If you were dependent on your parents, would you have kids...
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
February 25, 2009 8:11pm CST
...or CONTINUE having kids? Isn't this extremely irresponsible? I'm not talking about occasional reliance, like a ride somewhere if you don't have a vehicle or a pack of diapers if you don't get paid till Friday, or taking care of the kids for you because you have to go to court and your regular babysitter is at school.
I'm talking about if you are a full grown ADULT who is capable of living on your own, working, and taking care of yourself and instead you continue to live with your parents and freeload, and expect them to help you with the kids, watch the kids free, pay your bills, and other alarming things.
Yes this was thought up because of that interview I caught with Miss Suleman (mother of six children PLUS octuplets) arguing with her own mom. If she lived on her own and was independent, I'd have MUCH LESS issue with what she is doing but because she has been living with her PARENTS?? I cannot be the only one who thinks this is wrong, wrong, and more wrong. What business does a full grown adult have living with their parents unless they are there to TAKE CARE OF THEIR PARENTS? She also never should have been allowed to have fertility treatments either, perhaps if she couldn't get pregnant naturally THE FIRST TIME. I really think that people need to be financially stable before they can be allowed to get fertility help, especially artificial insemination or embryo implantation. Of course either of THOSE options are expensive enough as it is! I would never accept someone as a client/patient if they were freeloading off someone else in order to live. That wouldn't bode well for the babies who might be on the way after the treatment!
How is this okay? I realize it is not okay to make other people's choices for them, but what if the choice they make is SO POOR that it quickly becomes everybody else's business because the person is destitute and in trouble and grasping at everybody to keep from drowning? Shouldn't it be something that is prevented as nicely as possible?
Heh. As a parent I would not allow my kids to be dependent on me at that stage. If they chose to have kids or had them accidentally, there would be a limit to the HELP, and they would not be living with me when they were adults, and I would not take care of their kids. This subject is about to give me an aneurysm!
1 person likes this
7 responses
@uath13 (8192)
• United States
26 Feb 09
My kids have until just after their 18 to GET OUT!
I'll help them a little after that point but I'm not supporting them.
If they haven't learned how to be responsible independent adults by then they can find a nice overpass to sleep under, not my roof.
As for the lady your talking about...They should have tied her tubes instead of implanting her or whatever they did.
3 people like this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
26 Feb 09
thank you! im the same way (but i dont have kids.. not going to either but if i did i would be like that) but my parents think its horrible! which is why both of my brothers are in their 40s and STILL LIVING AT HOME!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Hehe... What a funny post! I didn't necessarily put a stipulation of 18 to get out, but my older one was still in high school at 18 and her brother will be too. My youngest will be 18 in the winter of her senior year, so she'll be a relatively 'young' 18 upon graduation. Older one was almost 19 and second one WILL be 19, odd thought.
They have from time to time thought I was mean because I wouldn't do certain things for them, things they KNOW HOW TO DO FOR THEMSELVES. I won't do something for a kid just because they are unmotivated and lazy. That's called failure as a parent lol.
I really don't think they should have allowed that woman to get ANY fertility treatment at all - unless she had proven she was independent and living ON HER OWN and FINANCIALLY STABLE! I really don't know very many single mothers of 6 children, 2 special needs whom are financially stable though. Having 6 young children can be hard even for a couple with a strong marriage and a good savings lol.
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
26 Feb 09
that octomom has really gotten under my skin!! i think its highly irrisponcible to be like that! i would feel like such a burden i would be embarrassed to be alive much less have MORE kids! not to mention some being disabled and her not working and using food stamps etc.. her mom is paying for everything and thats just nuts! i heard some where that she is wanting even MORE kids!! and that in high school all she wanted to do was have a whole bunch of kids so she could be famous.. so she never was wanting to work and earn a living! gRRR
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
26 Feb 09
See, it's all well and good to want to have kids but the point is you have to be ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM. WITHOUT HELP FROM ANYBODY. Without relying on your parents. Without living with your parents. Without asking for help from the government UNLESS something happens like you get injured or sick or lose a job or something like that. The only dependence I see as reasonable is the dependence a couple has on each other when raising a family. Sometimes they don't both work outside the home, but the one who doesn't is the primary caregiver for the kids and the house and all the daily stuff.
