Is not telling also lying?

United States
February 1, 2009 1:29pm CST
My wife had sported a black eye, what happened was she met the dog head to head, she bent down to pet the dog and the dog came up for a meeting of their minds. What happened next as my wife is prone to bruise easily and most of her bruises are self inflicted... She went shopping and a person who was once considered a friend jumped to the conclusion that I had hit my wife in the eye giving her a black eye. Sandy this so called friend started spreading rumors, she began with her sister and told her sister not to mention about the black eye. By not asking no one ever knew the truth and my wife would never talk about she would end up with self inflicted bruises. I think they call that pride or ego. The worst part is that Sandy would tell others that I was a horrible culprit when the truth was I had nothing to do with the bruises. I remain innocent even thought Sandy would think it fun to take my wife and children into grocery stores and play the pretend we are Millionaires game, you know where you fill the grocery cart with goods and then at the last minute you have to leave the cart behind because low and behold, no money... I hate when I forget my wallet so they leave the filled carts sit in the aisles just to give some unfortunate soul a job to do. What does that do for the minds of the children? Does that teach children to respect other people's property? Is a little lie or a lie of omission acceptable?
8 people like this
20 responses
@savak03 (6678)
• United States
1 Feb 09
Not at all, especially when it did your reputation so much damage. And having been one of those people who had to put groceries back in their proper place after a shopper picked them up and then changed their mind and just left them where ever they happened to be I really take exception to their little millionaire game.
3 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
Yep, I agree that the wrong values were being taught to my children, too bad I had to work so hard and for so little that I had to work so many hours so these people could play these silly games. I'll bet you had nothing better to do and were ever so grateful for the job security that these people afforded you... (not)... I say to people with bad morals and bad ethics...
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Pore dog and wife! I know about the easy brusing . But no one should have took it upon themselves to tell people you did it!. Not a very good friend there she should know about the brusing thing and I hate it when ya got to store have it all loaded up and the Card dont work. we have had tehn keep the grocerys to the side till we ran to bank to get the money. Very sad that they let someone put it all back.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Feb 09
Yep it was wrong on both parts the telling of others that I did things that I didn't do and the playing games in the store... This is beyond childish...
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
10 Feb 09
very much so !
1 person likes this
@tmae87 (17)
• United States
2 Feb 09
i think that's deff. sending the wrong message to your children. They should respect other people. yes it's there job but that doesn't mean you have to make it worse on them. They are people too and should be treated with respect. Children do as they see, not as they are told.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Feb 09
Children actually learn from both being told and seeing in practice how we are to behave and manage to get things done. We communicate by teaching and giving or making an example for them to see and act as the rest around them behave.
• Brazil
2 Feb 09
I don't think not telling is lying it's just not telling, I rather have someone not tell me something then lie to me about it.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Feb 09
In this case I think that if she (my wife) would have taken the time to tell a few of her friends what had happened this assumption could have been avoided. She certainly needed to let the truth be known, not that she should have known that some of her friends were going to spread lies about me, but it sure had shadowed what would happen next in my life, I'll bet...
@missybear (11396)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I totally believe the story with the dog because it happend to me before. When I bend down to do something I can't remember what because that was like 15 years ago but the dog jumped up and hit me right in the eye with her big snout. Nobody at work would believe me they all said "Sure".
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Thank You Missy, I meant to say thank you for your account as a testimony to what happened to my wife, yes it happens all to often, so often that I never even thought twice about her self inflicted injuries, once she stepped off of the porch wrong and hurt her elbow, shoulder, and ankle... She would often say that I didn't show enough empathy or signs of caring, but I was a busy man working two and three jobs at one time... I wanted to get ahead and have the American Dream and that Dream was stolen...
