Why 30+ unmarried women are seen pityfully in many society?

@subha12 (18462)
India
January 26, 2009 11:00pm CST
I have noticed this considerably in our society. If a woman is not married when she has crossed 30 yrs, people start to see her with pity. They take it for granted she will never be married, what will happen to her in future, who will support her and blah blah. Have anyone known to you have faced something like this? One of my relative is facing the scenario. I have protested many times but how can I stop whole society ?
7 people like this
30 responses
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
27 Jan 09
well I dont think there is any magic in this world that can stop tongues wagging in a society,Subha....Its true that there are some set social norms in the society ,and when we deviate from them,people start talking behind your back and accusing you.But people living in society must also realise that times are changing,and must learn to and accomodate these new changes if they will be beneficial to soiety as a whole. And its always the female species who have to bear the brunt of the society ,most of the time...Even though they are now getting education and are ready to stand on their feet and take up new challenging jobs,or make bold decisions,very often society acts as a stumbling block...So it is up to each woman to stand tall and hold on to her resolutions and decisons and work towards acheiving it,and turn a deaf ear to un necessary critisisms.....
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (9549)
• India
27 Jan 09
Here in our city nobody bothers much about others marital status except may be the relatives. They always think that if a person does not get married there would be no one to look after them in their old age. They do not think that after marriage also sometimes the women is left alone to fend for herself for some reason or the other. If one decides to stay alone she should just ignore the comments from society.
1 person likes this
@ktosea (2027)
• China
27 Jan 09
many people especially the ones as parents or other old people believe that.but the young man do not see the problem like that,they think that everyone deserves for to be himself,live whatever life they want,I am with the young people.just be yourself and disregards everything the others concerned
1 person likes this
@Shery32 (424)
• Saudi Arabia
26 Jul 09
Very nic discussion Subha Well, the thing is I think that ppl just go on and on in assumptions as they think of a women as losing her life for good and that she does not have a chance to get married after 30 yrs. On the other hand if you looked of what they think of a man, it doent really matter. Another thing about men is that they would wonder "dont you want to have kids" you should have some :P I think it is hard to stop not only the society but also the whole world and ppl form stereotyping. They think of age as the end of the wold and if a women says she does not care then that's cos she did not get married and if she is, they say cos she doesnt care she's already a married women! I have some relative who is over 30 and did not get married yet as he wanted to marry a women and PL PL... the point is no one says "What's gonna happen NEXT to him" or his life is "No MORE" :) I think these days are/have or should end as a women is can still work and support herself nowadays without needing a man. I mean after all why can a man do it and the women cant? How did she lived all these years? Is she only in a need of a man if she is 30+? :S Thanks for sharing and Happy MyLotting
• India
26 Jul 09
Yes, i myself is facing this issue.I am 30 but still single.People see me with questionable eyes..I feel as if whole society is after me..as if marriage is the only purpose of my existence...i also want 2 get married but there are many reasons which i can not tell everyone...i have a minor skin problem for the past few years ..due to this i've a fear if someone will accept me...my kundli says i am anshik manglik..my family doesn't belive in horoscope but people who believe in kundli matching, they refuse our proposal...i am intelligent, university topper,highly educated, working in a reputed company, have a pleasant personality, do social work whenever i've time, have lot many other qualities...but all these qualities are over shadowed by my kundli...:-(..due to belief in kundli matching many boys and girls are still single...we are living in computer age but due to computers, everyone has access to kundli matching softwares and people are blindly believing these...earlier also people used to get married when there were no kundli softwares...there are many castes in which kundli is not given any importnace..then why we are still chained in such beliefs?i also dream of having a life partner, having kids and a home..realtives and neighbours are after my parents....people raise many questions...bt it is not possible for us to explain them everything...i also have a picture of my partner...sometimes i don't like the guy and sometimes the opposite happens...some people start the discussion with wedding budget....sadly, dowry system is still present in the society.... i understand that my biological clock is ticking but should i stop living and enjoying my life if i am single? is it my fault that i am still single? i feel immense pain because of people's comments over my single status.... i don't know when the mindset of our society will change?
• India
30 Jan 09
I don't know. I think, if anyone is to be pitied, married women ought to be pitied. See how they work like donkeys at home and office. How many husbands help them out? And when the kids come, it is more work than ever. LOL!! I know a few 30 plus women who wear talis and pretend they are married. Example, ME!! I wear that "license" the mangalasutra. I told everyone hubby is abroad. Recently, adopted baby boy and told the nosy neighbors I gave birth to him. So, I am a "married" woman now!! Hahahahah We have to live, yaar!! LOL!! Cheers and happy Mylotting
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
29 Jan 09
Are single women unhappy and to be pitied? Are they to be envied or to be viewed with suspicion as to what they stand for, their behaviour suspect of being more than what meets the eye? Reactions to single women vary. Cynics feel that a girl who doesn't marry must have a love affair that ended unhappily and embittered her. Society and the past have been hard on unmarried women. If you reached 30 without being nabbed by a man, people view you suspiciously. With education and economic independence, many contemporary women don't care about not being married and the dubious (for many) type of security that marriage so often provides. With the high rate of divorces around, being single is a better choice. It is their choice to remain single and that should not bother anyone.
