Fishing for compliments.

@bunnybon7 (50975)
Holiday, Florida
February 7, 2009 4:49pm CST
I know you all are maybe tired of hearing about Agra(my word for my aggravating daughter in law to be, but i cant help it your the only ones "friends", i have i can discuss this with. growing up my mom used to say when someone just keeps putting down their looks or something about theirselves they are just fishing for compliments Well, sometimes i think that about agra. because you know you dont like to hurt someones feelings by agreeing with them so you say, "oh no, your not fat or ugly or to old". lol! anyway, its like every day its something. like "oh i know im to old for your son. i dont know what he sees in me, right?" or im just to fat,etc.etc. well, i think "so freakin' get out of his life" but dont say it.but iam getting tired of constantly having to compliment her to keep down bad feelings. Do you have people/anyone like that in your life?
10 people like this
20 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
8 Feb 09
so just don't answer her, tell her you told her all you had to say before and if she can't believe it herself you can't help it. no I don't have people like that in my life, but they are people that really do not say anything good about themselves, they have very low self esteem.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
9 Feb 09
that is because you don't have low self esteem, she does
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Feb 09
it is sad to have low self esteem but i dont know why she does. if i had a good looking younger man that worked 5 days a week and only had me pay a small portion of the food money and a little on utilities, id think i was tinkling in tall cotton
1 person likes this
@CRIVAS (1815)
• Canada
8 Feb 09
I think that she is just insecure about herself and the important thing to remember is that she makes your son happy. I know that you might not like her too much but for the sake of your relationship with your son, I would definately keep making the effort. I think that once this girl gets used to being in your family, she'll change a little more. I also think that it might be nice if the two of you try to get to know eachother a little more. Do something that both of you enjoy, maybe some girls bonding time would be just what you need.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Feb 09
thats probably the problem. the fact that i knew her first and didnt much like her then. shes not a girl, shes my age my son met her when she hung around me and he was vulnerable from a breakup. but i still try.
• United States
8 Feb 09
Yeah it happens to me. I have a friend and I love her a lot. She doesnt love me, but she knows i love her. So at times to maintain our friendship i have to lie her saying that her idea is good or something like that. But actually her ideas are not something on which we can trust.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Feb 09
but do you not get tired of complaints?
@laglen (19759)
• United States
8 Feb 09
When people make fishing comments, I nod and smile. i just don't respond. This cuts down on the quite a bit. This way, people know that I am sincere when I make a compliment.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Feb 09
now thats good. i sometimes i do that.
@Pistas (95)
• Portugal
8 Feb 09
well i was one of those people when i was a kid, because i was very depressive,don't know why, but with time i realized that was stupid and stopped and actually did something,i grew up...basically.I also had this kind of people around me, sometimes i complimented them,but most of the times i ignored them, because that kind of behavior can be only cured by them and i talk for self-experience. Now i don't find those kind of people so often, i think that's more common in your teens...at least i don't know of anyone anymore who does that, so those type of people have disappeared from my life...
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Feb 09
good for you. lucky you. my sons gf is very childish for 61 yrs.
• China
8 Feb 09
i like fishing
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Feb 09
hi kid! kind of a short reply?
1 person likes this
@oldboy46 (2129)
• Australia
15 Feb 09
It sounds as though your future daughter-in-law has an issues with self confidence or lack of it perhaps it more to the point. It can be very wearing on others and if she says the same thing to your son as she does to you, it must be hard for him to be continually reassuring her. In the past, one of my daughters was like that because her mother continually criticised her for everything, from what she wore, her friends, what she said and did etc. It was true that she did do and say some strange things at times but mostly it was just for attention. The same with some of the people she used to hang out with as they were not really friends, but simply people she knew. She also knew that her mother would object to them which is why she would spend time with these people and generally in places where she knew her mother would see her. That is why at one stage we had her living with us, rather than with her mother as we could see trouble ahead. It took a lot of time to restore her self-confidence and yes we also found it tiring too, so you are not alone bunnybon. Mostly if we thought she just wanted a reaction from us, we would ignore her and soon enough we stopped having as much trouble. The other thing my partner and I did when she was in one of her "woe is me" moods, was to find something else to do. It worked as she found there was no use or reason to act as she did when we wouldn't react.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Feb 09
lately i have been doing what others have told me here and mostly ignore her. my son is getting a bit tired of tho and i dont know how long a person can take it. maybe hes just used to it.
