Should one remains friends with a break up partner?

Singapore
February 8, 2009 11:42pm CST
I just broke off with my gf for 4 years, 4 days ago.. Frankly speaking, i starting to miss her.. We have anyway been together for 4 years.. Alot of my friends said its best to stop contact with her, in order to avoid the emotional feelings arise.. Imagine the upsetness of her getting a new love? Imagine the sadness of her not taking care of herself? Imagine the pressure if she is not coping well with the breakup? Should i continue to remain friends with her? If so, when is the best appropriate time to contact her back? 1 month later? 1 year later? Or should i just stop contacting her, losing her as a friend and just hope for the best of our lives and carry on with it?
1 person likes this
3 responses
• India
9 Feb 09
well i too have the same situation one year back that i broke up with my gal but the thing is that i cant be friend to her because she is married now and i still miss her,,,well you have the chance dont let her go,,,,,,be in contact with her or else you will also be missing her like i do,,,,,,
1 person likes this
• Singapore
10 Feb 09
well.. i will contact her, after some time when both our feelings have faded.. i dont see your point though. u miss her as a friend? or as a girlfriend? even if she is married, you still could be friends..
@ShanLhey (165)
• Philippines
9 Feb 09
I guess I will be his friend forever. It is not my lost anyway. After all we have gone through, he will still remain as my lover before. I dont want ot forget him. He became a part of my life already. I will never regret that I have meet and love him.
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• Singapore
10 Feb 09
That seems like a wonderful guy that you ever meet, but you are able to let lim off instead of clinging to him, my ex keeps cling to me, and it really upset me that sometimes, i really have to chase her off.. explaining and reasoning with her doesnt seems to work.. T.T
• Janesville, Wisconsin
9 Feb 09
I think remaining friends is a good thing.. But it is hard to discipline yourself to step back and love her enough to let go.. When a new love arrives, wheather they are good for her or not she has to learn... If she is not taking care of herself all you can do is do your best to help her out.... It is different for different people... I think first after the break up give it a few weeks and very casual and short conversations... Or if they start to try to get you back together and you do not want to be make it clear you can not do that. I am in a situation like this an ex I still love but I am not dating material, I do not have interest in dating, I go nuts when I try to... I can not mentally handle it in the way most can... When she starts in on trying to get back together I have to avoid her... or take a break. I can not handle those arising emotions.. so its hard... But I was madly in love with a man for foru years too but I could not go any further and he was gay hiding in the closet, so it was hard to let him go to his new bf.... Remaining friends is a great thing to do. But the hardest thing is remembering to back away, and set limits... and not to put yourself into situations that will arising those old feelings for you or her.. unless both are comfortable with bringing up old memories... or doing cutesy things like valenties for old times sake.... Some will slam the doors and cut ties entirely, others will cling to you and not let you go until you push them away... Others want to make caseual contact, others want to remain at a deep level of friendship... and all of the above is okay... either way break ups are hard... - DNatureofDTrain
• Singapore
10 Feb 09
sigh.. you are right, breaking ups are tough.. but its one that is part and parcel of life, and in life, we have to be brave, bite the bullet and face it.. i guess i will allow ourselves to have some time, preferably till our feelings have faded before contacting her again.. thanks for your comments ! =)