Tell me your opinion about Husbands staying at home taking care of the kids...
By Homedad
@Homedad (166)
United Arab Emirates
January 21, 2009 8:26am CST
Me and my wife are expatriates here in United Arab Emirates.
Last year 2008, when our first baby was born my wife and I decided to have me quit my job and let me take care of the baby. Prior to that I worked as an engineer here and in relation to my job I am frequently sent by my employer to supervise installations outside UAE to the country Qatar. I am staying there for a minimum of 1 month and my wife is left alone to stay here in UAE.
Since we are having the baby, one of us needs to stay at home because we don't want other people to take care of our baby. We made a practical decision to have me quit my job since my wife's salary is way much above mine and I would not want to be sent away from them anymore.
I know in some countries it is a must that the Husband should be the one working. But due to the circumstances it is not ideal for us.
Now I would like to know what myLot community has to say about this decision or should I say is it acceptable to you?
6 people like this
33 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
23 Jan 09
Whatever works for you! You shouldn't even worry about what others think...it was the best decision for your family and that is what counts. Heck, your child is very fortunate to have 2 parents working together. Now-a days, it is often one parent involved and that is very hard. Best of luck to you all.
@ulalume (713)
• United States
21 Jan 09
Well, considering this from a United State's standpoint, this is becoming increasingly common. In a situation like this, there is no reason to feel any sort of negativity towards your position. Raising a child is a great thing. In the USA, so many fathers wish they could quit their jobs to be with their kids more (and some follow through with that thought). If I were in a position like this, I don't think I could bring myself to quit my job; but would definitly desire to be around my children more (whenever that happens).
1 person likes this
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
Glad to hear that I'm not alone and its common even in the US. Raising a child is actually not easy there's more into it. You need to develop a lot of patience and understanding. It's a very challenging task and fun at the same time.
1 person likes this
@ulalume (713)
• United States
22 Jan 09
The increase in fathers like this is so big in comparison to past generations that the media even takes time to report the occurance. It is kind of interesting to see how quickly the world changed from a firm belief that the man should work and the woman should stay home to let both individuals have freedom and work together in whatever way they wish. I suppose it would be labelled "sexist" (at least over here) if we didn't allow this to happen.
1 person likes this
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
I think one of the factor about this change is the empowerment of women and more better opportunities for them as compared to men. More jobs are created for women while the supply is low thus they are given higher compensation. As for men, the competition is stiff and you need really to posses something above others to get the job. Just my 2 cents.
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
21 Jan 09
There are men out there just like you. Some stay home for the same reasons as you and some do it because they had some work related injury. It is acceptable in Canada for the most part. There are still some that think the man should be the one out there supporting their family but who cares. If it is what you and your wife want then do it and don't worry about what anyone else has to say about it.
1 person likes this
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
21 Jan 09
You are acting practical and that is what is best for your family so tell them all to stuff it
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
21 Jan 09
You both are married, your a team that works together. If you both decide that you will stay home and care for your child and your wife works that is perfectly ok, what ever works best for your family. I would not care what others thought. Those people who may raise an eyebrow are not helping you or your wife so their opinions aren't important, the important thing is that your child is being cared for by a parent and you have income coming in. That's all that matters. Best of luck.
1 person likes this
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
21 Jan 09
Thanks for the warm welcome.
Yeah! no problem with our financial capacity. Aside from my wife's salary, I'm also getting a nice amount from on-line sources. Just sometimes my wife get jealous because I got a chance to be with our son more and she also wants to be with him all the time.
@Shellyann36 (11385)
• United States
22 Jan 09
First and foremost, Congratulations on the birth of your first child. I think it is great that you have done this. Most men would not "lower" themselves to be a Stay At Home Dad. After years of women playing this role I think that it is great that more men are stepping up to the plate to do these things. I think the situation is totally acceptable. Keep on doing what you both feel is best!
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
Well thank you shelly. He's the most precious gift we received from God. Sacrificing my job and being a Homedad for him is the best choice for us under the circumstances actually. Even though I have zero experience I agreed without any hesitation because I know I can do it. I'm proud to be one.
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
Well thank you shelly. He's the most precious gift we received from God. Sacrificing my job and being a Homedad for him is the best choice for us under the circumstances actually. Even though I have zero experience I agreed without any hesitation because I know I can do it. I'm proud to be one.
@chris20 (109)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
For me, its you guys made a right decision. Practicality is much important than ego especially with this kind of crisis that the whole world is facing. It doesn't matter whether you or your wife got the job. As long as both of you have a clear point of view of your situation to avoid future trouble between you and your wife, everything would be ok.
1 person likes this
@chris20 (109)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
I'm happy for the both of you. Indeed, your right, you can still have your own career while you're at home. In that way, you won't get bored while staying at home with your son.
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
We choose to be practical and take the best decision to have me take care of the baby. It's a win-win situation really, firstly we are assured that our son is in good hands and I get to be with them all the time then I got more time for my on-line ventures, my wife got no worries and can focus on her job and perform well.
@myworkid1987 (755)
• United States
22 Jan 09
I would love to stay home with my daughter all day and not have to work and If I was in the situation you are in I would have the Higher paying spouse still work and the lower paying spouse could stay home and take care of the baby. I had been a stay at home mom at one point in my daughters life but now I had started working again. I had gotten a babysitting job so I can take my daughter with me.
1 person likes this
@angemac23 (2003)
• Canada
22 Jan 09
I see nothing wrong at all with you staying at home with the baby. It is the right decision for all of you and if anyone has anything to say about it, ignore them!
