Does this have anything to do with depression?

United States
January 18, 2009 4:24pm CST
Hi guys. I really need your help on understanding this. It's driving me insane! I've struggled with depression sense I was 13. Just recently it went away and I was just fine. I went back to school, I live with my wonderful Christian grandma, I'm in a good spot money wise, and I love the town I live in. Unfortunately the depression came back and hit me harder than ever, for absolutely no apparent reason. Although this is a huge problem it's not the one I'm here about. The one thing I can't stand about this is my mentality with life. For a little over a month now (if not longer) I've been living in a dream. Life to me doesn't even seem real. All of my past I can only remember as if it were a dream. I'm also running on cruise control. I go through the motions, but I'm not there. Physically, I'm there, and here, but mentally I'm just not there. I don't feel what I'm going through. When I talk I don't even feel it, it just happens. Like I said, just like in a dream. It's so bizarre. Also, I just can't seem to remember things, ever. I always turn my curl in iron off but I'm never sure if I did so I have to go and check or it will drive me crazy! I always loose things (especially my inhaler). And one more things (I'm almost done here, I promise). I can't listen to people. In my Graphic Communications class we are working with Adobe Photoshop and Adobe Illustrator. So my teacher is always lecturing. I sit there, stare at him, listen to every single word. When he's done I realize I didn't hear a word he said. My mind was not there. It's like I was watching myself watch him talk. I thought I was listening but I wasn't. So of-course these programs are really difficult for me to understand because I don't even know what he said. This also happens when I'm having conversations with people. I feel so rude! So, to the point, lol. Does this mentality have anything to do with depression? What is it. Not only do I want to be rid of it, but I'm completely curious as to what it is. I'm completely fascinated by the human psyche. Any knowledge you have on this subject or any similar than please share! Either for my personal sake of for the sake of knowledge and understanding. Thanks guys, I really appreciate it.
3 people like this
9 responses
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
18 Jan 09
From a non medical point of view; yet from a personal point of view, my guess is that your problem is not caused from depression, but IS caused from Attention Deficit Disorder. You might want to explain to your teacher the problem you're having & ask his/her patience. I found that if I took notes, it would help me concentrate better & help me remember later on what was said. I didn't need to write every word...just the main words for the idea. Months later I could still read my notes & remember what was said. I created my own form of shorthand. I saved my company $400.00 from saving my notes. We had a customer complain about a charge on an invoice we sent him. He said we hadn't told him it would be that high & he refused to pay any more than $200.00 for the service. My boss knows I keep notes so he asked me if I had possibly talked to this guy as nobody else remembered. I always dated my notes, so I go back to that date & sure enough I had taken my shorthand notes on that conversation. I called the customer & reminded him of the entire conversation, the time & date. The light bulb went on & he approved the entire bill for payment. My boss stopped making fun of me & my notes after that. So, you just might want to do some research on ADD!!! Good luck on finding a way to work around your problem!!!
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
18 Jan 09
I do my best to never take meds & ALWAYS do my best to cope. I believe there's a way around every problem if only you look hard enough. Depression is the ONLY problem I've ever had where I had to give in & take the meds. Even then, I take them they way they work best for me & not the way the doc says to take them. They don't work for me when I follow his directions. I only take about half what he says to take. My script lasts twice as long that way too. When you have to compete with "regular" people, sometimes you have to be very creative!!!
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
19 Jan 09
I think I will be on antidepressants for life. Psychologically I am better then ever but, I have tried to go off of my antidepressants three times now. All three times I could not have been in a better place emotionally, and yet, once my blood levels got to a certain point my mood would plummet. After many years with the same psychiatrist and being emotionally stable. She tends to agree with me, my body needs that antidepressant to function. And she finally conceded my point, that antidepressants were never meant to be used long-term and that there has been no research done on the long-term effects of antidepressants, and so, my body may indeed be dependent on the antidepressant. I've just agreed to suck it up so to speak and take my medication no matter what. Because to put it bluntly, if I lose my mind, I won't be able to deal with everything else that I have to juggle and so I'm determined to keep my mind at all cost. Hence, I will take my medication probably for the rest of my life.
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
19 Jan 09
They are extremely addictive!!! When I said I take half dosage, I didn't mean a half every day. I generally take them every other day. That way they don't build up in my system & I can go off if I need to. Of course, I probably will be on them for life as depression is a chemical imbalance that will probably never balance itself out!!! During the time I was off of them, I remember praying frequently for the strength to make it through the bad days!!!
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
8 Oct 10
Most time, its my work..with ontime deliveries and work loads. I try to divert mind on music and i feel better. We need to manage depression, as it is part of life in busy world. But if we concentrate, we can manage it. I does it through my yoga, listening music and going out on vacation.
• India
23 Jan 09
I don't think its depression at all, xxxmetalettexxx. From your Graphic communications class example, I think you have a minor personality disorder. You can't listen to people. Have you tried overcoming it?
