When is enough?

United States
February 12, 2009 3:08pm CST
Okay I have a best friend that has been my friend for years and i love her to death and would do anything for her but im also married and have a son.. so i have a family of my own.. but my best friend ensist i spend everyday with her and she gets mad if i go to any other friends house.. why i dont know but she also cant stand the love of my life.. she is always putting him down and saying things to him and im not sure how to handle it without making them mad at me..
7 people like this
18 responses
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
12 Feb 09
Your primary loyalty is to your husband and to your child so, first of all, you should stop letting your friend disrespect your husband. If she gets mad, let her get mad. You're also under no obligation to spend every day with her...regardless of what she thinks. It sounds to me that she is controlling and that you have let her have control in the past. It's time for you to stand up for yourself. You will feel less stressed once you straighten this woman out and can live your life according to your wishes and not hers. Be tough!
3 people like this
@suzzy3 (8368)
12 Feb 09
sounds like she sees your husband as a threat to her,you have to sit her down and say that you do love her and she will always be your friend.Here comes the but she will have to realise your new relationship is very important to you and she can have say wednesdays which will be her day or an evening aweek where you can go out with her for a coffee or a winebar to catch up.When she meets someone which she will,her priorities will change,It is such a shame she cannot be glad for you,personally if someone bagged my husband it would really upset me,and as hard as it is ,would tell her to stop it or clear off as you don't need it.
2 people like this
@suzzy3 (8368)
17 Feb 09
Thanks for BR.xx
@xzyzxj (126)
• China
13 Feb 09
your friend is interesting. it is obviosly that your friend love you very much, however, that is not the excuse. you must talk to her carefully. telling her that you love her but you love your family, too. you can't leave your husband justlike you can not leave her. if she is your true friend, she should know your feelings and respect your choice. in addition, if she do like that again, i think maybe you should give up this friendship. friends should care and respect each other, not envy. i hope your friend can know what you are thinking and correct her behavior.
• Malaysia
13 Feb 09
i think you should try to have a slow talk with her..maby she know she had been acting selfish all this time but maby she actually want your attention like she used to get before you get married..maby she felt like being left behind all this while...the only advice i can say is..let she know how miserable you are when she meddling with your family members esp your beloved spouse and to give you time and space to live your own life...
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
I think your friend should understand you and your situation. A married person has many responsibilities to do. I understand you because I am a married woman and I have lots of works to do in my house. Especially if you have a child because it requires lots of time to be with your child, to care, feed, to sleep, etc. I think your friend is a little bit of selfish. She should learn to accept the situation and learn to adjust from it. Why don't she visit you so that she can also help you in your house?
• United States
13 Feb 09
It's always difficult when a friend doesn't respect our boundaries in the friendship. Though she is a dear friend, and you do say you love her you may need to face the possibility that she is no longer a good friend. A good friend would not try to keep you to herself, she'd respect that you are now married and have a child to care for. It's a tough choice to make but one that only you can make. You can either sit her down and say very firmly these are the boundaries, or you simply pull back from the friendship and let her go her own way.
2 people like this
• India
13 Feb 09
Every relation has their own preference, you must try to handle each and every situation in a nice manner. You must also be able to decide which is important and which is of less importance. For me, family comes first. rest all come later. I am ready to forego anything for my family. Its good that you love your friend, but you must also know that there is a family for you and you must think about them even. So, do decide wisely and make a right decision. Good luck.
2 people like this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
12 Feb 09
I dont know why you still think of her as your best friend.After marriage friends are next afetr the family.Tell her plain blank that you cant devote that much time with her as she has son & hubby to look afer.Even if you lose her you will gain a lot with your son & hubby.Who is she to say things about your hubby?Tell her to mind her own business.Better not to have any contact with her in future.
