i stay in the same house with a girl, but i don`t love her. Please help me.

@delkar (1716)
Romania
January 21, 2009 2:56pm CST
Let`s show you how it`s all the thing. When i broke up with my last girlfriend (a 2 yrs relation) i finded this girl. I didn`t liked her then, and i don`t like her now, but i was with her 3 months. Then we broke up, and she cried a lot, and after 2 months, i`ve called her, because i was looking for someone to stay with me, because i pay for that house, every month.She is here, with me for 2 months, but i don`t know how to tell her, that i just wanna be with her, like friends, but i don`t know how to say it, because even if i don`t want to stay with her, i care about her, and i don`t wanna make her to cry and to suffer. Please answer me, and tell me what i should do. i know that i made a big mistake, but please help me to resolv this problem.
8 people like this
31 responses
@Yori88 (1468)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
Yeah I agree that it is all your fault but since you are already in that situation the least you can do is to settle that problem. If you feel that the girl you're living with loves you then study her acts. After that plan the necessary actions that you could do. You can tell her that your feelings for her is only for a friend. It is better to be honest with her since you are on the same roof than lie to her. Inform her that you care for her as a friend and that you can no longer offer anything more beyond friendship. Communication is always the best way to settle things that are giving us trouble. Just use light and polite words that will not hurt too much. Let us face it she will be hurt but it is the only way to end your misery. Misery to yourself because you can not face her and explain that to her. Believe me after you do that you will feel free. There is nothing wrong on living together as long as your relationship is clear.
1 person likes this
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
today, i wrote 9 sms, but i didn`t sent them. I said myself that i`ll send thouse messages in the evening. I don`t know why. I wrote exactly what i see now that you`ve informed me. Hope that she will be ok. Thanks for answering
• Malaysia
22 Jan 09
i know what you mean by writing sms and not deliver them! because i have done it to myself.
@Yori88 (1468)
• Philippines
23 Jan 09
The only way to end a problem is to act on it. Now it is up to you on how you wanted to end your problem my friend. I wish I could help but it will only be then through prayers. Well I wish you all the best in the world and may she find the right man for her and you too. May that end as soon as possible so that you too can have peace of mind...and heart too.
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
21 Jan 09
I think you owe it to her to be honest. tell her that you would like her to live there but you think you should be friends. But i would wait till she has a new bf come around to bring a new girlfriend home.. that would be plenty awkward.
1 person likes this
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
21 Jan 09
I will be honest to her, but it`s hard for me to do that. Sure i will not bring girls home, when she will be there. She`s always gone home in weeked, so i would have enough time, but i`m affraid of her reaction. I don`t want her to suffer. She is too good for me. Honestly. But i don`t love her. I can`t love her...
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
21 Jan 09
Why can't you love her if she is soo good to you ? you know we often do not know what we have untill we loose it. . is this one of those times where when you are much older and wiser you will be saying .. oh why didn't i give ole so and so chance.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
21 Jan 09
there are a lot of things that she makes, and i don`t like. First of all, i don`t know how to say, but i try to explain. After she eat, she is having gases, but on mought... if you understand me.. she is shy, she it`s very curious and i fell like i`m in a cage. i don`t like how she is cooking.I just eat what i`m eating. I don`t like her food. She has other traditions than me, she eats different food than me...and a lot of other things.. Thanks for fast answer!
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
22 Jan 09
I believe that the best thing for you to do is to be honest with her about your feelings. You may both need to find new roommates. If her feelings for you are so strong that she has cried, she may not be able to continue to live with you. But being honest is still the right thing to do.
1 person likes this
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
25 Jan 09
She told me that her teacher offers her a free place to stay with teacher`s mother, and if she will stay there, she will work too as a nurse in the hospital. After she told me that, i`ve told her that i don`t wanna make her suffer, and that i want to be together, but with the condition that she will find a new boyfriend in the earling feature, even one year. She said that " if you want so.." and she wasn`t too mad. Do you think that i`ve done the wright thing.?
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
26 Jan 09
I think that she should take the other offer. This way, your relationship will be more clearly defined.
