Will I ever be ok with his autism?

@lvmybz (125)
United States
January 31, 2009 12:19am CST
My son has been diagnosed with autism since he was 3 and a half and now he is 6. I Still feel the same horrible way when I found out the first time. Besides minor improvements he is not getting better. A couple of days ago I was picking my son up from school and I had my 2 year old. Well this father turns to me and said "so your kid is in the autism program?" "Uh yeah do you have a child in the autism program?" "No it must be really hard" Yeah genius it is especially when idiots like you bring it up. Of course I did not say that. I know he did not mean any harm. But my child reminds me everyday how hard it is to have a child with autism. I don't need some stranger telling me. Also today my very sweet co worker came to me and said I was telling my husband what a good mom you are, even though your child has autism you never say why me. She is such a sweet person, but if she only knew. I work at a preschool with typically developing kids. I see what my child could be like if he did not have autism. And it breaks my heart!
7 people like this
12 responses
• Canada
31 Jan 09
My Son will be six in June and he was diagnosed at two years and five months with Severe Autism and Developmental Delay! I had a back ground as an Educational Assistant and had worked a lot with special needs children...it was my passion to help them learn! Soon after my son was born I knew there was something wrong and when at a year he was banging his head off the floor I pretty much figured he had Autism but no one would listen to me...They all said he would grow out of it and that he was normal! I kept pushing but then when I finally did get that diagnosis at two years and five months I was devastated!! I had wanted to be wrong but I had to move on...I researched and researched and hired a private ABA Provider at the age of three and he has done so well but is still very much a challenge at times and I understand how you feel with people looking at you and saying things etc. But I know they are well meaning when they say these things...The problem is that no one knows what to do, or say , or how to react! I too have compared my boy to others his age as he is in a regular kindergarten class and yes it can be heartbreaking but I try to see the positives...I think of all the things about my boy that make me smile and that make him him....I'm not saying that Autism defines my boy but I do often wonder if he would be who he is without it if you know what I mean....He is so loving and caring and has a great heart! I love my boy and despite the challenges I wouldn't have him any other way he is our sunshine in the darkness of this world and truly makes me look at things through different eyes...He's taught me a lot! If You ever need someone to talk to you can just send me a PM! I can give you my E-Mail if you like and my prayers are with you always! ~Heavens~
4 people like this
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
31 Jan 09
That must have been frustrating to know your child had something wrong and the professional did not see it. You must be a very strong and loving mother because of it. Its wonderful your son is in a mainstream class, my son is still in the autism program. I am not sure if he will ever be mainstream. Does your son have any home programs? Our son has ABA therapy about 15-18 hours a week, six of which I turtor him. I always appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers. Take care of your self and your wonderful little boy.
3 people like this
• Canada
1 Feb 09
It was frustrating to have no one believe me... I just kept on going until I found someone who did believe that there was something! I don't know how strong I am but I've been told that before..Perhaps we are all stronger than we think or realize that we are! As for the Mainstream Kindergarten...He is only there (Fully Supported) because there is no other choice given by the board of ed for JK/SK I am afraid that I may have to place him in a smaller Special class for grade one though I don't want to...I love for him to be in the regular grade one but we are realizing that it may be too much for him class size wise It breaks my heart to think I may have to do this..I at least have to go around to all the different schools in the city and look at their special classes and decide what would be best for James...At least they will bus him if I pick a school out of outr school district but I do wish for him to be in the regular one...Such a hard decision for me and I have not been looking forward to it at all! My boy does have a home program of which I mentioned above...He has had a Private ABA Provider now for two and half years. We are still waiting for funding from the government as the list is long here in Ontario...Two and a half years and he is now only number seven!!! Anyhow, He started out at four hours per week and then we upped him to six hours a week and then we got some generous donations and upped him to nine hours a week and now we are back to six hours a week. We also have My Husband's Mom who comes and gives us respite and works on my son's fine motor skills, printing, and reading etc. I'd love to talk to you more at length sometime...do you have Yahoo Messenger? PM me your E-Mail...We all need some type of social network...It's not easy to parent our kids at the best of times! Love and Hugs ~Heavens~
1 person likes this
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Heavens you are such a loving and caring mother. I really hope things work out for your son and his school situation. My co worker was talking about enrolling her son (typical) in kindergarten. Oh if it was only that easy for us.;) I would like to email and talk in more dept. Excuse me I am not sure what pm means. I will just fiddle around with this site and hopefully figure it out. Best of luck and God Bless.
