything on the bare skin or would make a mark and DHS may get all over you if the wrong one sees it. Art
2 people like this
• United States
12 Jan 09
Today there are ways of reasoning with children, for the most part... Unfortunately the ways of the old school do come through loud and clear especially when ignorance rears its ugly head. It is sad that we have to be the way we are as taught to us by our parents and the church. Spare the rod and spoil the child, A fathers love is felt in his hand both filled with compassion and the strong sting of steel. Applying the lesson of love to the seat of knowledge certainly can be a theme for some families. How about putting your hand in the hand of the man who leads his family with love and guidance?
@Arkie69 (2156)
• United States
12 Jan 09
My mother was a pro at inflicting pain on a kids but. She put it on me every time I needed it which was pretty often. I still missed a few that I should have gotten. However there was never a minute in my life that I didn't know my Mother loved me dearly with all her heart. And I felt the same way about her. The whippings she gave me made a better person out of me. A child must have something to reflect back on when they are not with Mom and Dad. Many a time I have started to do something and it would go through my mind if I did it and Mom found out about it I would get it. It stopped me from doing a lot of things that I saw the unruly kids doing. It made me a much better child in school and in the home. You don't have to abuse a child to control them both while they are with you and away from you. There is nothing wrong with a little pain applied in the right place if it is done with real love. Mom's methods may not have been perfect but she could have done a lot worse. If that had been the case then she and I both would have suffered for it. You can't expect a child to think like an adult and that is exactly what most parents are trying to do with their kids now. The really sad part of it is the fact that many of our young people suffer and some even die for the simple reason we didn't do our jobs right in the home as parents. Art
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
I think I started this discussion by saying that I had a family and friends on both sides of this debate, and from what I can see, both families have equally happy and well adjusted children. So, I can't point to spanking as being a positive or negative, it's neutral in this instance. I think one of the reasons that this is such a difficult topic to discuss is that people interchange the terms discipline and abuse, and because each of these terms mean different things to different people, this is where our communication breaks down. Art makes the point that although his mother was tough, he knew that he was loved. Perhaps that is what we're missing today, the teaching of the morals and values that comes after the spanking or the discipline. I think that that is area we can all agree on, we want our children to grow up to be a contributing member of society. Thank you all for your comments.
• United States
12 Jan 09
hi. i have a hard time with this one and if i get long winded i am sorry. my husband and i dont agree when it comes to dicipline. he believes in spanking and i do not. although i have to admit to that i have spanked my child. he is two. my husband and i fight over this often. i cant stand to hear a child cry especially my own. i believe that there are other ways to dicipline a child tho lord knows i have not acomplished what it is. It seems nothing i do works. if i take a toy or tv time or whatever it just makes matters worse and i cant stand the cring. ill admit that i only spank or hit cause that is really what spanking is when i get to the point im mad. i shouldnt do that. i do not abuse my child in anyway. i do yell alot because talking in a soft demanding manner dont work. everyone is against me i tell my family and inlaws that they are not to spank him and it ends up in arguement. my child is very loved by all my family and friends but the thought of someone spanking him really ticks me off. even when my husband does it. which he only does when im not around. i dont know but i think that spanking in the wrong way can lead to abuse and certainly i dont want that for any child. so to spank or not to spank is really hard for me. i do sometimes but only if nothing else works and even then i feel like a crappy parent when i do. i think it just depends on how it is carried out and the age. i think maybe 5 or 6 is old enough for a little spat on the backside but certainly not with any object like a member suggested below me. I would never use switches belts paddles flyswats rulers or whatever i think thats taking it too far. great discussion tho. i told you i was gonna be long winded. i probley didnt answer your question either. so sorry.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
Don't apologize! That is exactly what I wanted this discussion to be, is an open and honest discussion about the issue instead of pointing fingers at one another. You bring up a very valid point, the fact that you and your husband cannot even agree in your own home illustrates just how complicated a question this really is. If the truth be told, I don't believe that there is any one right or wrong answer to this question. I think that every family is different, and every child is different and that the best person to decide what is best for their children, are the ones with that child day after day. I thank you very much for being so open and honest about the fact that even you and your partner cannot agree on what is appropriate and inappropriate.
