What do you do?

@CRIVAS (1820)
Canada
January 18, 2009 12:03pm CST
I have two children and they are well behaved for the most part. Every once in a while however, they decide that they aren't going to listen to me. I have tried time outs and while they do work most times, others it doesn't work at all. What do you do when you shild isn't listening? Have you ever gave in a given your child something just to make them behave? Do you reward your child for good behavior? Any thoughts, advice and stories will be greatly appreciated.
4 people like this
10 responses
@smileonstar (4013)
• United States
18 Jan 09
hi, first of all I want to know how old are your children? If they are about teenager than it is a little hard to do so, cuz they get use to their friends more than parents. My culture, children have to respect parents and listen to them most of the time, can't talk back or what so ever. If they miss these points, we prank them or give them a little punish. I have two a little children also, one is 5 years old and one is 10 months old. The 5 years old is a little hard now but she listens to me and do whatever I say so, I try my best to train her while she is small... if she miss behave on some points, she will get punish. I give her a reward whenever she does a good job. Most of children have to have their own point not to listen to you, why dont you talk to them. Tell them reason why you need them to do this job and it has to be done good. Or pick some good story about it and tell them... One thing that work for me is, give what my daughter want and ask her to do what I want too. I hope you will find solution.
2 people like this
@suzzy3 (8362)
18 Jan 09
Children will drive you round the bend and make you feel like you are wasting your time on occasions then they are so lovely it is smashing,what I found works for cetain things is a astar chart and if the are good they got a star and if the were naughty they got a black mark indstead at the end of the week if they had enough stars they recieved a packet of sweets if they had two many black marks they got nothing so it paid them to behave,no shouting or jumping up and down just say black mark and that is enough worked a treat.I never thought it would but I gave it a try for my youngest boy and it worked could not believe something so simple .With two of them it might work a bit quicker as they are probably quite competative.I always gave the kids something for being good even if it was just a cuddle and my approval ,you cannot keep spending otherwise they work on this and they end up blackmailing you,buy me something or I will be naughty.Unfortunately sometimes they just misbehave and there is nothing you can do about it,you just have to live through it,make sure they don't eat junk if they have a treat make sure it is fruit or one small treat and make sure they have enough sleep.Having been through it three times this is what I did.
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Jan 09
Have any tricks for getting them to sleep for the night????? Very tired here!!!She is 3 and is still waking up in the middle of the night...She is falling asleep on her own just not sleeping the whole night through!!!
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8362)
18 Jan 09
Don't let them sleep during the day,make it boring just before bedtime,turn the tv off,no stimulating games or messing about with daddy or what ever.keep putting them back in their beds when they get up,no drinks or anything to eat and in the end they will realise they are wasting their time and give up.I used to take my son over the park and play ball in the afternoons and put him into pre school.Use the start chart for bedtimes seeing this is a pressing thing bribe them with a toy if they sleep properly they can have a pound store toy I don't know how much you can afford with anyluck they should be sleeping properly after a week or so, goodluck it is a hard one.No sweets or fizzy pop,this will only stimulate them warm milk and biscuit,cannot guarantee but it might work.Take care and don't get upset,they will see it is getting to you.
• Canada
18 Jan 09
Well I have 2 children as well one is 8 and one is 3, The 8 year old is usally a very well behaved little girl but recently she is getting a little odd, like not listening....Not really bad but just sometimes...more mouthy then usual....BUT the 3 year old...HA she never listens...we have tried everything rewards for good behaviour...which did work for a bit, time outs...in the corner she really doesn't like but it doesn't seem to work. NOW I have an idea...at my childs school they do something called HIGH FIVES where they reward children for good and positive behaviour by giving them a certificate then they get to put there hand on the way. I am going to pick up some certificates and then she can put her hand on a big piece of paper that I stick up on her wall and see if that works...Hopefully some other people have some good ideas for you!!!
@GardenGerty (99325)
• United States
18 Jan 09
I learned a long time ago that being loud and demanding made kids not listen. I would lower my voice. I did not reward good behavior and I did not give in if they pestered me for something. I would walk right out of the store, take them home, and shop when I could go alone. As they got a little older, I also told them how badly I felt when they ignored me. My mom, once, ran away from home. I have a sister who is nine years older than I am, so she would have been thirteen or older, and a brother four years younger Mom left us, with the sister and said she was running away. She probably just went out for a walk around the block to cool off, cause we were probably driving her nuts.
