Too Soft Or Just Dealing With In a Mature Way For the Kids?

@ellie333 (21029)
February 26, 2009 2:50pm CST
Tonight I am babysitting overnight for my ex boyfriends son whilst he goes out with and then stays at his new girlsfriends house. His son is four and mine is only just five last week and as we were together two and a half years I feel the kids shouldn't be affected by this. Am I being too soft or am I dealing with this in an adult way? What would you do? I still have feelings for this guy which makes it hard for me but I am putting the kids first here. Thoughts please. Huggles. Ellie :D
13 people like this
45 responses
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
26 Feb 09
I understand your want to keep the friendship alive with the kids... but to help a man you still have feelings for, go for an overnight visit with his NEW girlfriend??? Are you a glutton for punishment or something???
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Hi Canadagirl, I hear what you are saying but the kids are in the same year at school and spend so much time together it would be cruel to them to just detach, I know they adjust to stuff a lot easier than we do but yes I guess I am just a glutton for punishment. Thanks for your input I really do appreciate it as I am caught up emotionally in it all right now. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
26 Feb 09
It is REALLY hard to maintain a friendship with an ex... and damn near impossible if there are still feelings there. I've just recently been through trying to maintain a friendship with an ex for over a year now... and now that he's seeing someone else, it's all crumbling (granted, my feelings for him are no longer there.. .and the situation was a bit complicated for a while... but I can relate to some of your reasoning from when I first started working on the "just friends" thing with him).
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
27 Feb 09
As he only lives five doors away from me it makes things more in my face so I have had to have acceptance that he has a new love but still keep the boys in the routine they are used to as how do you explain to a little one knocking on the door to play that they can't, it is just not possible eh, well for me it isn't and it is easier to be friends living that close. It would be easier if distance was involved and the children not at same school etc but as they are it unfair on them to be any different. Thank you for sharing. Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@hmkoct5 (2067)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Oh, this must be a tough situation for you. I understand you not wanting to let the kids feel affected by this. But, I think it might cause some confusion for them. I think you should probably slowly stop babysitting your ex's son. It makes it double hard because you still have feelings for him. I hope it all works out for you.
3 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Hi Hmkoct5, They also go to the same school together so ties cannot be broken that easily for a couple of short years in our adult lives it it over half their young lives that they have been together and although I was in for the long haul he wasn't which I just have to accept and move on from but I feel for the boys as they are like brothers really. Thank you for you thoughts. Huggles. Ellie :D
3 people like this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
27 Feb 09
If the kids grew to be good friends then why should they end their friendship just because the parents did? I think it is more confusing for kids to be pulled apart because of a relationship ending. If their friendship ends well then, let it end because of their own differences. If her kids were complaining about his kids being there then by all means...stop the babysitting. ellie is putting her own feelings aside for the sake of the kids. I say that is very commendable.
3 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
27 Feb 09
Thank you both for your support and thoughts on this situation. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
26 Feb 09
All I can say is..........I wouldn't or couldn't do it. Babysit for him while he goes out with a new girlfriend, that just wouldn't happen. I have to ask, is he paying you to babysit? Cause if not, sounds a little on the side of 'using' you to babysit. Sorry, but I've been through 3 divorces, and a recent break-up after being together for 4 years. I can say that if my last ex asked me to babysit while he went out on a date, it wouldn't be happening! But I guess what really matters is how you feel about it. Are you maybe doing it because you still have feelings for him and hope that he'll see that?
3 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Hi Palonghorn, Yes I do still have feelings which he is aware of so you hit the nail on te head there. I am not being paid but he does babysit for me in return if I need him too althoug if I need him too it is because I am on a late shioft at work not out with a fella LOL. Thank you for your input on this. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@hanasays (212)
• United States
26 Feb 09
It's good that you can set aside your differences for the kids' sake, but I don't think it was appropriate for your ex to ask if you could babysit his kid so he could stay at his new girlfriend's house! Be careful, it could easily turn into him walking all over you. Regular play-dates are o.k. for the kids' sake, but don't become his personal babysitter.
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Hi Hanasays, Thank you so much, I hear what you are saying and totally agree but at the same time I don't want the kids to be wrenched away from each other because of the adult situation as they are innocents in this situation. I don't mind once a week but if he pushes it further than that I will say NO. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
• United States
26 Feb 09
With no other information what I have to say may sound meanso please do not take offense. If after two years he does not want to be with you then you should cut ties with him. He is not going to take care of you or your child. If he needs an overnight baby sitter then chances are he does not even want to take care of his own child. I understand that your children have spent alot of time together but what are you going to do when his new girlfriend has kids? spend time with all of them? If he has someone else then you have to do what is right for you, if it is right for you then it will be right for your child. The other child no matter how much you love him is not your concern anymore. I'm sorry if this seems mean but his new girlfriend can now take care of his kid.
