Would you pay the bills of someone you were dating ?

@ronnyb (6120)
Jamaica
February 23, 2009 11:54am CST
If you were dating someone and they asked you to pay their some of their bills for you would you? .What would be the issues that you would have to consider before doing so? Do you even think it is proper for someone to ask you to pay their bills for them? . May be I am a cheapskate but I have a problem with a woman asking me to pay her bills especially if I think she can afford to pay her own bills however most of the women that I have spoken to seem to make it clear up front that after a certain time that is one of the pre requisites for being in a relationship? Don’t get me wrong I will help out if I see the need ,I mean I wouldn’t want to date a girl and find out that her electricity and gas are disconnected but I am wondering if this is some kind of tacit that wasn’t explained to me under the “ rules of dating” I am looking for the perspective of both males and females on this one .Women do you ask the men you are dating to do that and men do you expect that as one of your roles ? how soon should you take up that role and how far should you take up that role ?
17 people like this
53 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
23 Feb 09
i don't think u should expect anyone to pay your bills. i would fill like that was the only reason they were going w/me. i think that's extremely tacky in a man or woman to expect someone to do that. what were they doing before u came along ? using someone else, to heck w/folks like that. i don't like a moocher .
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
24 Feb 09
Yes I agree with you Antique ,you are a class act.Yes the thought that I am being used also crossed my mind and I have felt that thats the only reason I am in her life .Yes I find it tacky too.Its almost like blackmail.Thank you for your response and advice Antique
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
24 Feb 09
u know u are always welcome.
• Brazil
23 Feb 09
OK, so when I first started dating my boyfriend, I had spare money, I was living ok, I had enough to pay my bills and had enough left to spend however I wanted, and he was going through a rough time, he had lost his job, so I helped him out a little bit, paid some stuff for him, let him borrow some money, bought him some gifts. And he never paid me back!! Then sometimes I ask him if he could pay me some of that money and he says, why did you let me borrow it? so you could be throwing it on my face for the rest of my life? Then we start arguing... it's awful, we have been together for 2 and a half years, and he got used to me having extra money all the time, but now that I'm not working I barely have enough to pay my bills, and he barely helps me out...
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
23 Feb 09
Wow he is very selfish .Your kindness should be riciprocated.Sometimes people forget the kindness you shower them with.I am so sorry that that is your experience.It would seem from that experience that it is best not to help out your spouse and even worse pay his bill for him but I hope you recognise that that could be a once in a lifetime experience
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
Just out of curiosity, why are you still with him? I wouldn't be able to stand being with someone like that....
@mrsl2008 (635)
23 Feb 09
I think it would depend on how much time you were spending at her place and if she was struggling to pay. Also if you have your own bills, do you really want to pay someone else's especially of your still in the early stages of the relationship? Most women want to be totally independant without the help of anyone regardless of who it is and those who do ask tend to want to spend their money on themselves while you foot the living costs. On the other hand she may be looking for a sign of commitment!! I have never asked anyone to pay my bills. You should only need to contribute if your spending 90% of your time at her place or living together officially. MrsL x
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
25 Feb 09
Fair enough ,if you spend your time at someone's place then you should foot the bills after all you use up her utilities and rack up her bills.Like you said if it is in teh early stages then you shouldnt be expected to pay any bills.I never quite looked at it from a commitment point of view .Thank you for your suggestions
@mrsl2008 (635)
25 Feb 09
Your welcome x
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
A BIG NO! just dating and they tell you to pay the bills? what kind of date is that??! but you know what, its a good thing they told you immediately so you do not waste your time on someone like that. it seems they are just using you and your money. just imagine what you will be paying next after the bills
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
24 Feb 09
Good point I suppose there will always be something else to pay and I should use this as a warning and start running the other direction .I guess it speaks to someones charcter at the outset or lack of it .I do feel used and like you said I am glad it happened early so I know what to expect
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
24 Feb 09
As a rule I would say no, I would not pay a man's bills. My friend who owned her own house and had a good job paid off her new boyfriend's credit card and although she ended up marrying him she found out he had a huge problem managing his money so much so that by the time they divorced she was left with practically nothing, which was a shame because she had worked hard to buy her home before she met him. It does depend why the man needed his bills paid; of course if there had been an unfortunate emergency or crisis I would help but I would have to determine that he wasn't just hopeless with finances. I would not expect him to pay my bills either and I would accept the help as a loan only if I was in real dire straits.
