A reminder of old In Law Drama

United States
January 26, 2009 8:01am CST
In another discussion I explained how my FIL got on my last nerve this morning by calling my house and basically demanding to use our car since his has died. Well this reminds me of something that happened a couple years ago. Here's the story: My twins were 4 years old, and I'd just had my 4th child. Hubby and I only had 1 car we had to share, and it was a small car. It could not fit the 6 of us. If we had to go somewhere as a family I'd have to leave my oldest son (who was about 9) at home and squish 2 booster seats and an infant car seat in the back of our tiny car. And if I needed the car on a day hubby had to go to work I'd have to leave my son at home, drive half an hour to drop hubby off, half an hour back, then do it again in the evening to pick him up. Needless to say it was difficult on us. Well I had just gotten the twins into Head Start that year, it's a pre-K program. Unfortunatly, this program was self transport, they did not bus the children to and from school. Luckily it is only 5 blocks from us, so walking wasn't a huge issue on a nice day. But when head start began my baby was only 3 months old, and I'd have to walk with him and the twins regardless of the weather. It was very difficult in the rain and cold. I didn't even have a coat for the baby at first. Well, at this time my FIL had 2 cars, and only 1 of them was being used. MIL had broken her back, so could not drive at the time, and it didn't look as if she'd be getting better anytime soon (we actually thought she was dying at the time because she had many health issues). The car they were not using needed a bit of work, but it was slightly larger than the car we had, and the front seat was a bench seat, so you could squish 6 people into this car. So we asked FIL to give us this car, he said no. A few months later FIL went and bought himself a van, so now he had 3 cars, 2 of which were not being used. We asked again, he still said no! Here my family was struggling with one car we couldn't all fit into, and he had 3 cars he didn't need, but wouldn't give us one of them he never used. We would have paid to fix it up, and even told him it would be temporary until we could afford to buy a van, then we'd give him his car back, already fixed. He still said no! Fast forward another couple months, hubby ends up in a horrible accident and his car is totalled. Because the insurance was in FIL's name, he got the $2,000 from the insurance policy. He should have given that money to us so we could have purchased another vehicle. Instead he gives us one of the 2 cars sitting in his driveway, unfortunatly not the one we wanted. He gave us MIL's car, which is basically just as small as the car we had. We still could not fit all the children. We don't know what he ended up doing with our insuarance money, he claims he had to pay medical bills. So, a bit over a year later, after I'd had my 5th child, we finally were able to purchase my van. Hubby is still driving his mother's old car, but we now finally have 2 vehicles which we fit into comfortably. But can you believe FIL was actually upset when we purchased my van? It was our money we bought the van with, but when we got it, he actually said to us that he wanted MIL's car back!! It didn't matter that she didn't want it and neither of them would ever use it. He basically just didn't want us to have 2 vehicles. Now is it any wonder why I don't like this people?
1 person likes this
8 responses
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Oh my gosh!!! I can completely understand your frustration and I don't even have in-laws that bother me. Just reading your story I was getting frustrated!!! Obviously you have the patience of a saint and love your husband very much! Your smart that you come on here to vent because it probably saves alot of headaches if you were to do it directly to them. It is one thing if they want to be stingy towards you, the adults, but knowing your walking in bad weather with THEIR Grandchildren and not offering to help out...that is sad. Kudos to you for handling it so well!!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 09
That is exactly what frustrated me at the time. They knew it was affecting the kids so horribly. I was shocked to think they could do that to their grandkids, but that was just the first in a long line of shocks. There've been many times we've needed them to help us with something for the kids, and they have refused. It's happened so many times I've lost count. That was one of the worst, but there was also a time I was begging for help when my twins were newborns. I just wanted MIL to come sit with them for awhile to give me a break, I wasn't even going to go anywhere, I just wanted a few minutes to myself. Well she said she had to clean her house so couldn't help me!
1 person likes this
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
26 Jan 09
The whole twin thing I can completely understand that!! I have twins that are 9 now but when I found out I was pregnant with them my son was 5 months old. My husband and I actually had to move in with my parents. We all figured it would be easier to be there, then have them going back and forth from our house. Granted these were my parents, my husband mom did not do squat! The first time she saw them she brought a couple packs of diapers and said I hope this helps you out. Not to sound ungrateful, it did help, but come on!!!! Like I said before, you must a be a strong person to deal with this as often as you do.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 09
Luckily my son was 5 years old when the twins were born, but it still had moments of difficulties. We litterally had no one to help us out during those first few years, no one! That is the only reason I was begging his mother for help, because she was my absolute only hope, and she refused. It wasn't a fun time in my life, and it should have been. Having children is supposed to be special, but because of my stress and lack of help, it was nothing but difficult, stressful, and frustrating for me.
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@ravinskye (8245)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Wow. I can not believe you have to put up with in laws like that. It makes my mother in law look pretty good lol. Seriously it just makes me sick to my stomach to think someone could be that selfish. It's disgusting. I can't believe your husband lets that happen. I would flip the heck out on my parents if they ever acted like that. So did you let him use your car this morning? I would have told him where he could stick it.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 09
Unfortunatly hubby had already left by the time I got the messages this morning, and he was on his way to their house to pay them their rent money, so he didn't know I didn't want them to use the car. So yes, they have it. On the plus side, the car has no gas and no heat, so it's actually more of an inconvenience for them, lol.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8245)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Well that is good lol, maybe they won't ask for it again.
