Finding the right combination in a mate... Is this possible?

@tjades (3592)
Jamaica
January 18, 2009 10:44pm CST
I was talking to a guy I met recently who says that he just cant seem to find a woman with the three features that he'd like his wife to have. These are: * A beautiful character * Well shaped legs and to be honest I cant remember the other. As far as I know we all set a criteria as to who our ideal mate should be and as we search for that special someone we use this criteria to judge and arrive at a decision. What I'd like to know is: * Do you find that youv'e had to change this criteria because you cant/could not find the person you dreamed of? * Did your criteria cause you to hold out on a meaningful relationship? I have certainly had to revise my list of criteria. The criterion under revision presently is the one of age difference. Ahhhhh... Im still struggling with that. So what did you have to revise or have you found the mate of your dreams?
9 responses
@artaucan (97)
• United States
20 Jan 09
Most of us make a criteria or imagine the "dream mate" with specific qualities and looks but that´s all a fantasy that in a perfect world could come true but reality is different and I believe that we must be flexible and be aware that we are not perfect but there´s definitely someone out there for each and everyone of us, we were created out of love, to love and be loved, it is not impossible to find someone with all the characteristics that we look for in a partner but most of the times they lack of the most important things that can really make us happy, I am not saying either that we have to settle for less but rather that we need to be open to someone who fits us well rather than someone we look well with.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
20 Jan 09
Well said artaucan. I love this part...we need to be open to someone who fits us well rather than someone we look well with. I think thats the truth said in a few words.
• United States
20 Jan 09
thank you.
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
19 Jan 09
They have to pass my test. I have a list of questions I posted a ways back. I love where that discussion went and it really pertains here. The "perfect" mate? I don't know about that. I think I'd settle for as close to it as possible. http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1816976.aspx
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
20 Jan 09
Great list. Great discussion. You can view my comment there. Compromise is a must as I am sure we will not meet all the criteria set by or mates either. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
21 Jan 09
Definitely have to agree. Compromise I think summed up my list pretty well. And the willingness to compromise is even more important. If He/She isn't willing to make compromises, the relationship is doomed from the start. I can attest to that one personally!
@rainzero (505)
20 Jan 09
It's given that everyone has standards in finding their mate. Even I have high standards. It may sound unfair, but we can't avoid this kind of attitude. However, sometimes, when love takes over, the standards sometimes take the backseat and we usually tend to submit to that person's imperfections no matter how intolerable it is just for the sake of love... unless if you are just up to spending a night with that person in bed... arrrghh... ^_^
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
20 Jan 09
I think there is saying which makes inferences to one who does not have a standard. It says that if we do not have a standard we will fall for anything. i believe that and so I agree with you that we cannot avoid such attitudes though they may change with the passage of time. Thanks for sharing.
• United States
20 Jan 09
Wow. Talk about being picky. Love is Love not Loving the looks of a person. Dont get me wrong because you gotta have that attraction to a person to make your relationship work. Im madly in love with the man in my life and know he's the one. When we meet i was attracted to him but never thought id be in a relationship with him. He was loud and rowdy. A person who always thought he was right at all times and never wrong. Cocky personalities like these made me cringe and i hated people like this. Oh, what i thought would only be a booty call. I now look back and laugh about this. Our bound grew stronger day by day. I love him for how different he is from me. The things i've learned from him and the things he's still learning through me. Granted hes been through rough times and hes not not tan man , light blue eyed career goaled man i thought id end up with. But i love him for him and have stuck by him through thick n thin. I love him and know our relationship will envelope into something even greater.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
20 Jan 09
Now that is proof that opposites do attract afterall. I think it is good to set standards but its important that we live in reality as those standards may never be met for most of us. I am learning that lesson day by day.
@ulalume (714)
• United States
19 Jan 09
Some "criteria" are just vain, in many ways. It is one thing to desire someone who is similar to you, and that you are attracted too; but to have so many requirements (especially ones like "well shaped legs") just make it so you can not find anyone in your life. No one is going to be "perfect" in most cases. The best relationship consists of flaws in all aspects of the relationship. It is understandable to a degree to hold STANDARDS for a person, such as when I was searching I desired someone with similar interests, someone fun, someone who isn't going to beat me (and other, more personal types of things). These types of things are necessary for people to have an intimate connection with each other. However, for the most part, physical attributes (especially) are usually just pointless. To a degree, it is appropriate for a person to desire to be attracted to the other person; however making a list of what everything should look like will instantly cause a person to miss out on all the good opportunities that they have. To answer your questions- I didn't have to change mine. I did not ask for much, and I managed to find the one I love very quickly in life.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
20 Jan 09
Lucky you ulalume. You got it right early . I think its normal though for one to have a physical attribute that they are really attracted to. I think it goes overboard when we eliminate everyone we talk to simply because they do not have that physical attribute.
@savengt (89)
• Singapore
19 Jan 09
Yes, we all have our dream partner but most of the time, you have to change your criteria either because they are not practical or they became unimportant as you grow in maturity. A beautiful heart/character covers everything, you will look at your partner different even if she/he is not in the very best shape. You start to fall in love with the kind of person he/she is , not the look. I guess this is very important cos our looks fade away through time. Build on true love and age gap doesnt matter too.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
20 Jan 09
I totally agree with you. Love should take centre stage and all else folow. Thanks for sharing.
@annierose (18966)
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
When I was a teenager, I have sets of criteria also in looking for a guy. I want him to be tanned skin, taller than me, kind and intelligent, and must not have a big difference in my age.But as years go by, I find out that somehow, I cannot meet those criteria or not all those criteria. My boyfriend now has the opposite of some of those criteria. All of those, I really want a tanned skin man but he has a white complexion. Anyway, I can say that as we become mature in life, we tend to somehow forget what physical attributes we want our partner to have.As long as we feel comfortable toward each other, we continue the relationship with him or with her. We will then realize that someday, all of those physical attributes will one day vanish. And what will remain is the love and the friendship made for each other.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
20 Jan 09
That is true. maturity does take away some of our youthful hangups and cause us to face reality. thanks for sharing annierose .
• China
19 Jan 09
my exprience is just the opposite, I choose my first boyfrient without any criteria, we were classmates and had nice impression on each other, then we began our love journey, however, I am a little regretful for my hastiness because I begin to realize my criteria as I grow older, I begin to know more about myself and what I need, it seems I am on a wrong way ,yet I still haven't found a approrite way to escape. so I think the insist on criteria is worthy.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
20 Jan 09
Oh wow. Now that is something. It does make sense to have some kind of a map/guide to take us where we want to go uh. I wish you all the best as you seek to work through your situation and I must thank you for being open about what happened to you. Guess its safe to say it does not serve to go without a criteria anymore than it does to stick to ones criteria at all cost. We have to compromise but each person will have to understand who they are before they can truly do so.
• United States
19 Jan 09
Unfortunately, with me, it's exactly the opposite. I have the criteria I have because I did find someone who fit all of them but lost him (he had some extra traits that made the relationship struggle....traits like psychosis and paranoia ). So, because I know "He" exists, I am pretty stubborn about it. Which has made me miss out, I'll admit.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
20 Jan 09
Oh. Ok. Thats an interesting twist to what I had in mind. this life is amazing isnt it? We can never turly pin down and understand all aspects of it. Here I am changing crieria because I cant find the one that fits and there you are sticking to yours because you did find one that fits even though he came with added traits. Guess it comes down to when we are ready to face reality. Thanks for sharing.