1 person likes this
@Arkie69 (2156)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Ethansmommy. If other forms of correction work with your child I would be the first to tell you to not spank. I would never spank a child with my hand. Your hand is much too heavy to strike a child with it in any manner. I suggested using the ruler or fly swat because you couldn't really hurt a child with either even if you tried. Kids are tough but a Dad with a big heavy hand can easily hurt a child badly. Even accidentally it is easy to do. I would never hit a child with my hand and never spank on bare skin. Use something light that will easily stop when it contacts the child. Your hand is too heavy and will follow through too much after it contacts the child. A child's spine and hips doesn't need to be jerked that way and it can cause serious damage. Also never spank a child when you are mad. The ritual you go through before a spanking is a lot more effective than the spanking it's self. My Mom was a pro at that one. If we were away from home and I didn't something I shouldn't mom would tell me, "boy I get you home I am going to give you a whipping". I can still hear her say it. You can be sure I was the best boy in the country until we got back home. It never saved me though. The actual whipping was never that bad but that period of time before I got home taught me more and made more of an impression on me than the whipping. It seemed that ever time I needed a whipping Mom was always busy and had to finish something before I got the whipping. The few minutes I was waiting for the whipping was the real teacher, not the actual whipping. If you can get other methods to work by all means use them. With some kids spanking them would be the worst thing you could do.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Jan 09
Let's take this in another direction, Ethansmommy has a great point... Let us say that someone else is watching your child or you are watching someone else's child. You certainly don't want other people spanking your child and you wouldn't spank another person's child. What would you do if anther person's child was doing something wrong? This was the foundation for my own enlightenment which then led me to being betrayed... I realized that you can reach a child who is acting out, there are ways to make a difficult child happy, but a lot begins inside the house of the parent if the home has no structure the child will not have any structure and that leads to more difficulties. As a rule if you treat your child with the respect you expect to be treated with then you will acquire the desired results that you are looking for. An example would be that two moms are talking and the boys are playing and getting out of hand, the youngest boy gets mad and starts to kick furniture. I stop the youngest boy from causing harm to the community property and as I go to pick up the little one to explain and comfort the out of control child my actions are interpreted that I was going to discipline the child with a spanking. No one cared about the actions or behaviors of the child but my jumping in to be involved had me answering to the higher authorities about what I was trying to do. The distracted mother later apologized for assuming I was doing something in appropriate but it was her distraction that led to the problem in the first place. If I'm in a conversation but I have a feeling that my child is acting out inappropriately, I will first correct my child and then finish my conversation. Too many times the conversations are only half complete and the wrong conclusion is drawn but that is for a lack of time on both my part and the part of the person to whom I am speaking with. The important part is to make sure the children are behaved. Too often my former spouse and children would interrupt an important conversation that would have helped another person and I would get called away before the help that I was giving or going to give would be given because there was jealousy being manifest in the heart of my former spouse and she would pass that trait on to our children. Sure I talk a lot but what is the purpose of my discussion? To help others? I am also patient and helpful and watchful, I don't have to be the center of attention, but it seams that I need to step in either to offer advice or to observe and help while others are distracted. Then my family gets upset when I'm doing the responsible thing making sure that all things are done for all. I don't try to grade conversations and interrupt the flow when someone has something weighing heavy on their hearts I like to show that I care and I'm willing to share. My former spouse and children have another view and often times were rushing for no reason at all, we had no money to do anything, we would go home together and alone with no plans because we lived in poverty... We had food and a roof over our heads and we were better off than a lot of people in the world or so we were led to believe. I was broke then, it would only get worse... I thought life was better but now the pendulum swings once again in the direction of depravity. Financial losses could strip away any shred of fabric that I cling to. As living becomes more difficult with less and less to live for or show for my efforts. I'm in a broken condition taking life one day at a time and hoping that I will be able to make it through this week, month and year. I don't know if I have enough... My losses have been huge and respect was the one whittled away with little chips and dings totally unsuspecting and many times I didn't even feel or notice that I was being cut up. Now I look back and see with clear vision. I would love to see other people develop good support for their children and families. I would like to see the generational curses broken.
