Help around the house.

United States
January 25, 2009 3:30pm CST
I have a question for the stay at home mothers. I was wondering that since you stay home all day and cook and clean, when your husband is off do you expect him to help around the house and with the kids also. My husband told me awhile back that since he works and I stay home that he should not have to do nothing when he is home. Let me add that he also goes to school NOW. I plan on going back to work and let me say that I worked for the same company for 6 years until Hurricane Katrina so I always had a job until then. Once I do go back to work I really expect him to do alot more than what he does now. What do you think??
5 people like this
15 responses
@Raven7317 (693)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Upon deciding that DH would work and I would stay home to take care of the baby, I no longer expected anything but financial stability from my DH. That was the deal. He works, I stay home and take care of the house/baby. And this does not include mowing the lawn, snow removal and/or repairs to the house. This is still his job. Would I LIKE it? Sure. Does he help out with some things? Sometimes. I can say that the one thing that I expect is that when he's home, and he's not mowing the lawn, snowblowing or repairing something in the house, is that he make time for his son and me. I know if I ever were to go back to work, we'd do the best we could in splitting up the duties of running the house and raising the baby. He's fair like that and I appreciate it.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 09
I also am a stay at home mom. We have three children under the age of three. I quit working the last time after our middle child was about six months old and my husband decided that he was unable to care for the two children alone. We now frequently have "discussions" about the fact that although he has to work outside the home and I am here all the time I still need his help a little at least. Admittedly he has done a little more since the birth of our youngest who is now three months old. However he feels I should do all house work and at least 95% of all child care. Of course I believe that husbands should help both with housework and child care. Obviously if you are working as well it is only to be expected that you would need even more help. I sincerely hope that your husband will understand that and cooperate with your added requests for assistance. I personally have been unsucessful thus far getting real cooperation from mine. My only suggestion is to make very specific requests each time you need his assistance. That gets better responses from mine anyway.
• United States
26 Jan 09
Since I have been pregnant and sick all of my pregnancy he has really stepped up and taken care of things that I needed him to take care of. We have had talks about him helping me more before I got pregnant and it went in one ear and out of the other. Well guess what I did? I stopped cooking and romancing (I know that may be mean but I had to do what I had to do lol)but it helped alot since then.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
27 Jan 09
I guess it would depend on just how much of "not doing anything" is goin on..I mean if my husband came home and didnt even pick up after himself I'd knock the crap outta him..I have two teens I need to constantly be on I dont need to be doign it with my 40+ yr old husband too ya know...To be honest with you, i dont see why the whole household shouldnt contribute at least a little bit ya know...Pick up after yourself, put things away, help out with the dishes/animals/garbage collection etc etc...We all are part of the household and everyone should contribute at least somewhat...i dont mind doing the laundry, cleaning, cooking etc but i'm NOBODYs house maid...I expect my family to help a little...
• Canada
26 Jan 09
While I don't expect my husband to help me around the house everyday he still does sometimes when he sees me getting behind or stressed out. I am also a stay at home mom of 2 children and I babysit on the side to make a little extra income. So I am very busy during the day. I keep the house clean, not always tidy because of the kids and there is usually a meal on the table when he gets home...if he is home on time...usually it is waiting for him in the microwave because he puts in long hard hours, So I do not want him having to help me when he gets home. But He does and I love him for it. If I was working he would diffently help out around the house because we are in a very open and considerate relationship...Plus when I am sick and in bed he takes over everything...cooking and cleaning...I love him for this and so much more. Hopefully your husband feels the same way when you return to work!
• India
26 Jan 09
There shoud be no division of work really. It is both teh husband and wife's house and if they are happy together, they want to help each other and share things and responsibilities at home. i am surprised tah tyou r husband says that you should not expect him to do anything at home since he is working. What will happen when yo start working? willhe resent yourwrokingor willhe resent to do do work at home? My wife is working and leaves before me and I doa lot of things at home which she does not have to tell me to do. It comes from within. I feel like doing it just to help her. Neither of us have ever had a problem regarding division of work. If she is busy i do it and if I am busy she does it.
@jessi0887 (2794)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I don't stay home anymore but when i did it was similar. I would expect alittle help from my fiance but he would think except i am home all day why can't I. Well i take care of a crying baby half the time for one. He would take out the trash maybe every other week. He is not the same anymore but now i work and clean.