• Canada
22 Jan 09
When you date someone break up with them, then ask them to come live with you, you have to understand how this would look to her. Your leading her on without knowing it. When you asked her to come live with you, you probably should have stated your intentions. If you told her this was stricly as friends then if anythings gone on she should still keep that as an understanding. However has anything happened since you both moved in together that would suggest more than a friendship to her? Point is I don't think you should have asked her to move in with you especally since there was a past between you two. If you don't like her then you shouldn't really be using her so that you have to pay half of your rent. Either way this situation was created by you and should stop with you. The easiest and the hardest solution is simple. Tell her your feelings, your intentions of this move in and what you expect to see from here on out. Specify that you don't want her to get the wrong idea so you want to be sure this is clearly understood.
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Jan 09
I just read that you said you're sleeping with her. You have definitely put yourself in a difficult position. If you didn't like her you shouldn't be sleeping with her. If you didn't want her like that there should have been no relationship what so ever. You sounded like you knew from the beginning this is how you wanted it yet you still slept with her? Why are you using her like this.. not only her money but her emotions. You owe it to her to be honest with her. Enough with the games...
1 person likes this
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
25 Jan 09
i know that i deserve all that you said. I told her yesterday, that i wanna to be together from now one too, but i want her to find another. When she will find one, we`ll be just like friends. She wasn`t verry sad about that. Hope to be good. I don`t want her to suffer. I`ll make all i could to help her in life. I promise! thanks for the answer.
@melvill (392)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
Hello delkar. I think you should be very honest with her. Time passed by, and each time passed she will keep loving you more. It is better if you tell her about this asap. She will suffer more if you don't tell her this urgently. If you can't speak with her. Why don't you try to love her? Sometimes love can be taught. Good luck my friend.
1 person likes this
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
i said before. It`s hard to love her. First of all, she don`t attract me at all. Second, she is strange, she eats some food, that i`ll never try, she cooks very bad, i mean, i don`t like at all, or maybe it`s just because i don`t love her...? Don`t know what to think. This evening i`ll send her an sms and sunday she will come to talk one to each other.
• Canada
22 Jan 09
If your not attracted to her then why are you sleeping with her? That's not right.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Wow...at this point, it has gone way too far. I don't see how you could just be friends. She does have a right to know your true feelings. It sounds to me as if you called her up and asked her back because you needed help with house payments? Did I read you right on that? You led her to believe that it was because you cared about her? Now things are going good for you, you want to send her packing again but still be friends?? You want to be a good friend? If so then you should clue her in to what a lousy friend you really are. You'd be doing her the best favor that you have done her thus far. You started right off by saying that you didn't and don't like her. It sounds as if you are looking to ease your guilt as you know you used her and you know it is wrong.
1 person likes this
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
29 Jan 09
thanks for all my despription. i deserve all that you say. i don`t say that i don`t deserve that, but it wasn`t so badly, as you say. Let me tell you once again. When she camed here,we spoke that if we`ll not understand, we`ll broke up, without any feelings. She was ok with that. Now, as i said , i`ve told her, that we`ll stay together, but to have in mine, to find someone else.She was ok with that, because she said that if i want that, we made a deal, and that`s it.. Well, i proudly announce you all that today she went out with a friend of her(a girl) and she camed home happy. She had fun with that girl. I think that this it`s just the begining, she will meet another boys, and all it will be just fine. Thanks once again for answering me.
@yanzalong (10151)
• Indonesia
26 Jan 09
You should have told her when she came to stay with you for the first time. So she was your ex girlfriend and you wanted her to stay with you because you didn't want to make her cry. May I ask you questions? During her stay with you, what do you do exactly to her? I mean do you show to her that you are just a friend by not being intimate to her? Do you see her reaction toward your being aloof to her?
1 person likes this
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
28 Jan 09
to be honest, i made all that i suppose not to do. i`m honest. At least that `s what i cand do now. I`ve told her all, and she said it`s ok . She didn`t seems to be too affedted, sometimes she really is. But i think i`ve done the right thing in the end, and spoke verry well with her, if she it`s not crying. Sure that she is suffering, but that will pass. i`ll be next to her for a wile... Thanks for your answer and questions too.
• Brazil
22 Jan 09
The only thing to do is to be honest with her and tell her how you really feel. While time passes this situation will just get worse and worse so donĀ“t wait too long to tell her the truth.
1 person likes this
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
i`ll send her 9 sms to tell her what i feel , and i`ll talk with her on sunday, because now she it`s on her parents. Hope to be ok. Thanks a lot for your answer.
