Do you prefer the traditional courtship or friends-to-lovers approach??

Philippines
January 16, 2009 11:40pm CST
Hi everyone!! What you'd rather prefer? Be good friends with a guy/gal first, for some other say its easy for you don't have to pretend to be someone you are not, and friendship gives you more time to ease into the intimacy of a relationship. And it is better to forge a bond that's a guaranteed to last longer. Or are you a fan of courtship, so there's no chance for you to get confused about what the relationship really is? And if the guy courts you and you decide to be his GF, you'd never find your self asking him, "Tayo na ba?"or(Are we"?) LOL
3 people like this
15 responses
@reichiru (748)
• Canada
18 Jan 09
I would definitely do that friends-to-lovers approach. I like to get to know a person first before I would even start to consider dating him. What if he had some quality that I didn't like? That would be awkward to find out when you're already dating. My first relationship was like that. I thought I knew the guy fairly well, but turns out he was still stalking me even when we were dating, so that just totally creeped me out, so I broke up with him. Well, he still did stalk me for a few months afterwards, but gave up, thankfully. So I promised myself that I wouldn't date anyone until I get to be friends with them first, and so far I'm doing fairly well on that promise. My current boyfriend, I knew him for more than four years before we started dating.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
Whowwww!! That must be a beautiful love story I guess. :) Congrats!
@reichiru (748)
• Canada
19 Jan 09
Haha not really. He's almost a year younger than me and everything, but he's a freaking genius when it comes to academics so he skipped a grade, that's how we got to know each other a little bit better. We even went to the same elementary school. I think sometimes it's a bit awkward when you've known someone since their "growing up" days (mood swings, acne problems, all that sort of stuff).
• Malaysia
17 Jan 09
In this case, I am more on 'be myself' and it really does problems to my partner. Maybe your right word for courtship but I have to emphasize that I am a self-centered type of person. Moderately as be myself. I never bother bout my girlfriend's previous life as I also accepted her as herself. But still failed in my relationship...,I hope you understand to my lucid explanation. Thank You.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
I know you are working it out right? If she is the one you are referring hehehehe. Go for it..!
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• Malaysia
17 Jan 09
ha ha ha ... what a strong intuition that you have had, AH. You're at high level of your magnanimous ... peerrgghh!!! very a fortunate person who can win your heart to be your lovely husband. [b] CHEE* YEARS = CHEERS !!![/b] [* The Chee are a fictional race of androids created by the extinct Pemalites, a race of pacifists from the sci-fi book series Animorphs, written by K. A. Applegate. The word Chee means "Friend" in the Pemalite language. The Pemalites created the Chee in their own image, using their highly advanced technology to create friends that they could play with. The Chee are completely incapable of violence or assisting with any activity that would lead to someone's harm, even in their own self-defense. Due to having been designed for operation on a planet with higher gravity than Earth, the Chee possesses immense strength, speed and durability, capable of withstanding low-energy Dracon beam attacks and operating in the deep ocean. They have extremely long life spans; Erek King, the first Chee the Animorphs met, was over 50 millennia old.]
1 person likes this
@phyrethyme (1267)
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
Both?.. I mean. I want the person to be my friend first then of course, he'd do the courting. Isn't that how it works? Lol. "[i]Tayo na ba?[i]" "Are we us?" LOL.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
Yes, why not phy? hhehehe, anyway we have our choice.. Take it or leave it. Toinks!!!
2 people like this
• Singapore
17 Jan 09
Yea i agree. I would like both. Friends and he does the courting.
2 people like this
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
17 Jan 09
Hello amazingheart! For me, I would prefer to be courted first than friends - lovers approach because it won't work for me. I never tried to befriend a guy and I think if ever it will happen, I guess a friend should be a friend. I heard a relationship that started as friendship then they become lovers, broke up and they said they are better to be friends than to be lovers. So you see, being friends for a long time is not an assurance that the relationship would be successful. I still prefer to be courted because I want to feel I am special that a guy would do anything for me so that he will receive my sweet "yes" to him. *but what really important is that you both love each other it doesn't really matter if you were friends at first or anything else.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
I also prefer to be courted, hehehhe.. its always fun and exciting to see him work hard to get your attention,and the idea that he is making an effort and of course, I love being showered by lots of love, affection and flowers, hehhehe...
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 09
hahaha..yes, you're right..now we're dreaming..
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (34986)
• United States
18 Jan 09
Well, I have been Married now almost 10 yrs., but I can remember trying both approaches and personally I found if someone was a Good friend first usually that was what it was meant to be, and Best left that way as well. For me, it took meeting someone I had never met before and knowing this was the man for me, and then going for it. I look at it this way, there is always that special someone for everyone, and when you know, you know and never have to try and push it anywhere else as well.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
Thank you krause!! you are right,it will just come, and you will just feel if he really meant for you...