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Hi Okkidokitokki, No offense taken at all and from the information I have given your response makes absolute sense however we live in very close proximity of each other and the children are in the same year at the same school so detachment very difficult. The new girlfriend has children that are a lot older and I can't ee any more on the horizon but no I will not babysit them also. I really appreciate your input here. Thank you. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
26 Feb 09
hi ellie..nice to see you around..well your too kind..and thats you show your good intension to the kids..that was good hope the father can realize that.,,have a nice day
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Thanks Marketing, Sorry I haven't been around much lately, just hvaen't been in the mood really but appreciate your support and yes I always look out for the kids, part of my nuturing nature I guess. Huggles. Ellie :D
3 people like this
@deejean06 (1953)
• United States
26 Feb 09
You're a good person to be putting aside your personal differences for the children when you weren't even married. I know divorced couples who have less maturity than you. I guess the children could miss each other if you were together for a number of years and you're good to let them have time together. I don't think I would be able to do it.
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Hi Deejean, Thank you. I myself am struggling a bit but the boys both go to the same school and live near to each other also so for their sake it has to remain amicable no matter what I am feeling/ Huggles. Ellie :D
4 people like this
@deejean06 (1953)
• United States
26 Feb 09
You are such a good person - it probably takes a lot to keep yourself together. Your child is very lucky and I hope you find someone for yourself soon!
3 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
27 Feb 09
Thank you :D
2 people like this
@anonymili (3138)
26 Feb 09
Good lord Ellie hun, are you some sort of saint? Cos I wouldn't be able to do that! I have no ties with my ex (just as well we didn't have kids) - after well over a dozen years with him it took me several years to get over him and I didn't want to look backwards. I'm not sure who is the mother of your ex's son, whether it's the new gf he's spending the night with or another woman who is also his ex now but either way I personally wouldn't be able to handle this situation. By having this sort of contact with him, doing him favours, etc, you're not able to cut off ties with him and it's harder to get over someone if you think in the back of your mind there's still a chance no matter how small it might be. You could be using the kids as an excuse - that you're putting them first but ultimately whilst you still have feelings for him it's just giving yourself false hope in a way and hurting you emotionally without you probably even knowing it and not leaving the door open for some really decent loving guy to come into your life and treating you like the precious person you really are. xx
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Hi Anonymili, False hope hurts I know that one, the mother of his child was sterlised at his birth and her other children not from him put into foster care and if he hadn't of taken on the baby he would have been too so I guess here I really am looking out for his son as he has had no constant in his life and if once a week he gets to spend time with me thats fine but I do hear what you are saying about my own thoughts and feelings as I have been struggling with it a bit. The boys are in the same year at school so even if I chose to ignore they would still see each other and so would we so I suppose in this instance it is tghe easier and correct option if that makes sense. Huggles, Ellie :D
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Feb 09
You shouldn't think with your heart and use your head.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Hi Gitfddleplayer, Sensible advice. Huggles. Ellie :D
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@Darkwing (21588)
26 Feb 09
I think you're dealing with the matter in a very adult way, my friend. I presume this is the guy I saw when visiting, (R?), and if so, it's a favour returned, I guess. No matter what your feelings are towards him, or his towards you, you're still friends, and your respective kids are friends. That's all that matters at a time like this and I feel you did the right thing by both the kids and him. Brightest Blessings, my dear friend.
