User friends

When I was younger, I had a lot of friends use me. I felt relied on because of that, but it went too far that it started bothering me. When that happened, I ended the friendship.

i have this business partner, and she is really a user. i call her user-friendly friend. anyhow, ive noticed with her that she only keeps in touch when its about business and nothing at all. like the past Christmas and New Year, she wasnt able to give even an SMS to greet and her excuse was, "i know you're busy this holiday, so did not bother you". hello? your my business partner and ofcourse a friend to you know? oh and after that, i did not get in-touch with her with any of my projects. actually, i still dont have any project, maybe soon-to-have projects =)

yes I have been such situations, when I finally figured out the people where using me I confronted and if that didn't do any good I just dropped them.

I don't know if I have the guts to be honest enough to confront the user friend. That would be ideal as an assertive person. Knowing how I am, I'd just make myself unavailable to that person. I wouldn't contact her and if she contacted me and asked why I hadn't been in touch, I might tell her the truth about why. Maybe she doesn't mean to be a user and is unaware that she is. In that case, you might preserve the friendship and get her to back off from being a user. From what you say, though, she knows she's a user. Yeah, you might want to take her off your list of friends. Demote her to an acquaintance.

Hi bamakelly, What happened to me probably is soemthing relevant to your discussion - with a twist. I have this friend whom I am helping and I am willing to help him, in fact so eager that I really wanted him to make it big. I never asked anything in return. However, at the back of my mind, I still wanted him to always be t here,even just as a shoulder to cry on...or someone who can give me a pat in the back. I can only do so much...But I am only human and at times, really wanted to shout or cry or just to release my emotions. I am not around to help people all the time. There are times that I need to be helped as well. However, this friend let go of our friendship. He told me that he is not the kind of friend that will fill the gaps. He can only go as far as listening to the problems - that's it. He can't always be around to be a friend who always listens. With that, he told me that since he was not the kind of friend that I needed, there is always my family and relatives who will readily help me, but not him. I understand his reasons... no matter how hurtful his words are. He doesn't know until know how painful it was for me. But I guess I am the one to blame, not him. From the start I know what he can offer in terms of friendship. But I guess I just expected more from him... or di I? Am I the "user friend" here? Please help...

If you are in that situation, response ASAP. Say your feeling to them.

This has happened to me in the past. Although a lot of friends tend to use me since i tend to go out of the way in helping them, i have really never minded it till i got hurt. And get hurt is what happened about a decade ago when a person whom i mistook to be a friend talked about his using me to anoother friend behind my back and had a good laugh at it. That was it and i cut off the friendship then and there.

well i think i have been one of them for several occassions... especially when i thought that she was my best friend and like after a week or something i knew from a relevant source that she was talking nasty things about me behind my back.. whcih really upsets me a lot... and really can't believe that she had done it to me.... well, i cannot judge her tho.... if she has those attitudes then why should i argue? i wouldn't waste my time for such a kind of person like her... she just need some attention i think..:)

I would be upset if I found out a friend (or so called friend) was using me. I don't know if I would confront them about it or if I would just stop hanging out with them or being for them when they needed me if they are not really my friend.

I used to be a doormat just because I wanted friends and those people knew they could take advantage of me. Then I just withdrew altogether. Now I'm very selective and if I think someone is using me I will confront them. Sometimes they don't realize they're taking advantage. I don't come across people like that much these days, I think I subconsciously avoid them.

True friends are hard to come by so i rarely make close friend with anyone. I've been burned to many times. I am a very loyal person but just haven't found this returned to me so I just stay away now.

