A rant, a vent, a question???? About my dad's illness

United States
January 31, 2009 6:02pm CST
My dad has been having alot of illness. I am really worried because after months of fighting this infection....now the dr has ordered a biopsy....Why, did they wait so many months to order this shouldnt they have done this sooner...my dad is 78 and he turns 79 this Feb. I am really having this problem trusting dr's. I really worry about my dad....but hes real strong minded about making his own decisions...... Has anyoone else had experinces.....? Ok and, he always gets on his John Deer and mows and does all these things....and then he says well I have been active all my life, I cant just sit in a chair all the time....I worry about my dad!
8 people like this
13 responses
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
1 Feb 09
AWWWW! I am so sorry to hear that your dad is sick! As you already know I have always been the sick one in my family... That was until this August when my father became ill as well... He collapsed suddenly while camping and had to have surgery to replace his aortic valve. I must say that that was a new experience for me, the opposite end of someone being sick. Until then I was usually the one in the hospital bed, but this time it was him, that was really difficult to deal with, because many times there is nothing for us to do and so we feel helpless. Now I consider myself to be an expert in hospitals and the like, but cardiology was a new specialty for me. probably the best advice I could give you would be to read, listen, and ask questions and then do it over again until you really feel like you understand what is happening with your dad. In my opinion there's no such thing as a stupid question, the only stupid thing you could do is not ask the questions because then you still do not have the answers and remain in the dark. Read all of the information you can and talk to others going through similar situations. Then read some more. In this case there can not be such a thing as too much information. Knowledge is power and remember doctors are only human to and will make mistakes. If you are not sure of something or it does not make sense to you ask for clarification. Any good doctor will not be offended by your need for a second opinion, in fact it has been my experience that they're happy to get a second opinion if only so it can confirm their own opinion. As for your Dad, if he feels well enough to do the physical things that he's always done, I say let him do it. As long as he has been physically active throughout his life he should be able to continue to be physically active. On the other hand, if he was a couch potato and suddenly decided to become a marathon runner that would not be good. I'm glad to say that my father came through his open heart surgery with flying colors, and even though it drove myself and my mother crazy, my dad shoveled snow this winter. Because as you say he said "I've done this my whole life I can't just sit in the chair and do nothing all day." And so he shoveled snow! I know it's hard and I know we want to protect those we love, but many things are beyond our control, and just remember, he knows how important he is to you, and he loves you jusr as much. Try not to worry so much!(I know, that is differently easier said than done.) You'll be in my thoughts and all the best!
3 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
I appreciate your advice. He has always worked circles around most young people. He never smoked or drank and always had a great deal of energy...He is the happiest when he is very busy....So me saying dont over do it...goes in one ear and out the other lol I appreciate the prayers and thoughts. I am praying about the test results....and appreciate all your kind words...
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (110067)
• United States
1 Feb 09
When will you have results?
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
They are doing the biopsy in three days, so I am not sure how long it will be! That is another question that I want an answer about.! I will feel much better when they are in...and its good news...
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
1 Feb 09
Hmmm don't get me onto the subject of doctors, they seem to think they are Gods some of them and their word is gospel, it is so hard to find a doctor with a good bedside manner and doesn't treat you like a number or a shere inconvenience, I have had so much trouble trying to find a doctor who cares and takes me seriously. They are a rare breed, so I sympathize with you, I guess you have to be assertive with them and if they see you won't be palmed off easily they will do what they can. Your dad is very fortunate in that he has a very caring daughter but my friend I know you worry but your worrying could affect your health too. I hope you get things sorted and get a doctor you can truly trust. I find if I have a problem I look it up on the internet then I am armed with information and more astute when I see the doctor, forewarned is forearmed, it is only because I have laboured my problems and they see I won't go away so fortunately I have been referred to consultants who are more adept at dealing with my complaint. You have to really push them my friend into helping your father. Hugs xx
• United States
1 Feb 09
You have helped me. I will do even more research and get more information. I want to be armed too. I have seen too much to trust the Dr's. Once again, you and I are in sink on another topic. I have always been very close to my dad and I am not prepared to loose him...and I want to make sure they are doing everything they should be doing....I just called him to check on him again.. I know I cant keep him forever but I want to keep him as long as I possibly can....appreciate it friend.....
