My brilliant relationship observation for the day

@dawnald (84146)
Shingle Springs, California
January 22, 2009 9:56pm CST
Been talking to people online for going on three years now. Of late I've spoken to a lot of people who are having relationship problems of one sort or another. And it's interesting, the ones who talk about their spouses/partners a lot in their blogs seem to be in pretty stable, happy relationships. The ones who rarely or never talk about them are the ones who seem to be struggling with relationship problems. Does that sound reasonable or am I way the heck off base?
4 people like this
15 responses
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
24 Jan 09
Maybe the people who are in stable relationships are bored and they need something to complain about loll i have no idea.. I dont like to share too many negative things with people about my life, cause negitivity is contagious!! i know it!! besides. nothing is ever really as bad as it seems in the moment.. at least in my life.. i'm sure there are many exceptions to that though.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Jan 09
There are always exceptions. My cousin just lost her father to cancer right after she split with her husband and then a car fell on her son and he is recovering from a spinal injury. Far as I'm concerned, if she wants to be negative she has every right!
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
25 Jan 09
wow, yes.. in that case.. but i'm not sure that she's being negative.. taht really is a whole lot of bad things happening to her all at once.. my complaints and negativities are much much less severe then that. .
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Jan 09
Mine too!
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
23 Jan 09
Hi there Dawn, Nope, I think you're absolutely right. In general I think people try to avoid the unpleasant things in life. As I read your posting I immediately got the image of an off ostrich its head in the sand. As humans I think we are basically lazy. We don't want to do hard work, and so given a choice between an easier road and a longer more difficult one most people will choose the easy road. One of the other things I have often thought about when I speak to those online, is are they isolated and using their computers to reach out to the world. I for one am having fun posting here and talking with people but, I also have other things to do ... It amazes me how much time some people will admit to spending online. Now, don't get me wrong I'm not saying that all people online are looney, I'm just wondering if those online spend so much time there because they are unable to relate to the outside world? Those are just my observations for the day. Happy Mylotting!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
I'm loony... Actually part of my problem is that I moved up here to Sacramento 3 years ago and haven't really made any friends here. But I've made a lot of good friends online. Still I need to get offa my butt and make more effort to meet people who are local.
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
23 Jan 09
Alright Dawn, Well, you said it get off your bottom and get moving! No more taking the easy road out for you.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
soon as I get offa this boring conference call...
@palonghorn (5485)
• United States
24 Jan 09
Not sure that you are too far off, but that didn't happen with me. I have remarked about my s/o in many discussions on here, always for the good. He is a great guy. But, we are parting ways. I'll be moving in the next month or so, after I take care of all my personal business and things I have to do before moving. It just doesn't work if only one of the pair is working and fighting for the relationship to go on.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Jan 09
I'm going to bet that you are an exception to my little rule. But yes if only one person is working on it, it just isn't going to work. Hope you find something that works better for you!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 09
Thank you, but, for me, I won't be looking for a new relationship anytime too soon! lol, after 3 divorces and now this, what I thought was 'the one'. If it happens fine, but I won't be looking for anyone anytime in the near future.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
23 Jan 09
That's probably true mainly as a reflection of how they feel about this person. Not that their marriage is in trouble because they don't talk about their spouse, right?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
Well just because somebody doesn't talk about the spouse, doesn't mean their marriage is in trouble. But probably if the person is blogging about anything and everything in their life but the spouse gets no mention, there is something wrong there.
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
23 Jan 09
I gotcha. Sounds about right.
1 person likes this
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
23 Jan 09
your seem to be on que with with bits. but people who don't talk about their relationship can be just as happy and not want to share things. i'm not happy at the moment my partner is being a right old pain the butt to everyone, i'm not wanting to be with him anymore. but how do you walk away from an nearly 8yr old relationship? plus there's a child involved.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
How do you walk away from an 8 year relationship with a child involved? I guess you first do whatever possible to work it out. But if you can't work it out and you're unhappy, surely the child is going to sense that. Sometimes the children are better off when the parents split. Just depends...
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
23 Jan 09
i'm finding you can feel better about a problem if you can talk about it. that's why user names is really good, we don't know who each other are in a sense. then we can come here for help. it's a long story on what's gone over the few yrs and things are only getting worse at times. if i was writing a blog i wouldn't mention family problems, just the funny stuff that happens in the day to day life. like i can tell you what my partner is up to, i've given up on my work mate and figihting over the issue. i get up earlier for work and nearly finished by the time my partner get out of bed to go milk his parents cows. i usually go over and help finish off their milking. i used to fight this a bit with my work mate but now just join him, in seeing who's right on if my partner is still at home and i've got to help milk their cows as well. (the dairy i work at is about 1km from where my house is) that is getting really annoying, my partner sleeps in 99% of the time, don't ask why, cause he's just being lazy. we don't know for sure, his parents are sick of putting up with his crap.cause come school time i'm not wanting to have to milk a full milking, and be in a rush to get my son ready for school. like yesterday morning, i finished work and got home, hes still in bed. my son was outside playing. so i walk in and wake him up and i get i'm sick and have been spewing. thing is there's never any evidence of any sick around the place, so i just walk out the door and leave with my son. i get over to the farm and have to go to his parents house to get his dad so he can feed the cows, and i milk. his mum says to me isn't .. up there? i said being sarastic she's got more of a chance of having a heart attack then ... being up the dairy. so she comes up to help me, my father inlaw then goes over to my place to wake my partner up. then everything errupts from there. my partner was a pain in the butt all morning, and being nothing but rude to all of us. thing is it taking it's toll on my son, he's starting to back chat and yelling at me. i'm not having a good time at the moment with him. especially if we're at the farm or home and he doesn't want to do something. but he's good if we go over to my mums place. can any one help on what i should do, my partners parents are also sick of the behaviour they cop of him, it just so frustrating how do you walk.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
24 Jan 09
Hello dawny You might have something there but I used to talk about my husband a lot when I was having a hard time with just to vent my frustrations and because if I didn't let it out I would be in a ball in the corner, rocking and dribbling!!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Jan 09
But what I'm getting at is that people who don't talk about the spouse at all, but talk about everybody else under the sun may have problems that they aren't comfortable talking about.