• Philippines
2 Feb 09
no--never! first it ruins your reputation and it made you seem like a harmful person when you are not at all that kind of person...what's the harm of telling people the truth about the self inflicted bruises! another thing is, this so called friend if she's really concern friend she must have confronted you about this and had known the truth before spreading such rumors--made me believe that she doesn't have any respect for herself since she never bother to respect you as a person who's being ruined by her big mouth...i hate to hear this things that they are doing to you--all i wish is for this to end and so you can have a peaceful life for once.. your friend Diselle
2 people like this
• United States
10 Feb 09
I so agree with you...
• United States
1 Feb 09
wow,i really feel bad for you. that's not a little lie that is something that could really get you into trouble. i think that your wife should stick up for you and tell the truth, if she really loves you why lie about it? and about the "millionaires" game...that's just down right rude. people working in those stores have a lot they have to take care of and have to go through. let alone having to put back all that food that is in grocery carts just because someone wants to be inconsiderate to others and leave it behind. it doesn't show your kids very good respect toward other individuals in fact i think your children will get the wrong impression on how to treat people just by that little kind of stuff. im sorry to hear about what's going on and i hope everything turns out better for you, i really do.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
Thank You, I hope things turn around soon and real soon... I'm a little scared of the future, if things don't get straightened out, I'll be one of the many statistics that we are hearing about in the news...
1 person likes this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
1 Feb 09
Normally when it comes to generally harmless situations, I would say that you can't be lying if your mouth is kept firmly shut! But when you are talking about a situation where this very silence means that false and damaging assumptions will be made, then I think that the silence is just as bad as lying itself! This woman sounds like a nsaty piece of work if you ask me. What a shame that her own life is so glaringly absent of any moral foundation. These are textbook diversionary tactics to draw people away from recognizing the real her if you ask me!
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
Yeah, I had no idea at the time, I knew she was bad news but the real issues went far from bad to much, much worse, right to the point of being complicit and egregious. That would include all involved. See the discussion about entrapment... Sandy was in the thick of it all...
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
Sandy is in need of some serious mental help! it sure sounds like she has lost her ever loving mind, to me! where on earth do you meet (friends?) like this? lol!
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
It was long ago, and as a result of one of my mothers stunts, I left my mothers house and ended up moving in with my then girl friend who would become my wife, we rented a bedroom in a town house and that is where we met this Sandy person...
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
1 Feb 09
In this case lying by ommission was totally wrong, she let her friend jump to a false conclusion and spread rumours which hurt others. This is just my opinion. If I had managed the supermarket I would have banned both of them for life. This is no way to behave especially if you have children with you. I wonder if they would have punished the children if they had been the ones doing it.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 09
Knowing how my children have been treated and continue to get treated I see no change as it is all abuse, and who is responsible for all of the abuse? It all begins with the court system and the court system continues to maintain the status quo, as I am the one being punished for the faults of others. And the church is neck deep in all of it also...
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
1 Feb 09
This Sandy sounds like someone to be avoided at all cost. I also believe that your wife should have set her straight about how she got the black eye. In not setting Sandy straight she is contributing to a lie. That millionaire game is stupid and inconsiderate too. These clerks and carry out people have to put that stuff back on the shelf and that takes time. I know my grandson works at a grocery store and they have to Put the groceries back on the shelves and the time it tales could be used for what ever cleaning they have to do. This type of game makes them have to stay late and get paid over time which is then added to the price of groceries some time. i don't know why some people get a kick out of making more work for other people.
• United States
1 Feb 09
You wrote what I was thinking, they are both bad apples and their games are not fun... This is a stomach churner for sure... Sorry, but it is true and I have a witnesses that know of the facts... The more I learn the more I wonder how I could have been so gullible and naive...