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
1 Feb 09
Hi there again both of my dear friends, I could not agree with you more Wolfie! Knowledge is power! On an aside note, my personal pet peeve when it comes to doctors has got to be 4th year Residents. They seem to suffer from an overinflated ego no matter what specialty they've chosen. I guess because they're so close to completing their schooling they think they have all the answers and they can not accept the fact that although they have been studying my particular specialty for the past 4 to 6 years I personally have been studying it for the last 30 plus years! I've been at the whole process a little longer than they have been! And as for wanting to keep our parents with us as long as we can, of course, no one wants to say goodbye that life really is a full circle, they worry about us as their children and we worry for them in later years.
@GardenGerty (110067)
• United States
1 Feb 09
What are they doing the biopsy on, and what kind of illness is your dad having. I have a friend who was in a car wreck in July, and was slow to heal, and continually had pain. They did finally do a bone biopsy and found an infection. He is on IV antibiotics now and improving all the time. Doctors are only human. Your dad may feel better if he is moving.
• United States
1 Feb 09
He has been on antibiotics for many months. They are saying its a postate biopsy that they want....but with his age , shouldnt they have ordered this alot sooner....when they say that the infection was not clearing up... and the fact that it has been painful as well. My father has a heart condition.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (110067)
• United States
1 Feb 09
Prostate cancer is considered to be a slow growing cancer, and the treatment, as I understand it, can be worse than the disease. Trying antibiotics first is appropriate. Sometimes an infection is of such a difficult bacteria that they have to give the strongest kinds, which can only be give through IV treatment. I do think pain needs to be dealt with better in the United States.
• United States
1 Feb 09
I agree with you. Its a problem with his heart on what he is allowed to have. So, I call and check on him and he said its been very uncomfortable and he had been laying down. That will drive him crazy, because he is mr. active all the time....I asked him are you being good and not overdoing it? He said he is being good. Hes a bit mischeivious about doing too much ....
1 person likes this
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
1 Feb 09
Hi, dear Ur worries reg Ur father's longstanding illness is very well understood.what is not understood is what type of illness he has suffered so far? that Dr ultimately is suspecting Carcinoma and advised for biopsy?If these are not clear with his exact symptoms & lab reports I think commenting will not be worth. =Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
• United States
2 Feb 09
Its just a matter of getting the test results now. Appreciate your response.
@sid556 (30999)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I don't trust doctors either...they are human and they make mistakes. If you have any doubts at all about what they are doing or saying, you should get 2nd and 3rd opinions from somewhere else. Unfortunately, you can't decide this stuff for your dad.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Feb 09
Oh you are right. Its always better to do that. Appreciate the response and happy mylotting!
@AmbiePam (50943)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I don't blame you. My dad is so stubborn! He can know I'm right about a health situation, and still not do it just because he thinks I'm telling him what to do. As a result I'm trying desperately to figure out how to block worry! But I'm with you, how in the world did they decide to wait to do the biopsy? He would have been in better shape for the biopsy had it been done a while ago, right?
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
yea, I mean they make alot of money as it is with all his care and I was just going on the facts, that after several rounds of very strong antibiotics....hello, maybe they should have evaluated , right then,,,this isnt working,,,,Looking for some logic in it all......ugh
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27548)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I think everyone should have aa second opinion or input about anything that's serious going on with them. My grandfather worked on cars and mowed until he couldn't anymore. He insisted on staying active and even went back to work after having retired. I think it's their way of feeling productive and I also think that after years of hard work it's hard for them to just stop. It may be a little boredom too. If it makes him happy..well... I know you worry my friend..I did too. I do think I would talk to him about another opinion for his illness though.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
I agree with you. I think we all have the right to have that second opinion and to be as informed as we possibly can. I will be pretty worried untill all these test results are in. I sure wish he could be more comfortable and not have to suffer. Appreciate your advice and its good advice!
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I understand your concern.....when my mother was sick she kept telling them that she was sick and they couldn't find anything...a simple blood test would have told them she had cancer...why they waited I don't know....it was too late when they finally listened to her and found it...she knew it all the time...they just didn't listen to her!
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
I am so sorry that this happened to her. I have concerns because of things like this. I am also concerned because he has the heart condition and has stints already and arithmia...ect...so I hope they havent let a cancer get going that they will not be able to treat him....and he is also on blood thinner as well.
