Mother Admits She Doesn't Love Her Daughter!

United States
January 26, 2009 4:46pm CST
I just came across this article and it broke my heart. Another sad thing is that I'm sure this mother isn't the only one out there who feels this way nor is her child the only one who is unloved. I think this mother should have took this "secret" to her grave. Wonder how this little girl will feel when she gets older and is able to read all about her mother's feelings for her. How sad it must be to be living in the home with her mother's "love of her life" and to see them bond. I can't imagine. I feel so sad for this little girl. I just want to scoop her up and hug her and love her. If this mother felt this way from the start, she should have given her up to a family who would want to love her. What are your feelings on this? Have you ever felt this way with your own children? Do you know anyone who shows these same feelings towards their own children? Mother Admits She Doesn't Love Her Daughter by Jennifer Jordan Jan 22nd 2009 5:02PM Shelley Price doesn't love her own daughter, and fears she never will. This tearful mother of two is telling her story because she believes that she isn't the only mother to ever tackle such a taboo subject, and hopes she may help others come to terms with this unspeakable truth. How can this be? (Update: The story that originally ran on dailymail in the UK on January 22, 2009 was pulled off the site the following day. Read on and you'll easily see why.) She was just 22 when she had her eldest daughter, Catherine, now 11. Shortly after Catherine's birth, a five-year relationship with the father fizzled. That didn't help matters. "It was obvious that something wasn't right from the start," said Price. The night Catherine was born, Price says she didn't want to look or touch her. Her maternal malfeasance continues to this day. Playgroup pickup was something to dread, she recalls no landmarks such as a first tooth and when Catherine is sick, Grandma is called in. She admits to ignoring her daughter's attempts to get her attention and to not wanting to be physically close to her. "I did hug Catherine, but it was always half-hearted," Price said. "I always told her I loved her but I never really felt it or meant it." That is just awful. Particulary when there is another child in the house now, Poppy, 2, a daughter who she calls "the love of my life" by her current partner. I can understand how at times we might not like our children, say, when they break stuff or hit their sister. But that doesn't mean we don't love them. Also, many new moms, myself included, feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of a new baby. Coupled with the baby blues or postpartum depression, it's often very hard to bond. I have a friend who admitted to me she wasn't immediately bowled over by her son when she first had him. Many moms go through that. But as time went on, she grew to love her son more than life itself. That's how you should feel when you have a child, right? Isn't loving our children -- whether it's at first sight or through time -- part of what makes us human? Psychologists say that a mother's failure to love her child can result from depression, feelings of inadequacy or when the child reminds her of a bad relationship (i.e., the co-parent). Price fits neatly here, although she says not so. On the plus side, if there is one, Price recognizes her shortcomings and is trying hard to improve her relationship with her older daughter. "Sometimes, if I've been playing with Poppy, she'll come and sit next to me, put her head on my shoulder and her arm round me, waiting for me to cuddle her," she said. "I look at her little face and know I've hurt her. I do care deeply for Catherine, but I have just never felt the same bond with her." Instead of a good night kiss and "I love you, honey," Catherine hears a nightly whisper in her ear. "I'm sorry for the way I've been with you." Isn't your heart breaking?
2 people like this
20 responses
• United States
27 Jan 09
I am sure it is sad for both the mother and daughter. And it is good that the mother is trying to work on things it sad to have to go through something like this I could not imagen not loving one of my kids they are the world to me and have been since they day they were born and My be things will turn out alright this is somthing I am sure just broke alot of ppls hearts as it did mine
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jan 09
oh!that sucks!! what kind of mother she is and what kind of heart she has..tsk tsk.. im very much grateful that i have an exceptional mother who loves me and my siblings so much despite our shortcomings as her children..and i love her so much..that's undeniable..
• Philippines
30 Jan 09
I believe that her child will grow with very low self esteem because even her own mother did not show to her the love that she wanted, the love that is supposedly be given to her. As a parent myself, it is our duties to show love and care to our children, who else will they receive love its only us..What I pity most was that she can really feels it that she doesnt love by her mother because she can see to it that her mom's favorite is her younger sibling..Me, I have 2 daughters but I dont show to them any favoritism all were equal I showered them with all my love and assured them that whatever happens I will loved them with all my heart..As a mom though its harder to provide them with all their material needs but still were really strive for my very best to give them whatever I can afford just to show them how much I really loved them..On emtoional needs, I showered them with all the love, the care. I have known somebody who really dont love their children, this child of her is her 2nd child since this child was born she was never been bought by her mom her needs like clothes . because she will just use the things of her older sister and this child at the early age of 3 knows thta her mom did not love her she just being put in the custody of a household helper until one time, his neighbor kept on asking that he will adopt the child, the mom without thinking is saying yes to her neighbor so in other words she gave her child to his neighbor..Until now that child was very close to his neighbor, they were providing the child all their needs, the love and care which she havent feel from her mom. Until one day her mom called her but now the child did not recognized her mom as her mom now because she felt that she did not receive any love from her..Though her mom is a walking doors away from her but her mom cannot afford to visit her not even once.