2 people like this
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
2 Feb 09
the millionaires game doesn't sound fun at all, and not nice on other people. but here's a good one. a few weeks back my partner was away for the night, and i went over to the boss's place to have a chat, which then turned into a game of cards, we all had a blast. thing is i didn't phone my partner back cause i got home to late. then when asked the next day about it, i said i was over there talking and telling them about the operation i'm having in a few weeks and organising time off. he made a few rude comments and i didn't mention what i also was doing while over there. is that lying? when just don't mention something.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 09
Well you were there and it got late and for that reason you couldn't call your significant other (your partner) and even though he was moody making rude comments, maybe if he knew you were playing cards his mood would have changed? I don't know if your partner would mind that you were there doing such and such... But here is the thing, you are denying him/her the opportunity to be supportive, or better yet if you could flaunt your winnings and say see, it was worth my while. Oh' there are a lot of ways that you could work this out to your advantage. What do you think? Was it lying?
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
2 Feb 09
may i suggest reading my other posts, about my life with my partner at the moment. he's just being a real pain in the butt over everything. we also weren't playing for money, just drinking to much. plus my work mate drove me home, it's only about 300meters between my house and the boss's place. currently my partner is jealous of something, and thinks my work mate and i are having an affair. so if my boss asked us over for cards, the playing mood would get changed. he's also got this thing about lying, usually just annoys you cause he does the same thing. i don't always mention things, then it' found out later and i'm called a lier. i don't see it, if it's not spoken about and someone else finds out later. i don't think it's lying, but that's me. don't know if i just made sense.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 09
You're making sense, to a point but it is a lie of omission as others have suggested and I knew that but because of another discussion I felt very compelled to write this one, just to put it out there and let others know. A lie of omission can cause a great deal of harm to relationships. As for the jealousy, yep, I get it... Your partner has issues and you have to decide how you are going to deal with these issues. Do you want to fix the problem or not? First thing first, what kind of a relationship do you want with your partner? A good solid loving one where you are trusted and in return you respect your partner with love and trust? As for the appearance of an affair, that can be fixed. Security is the issue, does your partner feel secure, with out security there is a breeding ground for jealousy and other bad emotions that will fester and even grow. Make your partner feel important and valued and that will make them secure and all the negative or bad vibes will vanish. Insecurity leads to the destruction of many relationships.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
7 Feb 09
In the cases you mentioned the answer is probably, NO it's not acceptable. Sometimes, keeping information to yourself is not the same as lying. We are entitled to our privacy aren't we? I can understand not wanting to explain every little thing to whoever I happen to encounter. But, if she did bruise easily and knew people were jumping to that conclusion and it was spreading, then she probably should have corrected it. I know you have had some major issues, but I don't want to jump to conclusions. Personally, my feeling is that my life is nobody's business but mine and I don't need to explain anything to anyone. But, I do understand how easy it is for people to make assumptions and I do understand the harm in letting those assumptions continue and spread.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 09
Thank You, Your grasp is quite good, I agree that we shouldn't have to explain every little detail of our lives, but we should also have friends that respect us enough not to jump to conclusions, this Sandy person was not a good friend and has ruined other relationships as well as my own. The history book associated with Sandy will not show her to be a human of good quality.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Yes, you're right. FAR too many people jump to conclusions and convince themselves that they "know" what's going on, and then they pass on their version of the story as if it is fact. I see that happen so often and it never ceases to amaze me.
1 person likes this
@messageme (2821)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I don't believe in lies so I don't think any kind of lie is acceptable! Even if something was said and you don't come forward to correct it then I would also consider that a lie. Like in your case when sandy assumed it was you, your wife should have said right there that it wasn't you. So by her not speaking and letting her friend think that , I would consider her lying. I am a person of truth and I can not stand when any one lies about anything. My boyfriend once said "Don't ask, don't tell" I could not get that out of my mind for the life of me. What am I suppose to ask? What is he not telling me because I didn't ask? To me if you can't be upfront and tell someone something then to me you are lying especially if it is something you know the other person should know. He got that from his friend who was cheating on his wife, He never told her about it because she never asked. To me that is wrong! When you trust someone not to do that to you then why would you ask them if they would, that is what trust is. To be HONEST and open.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
I agree with you 100%, Now one thing you have to know is that Sandy never confronted my wife about the bruise, my wife never told Sandy how she got the bruise. They did not communicate about how she had acquired the bruise. Sandy told her sister how my wife got the bruise and the sister of Sandy told me about the incident where Sandy was telling her and probably others that this bruise that my wife was sporting was the result of something that I had done... Sandy knew what she was doing and knew that what she was doing was wrong, Sandy is the type of person with little respect for herself and or for others. My wife is introverted and doesn't like to talk about herself and her issues, at least not with the right people who she is close to, obviously she talks behind our backs... And sometimes by not talking she opens up a whole can of worms... The reason that I had to leave was because of her not communicating with me, I will not stand for that type of behavior anymore I've seen all too often how damaging that behavior can be... Those little secrets that grow out of control... My poor children they have no clue what is in store for them...