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
22 Feb 09
That's a tricky situation. I used to have a student who would try to be too humble and cover up for his lack of hardwork by stressing on his inabilities. But I had the freedom to give him a piece of my mind. In your case, it is too tricky to deal that way. May be, you can just ignore her the next time, so that she will get the message.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
22 Feb 09
yep just what i've been attempting to do.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
8 Feb 09
She sounds terribly insecure..she sounds like a real pain and definitely all wrong for anyone's son. Why on earth is he with her? I think you should give up trying to be friendly to her and keeping the peace. Friendship is a two way street. Have a chat to her and put some pressure on her to face up to reality. You owe it to yourself and your son and she owes it to herself and your son.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Feb 09
It doesn't make sense but I do know what you mean. I'm also not good with confrontation...we seem to be a lot alike. Thank goodness your son is coming to his senses. Maybe if you send her on an errand and before she returns you could move somewhere else????
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Feb 09
i know. im just really bad with confrontation im to nice. yesterday my son said hes just about fed up with her tho. i think hes just afraid of change. i used to be that way, but recently i've had to change so much, i think im bored with no change if that makes any sense. no, it dont
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
18 Feb 09
You can get your point across without saying anything. When she says something like that just look at her and say nothing. If she continues to say it, go to another room, pick up a book, turn up the tv or do something. Don't give into it and don't let her do it to you. Eventually she'll get tired of it and quit asking you. The other alternative is to be honest and up front with her. When she says I'm too old for him, say well, I think so but evidently he doesn't. Good luck with it. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
18 Feb 09
yep thats kind of what i've been doing. mostly ignoring her.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
10 Feb 09
It would be hard to say if it is insecurity or fishing for compliments...they kind of go together. She is obviously really not confident in her looks or the fact that she is older than your son. I think she is probably looking for approval that deep down she doesn't feel worthy of. Not knowing the lady, it would be hard to say. If I were you I'd just tell her that she either needs to accept that your son loves her as she is or the relationship won't work. this is true because if she continues to harp about these things eventually he will get as tired as you are of consoling her and building her up. I imagine she probably is really insecure and just looking for confirmation. If she cant find it within...all your kind words will fall on deaf ears.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Feb 09
it seems she may finally be coming to grips. today she was a lot better. not sure why. i hope whatever it was continues. yes my daughter said once that if you say something enough people will begin to think your right
• Malaysia
8 Feb 09
During my age between 30-40, I got many of them where am always to sweep broom and be their "yes" man. Maintain my generosity by complimenting them even sometimes they did wrong things and am their scape goat. In anyways, I had learned and gained many good knowledge from my being "low" justly like a water bucket, must rest under the tap if I want to fill up water. All about how to reach a quality leadership. After 40, I leg off from their group and build up my own business group. From this point, my previous experience really helps me much to implement great mutual respect among members in building up strong teamwork and share the common interests. By doing this way, every member feeling honored and they sincerely contribute more productive energy in creating gargantuan faculty of power. So, they do produce good ideas and I'm on decision making. OK ~ back to your point of story about you and your family members. I think you like to edify others in your life circle rather than go and running against the strong wind. Actually, good attitude seems like the burning candles give lights and will never ask for rewards. But, in your case and let say I am in your shoes I'll react differently. I need my beautiful finger nails, bunnybon7; but if they are too long and pri*cked my own skin, so sorry as I have to cut parts of them.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Feb 09
are you saying i should just cut her off and say shut up!! is that it?
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
8 Feb 09
My dear bunnybon7, I almost ROFL ROFL ROFL on reading your concise and meaningful hilarious comment to my response. You can't say SHUT UP! to your Princess Agra, because she'll retorts you with "I SHUT YOU UP!!!"...ha ha ha!. That is why, I suggest "I have to cut parts of them". You can react justly nice like a miracle happened on the Hudson River handled A US Airways Airbus A320 - Flight 1549 from NY to Charlotte, NC - 155 People. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAD5xBgPTWQ How the frigid water really cooled down the "sizzling" flight 1549...ha ha ha!, that is what I meant for!!!
