is it more or less stressful having a second baby than just having one?

United States
February 1, 2009 12:07am CST
I know for me having just one child is stressful at times. My son will be 3 in april and I really want him to have a sibling to grow up with and stuff like that. I know I dont want to have my children too far apart so we are talking about having another baby. I know my son would love having a brother or sister and would be sweet to him or her. Here are my fears about it... Starting all over,can i handle it with a 3 year old? Will I be real stressed? Will another child in the house be good for my 3 year old? what i mean is will my son be okay really ok with it? i think so, but my biggest fear is having people set aside my son and focus all attention on the new baby. i have seen it alot where the oldest child dont get alot of needed attention with a new baby. i think i could handle it. anyhow. for moms with two or more kids, is having more than one child easier than having just one. i mean they can play togather instead of by themselves? okay im dead tired so this may not make any sense. I am just curious....
16 responses
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I had my son almost weeks ago. His sister is 5. I was sure there would be some sort of sibling jealousy going on. There isn't any. And she has been a wonderful help. It can be a stress at times. (For me at least) keeping the time I give my daughter on some level equal. New babies always bring alot of attention. We got t-shirts. One that said "I'm gonna be a big sister" and one she now wears "I AM a big sister." We are going through the worst part right now. SLEEP DEPRIVATION. Other than that, things are going smoothly. One of the things I do is wait for my son to zonk out. Then I grab up my daughter and read to her, or watch part of a movie. Today I got roped into dress upDon't really want to know how many of my clothes still don't fit but what the heck right? This way my daughter KNOWS she is still VERY important. Even just a few minutes of time goes a long way. It can be a balancing act,but it is worth it. There is a quote, paraphrasing here: Becoming a mother is a conscious decision to have your heart forever walking outside your body. Two pieces of my heart will have each other when I am not here. THat is the good thing about siblings.
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
1 Feb 09
oops! 7 weeks ago
@mscott (1924)
• United States
1 Feb 09
The actual birth part was much less stressful the second time. Even raising the second one was or is less stressful. However, putting them both together in the same house let alone room is way more stressful. More stuff to get in to, more chances of getting hurt or sick, more chances of not sharing, I think you get my point. Wouldn't trade it for anything though.
• United States
1 Feb 09
yea i keep that in mind too but my problem is one day i want this and the next i dont. sometimes ifeel like im a bad mother for wanting another baby when i have a beautiful son. i just want him to have someone to grow up with. i know im glad i have a brother even tho he is 4 years younger than me we are very close. i just dont know what i want i guess. thank you for the post.
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
14 Feb 09
The only thing I fear of having a second baby is the pain I felt during the delivery. I don't think I can go through that thing again. When I got home the after taste of the delivery is still there. Goodness gracious when I got constipated, it was so painful again. That is the fear that I have in having a second baby. My kid is now 3 years old. don't think I'll have a second one.
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
14 Feb 09
Well, the first thing I fear about having a second baby is the pain I felt during the delivery. It was soooooooo painful. And when you got home and have to go to the cr, goodness gracious I can't really explain how painful it is to be constipated. I won't be able to handle the pain anymore fro the second time.
@Erssyl (617)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
In my experience it is much better to have them one after the other.Of course you should plan how many children you can afford to raise.When they grow together you will not neglect any one of them.It was more stressful for me when I waited for four years before the second child.When I was sure I want three children we had the third child the following year.And I can say it is much better.Because I was able to give the same attention.That is the point in having more than one child.You tend to overlook the true needs of the child.
@cher8558 (425)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
Hi friend, Having children is wonderful. I have three children (almost grown 23, 19 and 14). Unfortunately I feel I had them too far apart. I would have liked them a little closer, maybe 2 years apart. But as they are growing, it is so sweet to see them bond. To see how her two brothers take care of their little sister. I didn't find it stressful at all. In fact, it is easier. With each year they just grow closer and closer. As far as financially,. hopefully you have saved your baby things and with only going through one child, it should be good as new. My only word up for you is to tell people ahead of time, especially when the new baby comes home. Please, if you are going to get the baby something, please just grab a little something for the one who was there first. And they should always say hello to your first born before even approaching the new born. I find that really helps to ease any hurt feelings. Good luck, God Bless and Go for it!!! Cheryl
@mammamuh (582)
• Sweden
2 Feb 09
I can just tell my story and it was way harder to have two kids than one! The second was very needy and wanted we 24// for a very long time - I didn't feel well after giving birth and so on. The step from one to two was huge for me. There is only 21 months between the two and I guess it had been a lot easier with a bigger differ. From two children to three I didn't notice any chage at all :)
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
2 Feb 09
its true that having a child is stressful. from giving milk, taking a bath, putting on clothes, playing with them, guessing their tantrums and up to singing them lullabys. but at the end of the day, it always feels fulfilling. if you consider all these daily routines plus your work and yourself, you might decide not to have another baby again. but, if you think that having another will make your 3year old child happy because of having someone to play with, to care with and to be with as they grow, you might think again. :-)
@mikeysmom (2092)
• United States
1 Feb 09
of course having more than one is going to be stressful but knowing that ahead of time is a reason not to do it or to come to terms with it and decide that you will have to find ways to deal with the stress without taking it out on the children. i have a son and watch my 5 month old niece 45 hours per week and believe me even though she goes home at the end of the day my time is much more limited having to care for both of them and i am more stressed for time but i find ways to get done what i need to without neglecting either of them in anyway. am i beat at the end of the day? you bet. but the love of a child is the best thing in the whole wide world and so worth it. good luck with your decision.