I cannot figure out how the hell she paid for fertility treatment!! How? Did someone 'take pity on her' and give it to her FREE?? WHY? Can't they see what an unstable and useless person she is? Don't they have any concern for the babies?
@kezabelle (2974)
•
26 Feb 09
No i wouldnt have children (not planned ones) while living at home and relying on my parents for everything.
I would help my girls if they needed it but i wont support them once they are old enough to do so themselves.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Hey mommyboo! This is one case that is so wrong in every way!
It drives me so crazy everytime I see this stupid beotch open
her moronic mouth! She is arrogant and is so badly in need
of psychiatric help! I would love to rearrange her awful
nose job and lips for her! She did not even dare tell her
parents what her plan was because she knew that they weren't
going to approve so she did it without their knowledge! How
dare she have these babies and count on her parents and
everyone else to take care of them! I can't even stand the
sight of her? And she has the nerve to have eight babies and
go get a manicure? She is one sick beotch! I wish they would
take these beautiful babies away from her and put her in a
mental ward where she belongs!
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Uath... lol! My own parents made it uncomfortable, I wanted to move out much earlier than I did. Unfortunately I wasn't ready yet financially, I've always had a plan. I had to have more put away and my car purchased before it would be feasible to rent an apartment even though I was already working full time.
Basically I was overprotected and there were too many rules and boundaries, so I decided I'd set myself up well to live on my own, leave, and never go back. I swore I'd live in my car before I ever moved back home. It's been 14 years since i moved out and I never had to move back. 
Of course I also got married... twice, and now have kids. Honestly though, I'd rather have a rough time and know I was doing it all myself than have relative comfort yet be living with my parents. Just an issue I have, things are weird when you're an adult and they still want to impose rules on you.... which they say is fair if you live under their roof... I know lots of parents who do things like this. I wouldn't but I'd probably irritate my grown kids by constantly giving them information about apartments in town lol.
Of course I also got married... twice, and now have kids. Honestly though, I'd rather have a rough time and know I was doing it all myself than have relative comfort yet be living with my parents. Just an issue I have, things are weird when you're an adult and they still want to impose rules on you.... which they say is fair if you live under their roof... I know lots of parents who do things like this. I wouldn't but I'd probably irritate my grown kids by constantly giving them information about apartments in town lol.@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
26 Feb 09
I still can't understand what would possess a FULL GROWN ADULT WOMAN to continue to live off her parents that way!! As a parent, you WANT to be annoying enough to your children that around the age of 18-20, they decide they need to get out on their own. Nobody should have to try too hard to push em out of the nest, what you're supposed to do is make it a little bit uncomfortable so they WANT TO LEAVE! ARGH!
It seems that this woman butts heads with her mother plenty, I don't know why she didn't MOVE OUT. I don't care if she has 14 kids, I could NEVER try to live with my parents, even if I had ONE kid! Talk about a disaster. Clearly she doesn't want her mother's opinion but if she is CHOOSING to live there, it looks like she gets her mother's opinion. Idiocy!
I mean I don't think her parents have any right to interfere in her life but they SHOULD have kicked her out a long time ago.... like at least 10 years ago or so! Before she had all the children certainly. They are enabling this behavior by allowing her to live with them and by helping take care of the kids. i don't want the kids to suffer but really, they should cut her off ENTIRELY. COMPLETELY.
See how snippy she is then!
@jessi0887 (2788)
• United States
26 Feb 09
I have one child. I live with my parents who helps me out alot. I dont do it intentially though. I do it because my income is not enough to survive on my own. Luckily my parents love me enough to help me out this way. I want more kids but one thing i tell myself and my fiance is we need our on place first. Its not fair to rely on your parents to help raise your family as well. One thing i will teach my kids while growing up is how to be independent and how to manage money properly. That way when their time comes to get out on their own i hope they can.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Are you and your fiance young? My rules for a grown kid living with me would be that they wouldn't have to pay me rent - unless they could afford something like $100 a month. I'd expect them to pay for their own phone line or cell phone, their own food, their own car payment/insurance and gas for their car, their own laundry soap and personal care items (soap, shampoo, toothpaste etc). I wouldn't get involved in their life either except for letting me know if they wouldn't be home at some point so I didn't worry when it was 3 am and I hadn't heard from them all day. They wouldn't have to pay for utilities or cable or internet either, so there wouldn't be any reason they'd have to stay for years.
