What makes someone a bully?

@TLChimes (4842)
United States
February 13, 2009 12:09pm CST
I was reading another discussion and got to thinking. What is a bully? What do they do? I had my own idea but I read the description as someone who hurts another with purpose (I agree) Follows them from place to place (no, that's more a stalker) sees themselves as a victim (maybe) and tries to be the center of attention(not just bullies want that) My idea of a bully is more someone who wants you to do as they tell you to. They get this by mental and/or physical abuse and force. They want something from you and taking it is their way of getting it. They are small minded people who tend to think they are right about what ever the topic is and if you don't agree then you deserve some type of retaliation. They may use some one wronging them as a reason for who and what they are. Be it an abuse from the past or the current bullied person had done something to them first. They may see themselves as the victim. I also think that the only person who can change them... is them. They have to buck up and see things from others points of view to see if maybe it's not the rest of the worlds fault but their own. I know... it doesn't happen like that often. Now what are your thoughts on this?
3 people like this
5 responses
@GAUCI123 (1042)
• Malta
13 Feb 09
I think Bullies are people who want to seek attention and are angry with themselves. They will use their anger on victims, where it is really hard for victims especially if they are children. Bullies are people who needs help, since I think they sure have a sad story behind.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
13 Feb 09
I think it's really hard on kids. They have trouble telling adults and then they can't always fix it themselves. I think that today's kids, with the shrinking social graces, are even more at risk then those of the past.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
15 Feb 09
You've described my neighbour. She is just like that except I don't think she sees herself as or feels like she is the victim; she's been wronged, but she does not come across as a victim. I've told her how my Dad mistreated us kids and I've also told her how I look after him from time to time and she then accuses me of "thinking the world" of my Dad. My response is, yes, I do, he's my Dad. I say "accuses" in italics because that is the tone of her voice and the way she says it. She doesn't get that even though my Dad has hurt me very much in the past and done some awful things to me, I still love him because he's my Dad. I just love him and when he's gone I will be devastated. It seems that she thinks I should think differently about him or treat him differently. And she will not change, not pull her horns in because she believes she is right in everything she does. I haven't quite decided if she's actually a bully (a bully is a bit pathetic to me) or if she is just interfering and overbearing. Other townsfolk have described her as "bossy" and "a troublemaker". When I suggest she train her pets to do what she wants rather than hit them when they do the wrong thing...she says, that's how you train them. I try to explain that the animal doesn't understand that and all the animal is learning is to be afraid. She says that's the way it's done in the bush. She would tell me stories about when she lived here before and worked at the bowls club. The stories would involve various people, usually indigenous folk, getting drunk and getting into a fight and carving each other up or otherwise seriously hurting themselves or each other and all the while she is laughing - the tears are rolling down her face - she still finds the story incredibly funny. This sort of overbearing and aggressive attitude that finds humour in people acting violently towards each other has me stumped. What do you think...is she a bully, just a twisted individual, what are your thoughts?
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
15 Feb 09
Bully and twisted, interfering and overbearing, - all seem to fit. And that she won't listen to anyone is just another symptom. She is for sure acting like a bully in the way she treats the animals. Twisted in the way she laughs at other's misfortunes. Wow, how do you remain civil? Oh I know.... because you AREN'T a bully or twisted or..... Wow.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
17 Feb 09
I'm keeping my distance and also an eye oon her. If she tries to come in my gate again and I'm quick enough she will be told she's not welcome. I am also wanting to put a fence up so that she can't spy on me or my animals. The logistics are proving a challenge but if it can be done - it will be. I will kill two birds with one stone...get up her nose and give myself some privacy...
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
17 Feb 09
I'm finding that "strong" is hard to find. We want a colourbond one but they damage easily it appears...I have goats who like to butt things ... lol.
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@cream97 (29166)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Someone that wants their way, and if not then there will be reprcussions that come along the way. It is very sad that a bully has nothing bettter else to do then to try to make someone do as they say. They want to be able to rule another into getting them to do what they want, when they want and how they want. They are scared to be alone. They thrive on weakness. They have a very low case of self-esteem issues. They want to be seen. They want others to bow down and worship them. What makes a bully is the bulliness in a person.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Yep, I can agree with this. I've seen it and it seems to me you called it right. I also think the bullies hate it when their target gets a spine and starts to stand up for themselves. I think they feel it's ok when they do it but not when it's turned around back on them.
2 people like this
@mysdianait (64148)
• Italy
13 Feb 09
They are also a danger to society and need help. The psychological damage done by them to their victims leave people scarred for life too
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@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Mys, I agree. Look at how the kids behind the shootings fall back on the "but they were mean to us" or the bullies who abuse their wives and children. Of course even now we are seeing a rise in mothers who are the extreme of bullies harming their kids.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
17 Feb 09
I think that a bully is just someone that has a lot of different types of emotional confusion and instability which typically must stem from something lacking in the child and their family environment. I believe that young bullies are very insecure. They must hunt for prey that they perceive to be weak so they can feel better about themselves when they pick on someone smaller that can't protect themselves. It is a sad reality that doesn't show too many signs of stopping any time soon.
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
17 Feb 09
*nods* yep. They look for those who don't know how to stand up to them and then they can say "look at how I can and you can't" And no, it's not going to go away.
@BlueGoblin (1833)
• United States
13 Feb 09
When you are not being the one victimized bullying people can be quite fun. The victim just needs to stand up for themselves. They are picked on because the bully knows they won't fight back. They are picked on because they are weak or different. You see this in the wild in the animal kingdom. The weak are picked off first or are at the bottom of the pack. Someone that doesn't belong to that pack gets chased off or is accepted if it proves itself worthy. Bullies don't make people have mental problems. The odds are these victims already had problems and that is the whole reason why they were picked on in the first place. So many people want to blame the bully but maybe these kids are spotting future serial killers and nutbars.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Laughing at someone else's misfortune is animalistic and sadistic. And there is most likely a mental issue with the victims, but it is made worse when someone picks at them over and over. And when I mentioned those over the top bullies above, I meant those are the ones (the bullies) who make a mark on the rest of the world. They all have excuses... like being bullied themselves, but excuses do not excuse or even explain. They would most likely have done it even with out *insert dumb reason here*