How do you recover from family rifts/fights?

@jshekhar (1563)
India
February 11, 2009 11:18pm CST
I am sure whether you live in a small family or a large one, there are bound to be arguments and differences in opinion. Some people are very impulsive and they often indulge in fighting with their own family members. Specially teenagers. When you get hit by anyone, you feel like killing the person and taking revenge. But next moment you realize that it is your own family member so you cannot do that. Still, the anger remains there. My question is simple, how do you recover from such incidents and gel again with your family members after such a fight?
3 people like this
7 responses
• Philippines
12 Feb 09
Well i just let them say what they want to say and suddenly i understand why incidents happen just like that. Understanding is what they need to reduce conflicts, fights or incidents right? Happy myLotting!
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
12 Feb 09
I think that it is important to avoid confrontations when possible especially when dealing with family. Good understanding among all of the family members could hlp reduce most arguments. There is always going to be differences no matter what.
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
12 Mar 09
The thing is everyone needs to be understanding enough. I was pointed to the cases where the parents are understanding enough but the children aren't. In the heat of the moment they say something to parents that really hurts them deep and they do not even feel like talking to him/her. Thanks for responding
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
11 Mar 09
We usually just go on about our business as if nothing has happened as long as no one has been hurt deeply by the argument. I am speaking of within my household though. We are all very accepting of each others feelings and it's unrealistic to think that no one will ever disagree. I haven't been in contact with family other than my grandmother in a very long time. She passed two years ago so now the only family I have are my children.
1 person likes this
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
12 Mar 09
Hello friend, It is a really nice way to go about things. Extremely sorry to hear about grandmother. I guess if your children are very young, i.e. less than 15 years of age, hence it is easier to move over such fights. I have a 27 year old elder brother in my family and at times he says really hurtful things to my parents, which shocks them and they do not want to eat, sleep or talk after that. Thanks for sharing.
@zhuhuifen46 (3487)
• China
11 Mar 09
It is good not to fight back or take revenge to bring about bigger troubles. It is really hard to recover from a fight when you are wronged. To maintain a family, esp. for the benefit of the parents, we have to quench our anger. I really am at a loss what to do to help, could I offer something to avoid the fight. Being a responsible member in a family, we had better do someting beforehand to maintain a friendly environment in the family. Show special concern to people in trouble. Do not act as inferior to leave anyone in the corner, or to squeeze anyone in the corner. And best control ourselves not to scratch the last match. Keep cheerful and think more of the positive side of life.
1 person likes this
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
12 Mar 09
The second part of your response is more about the ideal world, the way we would like things to be. But, in reality, that does not happen and that is the reason for family rifts. If all the children think of the parents the same way as your, i.e. quenching their anger, then the families would never face such a situation.
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
8 Mar 09
I don't find it hard to reconcile with my siblings even after a very serious arguments. But that is because I always stick to the issue whenever we have to have those times of bickering. I also accept my faults easily so I don't have problem showing them where they or their arguments went wrong. Just in case the arguments can not be settled, we just have to stop and divert from the issue. An hour or two of silence can also keep the environment cooler and bring back things to normal. We seldom use "sorry" in the family but we surely understand when one conceded and not to pursue the issue any longer.
1 person likes this
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
12 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing with us such a good method to sort things out. If everyone started accepting faults, there would be no conflicts, not only in families but also in the entire world. The second way, of maintaining silence for long periods can work in opposite way too, as in the one who is more hot tempered would keep on thinking over and over the same thing and he would think of counter arguments to back his stance.
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
11 Mar 09
I come from a big family and each of us have our own different thinking and more often the differences in opinion would erupt into arguments and misunderstanding which takes a long time to heal if both parties are stubborn and do not want to compromise. But in the end it will be settled amicably when the matriarch step in as everyone respect her.
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
12 Mar 09
It really helps you when you have someone in the family who is respected by one and all. Thanks
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
11 Mar 09
It is beyond my comprehension thta teenagers can be hit by memebers of the family, but I guess people are made in different ways . AS far as I am concerned it is very very difficult for me to get along with such a person and I will adopt a totally indifferent stance towards the person who is so unrefined.
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
12 Mar 09
Teenagers these days are hugely influenced by television and movies. They have a completely different thinking than what you had when you were a teenager. They have big egos and are less understanding. That is the root cause of most of the fights. Thanks for sharing your opinion
@nansheeca (216)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
we just dont let the problem last for two days or more. and we always talk things over and settle it as soon as possible. and most importantly ask God for forgiveness so we can also forgive each other and make what happened a learning experience.
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
12 Mar 09
That is a really sweet thing to do to make things settle down. Talking is the best way to solve arguments. Thanks