@borgborg (821)
• Philippines
18 Jan 09
(cherry) Before I prefer if a guy would court me first even if we started out as friends. You can say that I want things to be traditional plus I love how it feels when somebody is dedicating their time and efforts for you. But then now, I realize that I think it would be much better if two people can just start dating instead of courting. When a guy courts you his only showing and saying things you would want to hear and feel but then once your now together, all the promises he made will soon be forgotten.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
There's a guy that just trying to make a good impression in his courtship. Until the girl finally said yes,and fall in love and never know that the boy is just playing, there are guys really that just love challenge. :) Not all of them of course.
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
18 Jan 09
I think I like the friendship thing better. I married my bestfriend and the relationship works extremely well. We have a lot in common and we share a lot of interests together. We did not exactly went through the courtship thing but I did get my share of "chocolates and flowers". Until now, we are still very good friends and we both like it that way.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
Congrats alindahaw, its not everyday friendships ended into marriage. Keep it up.
@maryannemax (12173)
• Sweden
18 Jan 09
it all depends on the situation. you can never choose the person to love. it just happens and it's difficult to find the answer to the question "why him?". so for me, it does not matter if i have known him for so long as a friend or we go through the traditional courtship way. for as long as he loves me and i love him, i will no longer think about the difference between these two methods of getting into a relationship.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
I agree maryannemax :) It really not does not matter. The important is his sincerity, and his pure intentions. :)
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
i am a single mom of four. we left my husband for he is a very abusive man. now if you will ask me about courtship i think i am too old for the traditonal. i would like the friends to lovers approach but i dont like the style of mis-understanding the situation then the guy will be asking "kung tayo na ba?". i like the friend friend approach but i still want the courtship very clear. kasi mamaya close lang pala hindi naman in-love. it still be cool to know or to clarify.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
It's like,getting to know each other, or let's just friends first, then make ligaw to me if you can pass the friendship LOL.. whatever!! kind of confusing nga... hhahahaha...
@apples99 (6564)
• United States
17 Jan 09
I prefer to be friends first that gives you enough time to get to know them once you become friends you already know everything there is to know about the person traditional dating is little bit different because you have to slowly get to know them and I think that its more difficult to let your guard down that way.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
hey there amazingheart! ^_^ i kinda like your question...unfortunately, my current relationship started in a way that doesn't fall in any of the 2 categories. my boyfriend and i got together through "reto," if you know what i mean. *wink-wink* well, if things were different, i would have preferred the friends-to-lovers approach. it's more at-ease/relaxed, more natural. you get to know the guy for who he really is. in courtship, in my opinion, some guys tend to try and make an "image" for themselves, and you don't know whether or not it's the real him. if my bf and i started from friends, i wouldn't have to worry about getting confused where the relationship is going, cause i'm pretty frank (too frank sometimes, hehe). having mentioned "reto," what is your opinion about it, amazingheart? i'm just curious ^_^
1 person likes this
@izathewzia (5142)
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
Since I am already a product of generation X, i prefer the modern way of courtship. It is more convenient on my part. In fact I met my husband through exchanging text messages, meeting on a blind date and short live boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
• India
17 Jan 09
i think i would go for friends-to-lovers approach. This offers us to know more widely about each other , their habits, there character more clearly and deeply. We would be able to choose the right person whome we are going to marry. But in courtship you do not know exactyly about the others behaviour so there is always a chance of choosing of wrong partener. However facts show that marriages with traditional courtship are more successfull than that of friends-to-lover. i don't know what to choose. But my heart says friends-to lovers whatever its consequences be.
1 person likes this
@shenqixu (130)
• China
17 Jan 09
I think that it is better to start at friend relationship. It can give us enough time to understand each other then, after that we can know if she/he suits us and make a decision, or sometimes we may make a mistake!!! AFTER ALL find your lover is not easy thing!!
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@eynjel05 (444)
• Philippines
20 Jan 09
We are living in a modern world nowadays that we are not used of practicing a traditional courtship, maybe here in the philippines especially in provnce, they are still practicing that kind of courtship but in the city, i guess not anymore. Well we cant deny the fact especially fpr us girls that courtshipis the most exciting part of love.Especially when someone who is courting you always makes you feel special by saying sweet somethings and the likes. I prefer to have a friend-lover kind of courtship. Knowing that its in friendship the start of everything, its very important that you know the person first before you like him/her so that you will not be blaming the past or be regreting.