I don't appreciate friends like that. I feel its better not to have any friends if your friends are only using you. I would confront the friend and get my feeling out in the open. I befriended someone like that recently and they where always over here when they needed something. We are nice people so we always offered help. Now that we are down on our luck they dont even say hi. So I say the heck with them. I will no longer be friends with such people.

i considered her my best friend for years before i finally accepted she was just using me. she borrows my clothes, my shoes, accessories without intention of returning them. so i just gave those things to her. every time she needed me to listen to her, i was always there to listen, but when it was her time to listen to me, she says she's busy or just pretends to listen, wouldn't even notice i have already finished talking. there were many instances which helped me realize i was just used. my ex boyfriend (now my husband) helped me ditch that user friend. i didn't confront her, i just avoided her little by little until i was no longer reachable for her.

This is a great topic. The reason is I have thought about it often. When I was younger i had a group of friends I hung around with all the time. Then as you get older and move on these relationships fade. That part I get. There are a couple of people from this group I see from time to time. The thing that I find is they only call when they need something, moving, fix something, etc. They never call to just hang out, now we all have kids and jobs. So it is not like back in the day we can go drinking or hang out at a club. It just makes you wonder if they are your friend and they call becuase they count on you in that way, or if you are just being used. I do not think the result can be found becasue you do not know how the other person feels.

Yeah, in a most diplomatic way I will confront her for her to know how much I feel and also, for me to know if she still treasures our friendship. But if it still yields negative result, I have to let her go because she is not just worth my time.

there are some "friends" of mine who i feel are just using me in some way or another and i can feel that by the way they talk to me and treat me. I can feel that they are not sincere with their friendship with me. i dont confront them with it because what i have are just "feelings that they are like that". I just dont let myself get so close with them and as much as i can i would stay away with them. i get hurt at times when i feel that i am being used because i am truthful to my friends and have sincere intentions to make friends with them.

Anyone who uses you for what you've got isn't really your friend. They are mere acquaintances posing as friends. They borrow from you and don't pay you back. They act all cold towards you when they know that they owe you money. They talk all about how happy they are to have you as a friend, and when your back is turned, you look up and you are pulling a knife out of it. Yes, confront them and tell them how you feel. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they don't realise that they are making you feel exploited, used, and abused. That is a conversation worth having. Yet if he or she continues down the same path--you know Ol' Boy or Ol' Girl was a fraud, a fake, an asterisk, as the commercial would say.

I have most certainly been in this position and while it sucks, I think that pretty much everyone goes through it at on point or another in their lives. It is very sad that we can't always trust the people that we think we can. For me it all started close to 9 years ago. My husband and I started dating in high school, when we graduated, we decided to get a place of our own so we rented a condo and moved in. Well we had a lot of friends and it seemed like we were having a party at our house almost every night for close to 2 months. Finally after having a bunch of our things destroyed at one of said parties, we decided that enough was enough. We layed off the parties for a while and that was when we found out who our true friends were. Most of the people that we had thought were our friends, stopped calling and we decided that they had just been using us for a place to party. It hurts to know that the people that you thought were your good friends, were just using you. I know that I personally am very careful about who I choose to be friends with now because I just don't want the same thing to happen again.

Yeah, I run in to those people all the time on the internet. People send me friend requests and then never talk to me when I reply. I think that the majority of people online do not have any REAL friends. They simply have acquaintances. I recently was wrongly banned from a popular website forum and found out who my true friends were. My friends followed me to my new forum and left off the old forum. Others wouldn't even talk to me much any more. And I was close to them for over a year in a half! But it's nice to finally find out who your true friends are.

I had been in a friendship like that for almost 6 years. We went everywhere together, did all kinds of different things. Some how this friend was always running out of money, or needed me because they didn't have a car. This friend also lived in another city 45 minutes away. Well needless to say I had blinders on, was going through a tough time, and didn't want to see my ex-friend for exactly who and what they were. At the time I need the friendship, but eventually woke up, and ended the friendship, which I wish I had ended a lot sooner. Those kind of relationships are toxic, it is best to eliminate them. I would let the friend know how you feel, but if the are a user, they most likely will say what you want to hear. Good Luck to you. Hugs MaryLynn