not using a carseat?

United States
February 22, 2009 7:49pm CST
ok, heres the deal. i have a coworker, whose son is 4 (i think). she does not use a car seat. she has one, and says she just bought him a booster seat, but she doesn't use it. "he screams, he doesn't want to sit in it". i called her on it the one day. and then one day since then i noticed he was in the seat and she said "its only cuz he was sleeping, i won't tell you where i had him this morning" ..... yeah thats right all, you guessed it. in the front seat. i wish she would listen and put him in the damn seat. she also stated no one else in the family uses the seat either. she's the mother put her damn foot down before something happens that she can't change. i've talked to the state police in pa, all they told me was that she would get a citation, and if there is proof of a carseat, or a reciept that she bought one before it goes to court, it will be thrown out. the only time she will get in trouble is if she gets into an accident and the child is hurt than she would be charged accordingly. sucks doesn't it. i wish there was something we could do before something drastic happens to that poor little boy. any suggestions or anything, or just venting about something like this happening to you, would be helpful.!!
4 people like this
17 responses
@ellen_mom (174)
• United States
23 Feb 09
I was working in Insurance when a baby in Idaho was decapitated by an airbag because she was in the front seat. http://www.showsupport.org/News/0078.html My kids always have seatbelts/car seats and no one under 4'9" is allowed in the front seat. Babies who always use the car seat don't even think about it, my kids just know they have to sit in their seat. My girls won't even sit in each other's chairs (even though they are the same except for the color, one pink and one blue). You just have to make it the routine.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Feb 09
here is another link to that accident...http://findarticle.com/p/articles/mi_m1571/is_n4_v3/ai_19074360
• United States
23 Feb 09
that first link you gave me didn't exactly take me to anything. but the second one did. thanks.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
25 Feb 09
I agree, if it is ALWAYS the same routine, a child never gets an opportunity to start 'not liking' their seat or getting away with tantrums. Consistency is key in everything, in teaching behavior, in being safe, in learning, in discipline. All I can say is that the people I know whose kids have tantrums, get out of their seats, won't sit in seats, etc got that way because mom or dad allowed them to not have to sit in a seat or belittled the seat in front of them offhandedly (as in saying 'oh, that's for babies, you're a big boy) etc. It frustrates me because these parents do it to themselves.
@deedles88 (297)
• Australia
23 Feb 09
I have a similar situation. Two friends of mine have kids 9-15 days older then my daughter and neither of them use a car seat. One has her daughter in a booster then other uses those weird little box things. All three kids turn 3 in march. It scares the daylights out of me because they are still so small, and using a lap sash could not protect them from any sort of accident! Where as my daughters harnessed car seat would. One says that her son just undoes his clips, so she uses the box thing, and the other says her daughter just doesnt like it. Mind you, she has driven with her daughter in the front seat with no booster because her daughter didnt want to be in the booster. It is outrageous that they dont even consider the dire results of any sort of accident.... but I guess some people wont learn...
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Why oh WHY is the biggest excuse 'he or she doesn't LIKE the seat'?! My daughter would LIKE to eat nothing but chocolate some days but I tell her NO because it isn't healthy. It's not safe for a 3 year old to not be in a carseat either
@csstaci (22)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I don't get it. Is it THAT hard to buckle a kid into a carseat? I'm tired of seeing kids FF when they are too little to be forward facing. Like, 20 pounds and one year is the MINIMUM for rear facing. Go buy a Scerena and at least RF until 30 pounds and two years. My nephew is almost five and has been in a NO BACK booster since he was four. I just don't understand why people don't care enough about their kids to use carseats and use them correctly. There are plently of high weight harnessing carseats that no four year old should be in a booster.