• United States
11 Jan 09
Violence can beget violence, and that's certainly not the goal. With my kids, "the look" was always enough. Once in a great while, grounding or taking away a favorite thing became necessary, but very seldom. I think we can't necessarily make kids turn out as we wish, but we can certainly try. My own kids grew up in a respectful and well-behaved household, and that's how they turned out. I certainly can't swear it works every time; a bad apple can be found in any bag. Fortunately, it didn't happen in our house.
2 people like this
@Arkie69 (2156)
• United States
12 Jan 09
You are exactly correct. We must remember the kids are a direct reflection of the parents that raise them. Monkey see, monkey do, it's that simple. We were taught to mind our parents at an early age. By the time I started school I very seldom require physical correction. Mom had already taught me it was much easier if I went on and did what I was told. A lot of how you need to correct your kids depends on how you treat your kids. In most cases a child will give you back exactly what they get from your. You can't scream at the top of your voice at a kid and not expect them to not scream back at you. Be firm with a child even if it means a spanking now and then but do it in a quiet loving home with all members respecting each other. The odds are pretty good your kids will have a quiet loving home of their own one day raising their own kids right. Bad parents make bad kids, not spankings. Art
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
In a word, RESPECT comes to mind. I think this is what we're all trying to teach children wouldn't you agree?
@Arkie69 (2156)
• United States
12 Jan 09
You bet I agree. If you are a little smarter than the kid you can teach them to respect you without teaching them to fear you. There is no room in any family for fear of any kind. You can never get too much love and respect for your kids in a family. Art
• United States
12 Jan 09
I was spanked for talking to my sister instead of sleeping. Nice way to be put to bed so I know the feel of a belt, or other forms of abuse. I began raising my children with strict rules, but my daughter was and is quite the sweetheart, once in a while she gets ignorant but as a rule she was easy for me to communicate with. When we couldn't communicate her life became a nightmare, as it is again. My son, I tried spanking him and realized that it was not necessary, he is so sensitive that I could reason with him at the appropriate age, again since I am not allowed near my children since my wife has convinced my children that I am a monster there is no reasoning with any of them, there is no communication and I hate to wonder what they will be when they grow up with out their fathers influence as so many children will rebel especially when they figure out the truth. I see a bad karma in the future, for the children that will not be bound by any rules those are the children that are bound for destruction and there is nothing I can do to stop the certain train wreck... This topic really hurts my mind... It cuts deep into my soul... I can see the ugly future and no one is there to help me fix it, I have to watch the pain of a spouse out of control, destroying the lives of our children. I've been watching this train wreck happening for years... It is sad to be mocked in front of your children and the children don't understand the brainwashing that they receive and then to see the emotional abuse and the physical abuse, knowing that the whole time I was getting blamed for every outburst, it was all projected and placed upon me to be the bad guy... Now the children are being taught to lie, as though lying is a good thing and this is all being done even though complaints have been made and filed with the court system. It is all being permitted by the courts! There is a trail of evidence and the judiciary is turning a blind eye, there is no help for me to expose this non-sense. I made some mistakes, I was abused... My wife was abused even worse, where do you think she learned her parenting skills? She is so mixed up and being guided in so many wrong directions to hate her husband and abuse her children and separating us with lies and using medications on the children in order to inflict even more emotional pain upon me... There is no reasoning with a zombie she won't listen to reason, her ears are deaf and her eyes are closed, (glazed over) there is no working mind, she is a robot following the instructions of any authority that she can be directed by other than the partnership that she agreed to make a contract with. This is a very sensitive subject, you don't have to hit your children to be abusive there are so many other ways to abuse children. The worst part is the lack of training and communication, keeping secrets and teaching children to lie. That is what my children have learned that it is legal and expected that they should lie. I think they are getting good at it also... Ask the police...