1 person likes this
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
1 Feb 09
Hello, I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. I don't understand why doctors behave this way either. 'Some' of them are so slow to act, when 'we' know that there's really something wrong, besides the normal cold, flu, or whatever. I also have trust issues with doctors for many good reasons, after what I've experienced for myself, and loves ones over the years. Some of them just aren't all that competent. I won't go into details here, but there were many mistakes made by doctors, in the care of my mother (many years ago now,) and also in the way my husband was treated fifteen years ago. Both of them passed away, and I'm not entirely blaming the doctors, but there were definitely problems with the 'care' they did receive. Too little, too late. Take care.
• United States
1 Feb 09
Exactly! You do understand where I am coming from. I dont want his time cut short because someone dropped the ball. I think that he has so much already, they should be quick, fast and on top of it.....afterall your right, too little , too late, is too common.....Ugh appreciate you sharing and I am very sorry that you had those experinces!
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Feb 09
I sure do get it! It seems that it's always been this way, and it continues to get worse in some cases. The experiences I went through were really horrible, especially what 'wasn't done' for my late husband. When my mother was so ill, I was only nineteen, and had no idea what to do about anything. They wouldn't have listened to 'a kid' anyway back then, and my dad wasn't alive. Too long and sad a story. For my husband, I was an adult of course, but was naive enough back then to put my trust in the doctors, and the level of care given. Never again! I actually had grounds for a malpractice lawsuit, but didn't go through with it due to my grief, finances, and so many other factors. The only good that came out of any of this, was that I've learned to fight for the rights of those who can't speak for themselves. I'd never sit by again (for anybody,) thinking "Oh, I'm sure they know what's best, because after all, they're doctors/nurses etc." If I see things that I 'believe' aren't right, I won't let them away with it. Sorry, but this has turned into a rant, vent, for me too. I just hate to see these types of things happening to 'our' loved ones. Let me know how things go with your dad. Thanks. Hugs
• United States
1 Feb 09
It means alot to me to have a great friend like you! I am also listening to what you are saying.. carefully. I am going to push for answers and ask the questions,,,,and two and two had better start making 4. Appreciate all your help and wise advice...you are a dear friend and a wise one....
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 09
What type of infection do they say it is? Are they biopsying to see if it is cancer or what type of bacteria it is? Where is the infection?
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 09
They know it's infection but they are looking for cancer. They have not been able to clear the infection up. I am waiting to hear about the test results! Appreciate the response.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 09
I hope by now they have some news and I hope it is not bad news
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
Hi eaforeman6! I am sure that your dad can get through whatever illness he got. Your father seems to be very optimistic and full of energy. I am sure such optimism will affect him very positively. Nevertheless, I will be praying for your dad's health and hoping that he will be in the pink of health for a long, long time! take care and have a great day! lovelots..faith
• United States
4 Feb 09
Hi Faith, Appreciate all the best wish's and prayers. Its always nice to hear from you! Take care and have a wonderful day!
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
You're always welcome my dear eaforeman6! lovelots..faith
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
1 Feb 09
Hi there, friend! I'm so sorry to hear about your dad! My dad has been having lots of troubles lately too. Is your mom still alive?
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 09
I am sorry to hear about your dad too. My mom is alive but isnt well either and her and dad divorced years ago. He remarried, and she is not married. I hope that your dad gets better soon. Its tough when your parents get into these types of health problems but I will just do all I can do to help. Girlfren, I finaly got to answer alot of your posts....hope you didnt get a mail overload lol sorry if you did!
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
1 Feb 09
Thanks for the wishes for my dad! He is just getting over an infection in his leg just after they discovered a growth on his kidney (it turned out to be a cyst). He's feeling good but it just seems to be one thing after another. He'll be 70 in August. My mom is healthy as can be, thank the Lord! I like a full mailbox when I get to see responses from YOU!
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36258)
• United States
1 Feb 09
What I have noticed more and more is so many Doctors just seem to want to get you in and out of their office without really taking time to listen to you, and help what really needs to be done. Also with the change in Health plans, etc. it is hard to get the type of Health care most people need as well. But personally Sorry to hear that your dad is still having problems, and hope that when he gets these tests done it will end up just being something minor as well. I will be saying a Prayer for you and him and wishing you all the Best.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 09
I do appreciate it. I think there is a great deal of power in prayers and we can never have too many. Appreciate all the best wish's dear friend, hopefully we will have answers very soon.