• United States
24 Feb 09
Worst part is by 4 the child can get in their own seat and most can buckle their own seat belts! My daughter could since she was 4, unless she sits in the rear seat (3rd row) of my minivan as the seat belt is a little different and harder for her to reach in her booster seat. But if she is in the middle row bucket seat she can get her seat belt.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
23 Feb 09
This is really bad! DMV laws for child safety seats are different from state to state, and the standards they set are minimum, meaning the standards are NOT the safest. For instance, babies should be in an infant seat until 1 year or 20 lbs some places, other places they say 1 year OR 20 lbs. The truth of the matter is that even after you move your infant to a convertible seat (usually between 10 months and 15 months depending on whether you have a big or small child), it is still SAFER to keep them rear facing. As far as boosters, I believe here in CA it is age 6 OR 50 lbs, and a booster should actually be used until a regular seatbelt fits a child correctly so they won't get hurt if an accident happens. I have a friend whose friend got pulled over and ticketed because his two year old daughter was not in a carseat. TWO!! She was tiny! It made me sick to think about how badly she could have been hurt by flying around the cab of his truck. Even if your coworker's son is big for 4, there is no way that a seatbelt in a seat made for an adult body fits him correctly without at least a booster. She did this to herself by not EXPECTING and MAKING him use a carseat every single time he got in the car! I was and am a MEAN parent, I want my kids to survive to be old crabby people. The only way I can make sure of that is using car seats, boosters, and seat belts EVERY.SINGLE.TIME or the car doesn't go out of park! As far as the front seat, I wouldn't let my son sit up there until after he was 12. He hated it and was very bitter but he was smaller than me and I have airbags. My 5 year old will be in the back too until she is at least 12, but I have a dvd in the car and you can only see it from the back. Your coworker is in good company though, I have friends who put their small kids in the front regularly. I have said something before but at the same time, I have to allow them to make their own parenting decisions. It is also different if you only have 2 seats in your car and no passenger airbag, my daughter rides in the front in my husband's car because there IS no back seat. He just pushes the seat all the way back so she is as far from the windshield and console as possible. I really get angry about people who don't use seats at all, thre are all sorts of videos and other things showing what can happen to very small children who are not in safety seats, even in minor fender benders. They can sustain injuries that can be fatal or cause chronic pain forever because their necks and spines are not able to withstand the forces older children or adults can. The damage can happen suddenly with no chance of turning time back. She really really needs to think about it. I'll see if I can find some links for you.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
23 Feb 09
Ooops. I meant one year and 20 lbs or one year OR 20 lbs, whichever comes first. Honestly though, if your child is one year and not yet 20 lbs, they are likely too small to be turned forward. I did not turn my daughter forward till she was over 2. Again, as long as you maintain the basic minimum safety standards, the rest is just a parenting choice. It is not a WISE parenting choice to ignore the safety rules though.
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
When you are not using a car seat suitable for your children age. And when accident strike, regret is too late for that. Children are the weak and vulnerable one. They must be protected at all cost.
• United States
24 Feb 09
My kids both are always in their car and booster seats. My oldest is 7 and will be out of her booster seat soon but even at 7 she knows to sit in her booster seat. There are a couple of vehicles though that I noticed she can't sit in the booster seat as she sits too high for the seat belt in it. However in my van the seat belt fits better with her in her seat. My younger daughter is 3 and has a while to go. They don't give me any fights but then again they know they sit in the seats or we don't go. I have been strict with that from day 1.
@tea512 (687)
• United States
24 Feb 09
crazy story it is terrible when your hands are tied. My little guys are in boosters and would not want it any other way. The older on is right at the limit when she can not use it anymore but I think the booster makes the seat belt work better because it fills out more. She is a skinny kid and I would be horrified if she got bounced around in an accident. There really is onthing you can do, becuase it is clear the parent does not care. You can just hope nothing happens and it all turns out for the best.
@MissAmie (720)
• United States
23 Feb 09
That child is in danger of being killed everytime he rides with his idiot of a mom. Who in their right mind wouldn't strap a kid in a car seat. The only time I've ever let my 6 year old ride in the front or without being restrained is when we drive about 200 yards to the gas station down the hill. We never hit a major road and plus my car has a safety feature that when there isn't enough weight in the passenger seat the airbag turns off. That's great because at least I don't have to worry about the airbag blowing her head off. Seriously though, something needs to be done about this woman and fast. Imagine if she did wreck and her son was killed. The guilt would be overwhelming. I would suggest calling the police with her license plate number and let them know she chronically drives without her kid in a seat. Let her pay a few tickets and I bet she'll learn. Those fines aren't cheap. She could also get in trouble for child endangerment I bet. Call the cops and let them deal with her. She's obviously not going to listen to reason.