@France7 (385)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
In my opinion, it would be better for you to open up your real feelings towards her. For sure, this will hurt her, but it is the only way to make things right. Just try to imagine that you are in her shoes and that your friend or ex-boyfriend called you up again, asking you to be with him...you would joyfully respond because you still love him. Nevertheless, you learned from someone else that your ex-boyfriend just asked you to stay with him because he just needs company. What will you feel? Isn't it that it is more hurting?...I hope this helps:)
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
if you wanna understnd why i did that, please read above, someone said pretty much like you. and i answered that. It`s too many to write again. please do that. Thanks for your answer.
@France7 (385)
• Philippines
24 Jan 09
Oh I see. I just you made the right decision. In this life, we have choices to make, and in every choice we make, there's always consequence. Thus, we need to be responsible about our choices. Goodluck!:)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 09
hmmm. i think you should try to get a new place and straight things out with her. find yourself a new place first before you explain these things to her. at least you have a place to stay IF she kicks you out of the house. because the more you stay longer with her, you are just hurting yourself and later hurt her more again. and i;m sure you don't want this to happen again. before things get more complicated and before it gets worse i reckon you to move to a new place. but the both of you still can be friends. try to have a slow talk to her. i think she can understand if you explain things properly and use the right words to her.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
21 Jan 09
it`s not for the living. Because i was the first who stayed there, and she camed after, but that`s not the thing. We both pay taxes, and other, ebcause we are from different cities and i had rented an apartament and now she stays there with me. I don`t wanna go from there, but i don`t want her to leave, because, as friends, we are very understanding. It`s verry god as friends. Do you think i should send her an SMS to tell her, that all it`s ok, but she should find another boy? What can i say to her? I don`t have words to say it in face..
• Malaysia
22 Jan 09
owh boy. i get the picture right now. ahmm. let me see. try to give her a hint that you just want to be friends with her. if you said that she's understanding and all. why not TRY to talk to her about a girl form work from instance and try to ask her about opinion about 'the girl from work'. maybe she gets the hint out of it or i hope she won't burst into tears!
@dumindum (160)
• Oman
22 Jan 09
Be good to her like she is with you and honest too. Then slowly give her hints that you dont like her. Make her understand it by her own before you tell it. I know to me to say it is a easier than to actually do it
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
i did that. i was giving her hints, but nothing until now. All that remains it`s to tell her what i feel.
@mimico (3619)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
Just to clarify, is she paying rent too? If not, the just tell her to live elsewhere because you need the finances to pay for rent. Anyway, if you guys aren't sleeping together and you don't hate her I don't really see the problem. What's wrong with living with your ex who you don't love when you have separate rooms anyway? Maybe if you start seeing someone else then the girl will be uncomfortable and just leave on her own will. :)
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
i don`t want to be rude with her. yes, she it`s paying all half with me. yes we have 2 rooms, but i don`t think it will be honest to live like that anymore. i just want to be friend with her. Yes we are sleeping together.
@Patzi_md (129)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
the first thing to do is to be honest with her, you can say it in a way that would not hurt her feelings. You can say that you don't wanna lose her, and she is important to you, but friendship is only you can offer. And whatever happens you'll always be with her no matter what. If she couldn't still understand, then you have to give her up, because the more that she sees you everyday like what you said that you're living on the same roof, the more she wouldn't get over you.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
it`s gonna be hard, no matter what i say. But i like a lot what you`ve teached me: from you can say, till no matter what. It`s a verry good answer. Thanks a lot!
@aspnaren (314)
• India
22 Jan 09
This has t be handled very softly.If go and tell her directly ,it will not be wise.So tell her that you are not suitable one for her and make her choose any other guy.Make her understand that you take care of her and thats why you do this. OK,this is just my suggestion.ignore this if it is not suitable to you.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
it`s verry good what you are saying. I might do that, i must think how to be good more for her than for me, because she will suffer. I`m not so sensitive now, i felt love, emotion, mad, and more emotions in my life, and nothing it will hurt me anymore( i think).
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
Ohhh thats bad. You are being unselfish and insensitive. You are betraying her in terms of emotion. You have to try thinking of putting yourself with her and what will you feel then? If you think it is good and okay for you, then go... Just let it be... But if you think it will hurt you and broke your heart at the end, then, you have to make a decision NOW!!! Be true and express yourself. Dont hide things especailly when it comes to emotions and feelings.okay? BE A MAN!!!
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
i must admit that i know how it is to be hurt, but i didn`t wanted to. It just happened. in this evening i`ll send her 9 sms to tell her all, and i`ll talk with her sunday, when she will come home. Now it`s on her parents 60 km far from here.