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
20 Jan 09
i have a three year old son. my wife told me that i spoil him so it turns out now that he does not listen to me at all. har har har. now i am trying to be more tough with him. but i dont win all the time.... poor me. my wife is more on a disiplinarian so i can see that when she calls my child he follows. they are sweet together but i see that my son obeys what my wife tells him to do. my wife does not bow down to our son. when she says no it will remain no even my son cry. she said it is tough love
• India
19 Jan 09
I really don’t know what I would do coz right now, my 9yr old stays in a foul mood most of the times and answers me back like I’m a perfect stranger, about whom he should care little. Believe me, I have tried everything from rebuke to reward…nothing’s working right now. Till a few years back he was the typical kid…a little rebellious at time but mostly OK. He’s changed suddenly, overnight and for the worse. Just wanted to say that you’re not alone in being clueless about this…I’m just waiting for him to pass this phase. Neither giving-in nor confrontation has helped me.
@craftwave (1338)
• United States
19 Jan 09
I raised three girls. And what I did for each one was different for the other two. What you do depends on their age and their personality. Also one thing I learned is that they would behave for several months and then wham they started not listening. Most of the time it is them just testing to see if you still mean what you say. While that was rough for a week or so they would then settle down and listen once more. By no means should you given in just to make them behave. That starts a bad cycle of behavior that you don't want. When my girls tried that it got them the exact opposite of what they wanted. And they soon learned that was not the way to get things from mom and dad. We did not buy special toys for good behavior either because that becomes a bribe. What we did would be out of the blue buy them something or take them somplace special for a treat. Almost always one of them would ask why were we doing this or why did we buy them something. It gave us an opportunity to say how much we appriciated them and how well they had been behaving and that we had noticed that they were being good. It was usually a spur of the moment kind of thing. So the girls never knew ahead of time and it never happened on regular basis. It was not a planned thing that we did. We would just decide to treat them for being good. One thing is never tell a kid you are going to do something and then not do it. Tell your kids exactly what will happen if they misbehave and then do exactly that. Find out what they value most. For my girls it was books. All three loved to read. If I had told them no TV or no visiting friends that was not a real punishment for them. Forbid them going to the library and not read a book for a week and they were dying. I could go on and on but most of it is a trial and error type of thing. The most important thing is to give you kids boundries and enforce those bounderies by which ever method you find that works. And hang in there they do grow up eventually.
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
19 Jan 09
Well your kids sound like they are very well behaved, but kids will be kids and it's their job to act out once in awhile. I would take away something they like to do for instance video games or playing outside something along those lines. Take it away for an hour or until they can show you they will behave and do what mom and dad say. Usually that works with any kid now if they are babies like under 2 time outs work best for them sitting them in their crib or bedroom for a minute or two or even on the couch have them sit down on a chair facing the corner for a minute or two. Let them know if they are bad again it's back in the corner they go. When my kids where old enough to do chores I would tell them "When your done watching your show I would like you to do the dishes" and if they thought I would forget by the time the show was over I would wait until it was over and if they didn't move to do what I asked them I would go turn the tv off and stare at them until they got up an did their chore lol they always hated that but it was effective. One time a parenting teacher told me if I wanted them to do something I was to walk up to them gently touch them on the shoulder and look them in the eye and ask them "Would you do the dishes now?" For some reason she said they will do it just to get you to remove your hand and get you out of their way because they feel uncomfortable with you staring at them and touching them. I never tried it with them but I did do it to my sister without her knowing the reason I did it and it worked! I was surprised but it did work lol so you could try that too. Good luck.
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
19 Jan 09
I guess it depends on how old your kids are.. I dont have much advice if they are older then 3 lol. I haven't gotten there just yet.. I do time outs, make her appoligize and reapeat to me WHY she got into trouble so that she knows why she's being punished. then i tell her how she SHOULD have acted.. I hope it works eventually. lol. I do sometimes give in just to make her behave.. but not often! and i dont care if people stare and she's screaming about something she wants. . I just keep telling her she can't have everything she wants.
@cynddvs (2950)
• United States
19 Jan 09
I think a lot of it depends on how old your kids are. My daughter is 3 year old and I have had to drastically change my discipline approaches around with her different stages. Redirection used to work really well when my daughter was between 1 and 2 years old. But now that she is older she is getting too smart for redirection and a lot of times when she starts acting out it's for a reason. Now that she is communicating a lot of times I just have to ask her what's bothering her and we can come to a solution. For example the main reasons for my daughter acting out is when she's hungry, tired, overly stimulated, etc. If she seems to be acting out for no reason or we can't come to a solution I normally just send her to her room for some quiet time. That normally seems to do the trick. I don't call it time out because I don't really consider it a punishment. Sometimes she just needs to spend some time in her room by herself and she's good to go.