1 person likes this
@messageme (2821)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Sorry to hear that. And it is very sad for the children. At least someone had the desentcey to tell you what sandy was saying! I hate when people talk about me and no one will tell me what is being said. I think if rumors are being spread about someone that person has the right to know.
1 person likes this
@StarBright (2799)
• United States
5 Feb 09
All lies are not spoken. Lies of omission can be just as damaging as spoken lies -- sometimes even more because the imagination can be so powerful. Millionaires game? How utterly ridiculous! This Sandy sounds like 50 miles of bad news. It saddens me to think of you and so many like you who are denied their rights as a father. It galls me to think of people like your wife and her friend Sandy who trip thru life having fun at someone else's expense and not caring whom they hurt or how. I include your wife because, altho she is the quiet one and says nothing, she condones and even encourages Sandy's actions by being quiet.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 09
You have a complete grasp of the situation, and I agree with you obviously 100% Thank You for that wonderful response.
• United States
2 Feb 09
not telling isn't lying. It is withholding the truth. It is as bad as lying but it isn't lying. It could lead to misunderstandings.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 09
The wrong conclusions are the lies of withholding information, they are tied hand in hand...
• India
2 Feb 09
Saying lie is really a sinful activity. but in many religious scriptures it is said that if you say lie for the good cause and for the benefit of others and this lie has some +ve and constructive out came then this is no more a lie but just a statement which is a truth in itself. So little lie for good is the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 09
No sir, I disagree with your conclusion, a lie is always a negative, you can always put a positive spin on everything, there is no need to lie about it. I thank you for your honest response,
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
In this case, it is a lie and is the sin of omission and by not telling the truth of how your wife really got the black her, her 'friend' made people think you were a wife abuser. And not only that she really spread the news around. I would say it was more than a lie, this Sandy was being vindictive and mean spirited. And getting the children to play millionaire and leave the cart in the middle of the aisle so someone would have to go all away around. Terrible. I hope your wife and you break up your friendship with this woman. As they say, with friends like her, who needs enemies?
1 Feb 09
Hi TheGreatWhiteVuffalo, What is wrong with these so called auldts, they are behaving like children and its about time they grow up, by spreading rumours that you have given your wife a black eyes will go against you if you don't say anything to defend yourself and you shoud report that to protect yourself. Tamara
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 09
Who am I supposed to report to? The doctors didn't listen, they gave me a bunch of medication at the lies of others. The church won't listen they have to protect their lying leaders, it is an ego problem no one would believe that my wife actually did stuff like that, and it was simple she was hanging out with the wrong people. I've been there and done that, her employer is now the bad people filling her head with bad thoughts. The courts won't listen, so I'm at a loss as to where to go next... I think, I'll go to work and try to keep current on my bills. This is going to be a real tough month...
• United States
1 Feb 09
Hello TheGreatWhiteBuffalo, I'd ask how you have been, but this discussion speak volumes. As you say, omission is the same a lying, and your children are indeed learning from what they see, and hear.
• United States
2 Feb 09
Yep, I have a whole soap opera it took one liar to expose a whole bunch of other liars and their shenanigans. What a mess... I need a big broom... It is time to do some house cleaning...