Parents - A Job Description - A True Presentation.
February 16, 2009 10:12pm CST
PARENT- Job Description This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!! POSITION: Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.. BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right. Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do... or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job. ** AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 09
Please read these articles they might give you some pointers. On kids and in life. Ya I was looking into what it would take to retire all the financial planners said just to live conferable it takes $400,000 that is providing you don't live more then 20 yrs. and you cant do much retiring . They say your life is just beginning when you retire but someone is lying.
• United States
17 Feb 09
Oh my gosh, this was hysterical. It sounds like something you'd hear George Carlin (rest his soul) or Bill Cosby doing!! I can't begin to count the number of times I've been thrown up on. The number of brown surprises I've fished out of bathwater. The number of wonderful massages I've gotten walking from point A to point B. Thank you for this enjoyable break from the day of a mother. Namaste-Anora
17 Feb 09
Ha, I knew all mum would enjoy this topic. Its true to life and very apt. What has been written is every bit true and yet we enjoy every bit of it. Im really glad you took time off to read this long but hilarious write up- and liked it too. Namaste to you too, Anora.