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 09
Hi Darkwing, Yes it is R we are talking about here but I am finding it hard now he with someone else but the boys very close so I am just trying to keep them in the routine they are used to. I am hurting though more than I thought I would which has suprised me, I will PM you at some stage as this one has reallu got to me. I am fed up with other people reaping the rewards if that makes sense and here I am allowing that to happen. Grrrr. love and huggles. Ellie :D
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@Darkwing (21588)
26 Feb 09
I thought so... the flushes didn't go unnoticed whilst I was there, my dear friend, and I can understand how you're feeling right now, so please feel free to IM me, or even phone me if you wish. This may not last... after all, if she was likely to become a permanent partner, then if she has her own kids, wouldn't she allow him to take his son along? No... I think he has reservations here, Ellie. You know what they say, if you let a person have their freedom and you were meant to be with them, they'll be back. I'm hoping that this will be the situation here, even if it's still just as friends for a while. He'll come to realising sooner or later, what he really wants and where he's better off. Meanwhile, as you say, you need to hold it together for the boys. I know how J loves to go visit... bless him. I think I probably know how much it's hurting as a similar thing happened to me about three years ago, but I've got over that hurdle and as you know, the two of us are on better terms than ever now. I didn't mention it at all... I just got over it because he came back to me in the end, and that's what counts. Hang in there, huh? I also know full well what you mean about others reaping the rewards, but what can you say right now? Not a lot... it's best to remain loyal, show you're always there for him and let fate take its path. I think I've fathomed mine all out, and I know what I need to do... it's just finding the money and the right time, now. Don't think of this g/f in a negative way... stay positive, and know it's just another hurdle you have to get round. You have a terrific personality and although sensitive, like me, you're strong enough to get through this and win out! I'm here any time you feel the need to talk. xx
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
27 Feb 09
Hi Darkwing, I won't live in false hope but hear what you are saying, her kids are grown up so he sees her when he hasn't his little one most of the time so who knows but he has told me that although he really believed he loved me it is her he is in love with but the boys have their bond so I have been accepting as long as he don't flaunt her in my face because of the close proximity which he isn't as he goes round there then I will adjust and move on. Thank you my friend for your kind words of encouragement. I really appreciate as ever and sorry I haven't been too socialble lately. Love and Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
6 Mar 09
Hi Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, what am I ever going to do with you?? :D How do you ever get yourself in such pickles? Personally, and you know this very well, I think you are too soft, but I suppose that is what makes you so lovable isn't it? First of all yes of course the children should be put first but since you still have feelings for this guy maybe he should have tried to make other arrangements, after all you can't be the only person in the World that he knows and while it is nice for the children to be together, couldn't they be together with some play date another time? What if you and your son had been out of town or unavailable? Would this mean that your Ex would have stayed at home and not gone out or would he have found another kind soul such as yourself? I do not know if this guy knows you still have feelings for him but if he does, then it was not a very nice thing for him to do, asking you to baby sit while he has his own play date with some other woman and if he doesn't know that you have feelings for him then it is truly up to you to inform him of this. This does not have to be any big confrontational thing, quite the opposite, but he needs and deserves to know how you feel about him and about baby sitting for him when he goes out with someone else. You can easily sit him down and tell him that even though you are not a couple any more that you still have feelings for him and it makes you uncomfortable and unhappy to baby sit for him when he is going on a sleep over with some other lady. Then you can always go on to tell him that you are generally happy to baby sit, when you are available, but during normal times and not when he wants to spend the night at some other lady's house. If he is a true friend he will see where you are coming from and he should not have any problems accepting this fact and also make other arrangements for his son when he is planing on being out all night! Who knows? Have you ever thought that Maybe he still has feelings for you too?? Good luck Ellie and Please, if he doesn't know how you feel and you haven't told him the at least think carefully about what I have said?? Other than this lecture! Hope everything else is going well for you and of course your beautiful son also! ;)
@ellie333 (21029)
6 Mar 09
Hi Gel, He does know how I feel but even though he said he thought he loved me he is in love with her so I just have to accept that, he has my son once a week and we have to see each other everyday as boys are in same year and section at school and he only lives five doors away from me so I have her car parked there in my face all the time really but what I have done is told him to stop coming round everyday when he finishes work for coffee as his new love was beginning to feel insecure about me and that in future just drop off and pick up at the door rather than coming in and to say hi at the school gate rather than talk to me indepth and that way although still amicable we can both detach a bit and move on. I told him all this on Friday and since then he has still found reasons to pop round and to walk up the school with me twice this week and tect me instead of her which I rang and told him so that the correct person could receive, Freudlian slip there maybe, who knows. Oh and another thing he says he is scared of me????? LOL, me scary???? I am one of the lovelitest people I know. Thanks for the support and advice. Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