1 person likes this
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
Hi Gary, I just read your response, and quite frankly I'm speechless.... I do not know what to say. It seems that any words I could put on this page would be empty and inadequate, but words are all I have, so please excuse the limitations of my vocabulary. I do not know what to say, and so I will speak from the heart. My heart can feel your hurt, and your very raw human emotion. The knowledge of the why's of the universe are well beyond me. All I can offer you, is my basic belief that there is a greater purpose to suffering, although, I readily admit it is beyond my comprehension why some things occur. You'll be in my thoughts as we both continue on our journey in this thing called life. Remember you're not alone, and despite our many differences, underneath we are all more alike than different. Take care, Gary, and may you find peace and happiness on your journey.
• United States
13 Jan 09
Yep, you hit a nerve for me but I see this as a good thing, I have more to share but not today, I've an early start for the day tomorrow, you'll have to come back tomorrow for additional thoughts... Until them may peace fill your heart as the world keeps spinning, We keep dreaming, And life goes on, living alive...
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jan 09
I'm going to add that listening to Radio Times yesterday I was so offended that a child, a writer, a doctor would advocate lying even little white lies... It was advocated that the mother lie to her husband who was suffering from Dementia and or Alzheimer disorder. It is very similar to my soon to be EX-wife using the Health Care industry to violate me as a former husband and father the provider of finances for services that I am not allowed to be a part of and being left speechless is like being silenced by the lies of the people that work with my EX-spouse and having the police tell me that when I come to visit my children I am trespassing because they were called and my speechless wife could not even give me the courtesy and respect to communicate to me anything, to my face. I blame the health care system for setting this infliction of pain upon me and my family encouraging more lies and not contacting me to get the whole story. So they expect me to pay $1,250.00 dollars in co-pay for treatment of my daughter for services that I am not apprised of and if I go near this clinic could I once again become the victim of abuse of my former wife and her lies? Is this another attempt to commit me? It was 7 years ago that they tried to lure me to a facility from which I would not be free to leave, is this also not another trap? I should pay for services that I am not a part of because the doctors will not communicate with me and have ordered that all communications with my immediate family and me should cease... I'm the victim of another lie, and this one more diabolical than the last... It is really sad that being the witness to an accident and being charged with a fine of $200.00 has now lead to my company paying a $1,250.00 co-pay for secret services designed to hurt me... Talk about negative energy... Karma It will go around and around, and when will it stop? Will the pain stop when the truth is finally exposed? Is it really better to tell even a little lie? Have we forgotten the story of Peter yelling wolf even a little lie causes someone to cry in the end? As for a spanking, when there is pain and suffering to others including possible and or damage to property it would be appropriate to teach children to love and respect that of others. I think (Arkie Art) is on to something in his replies. Especially that good parents raise good children. We know how to apply the right pressure for acquiring respect with out lying to our children and this requires that our spouse does not lie about or to us. We have to work together as a team always being honest with each other. Think about it...
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 09
I have three children living with me, grandchildren but they are more like children in nature. Ages 6, 5, and 15 months. I use different forms of discipline on all three. A spanking rarely works on the oldest one, but I do use it on occasion. It gets his attention when I do. Otherwise, he is usually very easy to talk to, though lately that isn't so. They go in stages it seems. The middle child is a girl and spanking works on her like a charm if not done to excess. Though often it is more effective to put her in a corner and make her stand there. We've actually had her in bed for half a day because she refused to listen. But when I break out the 12 inch wooden spoon she knows I mean business and she does what she is told. The 15 month old is too small to be spanked but I've started slapping his hand when he gets into stuff (which is very often now). I can tell when he's getting tired. Then we'll put him to bed for a nap. He doesn't understand the corner, but we've started putting him there. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that isn't going to work for him when he gets older because he will now go and stand in the corner on his own for no reason. Bottom line, it depends on their age and temperament. I treat them all differently based on the circumstances and their personalities.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
Hi there and welcome to Mylot First of all, let me just say what an amazing person you must be to raise your own family and then bring your grandchildren in to do it all again. As you have rightly pointed out, children are all individuals and have different personalities. What worked for one may not work for another and the only one who can judge the correct discipline for a child, will be the person who is with the child on a daily basis. Except in extreme situations of course, but we're talking about discipline here not abuse, which are two very different things. A thank you so much for your response, and happy Mylotting!