• United States
19 Jan 09
Depression is really a complicated issue. It doesn't have to have anything to do with your life or the events in it. Some of us are just more prone to depression and struggle with it even when life is good. This is often caused from a chemical imbalance in the brain and is even genetic. If you aren't in control of it, then you should seek help (even separate of your other issues). Seeking help is the best advice I have to offer (as one who has also struggled with depression on and off since I was young). Go to a therapist or doctor who will talk with you about options. If you can't afford to see a doctor then see if there is a minister or pastor in your area who would be available for counseling. They may charge a fee for their services, but it should be smaller then anything in the medical community. I suggest that you talk over your options and your feelings. Be completely honest and open up about good things and bad things that have happened in your life. Many times, a good talking session and some help in changing your thinking will be all it takes. While it is never a good idea to jump at medications, be open for it later on. Try a therapy program first, but if that doesn't work or help quick enough then ask about medication options. Some of us need help, and it isn't something to be ashamed of.
• United States
19 Jan 09
Well you are young and having difficulty coping in the new world, I have to say Owlings, LadyMarissa and Wheel have given you great insight to what you feel is a problem. I love their insight they are great at coping and supporting each other and you... I'm going to look at another angle, what is to say this is not normal for you as the other ladies have noted and as you note I am a guy so my perspective might be a bit different, but what is to say that like a love language your language of learning is not different. One of the ladies suggested that the teacher/lecturer might not be reaching you, they each have their own style some you can learn from better than others. How can we get to know the style of a teacher before entering the classroom? Something to think about I'm sure... Trust me on that because I have my own experience with teaching styles and teachers that teach with different styles, voice of experience talking... Long story maybe some other time unless your really interested. About your learning language, if he lectures and you are not taking notes naturally you will not be able to retain the information unless you are also following along in a book that you get to keep... The book holds your notes, or the teacher gives you notes or you take your own notes... There has to be a song in there somewhere, there are enough notes... Here is the important key, Photoshop and Illustrator are learned by actually doing not listening, do you learn better from doing? And how is your memory once you have done something? If you can't remember and you don't have instructions or notes you will easily forget and get lost and all of us are capable of forgetting anything... Some people are good at remembering facial details others remember by actually touching an item or object and some remember events or frames like watching a movie. Have you thought about what ways you remember? Maybe you remember things in yet a different way like remembering numbers better than words better than pictures... When you delve deep into the mind, your mind or the minds of others you will find unique or individual traits that are quite amazing. I'd love to hear or read your thoughts on this response and the responses of the others... Peace and Blessings, You have many blessings here, Sincerely, Gary
@shebeck (116)
• Jamaica
19 Jan 09
You need professional help, someone who will accessess your condition, work out a solution for you to be on tract. There is something that is affecting you and you need to have to sorted out before it destroy your life. Talk to a therapist and stick to any programm he/she advises. I believe that medication alone will not totally help you but but some form of activities that will definately show signs of improvement with you mental state. Good luck
@CRIVAS (1819)
• Canada
19 Jan 09
I am not sure if it's related to depression or not but it definately seems like something you might want to mention to your doctor as they might be able to shed more light on the situation. I have my own issues with loosing things, I also have a pretty big problem with my memory, I have a really short attentionspan to so my mind tends to wander if I'm not engaged in something interesting or important.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
19 Jan 09
Hi there, Although I'm not a medical professional myself, I have had experience both personally and professionally with those who suffer from depression. All of the symptoms that you have described in your posting can be related to depression. The problem is most of the symptoms that go with depression can be misinterpreted and can be either misdiagnosed or go unrecognized. My first piece of advice to you would be to go to your Doctor and tell them about your experience. Your doctor will be able to rule out any medical conditions that could be contributing to you symptoms. If you are still having problems after your Dr. Has ruled out any physical reason for your symptoms they will be able to point you in the direction of a qualified counselor who will then be able to help you. There is no reason to be ashamed and depression is a legitimate health problem, just as diabetes or heart disease is. Depression does not mean that you are crazy or sick in the head and it can be treated. I strongly urge you to make an appointment with your Doctor so that you can rule out any physical causes and then they can help you find an appropriate solution if you are indeed suffering from depression. Good Luck and all the best.
@owlwings (39996)
• Cambridge, England
18 Jan 09
Metalette, I think these are things you ought to discuss with a good, understanding therapist. I don't mean the kind that immediately says that you have depression or ADD and sends you away with a prescription for some happy pills. You obviously have something which is troubling you deeply yet you show a lot of sensitivity and concern for your own mind-state and the way it makes you behave. First, let me say that it isn't unusual to not be able to hang onto every word of some lecturers! If I were a therapist, there are a number of things I'd want to explore with you about your life at 13 and a little before (since you say that this started around then). I'd also be interested to know where your mind was during those lectures and at other times when you can't seem to 'connect'. It sounds to me as if you either have things that you feel you have to 'work out' or mull over or that you have a 'safe place' in your head that you need to go to when it all gets too much. From the way you write, I feel that you are a lovely, caring and sensitive person and someone it would be a real pleasure to know and be around. Here is a link to something that has helped many people and it might just be something worth trying for you: http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252 I do urge you to talk with someone who can understand and help you understand, though. On that page you'll see a link to 'Practitioners'. You can choose one who is relatively near you. Most (in fact, I think all) of them will give you a free initial phone consultation. This works two ways. You can find out if you like the person and they can decide if they think they can help you. Usually, of course, they will be able to. I understand how fearsome it can be to pick up the phone to call a total stranger but, if you love and care about yourself, you can and will do it eventually. Good luck!