@sunnypub (2131)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Here is the way I look at it. My hubby goes off to work while I stay home and work. Yes being a stay-at-home mom is a job, in fact it is a very important job. So my hubby works his 8 hours or whatever and then he comes home. Once he walks in the door, then my work day is over as well. From that point on we are simply both home from work and we do what we need to do. For the most part he does anything if I ask him and he takes care of most of the outside side stuff at home. The big problem with this whole situation is people not realizing or accepting that being a say-at-home is an actual job. It just happens to have the exact same hours as your spouse.
@deanna2 (159)
• United States
26 Jan 09
yes i beleive that a husband should help around the house when he is off because just as much as he needs time off so do you some men beleive that staying home and cooking cleaning and taking care of the kids is not hard well i'm here to tell you i know it is and no matter what a woman should have a couple day a week to do what she enjoyes to releive stress.
@ersmommy1 (12605)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I am a stay at home mom of 2. I also work from home aside from caring for house, hubby and kids, and dog. My hubby is a HUGE help around the house. alot less would get done as quickly without him. We are a team. Yes I do more now on the domestic side, but we came to that choice together. I say if your hubby helps make some of the mess he should do some of the work cleaning it up.
@bing28 (3800)
• Philippines
26 Jan 09
I think husbands do help wives especially when they are starting a family and others do continue helping at home during their free times. Should we see our husbands really loaded with works and when they're home it's only the time for them to rest, we wives understand that same as what they do once they were the one left at home if we got the job. If we really can't make it, I think, we can get a house maid, should it won't affect much our budget.
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
26 Jan 09
Hi, A house becomes 'home' when one partner RESPECTS others contribution.It is not true that when a wife stays back in the Home(?) she does not work.Practically she works more, as it is her home.therefore, she expects also when the Husband is back home a little share of work-load will be shared by Him too.If this not happening, U must have a one-to-one sitting to Value the Relationship.it's possible that it will change His Male-shovinistic MINDSET. =Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
• Philippines
26 Jan 09
It is unfair for a husband to expect that when he comes home from work, he can simply put his feet up while you continue to slave around the house. Tell him "Excuse me, we moms do our jobs 24/7, with barely no days-off! You could at least ease the load from my shoulders once in a while by helping out with whatever you can." I get frustrated when I hear stories like yours. Husbands should understand that wives need a break every now and then from the myriad of chores that we do everyday. I'm quite fortunate that my hubby readily volunteers his help when he's home from work. I can even request him to stay with the kids for a few hours so I can take a breather and get some "me" time by simply strolling around the mall or meeting a friend or two. I remember an Oprah episode I saw a few years back. They were discussing the importance of "mommy time" such that "if mom is not happy, everybody in the family will be miserable". After watching that, I became more assertive about having my "days-off". So do get your moments of freedom too once in a while to refresh yourself. Let your husband know that you need that to continue to be a better wife and mom.
@Pleiades (847)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Nikkii: This was my question some two years ago. I had the same issue you had just placed before us and...it gained lots of responses. I had two children from a previous marriage and didn't go back to work after our first child was born. Things were going well and I did everything, cooking, cleaning, etc. Well, when I was pregnant with our second child, that's when things were going downhill. I was not only with child, I had to cook, clean, drive the ex around (he had lost his license), tend to the older children, do yard work, take care of the pool AND "volunteer" at the church's daycare for free. What did the husband do? According to him, all he had to do was work his 40 hour a week job and that was it. His days off were just that. I can count on one hand the amount of times he worked on the yard. I forget all of what was included with my discussion, but it was heartwrenching. How can it say in the bible that the curse of man is to toil the land and the women must give birth to children when these days, the men don't work as hard as they used to. With your situation, I'd say you can try to tell your hubby that even though he works and you don't, it would bring you two together (as well as some exercise and quality time) for you to do chores around the house together. Think of all the things you can plan and discuss. Good luck. *Pleiades
• United States
26 Jan 09
My husband works full time outside the home. I homeschool my children, and keep the house up. I also work online for cha cha, and every Friday night, as a night nurse. During the week, I expect very little of him. He does help clean up the table after dinner, and dinner prep. Garbage sometimes, and he always mows the grass. On Friday and Saturday he is expected to take care of the children, and keep the house somewhat clean. That is only fair, and I would not have it any other way.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
25 Jan 09
Boy what a coincidence. I am a little bit in the same situation. I am a stay at home mother and my husband works. But he doesn't go to school like your spouse does. However it is still the same difference here. I agree that a husband should help his wife no matter what. Don't they think that us wives get tired too. We might not work outside of the home but our jobs never end what with the cleaning and taking care of a child or children. I just have one child. It must be harder for those with more. I get the feeling that my husband feels that he shouldn't always have to help with the housework. I got to admit that he does step in from time to time and he is a good father. I would expect that your husband should help you more especially after you return to work.