• United States
12 Jan 09
wheel416, thanks for the welcome. I'm not that amazing. The first three were my wife's from a previous marriage. I just came along in time to catch the grandkids before their mother ruined them. I've been in their lives since the oldest was 6 months so I'm their only real male influence. I think it makes a difference.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
I agree with you I think it makes a difference too. Take care and happy Mylotting!
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
11 Jan 09
I do believe in spanking as a form of discipline. But it also depends on the age of the child and should only be used as a last resort. Other types of discipline should be used first. Sometime a spanking needs to be used to get a child's attention. It should not be used on an infant but a slight swat is appropriate for a toddler that continues to do what he is told not to do. I do not believe that spanking teaches children to hit if done right. If a child continues to reach for some that he is told not to get into then a slap on the hand is called for. When a child reaches the age that they can be reasoned with then spanking should be stopped.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
11 Jan 09
What age do you think is inappropriate to spank a child you said "When a child reaches the age that they can be reasoned with then spanking should be stopped." I realize that every child is different and that note child develops of the same speed, but what ages were you thinking about? Were you thinking of a six year old? Or a 12 year old?
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@deebomb (15322)
• United States
12 Jan 09
it depend on the child what age you can reason with them but defiantly by the age of 12 should be an age when spanking should stop. i thin I stopped when my kinds hit about 10.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
Yes, I think that I would draw the line somewhere around the same age as you have. I was thinking some were just before the child hits puberty. I say puberty, as this is when the child usually begins to feel self conscious about themselves and about their own bodies. Thank you for taking the time to respond back to my questions and for your thoughtdul postings.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
Hi wheel416, I am totally against spanking, and think that it is an outdated form of discipline. When we use such measures we are telling our children that violence is okay, and that is not the message we need to be sending to our children. After all the parents are the adults and surly can do better than that. Parents need to teach their children by example, and need to always be honest and fair with them and that can be done without physical punishment. My late wife and I raised three boys, without ever having to resort to sure measures, and they are all married now with children of their own. My parents raised nine children without physical punishment and never had any big problems. I'm sure others will have a different opinion but we all think differently. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
Pose, you raise a very valid point. Children learn what they live. Children learn by example far more and they learn from our words. Communication is largely nonverbal, and perhaps in this case our actions do speak louder than our words? I don't know, I don't have the right answer I just know that we all want the best for children.
• United States
14 Jan 09
I strongly believe that the issue of spanking is part of the generational curse but this curse can come from one or both sides of any family. It is negativity at a core level. First we have to teach respect for others and the property of all. If you lose the concept of respect you have to instill that knowledge some how but you can't instill that knowledge and have the lesson torn down by the other parent that is why it is team work that makes a house a home and builds upon family dynamics and values.