1 person likes this
• Canada
27 Jan 09
That's so sad! =( But I think that it's good to get these things out into the open. Motherhood isn't always kittens and sunshine, and it really can't be helped if she doesn't love her daughter. I really hope that the mother can work out her relationship with her daughter, and that the daughter will realize that it isn't her fault.
1 person likes this
@cyberfluf (5005)
• Netherlands
27 Jan 09
I think the best way to handle such a situation is to come clean about it. The fact that she is willing to see her own problem helps her to cope with the situation. People who need help can only get help if they are wanting to face their own problem, and this mother has. It's very hard to confess because it is frowned upon. It's very brave that she admits is and is willing to work on it.
• Canada
27 Jan 09
Oh how my heart breaks for both of them because the mother is also suffering in this situation. But it does happen..alot..think about the FAVORITE in a large family or even just two. Happens even in school, teacher's pet, the one choses prom queen etc. I was the favorite of the 9 siblings but they were all loved but I was the favorite and none ever held it against me as I was the first born and I never ever acted like I was the favorite either. I was the favorite amongst my cousins even..why I will never know..I just was. If I join a club I become soon the favorite..and I don't know why, I don't do anything out of the ordinary..am just myself. So, not bonding with a child happens alot..she isn't alone and there is nothing she can do about it..its just not there..
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
27 Jan 09
I was wondering whether this lady did not see a psychiatrist that would explain to her that her daughter is not to blame for her former lover. It really hurts when someone cannot love a baby or a child. I seem to be the opposite that I seem to think every child I see is mine and love them all instantly. She does recognize her failings and is trying to get over them. And it seems she is recognizing that she is putting the blame on her bad first relationship on her daughter. There will have to be much counseling needed there. She does care for her but she has been unable to bond and that hurts. When we adopted, I was able to have that warm feeling, but I was afraid that if something happened to my sons when they were away I would not know it, not like a birth mother. But I guess this was the feeling of love not the premonition of impending danger to one's child.
@Amberina (1542)
• United States
27 Jan 09
I think the mom has a grudge against the dad of Cathrine and that's why she can't bond with her, if the mom would forgive her dad I think the relationship with the child would go better. I think some counseling is in order for her and the child mostly for the mom though because she has some deep set issues.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
27 Jan 09
this woman is a cold hearted person to even speak about such a thing.i know about postpartun depression but this is still no excuse of the treatment of this child.this burns me up to read about a mother mistreating her child.she have sarced this child the rest of her life.now she will be seeking some one to love her because she have never felt that feeling before.she will not be able to show love because she have never experienced it in her life.once she feel love we don,t know how she will act with others recieving it.this woman has done a bad thing it is very important for the mother to bond with the child at birth.love is unconditional she should want to love this child and now she is 11 years old she has damaged this child.this is abuse as well.my heart goes out for this child i hope she can get away from this woman she deserve a family that will love her.
