how to handle the cold war with your hubby?

@Tinna_He (300)
China
February 4, 2009 11:33pm CST
In our normal life,sometimes we would quarrel with our hubby.Because of some reason,i was unsatisfied with my hubby and didn't talk anything with him.At that time,the air was also cold.i had no mood to do anything and couldn't sleep well.everytime my husband would come close to me and hug me to stop the cold war. If i quarrelled with my hubby,i would regret when we stopped quarrelling.But at that time,i can't bow to say sorry.It is another reason to have the cold war. how about you?how to handle the cold war with your hubby?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@salonga (27957)
• Philippines
6 Feb 09
I think having a cold war is but natural and common to couples. Of course sometimes we do have arguments, even petty ones. We did have a lot of that during the early part of our marriage. But now that our marriage has been for almost 24 long years. We've learned to handle disagreement in a more mature way. I've learned that life is short and marriage is beautiful and must be savor with sweetness every minute of the day. Yes, my husband is not perfect and so am I so why not just understand each other. Disagreements do still happen to me and my hubby but after the short disagreement we don't end up giving cold treatment to each other.We talk things out to resolve the disagreement and after which we end up embracing each other. Life is too short. My hubby and I will not be together on earth forever because whether we like it or not life here on earth has an ending. So I make it a point that we don't waste our time in treating each other coldly.
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
6 Feb 09
If can,i hope i can give your a big hug.your words warmed my heart.i can imagine how goodness you are.i trust destiny.Destiny let my hubby and i stay together.i trust we can grow old together.The same as your said,life is too short,i know how to handle.with many thanks.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27957)
• Philippines
6 Feb 09
Thanks dear for those kind words! I wish you and your husband all the best!
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
hmm thats hard.. i dont know coz my husband would always settle our wars.. whahaha with peace offering of course.. hehehe have you heard the song mad by ne-yo.. he is just like that.. you should try to listen it in youtube.. you might learn something from it..
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
6 Feb 09
sometimes when we didn't talk with each other for a long time.In fact everything goes well between us.and we were waiting for the other who can say firstly.i would gaze at my hubby and then we would laugh together.LOL.everything will be ok,i believed.
• Philippines
6 Feb 09
yeah i tried that once.. and that was worst i guess coz i got bruises all over and i was shouting at him that ill file a case and sue him for the bruises i got and then he shout back that he would do the same and then i realize he has lots of scratches all over his body as well bec. of me.. and then we both laugh.. whahaha lolz.
@zhuuraan (967)
• United States
6 Feb 09
Lol that's an interesting way of putting it. Well, I am not married, but I am engaged and I can't really answer your question as we hardly ever fight. Sometimes we do, but it's usually over something stupid and we just give each other time and are fine from that point on.
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
6 Feb 09
when our mood was calm,we would ask ouselves what did we do and why did i we do.Because may times i will think i was so stupid and naive to initiate the cold war between us.hoping you can find your partner soonest.LOL..happy mylotting.
@miccant (154)
• United States
5 Feb 09
My husband and I do our share of cold wars. The one thing that we always do though is make sure that we are better before time to go to bed. A wise man once told us to never go to bed mad and that is the secret to a good marraige.
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
6 Feb 09
Thanks for sharing with your experience.i learn and i won't go to bed mad after my hubby and i was of cold war.we just were of cold war,and we didn't tell others before.so everytime when we were of cold war,the whole thing became a visious cycle.now i will tell my hubby how to do .thanks again.
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
5 Feb 09
My husband and I do not yell and scream at each other. Usually when we have an argument, it is brief and then the cold war begins. I will not say anything to him, and won't say anything to me. Sometimes, it lasts longer than I would like it to , but eventually things will finally get straightened out. We have not had a cold war or any war in over two years, thank God.
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
6 Feb 09
Yeah,in fact we didn't yell and scream at each other except one time.At that time,my hubby liked to play games on computer.After coming back from the work,he would sit in the front of computer.Especially on weekend ,he spent the whole day to play the games.At that time i took care of my baby by myself.my daughter is too young to play by herself.you must stay with her all the time.i felt tired and ask my hubby to take care of our baby.he played the computer games while taking care of daughter.when i saw it,my temper was lost and yelled at him.Then i sat down in the front of computer and paly games too.i hope my hubby can understand my feeling by changing the role.even i ignored my daughter's cry deliberately.Then,my hubby become crazy and we screamed at each other.my daughter cried loudly.At that time i really shocked how pity child is when their parents quarrelled with each other.so i pledged i won't yell at each other in the front of our child.Also after that time,my hubby rarely play games.
