Infidelity - Would you tell your children?
January 15, 2009 6:32pm CST
If your husband or wife cheated on you - would you tell your children or keep it to yourself forever? If you decided to work on your marriage, despite the cheating that took place - do you think you would ever tell your children or would it be a family secret that stays locked in your heart and your spouses heart until you die? If one of your parents cheated - would you want to know about it or would you rather they kept it to themselves? Have you been in a situation like this with your own family? Has one of your parents cheated and you found out and it ruined your relationship or made it stronger? I'm not talking about small children, I'm talking about children who are older (pre-teen, teenager and adult).
• United States
16 Jan 09
What if you and your husband decided to work through it and your child was a pre-teen? Don't you think it would be a burden on the child for them to be told about the affair especially if the marriage ends up mending and everything is fine? You wouldn't worry that it might ruin that child's world in a way and that they might be mad at you for having put that on them for no reason except that you wanted them to know? Especially if they had no clue there were problems or that anything had taken place - in their mind, their world was perfect. Just curious :) Thanks for the response.
16 Jan 09
All depends on the maturity of the people involved. If the kids are too young to understand and the cheating wasn't that obvious to them (or it didn't really ruin the family, perhaps it was just the beginning and was resolved quick) then perhaps I wouldn't need to tell them. But if the kids are already matured, and it was pretty obvious that mom and dad have issues about their marriage and everything is not doing good. Then to keep my kids from being confused and blaming themselves for this thing to happen, then I would tell them. Not to badmouth my husband (since I still love him) but for them to understand and support the family more. I could remember when I was younger and my grandfather cheated on my grandmother. Life was hard those days, there were screaming and fighting all the time. My aunts would go to the girl's house to wage war against her and such. It was not a pretty sight. Sooner, everything was just not right and nothing was resolved. I wouldn't want that for my family. So, if it's possible, I'd like to resolve it first with my partner (since we're the ones actually involved with it all) and keep it away from the neighbors, friends and kids. I think if we decided to get married, we'd have great communication and if we did have lapses, I'm certain that everything could work out fine. Kids, or teenagers won't understand if you blurt things out to them quickly and without thought. They'd tend to be defensive and it wouldn't be a nice sight. They'd tend to nag their father, or nag you for lacking spine to fight it with him. And you'll end up more confused and bitter. Sooner communications would take forever and they won't understand why both need time and should separate. Whew! So, as a general rule. Keep others blind about issues, unless it can't be resolved by both. I for one would want to know if my father and mother have issues, but I don't think I could help resolve it anyways, and they're partners so no one but them could resolve their issues. All in all, I can say. I do hope no one goes through this phase in their lives. Nothing breaks a family and a relationship apart more than cheating or infidelity. I hope no one goes through that at all.
• United States
20 Jan 09
Hello HeavenUnaware! My dad cheated one time, and I really want to know it. I mean, I think I have the right to know so that I will know what happen to my family. But they are ok now and that cheating was a long time ago. If ever my spouse cheated and we're trying to work on it, I don't think the children must know. It's better that they still think that they have a happy family and they wouldn't be affected but if the marriage can't be save anymore, then maybe that's the time to tell them about the situation.
22 Jan 09
Well for me, I will tell my children because they have the right to know though you can tell them the whole story one by one because its a very difficult situation specially when your children is close to both of you. I have been in a situation like that when I was still 15 years old my father cheated on my mother with different woman involved on him until one day we found out the whole incident it was a very painful experience wherein my mother almost die because of him, she is really dependent on my father providing him with all his needs and most especially loved him so much but all of a sudden my father dropped her like a hot potato. Were very mad at our father during those times we really neglected him due to his bad doings our family is broken and our father left us, he live with his mistress. Until now that I have my own family I have also the fear of being broken due to my father'sdoings..