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
23 Feb 09
People like that drive me absalutely insane. They are risking their children's lives just because they are too lazy to put their kids in a car seat. Using the excuse my kids screams if I use one is also rediculas. If you are the parent act like one. I will be darned before I let one of my children dictate what I am going to to do. If you are my kid and I want you to sit in a car seat that is where you will sit, no if's and's or butts. I am the mom, I am in charge and my kids will do what I say. Especially at the age of 4. If she lets her 4 year old boss her around those tean years are going to be a lot of fun for her. NOT!!!
@sbeauty (5870)
• United States
23 Feb 09
It's sad when parents can't be more responsible than this. If she'd made him sit in his car seat from the time he was born, he'd be used to it by now. My grandkids just climb in theirs and don't even question it. I've worked in day care a lot, though, and I've seen other parents like her. I've always wondered that if they can't make their kids do what they're supposed to do as little kids, what are they going to do when they are teens?
23 Feb 09
Hi, That's mind-blowing, I can't do anything other than completely agree with you and pray for the ske of the child and her she doesn't have to find out the hard way how wrong that is. Ian
@bmorehouse1 (1029)
• United States
23 Feb 09
My sisters two children always hated to sit in car seats and she let them get away with it. I would just have a fit. Whenever they were in my car they knew they had to wear their seat belts, no questions asked. Now that they are a little older, and don't have to use car seats, I think they do finally wear their seat belts. If the children throw a fit and the child gets away with it, then I say the parent needs to rethink the situation and ask theirselves who is in control here? Would the parent let the child run out in the street if they wanted to? I don't think so. They would be afraid they would be run over. Its all about safety. I hope your co-worker gets a grip on this situation and makes her son sit in his car seat.
@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
23 Feb 09
The only thing you can do is to keep talking to her and hope that she has a change of mind. My son was the same way he hated the car seat because he hated to be restrain. Did I care? Heck no it life was at stake and eventually he calmed down and went to sleep. It could not only save her child's life but if something happened to him while in the car without the proper seat it could save her some jail time.
• United States
23 Feb 09
I agree, who is the parent? She is having control issues with a 4 yr old..she is gonna have some issues later in life if she doesn't take charge. Why wouldnt she want to protect her child? Things have changed dramatically, when I was a child, I was able to stand on the front seat when my parens were driving, this was back in the late 1950's. I can remember driving across country and my sister and I laying on the floor, or the seat. We were lucky that nothing happened. Life is precious, Buckle up that baby.
@mammamuh (582)
• Sweden
23 Feb 09
Here in Sweden children up to 137 cm needs to be in/on any kind of seat in the car. All people in the car need to wear a seat belt - if not you have to pay a LOT it you get stopped by the police. I do belive it's over $300 each. Here in Sweden it's recommended that children younger than 5 is in a rear facing seat since it's much more safe if you're in an accident. If some one turns their child earlier many other parents get upset about that ;-). If there's a seat belt they'll have to wear it - that's it!
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
23 Feb 09
My kids all know that the car will not move until they are all in seat belts, and for the little one, his car seat. She really should think about what she is doing! You never know when you will be in an accident. My oldest son did not like being in his car seat when he was younger, but he sat there. If he threw a fit, he threw a fit, I would just turn up the radio so I didn't have to listen to his fit. If he climbed out while I was driving, I would pull over to the side of the road and put him right back in it. He learned that he had to sit in his car seat whether he liked it or not. It is the parents responsibility to see to it that their child is safe in a vehicle. I know that in the state of Illinois, if you are pulled over and your child is not in a car seat or seat belt, you get a ticket for it and it does not get thrown out of court. It is a child safety law, and I think it is a good idea. I can only remember two times that I had a child out of their car seat in my vehicle. Both times were emergency situations where my kid was bleeding and I helkp him in my lap while someone else drove us to he hospital!
@nery00 (122)
• United States
23 Feb 09
I dont know why there are no cops when you need them! My son is in an early education center. I see a lot of parent that go with their kids without seats not only that but no seat belt either. They probably think that nothing would ever happen to them but they dont realize what a big deal is. and their response always is "they dont like the seat"... so frustrating.