The rent would be put away and I'd give them the whole chunk when they moved out, so it would help with move out expenses, a deposit on an apartment, or a downpayment on a house.
It does sound like your parents don't get involved too much in your life, so maybe it's a good arrangement. I just see too many situations where the involvement both ways is not healthy, and that's what raises my hackles.
@renemouche (843)
• United States
26 Feb 09
I do think that it is wrong to have kids or continue(in the octo moms case) while you are still living with your parents and have no means of supporting yourself. Clearly this case is crazy and everyone involved has some blame. I know she is saying that she didnt go in there for 8 children, the doctor told her that the most she would have would be twins cause that happend to her before. There were 6 and one split giving her the 8. But the woman already had 6 children already and 2 or 3 with special needs. She is totally irresponsible and the grandparents are in-between a rock and a hard place because they can just turn their grandchildren out onto the streets. They can tell her no, no more support but then were would she and her children go?
If you had children and then lost your job and in-turn lost your housing I could understand you moving in with your parents until you got another job and were able to get another place to live. My friends sister has Multiple Sclerosis and has two children. She had to move back in with her parents because the diease has progressed to were she cant keep a steady job. Adult chilren with children move back in with their parents for all types of reasons and circumstances but she is not continuing to birth children.
I don't have children, I hope God will bless me with them one day. My door will always be open to them once they are grown and need help and needed to move back home, if they have a plan to help themeselves and implement it.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
27 Feb 09
This is really icky, all sorts of wrong. I think there must be something internally wrong with somebody who just believes they don't ever have to grow up and become independent. For all the heartache that most parents have when teens push the envelope and rebel and run off and don't call home and other stuff, I suppose there are also some people who don't do that and never do that.
I'm sorry for your mom, what do you think would happen if your aunt were told she had to make it on her own? Even though she's older? I mean obviously she'd need to be taught but doesn't she realize that she is putting a burden on your mother?
It reminds me of grown kids who end up taking care of their own parents, paying their bills, making sure they have food, go to the doctor, etc. I can see this if they are in poor health but not for any other reason.
@renemouche (843)
• United States
27 Feb 09
I agree with you about a child never becoming independent. My aunt who is 52 years old never left my grandma. She worked but never left home. My grandma passed away 3 years ago this march and now she lives with my mom,dad and sis. My mom is the oldest and the only one of her siblings(besides my aunt)who is stili living in my home town. My grandma did everything for my aunt cooked, did her laundry, basically still kept there mother child relationship going on eventhough she was an adult. She doesnt realy even no how to cook a full meal or take care of her business(like paying bills, setting up or cancelling services.. etc without my someone helping her). Evertime something comes up she always ask's my mom what to do and my mom has to help her with everything single thing and tell her what to do all the time. Its driving my mom crazy cause I'm 26 and my sis is 24 and she feels like she has already raised her children, she feels like she has a 3rd child now. Its really sad cause my aunt just waits for someone to tell her what to do just like she was a child rather than take control of her life.
I can't believe I didn't mention this in my ealier post but I just got of the phone with my mom so its this example was fresh in my mind now
1 person likes this
@34momma (13882)
• United States
26 Feb 09
i know that this is not the life want for myself. but to say that it is wrong for someone else, i would not say that. I was just talking about this with my husband this morning. he thinks she should be taken out to the barn and shot!! LOL do i agree with her having 14 children, no. does she have the right to choose to have 14 children rather she lives with her parents or not, she sure does.
just because it's not something i would want for myself or my children, i am not going to say she is right or wrong for making the choice she made. to each his own
