Who's side do you take?

@CRIVAS (1820)
Canada
January 16, 2009 11:12am CST
Okay so I have two friends and we have all been friends with eachother for a long time. Well one day things blew up and my two friends started fighting. Now I told them both from the start that I refused to choose between them and that they would just have to learn spending time with me separatly. I thought that thigs would be okay cause I still had time to do things with both of them. However things didn't stay that way. I started no wanting to hang out with either one. I consider myself to be a good listener and usually I am able to keep the peace but with these two it was impossible. Every time that I would get together with one of them, they would talk nothing but trash about the other. I tried to let them know that I didn't want to have to be in the middle and my friends told me that I should just choose one and let the other go. I have no idea what to do anymore. To tell you the truth I don't want to be friends with either one of them any more. Have you ever been in this situation? What do you think I should do?
2 people like this
20 responses
• United States
16 Jan 09
I've ended up in the middle of some arguments like this. I put my foot in the ground and refuse to choose between them. Eventually, the two of them came around to making up, every single time. It might not happen with your friends, but here's an idea. Tell your friends that you don't want to be given an ultimatum, and you'd rather not lose either one. Every time you hear one friend talking bad about the other, speak up and defend your friend. If they're miffed that you're defending them, make sure to point out that you defend them to the other friend too. Try to present your situation to both of them in the same room. If they are unwilling to listen, then it's time to find some new friends.
1 person likes this
@CRIVAS (1820)
• Canada
16 Jan 09
Thanks I have been doing that, just hoping them come around soon, starting to think I might have to kidnap them, tie them together and make them talk till they come to an agreement,LOL.
• United States
16 Jan 09
Well... if all else fails, that's not a bad idea. :D
16 Jan 09
Sorry to hear about you. I still do not face such situation
1 person likes this
• India
17 Jan 09
say sry .....even if u haven't done anthing
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
16 Jan 09
When one is with you and she talks about the other one and when the other one is with you she in turn talks bad about the one who was with you earlier...but when those two get together do they talk bad about you? hmmmmmm big possibilty I would think. You don't have to be in the middle of all of this, just let them know you want to be left alone for now and maybe if or after they get their differences worked out you will reconsider.
1 person likes this
@fifileigh (3619)
• United States
18 Jan 09
i am not sure i have been in that situation. but i probably wouldnt get involved. i would probably tell them that i am busy and they should work it out themselves. it is their problem, and not yours. and just ignore them and stay busy and away from them. and see what happens...
@DEVONECO (144)
• United States
17 Jan 09
Don't say anything to them - but stay away from them. Ignore their calls. Don't meet them. Avoid them at all costs. Through your silence, show them both that you've had enough of them. Put on this show of your pride for as long as they get the message. If they consider you to be a true friend, they are going to plead with you to talk to them and tell them why you are indifferent to them. Then take your chance to STERNLY tell them why - what you think of their attitude toward each other - and that you don't think people like them are the kind of friends you want. If they still insist on continuing the friendship with you, insist to them that you want them both the way they were before and that you want all three of you to be friends once again. Lay down your rules for this friendhip - no more trashing each other and no more fighting. Tell them that if it were to happen again, then consider your friendship over for good. I know I sound a little harsh -but for this type of people, you've got to be stern and believe me, it will work. All the best!
@twinklee (895)
• India
17 Jan 09
[b][i]Hi friend! Hey why yaar you are thinking to leave both of them. Actually your true role starts from now only. You have to make your two friends to compromise with each other, friendship not only means Fundaas but also small small fights. So please think on it and try to balance them. Don't think they are your burden and irritation.Now what you have to do is, All three of you meet at one common place, may be a place where you three have been before. So that , the other two of your friends will feel bad on their separation and fights with the other. You tell them, "this is the place where we met and had great fun", you make them to think. Friends are one relation who must be forever. You ask what is their problem and you try to solve my friend. It feels childish, but think that it is an important job that GOD has given to you.. My request, don't get separated friends.. I[/i][/b]
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
I suggest you take time-out away from them for a while. Let things cool down a little. I suspect your friends will not reconcile anymore. Get used to that idea, but be prepared to heal the friendship, if they want it. I was in a worse situation. People involved were my friends, husband and wife, both of whom were close to me. It was embarrassing for the three of us, but they got used to the idea of separate friendships, and I got used to the idea of their permanent separation. Permanent rifts like this needs adjustment from and with all people involved.