6 Mar 09
OUCH Ellie! You really are in a pickle this time aren't you? Being so close and everything. It's just too bad that the two of you don't live farther apart so you didn't have him or her, or her car in your face all of the time! Well now things are all messed up aren't they? Well the only thing I can say to that is at least you were honest with him and he knows how you feel although it is hard, If he does happen to love this woman then you will no doubt be seeing more of each other like it or not! I do wonder about a couple of things though. I think the text boo boo may well have been a Freudian slip and I also think that when he said he was afraid of you, that he didn't mean it literally but maybe he is afraid of how he feels about you and since you are Ex's he may be afraid that if you guys would get back together again the same things that broke the two of you up before may break you up again...possibly?? ;)
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
7 Mar 09
My own fault as I split with him as I felt taken for granted and always last on the list and never taken out etc. so he has learnt from past mistakes and makes sure he takes this one out but she hasn't young children like we both have so it was difficult for us to get both babysat at the same time so it is great for them eh as I have his little un, when she has to spend time around the child all the time and can't go out etc as that is what she is used to doing it will be a test for them I suppose but for now once a week overnight I don't mind as who am I to stand in the way of true lust, oops I meant love he, he. Oh I have just waffling on now sorry but it really annoys me that she reaping the rewards as he son quite nice now but was a little ..... for most of the time we were together and caused a lot of the problems too as he was sly but now he at school he is much better and the boys get on really well, ironic eh. I think perhaps we were together because of situation and circumstance both single older parents of very young children with no opportunit to get out and meet others.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
26 Feb 09
I think you deserve an award! Congratulations on thinking not only of your ex's (who is now a friend?) son's feelings, but thinking of your son's too. Parents dating can be a pretty upsetting time for kids, and helping to keep a little continuity in there is a good idea for them. Can you handle seeing your ex with another woman? Time will tell. You are doing the right thing, as long as it doesn't tear you apart doing it.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
27 Feb 09
Hi Catdla, Thank you, I can't handle seeing him with another woman no so he goes round there as he only lives five doors away from me so it would be too in my face if he bought her round to his so he is understanding towards my feelings. The children are used to seeing each other every day at school and staying over each others houses once a week so yes it keeps the routine alive only these days it is just the children staying over rather than us together if that makes sense. I have accepted although it hurts as he said although he thought he was in love with me now he has met her he realises he wasn't after all so honesty from both sides helps, eventually I will have to face seeing them together as it is a small time but hopefully I will be stronger about it by then. huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
27 Feb 09
You can always hope that she throws a king-size hissy fit because you are still remotely in the picture...and he realizes that he was in lust with her, but really loves you. Then what would you do?
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@ellie333 (21029)
2 Mar 09
He told me that she is already giving him a bad time because she thinks he will come back to me so to stop her insecurites I have now got my door key back (he used to let my dog out whilst I was at work) and told him not to come round for coffee but to just drop and collect his son from the door and I will do the same, that way iof their relationship is going to fail in any way I can't be blamed for it eh! Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
1 Mar 09
Hi ellie, Sweetie, don't let this guy take advantage of your sweet nature. If you want the boys to see each other then arrange a play date. If the ex and his new squeeze become a permanent item, there is little doubt that you'll be out of the picture for good. She won't want you near her new little family. I know I sound harsh but you need to prevent anymore heartache. Protect your heart, he won't.xoxoxo leenie
@ellie333 (21029)
2 Mar 09
Hi Leenie, His new love is already feeling insecure about his friendship with me but I have accepted that he is in love with her and not me although it hurts. His son only feels comfortable staying with me and the boys love staying at each others, If at some stage in the future they marry there will not be a need for me to babysit as they will all be under the same roof however we all live in the same time and the boys go to the same school so it is better if it is amicable. I have asked my ex t stop coming round each day and just to say hi and to drop of and pick up at the door rather than come in so she doesn't feel threatened in anyway and to make it easier for myself. Huggles. Ellie :D
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
2 Mar 09
ellie, I think it's a good idea not to see him as often as before. Honestly, it sounds like he may not be over you either. The best way for him to find out, is to not have so much access to you. I'm not trying to encourage you to pursue him, just don't let him use you. Also the boys must be very close and should not suffer the separation anymore than necessary. How long were you together? If you are meant to be together, you have to make him miss you and want you again. Just don't make it easy on him.xoxoxo leenie
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
4 Mar 09
Hi Leenie, we have been together since the kids were toddlers so we have all been in each others lives daily for the last three + years so the boys have a bond. I have stepped back but last night he phoned to say could he pop round today to look something up on my computer so he clinging more than me really. I want be used don't worry. I have agreed on one night a week for the lad to stay over but that is it, he now has to drop off at door and pick up at door rather than come in for coffee. Huggles. Ellie :D