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
24 Feb 09
Wow it is a pity that she couldnt see that from early but love blinds our eyes sometimes.The fact is nothing is wron with helping out but it shouldnt be a sitauation where someone is always leaning on you and it so sad that inspite of her help he eventually took her to the cleaners.Some people have no conscience.Thanks for your respponse
@marty3888 (2359)
• United States
23 Feb 09
If you are dating, no. I would have to either be married to her or have a house together. It has to be a commitment to me and then, only if I was making enough money to affored it. First of all, if I'm dating someone and find their gaqs and electricity is turned off, I would want to know why. This could be a sign of someone who is bad with money and you don't wantn to get involved with her anyway. Also, if we arejust dating, and she asks me to pay a couple of her bills for her, I would probably not even pursue that relationship. If asked if I could lend her money because she fell on hard times, and again, the relationship looks pretty serious, sure. My girlfriend, when we first started dating had her phone turned off because her son racked up a huge bill. She was making deals with the phone company - it had to be paid off before they would turn it back on. I offered to lend her the money, have the phone turned on immedietly and she could just pay me back. She said no, shen didn't want to do that. Now, we have a house togetherand we split the bills in half. I would like to be able to pay a few of the bills but can't. She understands and we have a good relationship. So I say, be wary of any woman who asks you to pay her bills.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
25 Feb 09
Thank you for your answer it is a sound ansswer .I mean you wouldnt want to be paying for someones bills who is not committed to a relationship ,who is to say if she wont run off when you have paid her bills and you are left with nothing while she seeks out someone new to pay her bills. Like you said too this could be a hint of a bigger problem in the making and you wouldnt want to be any wher enear that situation. I liek the stance both you and your girlfriend took ,you being willing to lend her money and she declining .This shows a level of commitment on your part and level of independence on her part and that augers well for any future relationship.You know she wont think that you are suppose to pay for all bills
@suzzy3 (8357)
23 Feb 09
I have never made anyone pay my bills and certainly would not expect them to either.What a cheek to even think about asking.If someone was really in a scrap then I would help out.Woman who think you should pay their bills are called working girls as far as I am concerned.You should give love honestly and only expect love and respect and loyalty back.Not the phone bill paid.The rules of dating are getting to know each other slowly and have fun.Sometimes it may lead to a more serious relationship if you both want it.That are the rules of dating ,who pays when out is up to the couple but going half and half is quite a popular way of handling the expense.Or whoever is better off pays for a particular thing.xx
1 person likes this
23 Feb 09
i think it depends on how long we was dating and they were just having a hard time. if i was living with them than i would pay my share. but if we were just dating and it kept happing then i may feel used. i dont think this is rigth, if the person is working then they need to pay. however i could not live with myself if i knew they did not have food or heating or somrthing
1 person likes this
@jambi462 (4598)
• United States
23 Feb 09
Yeah I would actually love to pay the bills of the person that I am currently dating but the only problem with that is that I don't make anywhere near enough money to do that. I wish I did though because I would love to be able to pamper my girlfriend as much as I possibly can but until that day comes I'll just keep on trying to do the best I possibly can.
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
23 Feb 09
If I were dating some that ask me to pay any of their bills that would be a sign for me to run as fast as i could from that person.Dating does not give a person the right to ask for me to pay their bills. that would be a sign to me that that person is not very responsible or reliable. If a woman or man has had the utilities turned off I would want to know why. something else I would not do is loan them any money. Just watch Judge Judy or Judge Joe Brown to see how those relationships end up.
@Didi1201 (12)
• United States
23 Feb 09
No, I wouldn't pay a man's bills. I'd never consider dating a man who wasn't able to financially take care of himself. Do I think men should HAVE to pay the bills of those they date? No. I do not think its appropriate for a woman to ask a man to pay her bills either. However, if the man wants to do this there's no harm in his offering.