2 people like this
@Jae2619 (1484)
• United States
12 Feb 09
You are gonna have to tell you, though you love her dearly, you are married, and have a child that you have to take care of. Being friends with some doesn't mean having to spend every waking moment with them, and not having any other friends. If she's disrepecting your husband then you need to tell her that it hurts your feelings that she feels this way, and if she were your true freind, even though she may not agree with your decision to marry him, she should respect it.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Feb 09
My mother once worked in an office for two bosses who didn't care for one another and were always putting the other fellow down in my mother's presence. The time came when she said to each of them on separate occasions, "You're putting me in a difficult position. I like you both." Both of them respected her feelings and she heard no more from either about the other and they both continued to like her.
• United States
13 Feb 09
I hope your marriage lasts the years and your BF realizes what that means. you should be able to have both in your life, or all three. you never said what your BF's feels about your child. family is very important to me also. My friends are like family,and my ohildren have married and brought me more to love and like, but they do grow up and the relationships change.. as did my husbands.most things do grow-up
@mimico (3619)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
Awww. If that's the case then maybe she's not being a good friend anymore. i would rather have a happy marriage than a perfect friendship. You should try talking to her. It's still possible to stay in touch if she wants, but she has to understand that your family is your priority now. If she gets mad at you and continues to demand your time, then just let her go. You'll meet more people for sure especially when your kids start going to school.
@delkar (1716)
• Romania
13 Feb 09
Well, i must say ,that it`s something delicated. I don`t know how you can handle this friend of yours, but you can try to make her another good friend. For the begining, take her too, when you are going to your friends house, and try to see witch what girl is she confortable, and go out, etc, and if she will have more friends, she will forget about you, and you`ll be so happy, because you`ll go out with her just when you want.
@Hvaniday1 (550)
• Malaysia
13 Feb 09
So poor of you, letting your friend hold on to your life. Don't worry because I think you should tell her how you feel at the particular moment and don't let her have a hope either. You are adult now, and have your own family who you need to taking care of. I think she will understand you. ========= Happy Mylotting
@22angel22 (451)
• United States
13 Feb 09
My best friend and my husband don't get along either for unknown reasons. She says she gets this odd feeling when shes around him. I don't get it, he hates her because shes a big B***h to him. Which I understand... She also lives 45mins away with her husband (whom I don't like because he cheated) but she wants me to hang out with her as often as possible. Honestly, I still love her and want to remain friends, but I'm distancing myself as much as possibly. Now I'm down to txting her acouple times aweek for afew hours. With all I have going on in life, I don't have any time to drive 45mins to hang out and then drive home.. I would tell her how you feel, or try to not let her anger bother you. If shes that good of friend, she will understand.
@becnh83 (806)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
you better stop that foolish feeling....are married when you meet that friend or your not yet married that time if not then why didnt you tell her that time? nad if you are already married then that is not love...and you cannnot say that she is your best friend because you only meet her in a year when you say best friend youve known her/him when you were still in younger age not just in 1 or 2 years its more than that years....so you better stop it...remember that you have already a family dont let that feeling destroy your family...not only you but the whole family especially your children....
@jackie06 (22)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
i suggest u will advice you bestfriend to respect yor husband since he is a part of you.. you cant be with you bestfriend forever, soon she will marry and have her own family as well. she so is selfish for not letting you associate with other friends. i gues there's something wrong with her personality. but then its you who knows her better... just explained your side and your priorities in life. :)
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
13 Feb 09
stephy_marie, I have a feeling that your best friend had just came out from a failed relationship and that her trust and sense of security had actually took a bad bashing. It is affecting her so much that she is just simply afraid of loosing you, which may explain her possessive and paranoia behavior. I would advocate a good period of communication with this person and if you sense that she is unable and/or unwilling to evolve then some professional counseling would be the next best alternative. She needs to learn to accept her previous break ups are not solely her fault and doing. It is a matter of choice and karma how relationships grow and progress. She needs to forgive herself and accept that there is no point looking back, so that she would be able to take the first step forward to move on. There is just no point closing and retreating into her shell and remain stagnant and depressed. So, as a friend we should try to encourage and motivate her back to the right path and move on. It is not the end of the world without the other party. Besides it is never her loss when there will be a better tomorrow and she certainly deserves better. Cheers.