Do you love completely or do you hold back a little ?

@ronnyb (6125)
Jamaica
February 1, 2009 12:46pm CST
Many persons claim you should never love completely just in case the relationship fails you will be able to move on. Is this how you love ? Is this love any at all if you hold back and also isn’t this relationship more likely to fail ,so you may be creating a defense mechanism which is actually making your relationship fail. Is this how you love or are there extenuating circumstances for example you may start holding back and after a time start giving your all ? Or do you have a firm policy against ever giving your all even if the relationship is now a marriage
8 people like this
39 responses
• United States
1 Feb 09
I give 100% in love. Why go through life half a$$ed. If you never love fully then you can never know what it feels like to be loved fully either. I just don't see a reason why you shouldn't give it your all. Life is full of disappointments. If you get hurt, pick yourself up and go on with life. There'll be someone else who will put just as much effort into love as you do.
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Feb 09
I get your point ,just being devils advocate here,but some might say because you havent given your all then you should be able to see the difference.The reason many people dont give their all is that there are some people who give their all to the extent that they can never recover afterword sometimes to the point of insanity
2 people like this
@jenrl17 (420)
• United States
1 Feb 09
When I love, I dont hold back. I give my all in the relationship. I agree with cyberfluf as in the beginning, its not necessary to 'tell all' until its appropriate. If they ask, Im honest though, but I like the saying, 'a time and place for everything' so if its too soon to tell certain information, I wait till the time is right but again, if they ask, Im honest. Theres no reason to 'beat around the bush' or hold back if theres a good connection and attraction between the two people. I believe in being open and honest and think both partners should be the same with that, share with each other and communicate.
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@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Feb 09
Just playing devils advocate here ,what if you felt there is something you done in the past that you are not sure your current oartner will be able to look beyond ,wouldnt you hold back? Or do you think that if this person cant take your past then they dont deserve to be with you ?
@jenrl17 (420)
• United States
1 Feb 09
Well, I dont think Ive done anything like that, where my current partner wouldnt be able to look past it. Ive never killed anyone or done any unthinkable crime that is unacceptable that I can think of. Ive been forgiven by God with whatever it might be but nothing that a regular person couldnt look past. If there was something, I would be open and honest with them cause honesty is the best policy and hope they can look past it. If they werent able to, then I guess they werent meant for me.
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@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Feb 09
LOL I know you ahevnt done anything like that ,forgive me if you got the impression that I was implying that ,i wasnt .But I think I get your point ,you are saying that those are the only crimes that cant be forgiven and you ahevnt done any of those so you wouldnt hide any of your other sins because tehy all pale in comparison
@UK_Shree (3604)
1 Feb 09
I like to give my all. For a number of reasons - a relationship will only get through the toughest times (and there are bound to be tough times) if people love with all their hearts, otherwise there will be a little voice inside saying "it's okay to walk away". Other reasons are selfish - I am not sure I could enjoy a relationship to its full potential if I did not love without holding back
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Feb 09
I see your point ,I dont suppose there is any way you could be committed without giving your all.I wonder though if this not giving your all for some people isnt just a defnece mechanism and not necessarily a lack of commitmrnt on their part.And in the same vein these people dont have a problem with enjoying the relationship because its just adefence for them..just trying to interpret their situation is all..
@UK_Shree (3604)
1 Feb 09
I think for some people it probably is done in defence and they don't even realise it, or they do realise it, but don't know how to be any other way. For example, if someone has been hurt in the past before as a consequence of giving the relationship everything, they might be a lot more cautious in the future. But even if it is defence, and whether or not they are aware of what they are doing, I think it does limit how much you enjoy the relationship. Being in love is about being 'free' and if you don't feel free, to let go for example, the relationship cannot be at its best. Just my opinion
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Feb 09
Yes some people just build up a defence without knowing and some know but cant help it because of past experiences but like you said it sure limits the relationship.You have reaised somee good points .Thanks for your response
• United States
8 Feb 09
I don't hold back. It doesn't matter if it will only last a day.The best way to describe it is in this quote from the movie Impromtu. " I am not full of virtues and noble qualities. I love. That is all.But I love strongly, exclusively, and steadfastly."
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@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
8 Feb 09
Wow really wish I could adopt your wonderful spirit.I mean I would definitely hold back if I knew beforehand that the relationship would last for a short period of time.The thing is this that I too get really emotionally attached and as such tend to get hurt when my relationships crash I suppose though that the principle that you follow is that love totally and that makes it ok at least you know that you gave it your all
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 09
Who knows, this person could be the love of your life. And not all of us get 25 years with the one you love. Wouldn't you want to be completely loved even if it lasted only a week than stay with someone you like for a lifetime?I guess I am a hopeless romantic. I want to feel true love for as long as it lasts.
@celticeagle (113065)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Feb 09
If everyone is holding back and no one gives their all to a relationship then what is the quality of the relationship anyway? I think the trick is to go slow and be sure the other person is someone you want to give it all up for or not. If you have to have a safety net or defense mechanism then there is something wrong.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
6 Feb 09
Yes this is indeed a good suggestion about taking it slow .