@Barb42 (4216)
• United States
23 Feb 09
No, you don't owe your date payments for her bills. There is no way I would ask anyone to pay my bills like that. A date is a date, not a reason to pay bills for someone who can't afford them, or perhaps just doesn't know how to manage money. This is the kind of date I'd steer clear of! There is nothing int the rules of dating where you owe the date anything but a good time. Now, if you are living with this person, then perhaps you need to be paying half of the bills.
@tammytwo (4303)
• United States
23 Feb 09
There is no way I would pay someone else's bills. And as a woman I would never ask a man I am dating to pay my bills. If we were living together and shared expenses that would be a different story but just someone I am dating, no way. There is nothing wrong with your way of thinking. Just because we are women doesn't mean we have the right to someone else paying our bills. We wanted to be equal, so it's time women act as equals. Stand up and Pay Your Own Dang Bills!!!!!!!
1 person likes this
@UK_Shree (3604)
23 Feb 09
It's much nicer to be independent, and to be with someone who is also independent and capable of looking after themselves. Sure, I can understand if a partner might need a hand during certain times of finanical difficulty, but long-term dependency would only be damaging to the relationship I think
1 person likes this
@22angel22 (451)
• United States
23 Feb 09
Actually I find this question opposite of what I normally see happen. I have never asked a boyfriend to pay ANY of my bills, even when we would go out to eat, I would ALWAYS pay. Tip and all. I've never received a gift, flower, candy, anything from any of my exs. Even though I would spend money on them for all the holidays. I'm not sure why, but they always thought I was rich, and although I always have money for what I want, I don't have enough for what they need or want. All my exs have always asked me to pay some sort of bill and I have never asked any of them for money. One of my exs took my bank book and withdru 1,000 bucks to put as a downpayment on a car and I never received that money back. Another asked me to buy them a car, I loaned them $700 for a piece of junk and even had them sign an agreement, which they never paid back. I am glad I am done with those losers and now my husband and I split all of our bills. So no, I would never ask anyone for money.
• Netherlands
2 Mar 09
I am a woman and I don't think I read that one in the "rules and regulations of dating" book either! If you are casually dating someone and each of you maintain their own home then no, it is up to her to pay her bills...if you weren't around and she was not seeing anyone else then she would have to pay her own bills, or suppose to pay her bills anyway! It is not fair to rack up a lot of bills and then expect someone else to come by and pay for your expenses for YOUR house. Now if the relationship had moved more serious and you are in a live together situation then you are both suppose to pay the bills for the house...not just one person whether it be the man or woman and sometimes if your partner has a little extra or feels like it then maybe they buy you something extra, have your hair done etc.. And the same is when you are married, but then you move into a totally different situation and you are, in some ways, responsible for each others bills...within reason, you should not be expected to buy them million dollar houses, yachts etc. every day either! ;)
• Netherlands
2 Mar 09
Thank you very much for voting me Best Response! ;)
@umart13 (841)
• Ireland
13 Apr 09
Hello ronnyb, I think it is a very generous act when somebody pays the bills for their partner or the person they are going out with. If they are totally committed to each other then the money should not matter and hopefully if the relationship lasts then there will be no need for mental accounting or recording who paid what. If on the other hand the partners expects you to pay and do not put their hands in their pockets, even though they earn enough, then it is time for those paying to open their eyes and end the relationship. Have a good week. Umart
@Theresaaiza (10484)
• Australia
18 Mar 09
On dating stage?! Noooooo! That's too embarrassing for a woman to demand the guy to pay for my bills. But on a regular date or dine-out, it seemed automatic that between the both of us, he was the one to pay. Or a movie date, he would buy the ticket for us. I think that's a natural part when in the dating phase. But now, after 5 years, we both look out for each other including the expenses. Whoever has the money will pay. But if he has money, he automatically digs into his pocket except when the item I bought is really for myself alone. I mean common sense has to play. But when it comes to bills, we are not living together so to each his own.
• United States
17 Mar 09
The Only Reason a man should pay a wioman's bills id because she is his stay home wife! She stays at home and tends to the house And His children and he goes to work.Or the woman is the man's mistress. he is rich and he puts her up in an apt and he pats for eberything. If the women is neither of these, No man should pay her nills.
• Israel
2 Mar 09
well ...i can assist her if i have the money to do so....