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
8 Feb 09
the way she treats u i couldn't be that nice to her. i'd probably agree w.her & start world war 3. i don't mind u talking to me anytime. feel free.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
9 Feb 09
it's a good place to let it all hang out.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Feb 09
thanks. your a good friend. i've never gossiped but since being on mylot its a bit of a relief to do so.
1 person likes this
8 Feb 09
Hi bunnybon7, I certainly won't put up with all that sh*t and tell her what I really think of her as she has put you through hell, you can only take so much from a person. Hugs. Tamara
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Feb 09
yes i sometimes wish it was in my nature to blurt out the truth and to h.-ll with the concequences. like my mom would do. good thing she never met my mom.
1 person likes this
22 Feb 09
Hi bunnybon7, I hope all is well at your end and hopefully you are happy, thanks very much for giving me best response, take care my friend and keep well. Love and hugs. Tamara xxxx
@ElicBxn (63194)
• United States
7 Feb 09
I just avoid them. I needed to get past my client the other day. She was standing in a door way, with a little space and kind of was "waiting" for me to move past her. I told her that she was going to have to move. Then I said "I may be thinner than you are, but I'm too fat to fit thru there."
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Feb 09
sorry for another one of these kind of discussions,but, oh, somebody stop me!!
2 people like this
• India
9 Feb 09
LOL!! I think you are being very soft on her. Hahahah...why not just agree with her once? Yup, this is fishing for compliments. I am surprised a woman of that age has no confidence in herself. :) Cheers and happy Mylotting
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Feb 09
yes, iam also. by the time your our age(mine and hers)you should be ok with what you've got. besides, like i said she has a young man (my son) she should feel very proud of herself.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
8 Feb 09
That's not always the case. Everybody is different and you have to take it all with a grain of salt. Some people actually do have such low self esteem that they cut themselves down a lot which is really sad because everybody has something good in them regardless of how they look or feel and it takes us, outsiders, to point out the good qualities to make them feel better BUT, there is a point where it has to stop because it is a case of enough already! lol So if it's constantly repeated, something needs to be said to let her know how she's coming off to you and others because she may not see it.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Feb 09
i just found out today that her kids tell her all the time that she complains to much about her short comings. she seems to be trying to make a turn around. im hoping im helping in some way. maybe we will get along yet
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
7 Feb 09
I do not believe that all people who do that are fishing for compliments. Believe me, I know many who really feel that way about themselves. Not to say some are not fishing but really most people who do that feel that way. I just say one thing. God does not make junk, you are perfect in my eyes.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Feb 09
yes nanajanet, you are right. its just another of my complaining type discussion ideas. maybe thats what i should start saying to her. great idea.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 09
I know a few people like this. Are you she she is not just insecure and have low self esteem? Maybe she is trying to get a feel for what you think of her? Don't you wish you could pick a mate for your son. Well in my experience it is best to keep your mouth shut on how you feel about her. You dont want your son to resent that you do not care for this woman. So smile and grit your teeth and compliment the woman if it kills you.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Feb 09
pretty cool. its the first time i've gotten that response. in fact thats what i usually do. only once in a great while i just cant take any more agravation.
1 person likes this
@Chevee (5905)
• United States
8 Feb 09
I am sorry this agra is getting under your skin so to speak. It seems as though she is fishing for compliments. If she keeps on doing this pull one of your senior moments on her that is what I do to my family and friends. I will them them what the don't want to hear in a sweet way. For instance a weight problems. I would say I have these exercise videos at home and I do them often why don't you come over sometime and we can do them together (meaning yes you are over weight). We were at a family gathering a little while back and my family love to do the Cha Cha slide and the Electric slide I don't care how much room it is in the place they will find some room to do these dances, they are more of a workout than a dance. So a couple of them was on the floor just cha chaing and hopping away. I was sitting there looking at them and there was three of them on the floor that was real big and heavy. I had one of my Senior Moments and I told them that they were taking up all the room. They looked at me smiled and sit down. That was the end of the hopping and sliding all over that little area.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Feb 09
very cool. you know what to do. been wondering where you were. glad to hear from you.