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
31 Jan 09
Maybe. My oldest son will be 12 this summer and has autism. It's not always easy dealing with a child, and it's even harder dealing with a child when they are special needs (gosh, I hate this term). I just try to deal with it one day at a time. Some days are harder than others, but I just try to get through it the best that I can. It too breaks my heart that my child isn't typical. But I try not to think about it. Otherwise I might just drive myself crazy! My son may not be "normal", but one thing that makes it all worth while is that he is the most loving boy around. Most typical kids his age don't want to hug mom and dad in public, but my son will give me a hug anytime, anywhere. I remember a woman actually being a little envious of the fact and she told me so. She saw my son hug me while we were at the bank. She wished her teenage son still did that. I have to tell you, it made me feel good that someone saw the positive in what's usually regarded as negative when it comes to autistic kids.
4 people like this
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
31 Jan 09
Thank you sacmom I appreciate your response. That is wonderful your son is affectionate. And for the most part children like ours really just want to please and they tend to be very sweet. We are lucky our son is that way to, of course he has his moments but who doesn't.
4 people like this
@zhuhuifen46 (3486)
• China
31 Jan 09
You are a great mother. I saw on tv similar cases, and I admire the perceverence of mothers. Some quit their job and start learning medical care about autism, others form clubs, sharing experiences and helping each other in an organized way. Children who suffer autism need help from the family and from the society. Mother is the first aid they can turn to. Whatever the result, mother needs a strong heart, smiling face and a firm hand. Do not confine yourself in sorrow, you should have support from the professionals. Hold on and give your best to your sons in a balanced manner. Take care. Regards from far away.
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
31 Jan 09
Thank you zhuhuifen for your kind words. And you are absolutely right, I know my son needs me to be there for him. He is such a sweet boy, he gives me a hug when I get down to eye level whether I am just going to talk to him or if I have to disipline him. Any how your words mean so much and I appreciate your response. Take care
4 people like this
@proudnana (192)
• Canada
31 Jan 09
hi there, My grandson has autism and as you can see from my name, i'm very proud of him. He was diagnosed just shortly after his 2nd birthday. We were all shattered when we heard this news and we all had these kinds of thoughts going through our mind. But with a lot of guidance through support workers and the love and support of his family, my grandson has come along in leaps and bounds. Yes people will talk, and people will stare and these are the people who need to be educated about autism. The thing they don't know is, autistic children are very loving and very smart. I see my grandson twice a week and I enjoy every minute with him. There are days when I'm feeling down and out but after being with him for a few minutes he brings the smiles out in me. Its as if he can sense his nana isn't feeling herself. There is always something that he does or says that completely amazes me. Am I proud or what? Yes, I am, I'm very proud of him! ~proudnana~
3 people like this
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
31 Jan 09
Your Grandson is very lucky to have a loving and supportive Nana like you. It is wonderful you see all the good that little boy does. Our son's Nana who is also very loving and I know she loves him, but unfortunetly I don't believe she is proud of him. Well maybe that is too extreme, perhaps she just doesn't understand it as well as you. The sad thing is I don't think she wants to. It is sad becasue when he was younger before we knew he had autism, they had such as strong connection they were very close. So close on some occasions he would cry when she would drop him off at home. Now, well it is just defferent. You should be proud of your little guy as his mom should be proud to have a nana like you for her child. Take care and God Bless.
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Feb 09
His Mom is Proud to have you for his Nana!!! ~Heavens~
1 person likes this
• India
31 Jan 09
autism patients needs extra care,affection and love as they never feel isolated from the society.i think in that sense you are playing an ideal roll of a good mom !
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
31 Jan 09
Thanks your kind words help!