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
1 Feb 09
i love completely, if anything too much. if u ar going to love someone i think u should give your all.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Feb 09
Good answer Antique I agree with you .Thank you for responding
@CRIVAS (1822)
• Canada
1 Feb 09
I have to say that I have held back in a relationship before but when I met my husband that all changed. He is the most amazing person that I have ever met, he is kind, sweet, generous, loving, good looking and funny. I think that it is a shame that we hold back some of ourselves but like you said I think it is a defence against being hurt. I think that holding ourselves back, can actually hurt a relationship more than help you. If your partner feels like you are holding back, they too might do the same and then your relationship will never reach it's full potential. I think that it is very important to be open and honest with your partner or else you doom your relationship to failure.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
6 Feb 09
Sounds like a good philosophy.Imagine if you had back maybe you would have never seen the kind ,sweet ,generous side of your husband and the relationship would have failed with you not knowing its full potential as you say.So I suppose the key is finding the balance between self protection and self exploration
• United States
1 Feb 09
Somehow it seems as if holding back would prevent a truly committed relationship. What is in me is exactly what anyone I love will get, whether I's a romantic relationsip, a friendship, whatever. If I can't giv all, I can't expect to get all, and I really think all is the only way.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
11 Feb 09
It does seem that holding back is not going to help you maintain a truly committed relationship. If you don't give fully of yourself then your significant other is not going to feel where you are coming from. Same goes for friendship as you have earlier stated.
• India
1 Feb 09
well i belive in giving 100% in love, always nutures love relationship. Irresponsibility towards your loved one is not a real love. Meaning to love means to provide extraordinary, so its not everyone's cheese.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
11 Feb 09
I agree with you when you state about giving 100 percent in love. You have to give of yourself and sometimes let your guard down. That is where you can see where someone truly accepts you.
• India
1 Feb 09
well i have never hidden back. I believe you need to give it your 100 percent always. There is no point in holding back or being someone you are not, yes that could be the cause of failier sometime or the other, although i regret at times being so tranparent and obvious.
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@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
1 Feb 09
Good point about being so transparent as this can sometimes make the other person feel a bit too cocky as if they already control you so thay dont have to try too hard to get your affections.But I think I too give my 100 percent so that I may feel comfrotable in knowing that I gave my best
@btrcooky (176)
24 Apr 09
Sometimes I'm a little bit scared to love too much. I don't want to be hurt. I am super sensitive and do not want to have a broken heart. So far I haven't. Just be kind and nice to the one's you love.
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@apoots77 (104)
• United States
4 Feb 09
I give my all each and every day. I've know my fiance for almost 17 years...(long story) and now we're finally together for good. I can't wait to marry him and start my life with him. He gives his all to me and our 5 kids (1 is his, 4 are mine) every single day as well....all while serving as a drill sergeant in the Army. I never have to ask him to help me...when he can, he does all on his own. He knows what I need and I know what he needs because we communicate. We're 100% open and honest with each other. I've had several relationships in the past that didn't work out for one reason or another. I honestly believe that my fiance and I were meant to be together. But those relationships that didn't work out were stepping stones...learning experiences. And even though I've been in love before and been hurt, I always gave my all in each relationship because each one was different. I don't think that past bad experiences should influence how we treat new ones. :-) I do my best to learn from the past, learn from my mistakes and others mistakes, remember the good times I've had (even if they didn't end well) and move on. Because life is meant to be lived. :-)
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
I don't hold anything back - I like to love completely. I do that because that's the way I like to be loved. :-)
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
I use to hold back in relationships, as I feared I would get hurt. I do not do that in my current relationship, and I suppose there could be a circumstance that would attempt to have me do so, but since I have no intention of ever moving on if all went bad, I am not sure it would happen with me. This is our tenth year together, though we are not married, there is not much of a difference in our eyes or how others see us. I have the mindset that this relationship will be forever. This will be my last one, regardless. I do always have a fear that someday he will grow weary of me, but that is not because of something he has done, but more of the opinions I have of myself. I try to keep it form being a self fulfilling prophecy by not focusing on it much.
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@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I don't know how you can hold bback a little when you are really into a realtionship. I think when you really love one person, you just think of how to do good stuff and make he/she happy, if you "can" hold back a little, that means that person is not that important to you and LOVE is not actually existed so get rid of that relationship. That's what I think.
@lovesummer (1162)
• Malaysia
2 Feb 09
i think i love completely... i know it is gonna hurt much if it doesnt work out but it is always worth it..
• Philippines
2 Feb 09
usually at the start of relationship..im not giving all my love..im trying to hold as much for myself so that if we decided to part ways..i am not that lost..but once we reach 6 months..im starting to let go of myself slowly..i want to make my partner feel how much he means to me..im not holding back anymore because we already passed the crucial stage of our relationship..
@underdogtoo (9601)
• Philippines
2 Feb 09
I am not one to hold back in everything that I do. I either go all the way or not go at all. It's just me. Cheers!!
• United States
2 Feb 09
I always love completely and in my pass and I always got hurt really badly and I thought that holding back was the best way to go just in see I got hurt it wouldn't hurt to bad. My mother us to tell me all the time never show your boyfriends you love them to much because they will act like they will become arrogant because they know you really care about them. However, I never followed that advise because I felt that if you love someone you should show them that you do, because if you hold back and the person ever really know how you feel they may leave you because they thought that you didn't love them with all your heart. I do think that holding back is a type of defense mechanism and could cause their relationships to fail most of thee time.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
5 Feb 09
It is a difficult situation to which I doubt anyone has an answer that works for every situation.I think that you have to use your juddgement.There are times when you may have to hold back a little ,perhaps in the first stages of the relationship just to be sure of the persons intention howver when you are sure you should probably start giving them your all.You have to be mindful of thefact that an half hearted love will fail as the other person will realise this
• United States
11 Feb 09
You are right you don't want to give your all in the first stages because it could scare off the person or the person's intentions aren't good. Also, like you said a half hearted attempt will fail because the person will feel it or someone close to them will bring to their intention , but even though you use your judgment love as away of making hard to think with a clear head.
• Nepal
3 Feb 09
hi ronnyb, i believe if you love someone you must give full 100%.
@btrcooky (176)
24 Apr 09
That sounds right, but it is only natural to hold back a little.
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