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
11 Jan 09
I am a social worker and I do agree that some parents can not spank their children without abusing them, but I think if utilized correctly and administered properly, spanking can be very effective. I was raised with spanking with the hand for 1 or 2 swats and if that didn't work I got a belt whipping. This was only effective until i was old enough to understand grounding..... I turned out just fine! Sometimes, spanking is the only way that you can get some children to behave properly. I had a little cousin and spanking was the only form of discipline that he understood. My aunt tried everything else and the only thing that worked was a good old fashioned spanking. She would make him cut his own switch.... if he came in with a little bitty one, she would go back out and find a better one.... He learned, get a good one yourself... but that's the only form of discipline that would get through to him.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thank you! There is a time and place for everything, and sometimes a spanking is the only way. Our children are 14, 10 and 1 month. In the older two children's lives I can count on one hand the number of times each of them has been spanked. And I am sorry, but I think the only way you should spank a child is with your hand because it is the only way you are aware of how "hard" you are spanking them. The intention should never be to hurt them, and it is to easy to swing an object and smack someone with it and walk away not realizing just how hard they other person was hit. However hit your child with your hand and when your hand is stinging then you know you hit them to hard. I am a child of an abusive father. So trust me when I tell you I am no advocate of hitting. But people need to understand the difference between discipline and abuse. One smack on the rear with the hand is not abuse.
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@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
Again, what you are both pointing to is a distinction between discipline and abuse. I think that on a basic human level no one wants to see children hurt, where we get confused is in our individual definitions of abuse, and the very real and practical ways that discipline is an ongoing process, not necessarily a series a single events like spanking.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Jan 09
There was a psychologist who used to have a column in my newspaper. He advocated spanking only in the situation where the child was so out of control that a quick slap to the rear end was the only thing that would get their attention. I think that makes sense, actually. Spanking for punishment only teaches a child violence.
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@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
13 Jan 09
Hi there Dawwn, I like the idea of using it as a way to get a child's attention. I think that as we go on through in our lives, sometimes we get into patterns and we just keep doing the same thing without really thinking about it. Sometimes I think this happens to parents because there just trying to get things done, and don't stop to think about if they have their child's attention. In another response, I spoke about a mother who talks much louder than I do. Her children are so used to hrt loud voice that yelling is not effective, as they don't even hear her anymore. So, when I wanted to get their attention I consciously lowered my voice, so that they had to work to listen be hear what I was saying. I gotta say it worked for them! Thanks, and happy posting!
2 people like this
• Philippines
12 Jan 09
I believed that spanking your child is not really a bad thing...it's just part of disciplining your child. after you spank them tell them what mistake they have done for them to understand why did you do it to your child.and tell them that you do it because you love them so much...show your child how much you love them and how you will discipline them for them to appreciate the things you and for them to know that it's not beacuse yo spank them you hate them very much. hug your child and explain.don't hesitate to open your hearts to them. c",)
1 person likes this
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
13 Jan 09
I think you have said it quite nicely, hug, listen and teach.... because I think this is the ultimate goal of discipline in the end anyway. Thanks for commenting and welcome to Mylot!
@Rainegurl (2158)
• Philippines
12 Jan 09
Hi, wheel I guess it is ok for a parent to spank his or her child if he/she is conscious of what he/she is doing. He must know what the spanking is for and that he knows his limitations. One or two is enough. And never hit your child because of your temper, especially when you are blind with rage. The child must not be black and blue afterwards, just a little sore is enough. I was often spanked by my mother as a child. I hold no grudge and I humbly think that I turned out ok -- I mean, no issues We even laugh about it now because she always used a brittle plastic clothes hanger on me. I mean, she could have used a belt or a stick, but why clothes hanger? Beats me. I still think different strokes for different folks. How to discipline a child requires a lot of thinking and tons of patience. You have to weigh everything -- the child, yourself, the environment, et cetera. Have a nice day!
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
I think you make a very valid point in raising the frame of mind a parent is in when disciplining a child. Just like you I believe that a child should never be spanked in anger, just as you should never use your words in anger either and call someone dumb or stupid. And as you rightly pointed out I think it's the hardest job in this world. And I don't think the you can use a one size fits all approach. I think I've said it before, the disciplining children is not an event but an ongoing process. Thank you for your response and happy Mylotting!