@sunita64 (6474)
• India
27 Jan 09
I really wish I would have been the mother of catherine, it is really heart breaking. It seems that she is somehow taking the revenge of his earlier partner on this child of his. Hope she does know that what one sows so he reaps. I wish this child lots of blessings and love from this world.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jan 09
i pity any child who experienced dis one.. better for me, my parents were reli caring.. i agree wid d other coment, atleast she admitted it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jan 09
Heartbreaking indeed. I cannot imagine what goes on in that little girl's mind and heart. I hope and pray that the negative impressions her mother's actions leave on her will not destroy her psychologically and emotionally later on when she becomes an adult. I pray that divine intercession will come in through another person or a mother figure that will fill in the need of the little child to be attended to, cared and loved by a mother. I pray that she will be strong to ignore the emotional wounds and not be scarred by such a childhood experience. I pray that the mother, after writing all those and realizing her shortcomings will take steps to better her relationship with her daughter. I am sure God will not allow her little girl to suffer without some kind of assistance or support.May God bless little Catherine and help her endure... celinealveona88
1 person likes this
@dvmurphy (326)
• United States
27 Jan 09
I am raising my 4 year old granddaughter because my daughter isn't mture enough to handle the responsibility. She is nearly 25 but her social life always comes before her daughter. I had my granddaughter for two months when she was two when her Mom went to the west coast which turned out to be two months and the reason she came back was she got into it with her friend. She seemed to straighten out and her daughter went home. Next she has low lifes move in who don't have jobs and she works 3rd shift, overnights. The low lifes are watching my granddaughter while she works. I see one of them yank my granddaughter up by her arm and open hand slap her in the mouth for making noise. I came unglued and went after her. My daughter called the police and tried to have me arrested. My granddaughter ended up in the hospital later with a severe infection that could have cost her her kidneys. I called the hospital and the next morning my daughter had a policeman come to my house and say that if I contacted her in anyway I would go to jail for harassment. For over three months I was in hell wondering if she were okay. My daughter has been evicted from two different homes now for not paying her rent and the last time she handed my granddaughter back to me. She is living with me and it has been a battle, days & nights mixed up, swearing, tantrums, night terrors, eatting out of the garbage, starved for attention.... If this woman feels this way about this child then this child needs to be with someone who truely loves her and give her the emotional support she needs. www.iowagrandparentsrights.com
• India
27 Jan 09
Yes, my heart is breaking but thank goodness she’s at least saying ‘sorry’. Children are very intelligent and if this mother had faked it all along, Catherine would have known it and it would have scarred her more. Instead her mother’s admission that she never felt love for Catherine but is trying to improve on it, might be of some solace to the adult Catherine. And this woman is really brave for openly admitting this…there are many women who feel similarly but have to carry on as they don’t wanted to be branded abnormal.
1 person likes this
27 Jan 09
This is such a sad story. It sounds as though she never got any help for suffering post natal depression and the longer it went on the harder it became to bond. I think once too much time has past it must be very hard to get that back. I feel for the mother and the daughter. But at least the woman knows what is going on and the child is in no physical danger from her. I hope they manage to sort things out.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 09
I do get frustarted and even angry at my children, but love tham more than life. I also have a nine year old daughter with my ex husband I have not gotten to see her in over 6 months now that he has full custody of her. Even though I very nearly despise her father, and do not get to see her, I love her just as much as the three that I see every day. As for the mother taking the secret to her grave I do not believe it really makes any difference. It has never been secret from the little girl. Is there truly anything the mother could do to fix her relationship with her daughter?? I honestly cannot imagine feeling that way about any child. From the sound of it I love the little girl that I just started babysitting more than that mother loves her own child. It does break my heart to consider the idea of any child growing up without love. In my opinion that is the most important thing for any child.
1 person likes this
@ersmommy1 (12605)
• United States
27 Jan 09
This is just awful. I can only imagine how the girl feels. Makes me sad to think that this may start a vicious cycle with her own kids. Hopefully she finds proper affection with other family members to make up for what is lacking with her mom.
1 person likes this
@ana31798 (41)
• United States
30 Jan 09
That is so sad. It breaks my heart because I can not imagine not loving your child. At least she knows that there is a problem and is open about it but it is still a sad situation.
• Philippines
30 Jan 09
this is a sad article.. I'm a mother myself.. but i cant digest the idea.. that she doesn't love her own daughter, maybe its because he doesn't like Catherine's father. as what she said in her description a "father fizzle".. that's why she likes the baby #2 which is the current lover..i wonder how old is the mother.
@gbolly54 (662)
• Nigeria
27 Jan 09
The story is pathetic, but I respect the frankness of Price. There are certain things that are beyond one's control. They happen sometimes. Such a situation arise from various factors. It could be that the child constantly reminds one of a terrible partner, whom one had better not remember again forever, or when one feels that the child might be somebody else's in truth (this latter one applies to a man mostly). Whatever might have been the case with Price, she deserves pity and understanding rather than condemnation. Afterall, she made efforts to love the child, but love did not come naturally. This reminds me of a man whose wife bore him a set of twins after having had 3 for him already. The man would have loved to stop at 3, but an "accident" occured with the conception of the twins. It seemed as if the man had already alloted all his love to the first 3 children. When the twins finally arrived, the man was not too happy with them. Their presence in the house was such a torture to him that he attempted taking them away to a foster home. Till date, his love for the twin children, who are in their teens now, is still artificial. But that was a man.
• United States
27 Jan 09
That is crap, just reporters looking for a story to make, the run out of them, my personal opinion.