1 person likes this
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
I actually ignore them but honestly in a little way it still bothers me as to why they can't be open minded same as people here in myLot community. Maybe their mind is still set to the old times that the bread winner should be the man of the house.
@MagicGuy (157)
• United States
22 Jan 09
Oh, yes, good decision. We made the same one. She is a nurse and I was a cook at the time (I could have waited for that Editor job, but no time). Which do you think makes more. No, I'm not feeling bad because a female makes more then I, it just goes to show that we are making great strides in this country. It was the best dicision at the time. Of course, things are different now.
1 person likes this
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
Nice to hear from a fellow Homedad. No hard feelings for me too as it was the best thing to do. Unfortunately, I'm hosted in a country where the ideals are still inclined to men as the provider of the family but since I have no choice but stay, I just have to live with it.
@Barbietre (1438)
• United States
22 Jan 09
When my husband retired he started watching 2 of our grandchildren so my daughter in law could work. I see nothing wrong with it at all. In fact he is loving it and the grandchildren love him. I work full time but also felt I had already raised children when they were young ( I went to school/work after they started school). Then he and I both cared for them as he worked nights.
1 person likes this
@socizpub (14)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
It is a practical decisions for the both of you, since your wife is earned much from her salary. We all know that we had our personal needs that we have to supply, it doesn't matter if your a guy who works at home and taking care of your baby and your wife is working outside, as long as you were doing it for the sake of your family.
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
• China
22 Jan 09
I think it is a matter of agreement between the couple. As long as the family has regular income, and the kids are well taken care of, it is good for them. There are very successful cases, though few. Teachers in kindergartens and primary schools are mostly women, so househusbands are especially good for boys. Nevertheless, it needs a strong will to withstand the lack of understanding by ordinary people.
Man and woman shifting role can be executed without spoiling the order of society. It has a common case in some areas in southwestern china, where we see wives doing outside work while husbands take care of their kids.
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
Before we decided about it, we carefully weighted everything from the financial point of view, psychological aspect and the emotional readiness of the family. I think we made the right decision because so far the baby is healthy and his development is fast. I do admit I get shortcomings from what is expected from me sometimes but I think its normal. By the way, it's nice to know that China is open with this arrangements too.
@impulse41 (44)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
i don't think it's a problem as long as both u and your wife is comfortable with it. But i don't my husband will want to stay at home and i am not comfortable with him staying at home taking care of our kids. Maybe because in my country, very few men did that and for those who did that, outsiders do not have a favourable opinon of them. the society and peer pressure is intense, for that reason, i don't my husband and me will subject ourself to your circumstances.
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
Yeah. It's been carefully decided and agreed upon by the both of us. I understand your position because I'm actually experiencing that but the pressure is moderate to low only because in my home country (Philippines) this is not a big deal really. It is because I'm here in my host country (UAE) and some of my friends think that ideally women must be in the house only. I just tell to them that in my country this arrangement is OK.
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
22 Jan 09
Taking care of a baby is also a big job.Though my husband work and i stay at home to look after with my baby,i also can accept that husbands stay at home to take care of the kids.The kids can get more father's love.it is good for them.If the father have time ,he can also get a part time job on line excepting taking care of baby.
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
That's what I do actually. I spend time with my son and take care of him. On the side here I am doing stuffs on-line that would earn me extra and use my time also not to get bored. Glad and thankful that there's what we call the World Wide Web.
@roselynm1023 (950)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
why not. there is nothing wrong with dad taking care of the children and the house as well. the decision is just a bit practical considering that the salary of your wife is higher as comparable to you. it is a noble job to stay home and take care of the family. i admire guys who can do that because they can do a woman's job.
1 person likes this
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
Thanks for the open mind. I think people exposed to the internet are more open minded compared to those that are not. I just don't like those friends of ours that raises an eyebrow with our decision. But I will prove them wrong and be a successful Homedad and have a wonderful family.
@morningstar369 (495)
• United States
22 Jan 09
I would say it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. If it works for the three of you then it is right. I feel that alot of people have relaxed their opinion of these types of arrangements. I agree with you not wanting someone else to take care of your baby. I personally know of other couples that have made the same arrangements. One of my friends calls himself the house husband. You need the bst income to survive, especiallky in this world economy crisis. I don't know if it is as bad where you are but it is really bad in the U.S. I think your decision is a very good one and you both hopefully feel good about it.
1 person likes this
@Homedad (166)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 09
Glad your husband took part raising your child too. And Yes! the job is tough, especially the changing of diapers and the high pitched crying voice, I might say that patience is a must. But if you already get used to those the rest is just easy. Although sometimes you get really bored staying at home all the time and kind of depressing too. Thankfully myLotting takes all of that away.
@CRIVAS (1815)
• Canada
22 Jan 09
I would have to say that you are a great parent for being able to make that decision. It should not matter who is working or who is staying home, as long as you and your wife are happy, that is all that matters. I do not blame you for not wanting to be sent away from home with the baby there. I wouldn't want to do it either. I think it is great that you are staying home with the children, I don't think women stay home because it is the mans job to work, I think they do it because not a lot of men can handle being a stay at home parent. I know, I have two daughters and they are a handful. Sometimes I have trouble with them and I have always stayed home with them. Keep up the good work.
1 person likes this
@GypsyLady82 (1)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
For me that's alright. If you are responsible enough to look after the kids why not. I mean it always depends on husbands and wives how will they handle it. If i earn much more than my husband its okay for me to tell him to stay home and look after my kids rather than hiring some onelse that I can't really rely on my kid's life.
1 person likes this