@lisa0502 (1726)
• Canada
1 Feb 09
I am going to be honest with you. It certainly can be stressful. I had a son and at the age of 5 I had married a man that had 5 kids. Then we went on to have our first son together. Then a little over a year later I had my daughter. It certainly was stressful but not to the point that I could not handle it. Also for the worry about the older child being pushed out. I tried to include the other kids in helping to do all the day to day stuff with the babies which made them feel very important. Good luck with whatever you decide.
• India
1 Feb 09
well having two children is always good. because if having one child only then he will be getting bored all day and they will always be harriasing mothers full day as they will not have any one to play so well i think that is good to have two children.
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
1 Feb 09
Hi, The experience of getting a second child from the mother's point of view is MUCH EASIER....from the 1st child point of view it is welcome, it will a lot of learning,sharing experience,sacrifice etc.So it will be RICH. If a mother can handle 8 new born babies at a time, U r afraid.. ??? =Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
• Philippines
1 Feb 09
it's great to have another baby, My second baby comes after my first son reached his 8th bday. Sooner your son would ask you when the next baby coming up? take advantage of your age to have another baby, coz , when you get older, it would be hard for you to get pregnant, and since you already have one, it means you have well knowledge how to take care of them both, it so happy to see your kids playing around with their siblings, fighting with each other. Having a brother or sister on their sides would make them happy as they grew up. If you are worrying to have stressful day once you deliver new baby, I don't know of a mum doesn't know how to deal with stressful life, once we are a mom, we'd be able to deal with it, At least when you get old, there's someone to take care of you.
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I personally don't think a parent is ever truly a parent until they've had more than 1 child. A parent of 1 child doesn't get to experience sibling rivalry, or the "MOOOOOOM, he's looking at me funny!" or not knowing who did it when a lamp breaks or something of that nature. Yeah, it's fun! LOL Seriously though, adding another child will certainly add some stress, but I don't think there's any such thing as too much stress. You seem to just always be able to handle whatever's thrown at you, ya know? Plus, when you had your first son you weren't completly sure what to expect, and although each child is different and your next will probably be totally opposite of your son, you still already have an idea of how to handle a newborn. As far as the attention goes... well every mom has this fear. Moms also wonder if she'd even love the new baby because she doesn't think she could ever love another child the same way she loves the one she has. When I got pregnant the second time my fears were worse. Not only was I worried about whether or not my son, who was about 4 when I got pregnant, would still get attention, I also had to deal with the fact that he was from a different father. I had the fears of will my husband still love him the same after he has his own flesh and blood children, will hubby's parents treat him the same (at the time they weren't even gramma and grandpa yet to him, we sprung this on them after I found out I was pregnant, told them my son would be treated no different and from that point on they were his grandparents too). Not to mention, I had the added surprise of learning that my second pregnancy was twins. I had to adjust from having 1 child, to having 3 overnight. I can't say it was the easiest thing to do. Honestly I don't think I was ready, but I was still so very young, I was only 22 when my twins were born. But we did allright. It was stressful on us, for a few years. I think much of that had to do with having PPD which I didn't even really notice. I think everything happens for a reason, and if you do have another child, then that's what was meant to be, so it'll all be fine. If you don't, or for some reason can't, then I guess it just means you weren't meant to.
@trixyteddy (1072)
• India
1 Feb 09
Hey, its a great feeling even when the second child comes. My only advise is, don't let down the first child. People unintentionally tend to give more attention to the second child, thus making the first child feel left out. You can definitely enjoy bringing up two children, watching them play, or fight, or share together. If you're planning on a second child, go ahead and all the best.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
1 Feb 09
Its different for everyone....I had three kids my third being special needs for the time that we had him but I didnt find it any more stressful than having one child or two BUT I LOVE being a mom and I always wanted LOTS of kids so I figure thats a huge factor....PLUS my kids are really great kids, I have a very strong bond with them and always have..Not all parents are like that so to a parent who does have a hard time or does have high stress it wouldnt turn out the same way for them...Make sense?