@chalee68 (73)
• South Korea
5 Feb 09
I don't know if you believe me, when we have misunderstanding with my husband it will not take longer maybe just 30 mins. or one hour. After we arguered we both say sorry.
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
6 Feb 09
The longest cold war between us is last for two days.my hubby should go to work from early morning to the late night.When he come back ,he went to the another room for sleep.LOL.i can say my hubby and i are naive.To the best of my abilities,i won't quarrel with my hubby.
• South Africa
5 Feb 09
HI TINNA_He My husband and I also used to have cold wars between us, you go to bed angry, you struggle to sleep, the next morning you feel even more grumpy, and the whole thing becomes a visious cycle, going on for days..... It may sound silly but I've learned the hard way to never go to bed angry!!!!!! Even if you don't feel like it, sort things out, the sooner you sort it out the better. A small problem could become a huge disappointment. Communication is very important in a relationship. Men struggle to say sorry, for them, saying sorry meens that you have won the war. And while having the cold war and you (just as with myself) withdraw intimately, can I tell you what that meens to your hubby? For most men, if the wife, girlfriend or fiance say no to intamicy it meens she say no to him as a person!!!!!! Something to think about!
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
6 Feb 09
sometimes i didn't know what do my hubby think?Usually we would go to bed angry.i can feel my hubby can't sleep.even he will go to another room for sleep.At that time my heart hurted.why did we do like this?At that time i regreted and feel it is so cruel to hubby.And my husband went to work in the early morning.we didn't say anything to each other.when we quarrelled with each other,he would come back home later than before.Though everything is gone,i hope i won't quarrel with my hubby again.
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
with my hubby..whether its me or he started the cold war, I always initiate the move to settle the issue before going to sleep...i ask him to talk and discuss what seems to be the cause of the fight and we always forgive each other. understanding is the key...and needless to say the love for each other always prevail.
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
6 Feb 09
Thanks for your response.one more question,did your hubby keep silence when you talk with him?To my hubby,he would be keep silence when i hoped to settle the issue and talked to him.If he can talk with me,the cold war would be finished.OR the war would be deteriorated and last for a long time.how do you handle when your hubby keep silence?
@vidhyagowri (1976)
• United States
5 Feb 09
in our case, I am kinda short tempered and will get angry first most of the times... But luckily, we both have a mentality of saying sorry immediately after few minutes. because according to me he is the person with whom we are spending and we will be spending our whole life. so why do we have to be egoistic...
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
5 Feb 09
yes,i know the truth that we will spend all our life stay with each other.To another mind,maybe the cold war is condiment of our life.LOL.But this condiment can't use all the time.In fact ,when we were cold war,i still trust every thing would be ok.thanks for your posting,my dear.happy mylotting.
@raynejasper (2326)
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
..hi.. I had experiences like that already.. Usually, I just keep quiet and let my anger or feelings subside.. however, there are times when I really need to talk to him.. I tell him I'm hurt and explain to him why.. If I made a mistake, I humble myself and say sorry to him.. One thing I've learn in marriage is, either one of the spouse needs to be humble because when your pride gets over you, that could ruin your relationship.. It is always nice to get things in order by talking to each other with open mind and heart.. As you said, misunderstandings in a relationship is normal.. It is one way of getting close to each other more and more..
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
5 Feb 09
thank you for sharing your opinion.my hubby work so hard and i stay at home to take care of our baby.maybe we are lack of communication.i stay at home and don't communicate with other people.My hubby work and should listen to his boss.maybe he got bullied for his job and he didn't hope i know.maybe i should ask for myself before i initiate the war.thank you,dear.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
26 Mar 09
[i]Hi Tinna, I am a person with pride too but I am trying to control this since it will not help the relationship. It's great to compromise and forget all the madness...If one will say sorry then accept it as long as you both discussed the issue..My husband is very patient and humble and I want to be that way too![/i]