@jpso138 (7842)
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
In this case, I will not side with anyone most especially if they are my close friends. I will try to find a way to patch both of them. But if assuming that such is impossible, then I would ask each of them not to talk about one over the other when I am with one of them considering that both of them are my friends.
@denise002 (444)
• Australia
17 Jan 09
i havnt personally been in the situation but id suggest saying to both of them that you no longer want to be friends with either of them while they are constantly putting the other person down, your there to spend time with them and im sure thats no fun for you. dont choose one over the other it would only cause more problems for you. choose to not talk to both of them and let them both know why so hopefully they can be mature and put it behind them long enought to spend some decent quality time with you
@gracie04 (4555)
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
I wouldn't take sides.. if i were in your shoes, i'd talk to both of them.. i'd let them know how i really i feel.. life is short, lets stop arguing about small things..=)
@kezabelle (2985)
17 Jan 09
Personally id tell them to act like the adults they are and grow up make up and stop putting you in such an awkward position! If they couldnt do that hell who wants friends like that id be finding myself some new ones who could respect the fact I dont want to spend my days listening to them talk badly about one another!
• China
17 Jan 09
I can see what a bad situation you are in.your friends didn't listen to you and can't control their mind anymore.There must be something you can do to stop it going too far.I think the first thing is not for you to make a choice,as they had asked you to do so,it is very important to find out where the root of the problem is,is it because of you or is it due to any one of them.All should be calm down,and try every effort to slove that problem.If they still insist on doing that and putting you in the middle,I suggest you should end this friendship with them as soon as possible.after all,it is not your fault to do so.take care.
@NMyricks (10)
• United States
17 Jan 09
i understand your situation. i think you should try to sit the both of them down show them that it is bothering you...and make them remember the good times that they both had with eachother.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Jan 09
I've had some issues with online friends who were feuding and so far I have managed to stay out of the middle. But if I were in a situation where two friends insisted on putting me in the middle, I could see not wanting to be around them.
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
17 Jan 09
I would make it very clear to the both of them that when they are with you, you will not listen to anything about the third party. If they cannot respect that, I wouls stop hanging out with both of them. They are being very disrespectful to you by trash-talking the third party and trying to get you to take sides.
@suzzy3 (8358)
16 Jan 09
Yes I have and it is horrible situation to find your self in.my friend and her husband where both good friends of me and my husband although they were my friends first.It was a bit like your situation really,they did not split up but they both used to complain about each other to me and tell me what they really thought and expected me to agree with nim then she would expect me to agree with her,well needless to say it made things very awkward so I managed to avoid him but she would ring me up and tell me all their problems so in the end I stopped answering her calls.I have number shown on my new phone so i could see who was ringing.As luck would have she took another job and she was doing a lot of travelling so in the end I broke it off with her as well.It was really embarassing sometimes but I ended up right in the middle and it did it get me down,as we are very happy in our house and did not want anything rocking the boat.
@maddie007 (141)
• United States
16 Jan 09
I wouldn't take sides and if they are true friends they would consider your feelings. I think you should talk to them and let them know how it feels when they talk about eachother. Why are they so upset at eachother? Maybe you can try to mentor them and eventually help them to become friends again. Hopefully the friendship is repairable.
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
16 Jan 09
I have been in a similar situation, after a while one proved to be more of a friend then the other i guess. . i say you tell them each one more time. if they can't get along together anymore, and hate eachother so much, to move on and talk about something else with you cause your sick of it and you like them both. but it has to end or you will refuse tot alk to them anymore. just be blunt. you've got nothing to loose right ?
• United States
16 Jan 09
I agree with you. I wouldn't want to be around either one of them if all they are going to do is talk trash about the other one. I would merely tell them both to grow up and work out their differences between them. You don't want to hear it. A long time friendship is not worth bickering over petty little things.
• Canada
16 Jan 09
Yes i have been in this situation a few times, and it's not fun at all and like you said evetually you dont want to be freinds with either of them. If i was you the first thing i would do is let each of them know that you want to be friends with both of them but if they are going to talk bad about the other then you will leave because you dont want to hear it or be put in the middle. Then follow through if they do choose to still talk bad about the other. I would also tell both of them that you do not like ultimatums and you will not choose, but what you will do if they feel you must choose is choose niether of them and when they are ready to not make you choose you will be there for them. And do just that if they try to make you choose, find other people to hang out with or something else to do, either they will come around and if not be freinds with each other be freinds with you. Or they wont in which case they proboply arnt very good friends in the first place. I hope that helps