• United States
12 Jan 09
I believe that there are better forms of discipline than spanking. For one, spanking encourages violence. It's a little contradictory to spank a child for hitting another child. Also, spanking is a brief form of discipline. It is often better to use discipline that forces a child to accept a longer term consequence for bad choices. I don't believe there is anything wrong with gentle punishment for very young children (tap their hand if reaching for the stove, spank that does not leave any mark or cause prolonged crying). Spanking is an easy, but not always effective, way to discipline.
1 person likes this
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
11 Jan 09
hello wheel416, I must admit that I myself spanked our eldest twice. Can't help myself that time. Though I felt sorry for doing it. I should have not done that to him. From then on, I did not do that again. For still the best way to discipline the kids is to talk to them heart to heart and explain to them the consequences. Is really hard to discipline the kids for they have different moods and character. But sometimes I realized that they need space too. And most important is they need to express their selves why they did that.
• Philippines
12 Jan 09
to spank a child is a way of discipline..but not to harm the child..you can spank him once, or twice...but if more than that, that's another book.. we wouln't do things like this or just spank the child if there is nothing to be corrected on his actions, right? but after we spank them, we must have to explain to them the reasons, and later then ask for apology...in that way...our child will not hold it back on us... he would instead understand why he deserve such consequence for his actions...
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
18 Jan 09
I think we strive for accountability, but I think you are absolutely correct that in some situations we do not have accountability or credibility, but, I can't control the actions of another human being. I can only control my own actions. Due to this fundamental fact I don't think I have the right to stand in judgment of others, so then, Gary, how do we then determine the accountability? Into whom we're accountable?
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
12 Jan 09
I'm agree with spanking a child in a way of discipline but not too much as a child almost die. But I did not do that way it was hard to me spanking them for I know I myself feel the pain inside. Seeing them crying in pain I did. The best thing is talk to them when they are committed sins against your rule. Tell not to do that again explain everything and compare the results of wrong side to the right attitude.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
13 Jan 09
I think that most parents would say that they do not enjoy spanking their children and it does hurt them too. You are absolutely right that communication is essential to a child learning from their mistakes. Thank you for your comments.
• Brazil
12 Jan 09
My mother never hit me. My education was done with talks and her friendship. And I think this is the most important. If the parents can be childrenĀ“s best friends and talk about anything with them there will be no need of this kind of violence.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
13 Jan 09
Hi, there thank you for taking the time to respond to this discussion. You said something I found quite interesting. You said that if parents can talk to their children and be their best friend they could have open communication and there'd be no need for this kind of violence. Do you think that parents should be friends with their kids? Or do you mean that they should just give kids more credit and talk to them and explain why we don't want them to do the things we're asking them not to?
@kttribal (253)
• United States
12 Jan 09
well I feel that spanking a child is not the right thing to teach them to behave. if the child is young to understand then its never okey. once the child hits an age of reason then you can talk to the child and get them to behave that way. i find that taking toys away and talking to them about why really does help. also when you spank your child there is the risk that you could be real upset with them and do more damage then needed. to avoid this they should be stuck in a corner away from all the toys and fun things. when i was younger we used to get a switch. of course my mom stopped when she saw that it did nothing. I later became into body modification. look what hitting can produce. when i have my piercings in they're all over my face. ive gotten ten. plus a tattoo on my face. see. my pic doesnt show it but the holes are there
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
Hi there, I'm not sure if I understand your response. I hear that you do not agree with spanking but, are you saying that you like body modification, tattoos and piercesings is because you were spanked as a child? I am aware that self injury and self harm can be as a result of abuse as a child is this what you are referring to when you're talking about body modification? I thank you very much for your honest response and if you would like to elaborate further please feel free.
@dodo19 (34005)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
18 Jan 09
I personally don't agree with that. I really could not hurt any child in any way, whether it's physically, emotionally, or anything like that. I'd have a really hard time to do it.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
16 Jan 09
I think that there are various forms of discipline that can be used without actually abusing a child. I do not believe in taking discipline too far. I don't like the idea of the belt on a child. But that is just my opinion. Some people take hitting too far. I would just rather punish my child and then he might learn his lesson not to do something next time. Take care wheel.