2 people like this
@SwtJenlove (1090)
• United States
31 Jan 09
your love and attention is all he needs. as long as he gets that love from you then he will be fine. I dont have a child with autism but i can only imagine. Its more and more common these days to see a young child with it and i wish there was more help out there for parents like you who go thru this. Hang in there your doing a wonderful job. pat yourself on the back and tell yourself "im a fantastic mother" because you are! =]
2 people like this
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Thank you SwtJenlove your words mean so much. You are right autism is on the rise and we just need people to understand it more and to get more involved. He does need my love and attention which of course he gets he just needs in at a whole different level then a typical child would.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jan 09
People with autism are very smart people. I used to work with a boy who had autism. I felt real bad for him because his parents didnt really pay him any attention and had a worker there the minute he woke up to the minute he went to bed. Anyway. He was very very smart and so sweet. I think you should embrace the autism and just remind yourself how strong you are. Instead of thinking about his autism think about the other things that make your son wonderful and make you a good mother. I understand it can be hard when people bring it up. But again just think about how strong of a woman you are for taking such good care of a loving boy who needs his mom. I am sure you are a god mom and people just dont understand how to talk to parents who have a child with a developmental disablity. But just remember this doesnt make you or him any less of a person and keep your head up :)
2 people like this
@phoenix25 (1543)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I'm sorry to hear about your son, but obviously you've heard that enough already. I'm sure people really just don't know what to say, or if they should say anything at all. People really don't know what to do when they encounter someone with special needs or a handicap. Do they say something, should they say nothing? Just try to remember that they mean well, even though they may not always have the greatest amount of tact in the process. Do you belong to any autism support groups? Do you know if there are any in your area or do you get to interact with other parents of autistic children through your son's autism program? Perhaps socializing with the parents of other autistic children could help vent some of your frustration as well as provide a neutral zone where everyone knows your child has autism and that isn't going to be the main topic of discussion. I can only imagine what you deal with every day, but I do have a good idea as studying autism has been part of my studies to earn my degree in psychology. I have a hard enough time with my son, who is a little developmentally delayed and has had trouble learning to vocalize among other things. Hang in there and try to remember that people mean well.
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Thank you for your response. You know I don't know how someone should act or say when they encounter a hanicapped child or special needs. And that is just it treat us like we are normal or as normal as it gets. If he is throwing a tantrum I accept people are going to stare because guess what I would too!! Just please don't judge and don't be obvious. You are right most people mean well and I am not mad at them but I am about my son having autism. God Bless.
• United States
1 Feb 09
My cousin has autisim. He is the sweetest boy!! He is 6 years old and he is doing ALOT better now than when he was younger. You just have to spend alot more time with him and give him alot of love, trust me it makes a difference! I know it must be hard on you but imagine how your child feels. Just take one day at a time. I don't know in what degree his autism is but my 6 year old cousin now eats like he should, I'm so proud but he talks to me now and my uncle was saying how he is doing very good in school!! My cousin's mom was telling me that it is harder to raise a child with Autism but you just have to spend so much time with them and also give them alot of love. She also has a 1 1/2 year old...she is a supermom!! She has to spend alittle more time and love with the older child with Autism but he is fine with it because during that time he is playing with his dad, so it all works out! I couldn't imagine having an autism child...it's hard just raising a child without autism, but I would love my child reguardless of what disablities she/he might have. It will be ok...just be strong and give him alot of love!! Take care and god bless!! Happy mylotting!!
1 person likes this
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Thank you squirt051305 it is wonderful you have such a close relationship with your cousin. My son is pretty severe with his autism. He can talk and he knows a ton of words and although he is getter better because we are working with him in his home program, he does not communicate unless prompted. He is absolutely beautiful with big brown eyes and the longest lashes you ever saw. Both my boys get that from my husband. Also he does have tantrums and can be agressive toward himself and usually his tutors. Good luck with your little cousin I hope my son makes improvenments like him.
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
3 Feb 09
Honey you need to learn to accept his Autism. It's a part of your son. I know when you got the news it was hard. I have a son who was diagnosed with Autism when he was 2 years old. He is now 3, still doesn't talk & still has sensory issuse. It was hard, but I have learned to love his Autism.. it's a part of him & I wouldn't change it...
@lvmybz (125)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Thanks Foxxee But I have to be honest I love my son very much, but I absolutely hate his autism.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Well I guess everyone looks at things differently. I feel that Autism is a part of my son & that is who he is... I could never say I hate his Autism because that is a part of him. I think you should try going to the Autism Support Groups in your area & get some support to help your views & help you live with his Autism.
@mommaj (22768)
• United States
17 Feb 09
Someday I may be saying the same thing you are. I honestly hope not. I knew there was something wrong with my son when he was a baby. You can't go back and change anything that has happened, it sounds like your son should have went to a special school for pre-k. You might try more therapies. If your son has autism I am sure he is in speech and occupational therapies. If not your doctor is letting you down.
@wrangel15 (1443)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
You son is so lucky for having you as his mom. For sure your love to him exceeds the love of others to their sons because of what he is. Love gives birth to other virtues such as perseverance, kindness, etc. No one can help him but you so you won't stop loving him right? As you said you've been teaching other kids which learn faster. Teaching is one of your strength. But then it seem to be a weakness when you teach your son. It may be a way for God to be a part of you. He gives weakness to every strength we have. Without our weaknesses we won't rely on Him. Instead of thinking negative things, think of the good things that it brings. :)