@whyaskq (7553)
• Singapore
29 Jan 09
That's because the unmarried women makes it so. Women nowadays are gradually becoming independent with their own life and career. The need to rely on man is gradually becoming days of the past. You may not stop the whole society and need not be the hero to stop the whole society. You just need to be a role model yourself or make your relative a role model. One independent woman will influence another and another and another. God bless you.
@davido (1624)
• Canada
28 Jan 09
Well its not in the society to throw a pity party for any one above 30 and unmarried. When the right person comes he/she is not gonna look at the age and they will be married and enjoy themselves. What he/she gets married earlier and then divorce earlier so whats the diffrence when one cant keep the marriage? I got married after 30 and my wife too is after 30, I know quite who did and they are carring on the relationship with maturity. Be yourself anyhow, the right time and person will come. (you over 30s)
• United States
28 Jan 09
LOL!....If a woman is unmarried and standing on her own two feet by age 30,I think she had done well for herself.People who pity her are fools.
• United States
27 Jan 09
So what if their not married, is that really any of our business? Maybe the one they love already loves someone else and they can never love another guy again. Maybe they just can't find anyone. Maybe their just having a hard time chosing the guy thats right for them. Or they just like dating and going out and don't want to a family life just a love life. Who knows? Just tell the society to get out of your business and it's none of their concern!!
@SaintAnne (5454)
• United States
27 Jan 09
It always annoys me when acquaintances or even close relatives ask me or women around me that question. I think it is still going to take a lot of time and societal changes to put a stop to putting so much value on a woman marrying someone at a certain age. For so many cultures, a woman will never get to that sense of "completion" if she ends up not marrying or marrying at an older age and I think that is so full of BS. I, for one, am impressed with independent women who see their value in what they have done in their lives by themselves and not on how young they were able to marry or snag a guy. I would rather have someone not marry because they are not ready for that.
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
27 Jan 09
no not here, many women in Canada choose not to marry or they marry older in life. It is just a life style, although their are people who will say oh why don't you get married, they don't pity them. Many of these women are very successful career women and chose not to settle down.
@bdugas (3584)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Society looks at things I believe in olden days ways, women of today are able to stand on their own 2 feet, work and take care of them self. They are not as into the oh I need to find a hubby and get married so they can take care of me. Some don't like the idea of someone else telling them what to do. Not being married by the time they get 30 is viewed as they can't get a man. I look at it as a very smart woman who knows what she wants in life and until she finds what she believes is right person to fill that gap in her life she would rather stay single. This reminded me of the show I seen yesterday where Granny told Jed she is 14 done past any man wanting her. Who cares any more what society thinks we are modern day women and we think for ourselves now a days.
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
27 Jan 09
[i]Hi subha, There are also pressure in our Society about that but most women who are in that case are career oriented, those who are very busy in their life. And relatives understand them but still encourage them to settle down with someone! I hope really everyone will respect each person's decision....If they are meant for marriage, I know it will happen but people cannot just decide in a day to get married for the sake of their age and for the sake of pressure![/i]
@rusty2rusty (6747)
• Defiance, Ohio
27 Jan 09
I do not see that where I live. In the area I live it is okay to older and unmarried. I would much rather see someone happy single and not married. Than marry for the wrong reasons and be unhappy. At one time my area thought the same way. I have no idea why. Maybe the marriage thing was being pushed. Not sure. I also know many woman who have waited to marry late in life. They are glad they waited to marry. They are much happier.
@palonghorn (5490)
• United States
27 Jan 09
I think that view point depends on the culture you live in. I don't think 30+ single women are seen that way as much as they were in past generations in America. Now a days there are a lot of single women, by choice, in the 30's, 40's and older. I think, at least here, that the American culture has become used to this issue. As for changing a whole society's way of thinking, one person can't change that. As for your personal scenario, when people comment on her situation, just tell them, it's her choice. There is no point in arguing with someone that is not going to change the way they see things.
@riyasam (16582)
• India
27 Jan 09
it is a common misconception ,that every women needs a man.nowadays,this mindset is changing but it is still deep-rooted in the older generations.i find it best to keep quiet in such a scenario.
@elitess (5077)
• Ipswich, England
27 Jan 09
I don't think this to be fair, but then again life is not fair, life we have to learn at some point. I don't think it is proper to label a person for a thing like that - perhaps she did not meet the right person yet, or perhaps she doesn't want a relationship at that time, or who knows what other person the woman may be facing, it is just her problem, and people should not speculate and judge - as nobody is perfect - so before they go off judging people for what they are, they should look in the mirror first.