@doddee (53)
• United States
24 Jan 09
That is me..."I blog and share pics of my kids, family members, and friends, but I don't mention my spouse" and I wouldn't have mentioned anything about it if it wasn't for your blogs. If I am asked I will be honest but otherwise I won't talk about my relationships. I think too that the ones who talk about their spouse/partners a lot seem to be in happy relationships. But you have to remember that the way they see the relationship is just one picture or side of the story. The partner or spouse could have a whole different picture. People can also be in denial. As long as you don't acknowledge that there is a problem everything is ok. My daughter use to defend her ex boyfriend who was a total jerk. She had to finally get a court order to get him out of the house and keep him away. She knows he was a jerk now but back then anytime he did something nice she would make an effort to point it out. But, the time he bashed the wind shield in when they were stopped at a stop light on their way home one night, she didn't mention that. We were pulling up at the stop sign and saw him do it. We had all met for dinner and were on our way home. We would ask why she stays with him and she would say that he was sorry and promised not to do it again. We only heard about the good stuff not the bad.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Jan 09
I guess denial is another possibility. Those are the ones where you think everything is wonderful and then suddenly they're splitting up and nobody who wasn't close to it ever had a clue!
@Raven7317 (693)
• United States
23 Jan 09
I think you might be right. One of the things that helps a person stay happy and stable is talking about the issues. So it only makes sense that someone who keeps their thoughts/feelings/issues all bottled up, would be unhappy because they can't express themselves. For me anyway...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
could just be they're very private about things, but it could be an indication...
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
23 Jan 09
Maybe there is some grain of truth in what you say. It is not proper to mix private life in this very public place as it doesn't serve any purpose. I have been numb about my private life online so far. It can do a lot more damage to the domestic life if it is being made known to the whole world. And people on the other end of the line can paint a different picture of you if you start rumbling on your private life in the net. It is better to draw a line between the virtual and real world but at the same instance enjoy your presence in both worlds.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
I agree that it's not good to be too public about private details. Better to work things out in private. I'm just saying that when you blog about things publicly and the spouse gets no mention whatsoever, good or bad, it could be an indication that there's a problem!
@GemmaR (8526)
23 Jan 09
Defininately! Talking is the key to any relationship whether that be with a partner or with a friend! Communication skills are the most important things in life; you can't move forward without them! If you talk through your problems they won't seem as big, and you may even feel silly having made such a big deal about them in the first place! Just talk them through and everything is fine, you are so right!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
I agree, but I wasn't really talking about communication with the spouse. I'm just saying that if you are blogging about your life and you never, ever mention the spouse, there is a possibility that it's because there is a problem there.
• Brazil
23 Jan 09
Once I read somewhere someone saying why people would do a personal blog to talk about their daily lives and feelings. That this was not something to show off on the internet. One thing is, to write about yourself truly is difficult, even more difficult when you know millions of people can read it. but I think is a challenge and is something I try to do on my personal blog. And about this thing of people just telling the good things. Well, most feel scared to loose other people, to see people letting go because nowadays is really hard to find someone that cares for your problems or wants to hear them. People just want to be there when everything is good. See on social networking sites that everybody seems to be always happy and have wonderful life. Do you think all of that is real? I donĀ“t.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
I do write personal blogs but they are about funny things the children do and funny memories and things that I want to share with the family and friends who are online. But I wouldn't be blogging about any really personal details good or bad. I just think that if somebody is in your life, and you blog about your life, and the person never, ever gets so much as a mention, it could be an indication that there is something wrong with that relationship.
@hildas (3031)
23 Jan 09
Yes! I think you have it right! Even with other issues also. We talk to someone and they seem ok and then out of the blue they seem to tell us all and I get shocked as I never would or guessed. My relationship is ok by the way.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
Happens a lot! And glad your relationship is ok! :-)
• India
23 Jan 09
well i dont know really.. i dont think there is ever a formula by which you can determine if someone is happy in his/her relationship or not.. no clue of knowing it.. i have met people who always praise their spouses and seem content in their marriage but sooner of later, i also hear they have had affairs or break ups.. So one can never be sure.. maybe people who dont talk about it prefer to keep their relationships private..
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
I think perhaps the ones who want to keep things private, keep most everything private. I'm thinking of people who talk about their lives, their children, etc. but the spouse is never or almost never mentioned.
@sameroad (3180)
• United States
23 Jan 09
I think that sounds about right. i have people tell me there problems sometimes. I guess because i'm a good listener? because i know i can't be of much help at giving them advice about what to do...but it does seem to be that... but not always. I have seen a some that are the other way around.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
Yep I have seen some on here that talk about the spouse when the relationship is really bad. But in that case, I think myLot was her place to come and vent and seek advice. I also think the spouse didn't really give a hoot...
@spalladino (17924)
• United States
23 Jan 09
No, I think you're pretty spot on. I have found that talking about problems in a relationship requires some opening up and involves feelings of vulnerability...not to mention the bad feelings that are brought to the surface. I have found that most people would rather keep those feelings buried.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 09
It's probably way too general. Some people are just really private. But I do think that a person who writes a lot of personal blogs about themselves, their children and other family members, but complete omits mentioning the spouse, might be having some problems.