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@cynthiann (18637)
• Jamaica
26 Jan 09
nd I am being polite when I use the word nice. He cannot love his son (leave you out of it) or his grnadchildren if you had to walk every day holding a baby? This is madness and then to deprive you of insdurnace money. I do not know what is going on in his mind but this is a dreadful way to treat all of you. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. Blessings
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 09
That's not even the half of it. Ya know, I do a lot of complaining about MIL, but honestly FIL is the worst. MIL just doesn't think, FIL is down right cruel sometimes. I could go on and on about the things he's done, and most of them are just rude and horrible things.
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@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I can really see why you have problems with them. My parents are kind of like that also. They have a lot of money and we are struggling. I had to borough $200 form them last summer just to get the bills paid. I thought at that time I would be able to pay it back in December but when December rolled around we still were in a tight spot with money so I told him I could not pay him back. He came to visit in December and he gave our kids presents and then turned to me and said. "You never paid me back so you do not get a present." Now, usually he gives me a check for $300 for Christmas and another one for my birthday which is the next day. Instead I got nothing this year. Don't you think he would have just subtracted the $200. No he just with held everything. I asked my sister if he gave her the check this year and she said yes. So I know he was holding a grudge because we did not pay him like I had said I would. Now, My wife's father is a different story. He would give us the shirt off his back if we needed it. Why can't every one be like that.
• United States
26 Jan 09
That's pretty rude of your father, especially knowing what a tight spot you're in. My in laws do not have money, they never have. They're on a fixed income and barely survive, although they do not spend their money wisely. We give them rent because they own the house we live in, plus they get social security and my FIL gets disability. They claim to constantly be broke, but hubby says they should have an extra $600 a month, so I don't know what they're doing with their money. But they want to blame us for their financial issues because of the house we live in. In actuality, FIL bought his van after buying this house, his van costs him $300 a month... don't you think it's the van causing his financial issues and not the house? Especially considering they used the loan to pay off their mortgage first, and bought this house outright, so now they only have the loan, and that is just as much as their mortgage was. I don't see how it's our fault, not to mention we didn't ask them to buy the house, we just accepted the offer to move in.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
26 Jan 09
It makes it real hard when they hold something over your head like that. It doesn't make since if they own the house out right and you are paying them rent then they are coming out ahead because of that. They are just making excuses for the sake of being mean.
• United States
28 Jan 09
now you know you should just drop everything and let the old goat use your van!! that was a joke by the way!!! ha ha hell no i cant believe that he done that back when yall needed to use one of his and said no and not even using the dang thing. thats just hateful not to mention he wasnt hurting u but the kids. i mean good greif. i have always been taught to treat others as you want to be treated and my favorite is kill em with kindness. its hard sometimes. i cant say i would let him use mine id probley be a winch and remind him of the time i needed his help!
• United States
28 Jan 09
Problem is I have to keep reminding my husband of the times we needed their help! He forgets so easily. So what happens is when his dad ticks him off, he goes to his mom and suddenly in his eyes she can do no wrong. He's always "Well at least she wants to give us the house, at least she understands why we need the car, she does this and she does that" and blah blah blah blah. Then I remind him of all the stuff she put us through too, like she couldn't come help me with the kids because she had to clean her house! I mean geez.
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Hey kats! Wow! Now that I know the whole story I don't blame you for not even wanting to talk to this azzhole! And how can your husband just let him get away with all that? He wouldn't even lend you a car when you needed it and took the insurance money and now he wants to borrow your car? This man is really a selfish pathetic jerk! Your husband really needs to put his foot down or up his father's azz! Enough is enough! It's not like they did something wonderful for you when you needed help! And I know how it feels to hate to hear someone's voice on an answering machine! There are times that I cringe when I hear my Mother's voice! But, that's another story!
• United States
27 Jan 09
Honestly, that's not the whole story, lol, but now you're getting a picture of my FIL. He's basically been that much of a jerk since we moved into this house. The whole situation has caused issues between my husband and I. Actually it was causing issues long before any of this even started. There were times I was even considering leaving him just to be away from them. He has a serious problem standing up to them, but it's not just them. He won't stand up to anyone. We're working on it. I can't imagine how they'd treat him if I wasn't around to put my foot down once in awhile.
@bamrahkirti (1819)
• India
27 Jan 09
It is very rude and selfish on part of your in laws.They should have helped you in difficult times but often in laws do not realize that in later years when they will be old and need somebody to be with them to look after them ,due to their present behavior they miss this opportunity and later on rue.I am blessed with good in laws and stay with them.But one problem i have that they are very-very interfering.I cook something and it is being interrogated by my FIL that why i am making it?My MIL is a very lazy person and does not like to do any household chores.She does not like cooking food .When i go home i arrange the clothes,clean my room,take care of the child,cook dinner as well as meal for next day's lunch because she is not going to make it when i am away to work.But i am indebted to them as they are taking good care of my son.
@lilybug (21182)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Wow, what a mess. He is down right mean. The things you have to put up with out of your inlaws. Makes me glad they are not mine. My own father is bad enough.