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
22 Jan 09
this is how I see it. you haven't let go of your ex, the one that you had 2 yrs relationship with. you might think you have, but you haven't. let it go. she is gone now, no longer in your life. once you are completely free of your past, it will be easier to move on. you will know what exactly you want, who you want to have relationship with and if you don't want to have relationship with this new girl, you will know what to say. but first, you will have to completely close the door behind you. this new girl has nothing to do with your ex or your past relationship. you should see her as an entirely new element in your life, friend or not. you said you didn't like her, but why you called her to share house bills, among all people? you don't want her suffer but you already caused her pain with this uncertainty. so take a break, take a vacation go somewhere alone for a week or more and clear your mind. maybe visit a relative or a friend that lives out of town, meeting someone that knows you well is a good idea. once your mind is clear you will know what to do. what her reaction will be, that's hers to deal with.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
well, i must make you understand. My ex, ( 2 years old relation) it`s not the problem. I forgot that girl in 2 weeks or maybe 1 month. I loved her at the begining, but then all the love dissapeared, because she was too mad every day. Sometimes, when we were fighting, she was climbing on the roof of her house, and i was scared not to do something... Like i said, she was, i don`t fell anything about her. Now, my problem it`s with this one. I know what i have to do, to tell her in face, what i feel, and more, but it`s hard, because i don`t like to make people to suffer . But i`ll do it.
@diansinta (7551)
• Indonesia
22 Jan 09
Dear delkar, I assume that you are a very quite person. Guys like you will makes girls wonder fr what was you thinking, And i think that she wait you to tell her something. She will wonder do my cook well or what did you allow in the house or not.. My friend, Sometimes we cannot make somebody to read our mind. To have a guts to make her understand, say something. or if you don't like something , say it. Teach her to know you and teach her a manner in the table (i read about it in your comment post that she fart after meal) Say it. You know, sometimes Real communication make things better. All the best Happy posting always !! oxox'dian from bali island.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
i know that you are saying the true, but it`s too much to "work" with her. I don`t have time now for that. I suffer too, because i`m almost 22, and i didn`t find my half. If i wanna make her how i want, this will take maybe a year, and i don`t know if she will be how i want a girl to be. Thanks for your answer.
• India
22 Jan 09
well cant u get another roommate other than your ex-girlfriend?? I suggest you have a chat with this unfortunate girl and tell her how you feel about your situation.. Tell her that you will be bringing girls home and she should be okay with that.. and i dont understand why you cannot be with her if you care about her so much.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
she is verry different ... she eats something else ( i mean food that i will not try ever! ) , the make some sounds when she eats and after she eats. To be honest, i think that i`m not asking too much. I just want a cute girl, wich know how to be a girl. I`m asking too much? I don`t think so.. Thanks for your answer.
@silverjam (969)
• United States
22 Jan 09
Sorry but it seems you did a very confusing thing to begin w/. I don't understand why you have called her to stay w/ you when you don't like to have any romantic relationship w/ her anymore. Just being friends w/ her might sound a little odd considering that you guys had been together for a while. And calling her back to stay w/ you sounds like wanting her back in your life and I guess she's pretty much interpreting it that way. If you're calling her back is for you to have some company and to have somebody to share w/ the expenses in the house w/o minding her feelings at all then I guess you are both selfish and insensitive. if you don't want to move in another house (as an excuse to let her go) then I guess you should be honest w/ her so you won't be hurting her more.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
let me make you understand me. when i called her to saty with me, she said that she comes only if we`ll be together. we "negociate " and we said that she will come here, to stay with me, we`ll be together, but if we will not understand, or something else, we`ll broke up, and nobody will suffer. I don`t say that nobody will suffer, but we made a deal, and i hope that she will understand that we are not made one for other. Thanks for your answer
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
I think you are a very good person with a soft heart at that. Who knows, you already love your girl. If you don't care a bit about her, so what IF she cries. If you think that you can't love her the way you wanted to love someone, tell it straight to her face so that she will not be expecting so much from you. Just be careful not to have a child with her because it will add more complication to your already complicated life. The best thing that you could do is set her free. It is unfair for you and her to stick with each other where in fact you know that there is no future for the two of you. She is no comfort woman, I guess.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
22 Jan 09
i know that i should tell her in the face, but i don`t have the straith. It`s hard, because even if i don`t love her.. i`ll send her in this evening 9 sms... and then i`ll talk with her..