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
i think you're doing this not just for the kids but also to get near the guy...i mean, this is hard for you isn't it?? isn't there another way to take care of the kids other than this way.... ummm.... not that i'm suggesting you to stop doing this cuz i really dont know what it's like there for u and him and the kids... anyway... just make sure you're only giving help to the extent that it's not too much for you... i mean if i were you, i'd be on the verge of going crazy hehe and needing psychiatric help. LoL... that's because im emotionally weak. :(
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
2 Mar 09
Hi Kquiming, What I should have mentioned is the fact that the boys are in the same year at school and live 5 doors away from each other so even if I wanted to totally detach from this guy I cannot without moving and that is not possible so as the boys are so used to being together it is for them I am doing this. I am not living in any false hope at all as he has told me he thought he loved me until he met her and is in lovev with here so I have to accept that. I have also asked him to stop coming round for coffee as it not fair on her or me as it is giving his new lady her own insecurities so I believe I really am doiung this for th boys as they love their sleep over nights. I appreciate your input, that you. Huggles. Ellie :D
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
ok, good to hear that you have analyzed everything, including your own motives - that just shows your maturity, how mature you are at handling these things. I need not say anymore because I know you can handle this by yourself and in time, you'll figure out what you need to figure out, and you'll know just what to do. Just know all the mylotters here feel for yah !! *smile*
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
4 Mar 09
Ah thank you, really appreciate all your goo wishes and just sharing with you guys helps ease things. Huggles. Ellie :D
@bombshell (11266)
• Germany
1 Mar 09
very kind of you Ellie.you are taking care of your ex boyfriend son because he is going to his girlfriend?wowww you must have a big heart and willing to sacrifice to make them happy.yes always the kids first.i would say your ex boyfriend is very lucky to have you as an e girlfriend. what you did is just too much and i hope someday your ex boyfriend will realized how nice person you are.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
2 Mar 09
Hi Bomshell, His son feels safe and comfortable with me and the boys love spending time together. I am not living in false hope of getting back with him as he has told me he is in love with this other woman however we all live in the same small town so it is easier if everything is amicable for the kids sake especially as they go to school together. Huggles. Ellie :D
@bombshell (11266)
• Germany
2 Mar 09
i undesrtand Ellie
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
27 Feb 09
This is very kind and grown up of you. As long as you aren't thinking that you two may get back together. You were with him for awhile. The children became close as I'm sure you got close to his son. It's not good to completely stop the children from being together if it's for the good of them. Being frinds with your ex is good. But not if it's hurting you to see and be around him. Follow your head not your heart this time.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
2 Mar 09
Hi Moondancer, No I am not thinking we will get back together I have accepted he i in love with this woman and only thought he loved me, I guess we were both thrown together into a relationship as we wer both single older parents of young children. His son feels safe and comfortable with me and although it still hurts I can deal with it and if in the future the two of them marry we all live in the same town so the boys will still see each other but not so much need for me to babysit as they will all be under the one rood. I have asked him to stopp coming round every day for a coffee and just to say hi up the school and drop and pick up son rather than stay for a hour when he does to make it easier for me but also to give his new relationship a chance as his new love is beginning to feel insecure about me. Huggles. Ellie :D
@ellie333 (21029)
4 Mar 09
Hi Moondancer, Wow, thank you so much for your kind words, I am welling up now, I am also honored to have you and so many other here on the Lot that I class as friends, bless you. Huggles. Ellie :D
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
I just realized how convenient it is for your ex-BF to just let you babysit his son from his other GFs. And knowing that, he is doing this to have time with another girlfriend. Don't you think you are being too much of a martyr in here? But for the sake of your son and his step brother I guess there's really no choice right now. But I think you should set some rules on it because your are being too soft to your BF which might come to a point that may be abusing your being that.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
2 Mar 09
Hi Rsa, Yes I can see that but I do insist that it is only the once a week and he has my son for me when I do one late shift a week so not really abusing in that way. It is just my own feelings I need to keep in check as nothing has changed for the boys except this new lady sometimes seeing his son as mine not involved there. His son feels safe staying with me and I make sure they have a lot of fun. I need to accept he with someone else and move on from it but boys also go to same school so no point in detaching too much. Huggles. Ellie :D
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
Well actually it is all up to you. If you could bear with the situation then go for it. Just don't regret anything since it is your decision that prevailed in this. If you do enjoy what you are doing right now then I guess it's fine.
1 person likes this
@mommaj (22768)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Wow! What a tough situation. I'm not sure you are putting the kids first in this matter because like you said you still have feelings for him and if you can find any way to be in his life it has to be to babysit for him. He is in love with someone else. This has to be hard for the kids seeing him go out with someone else while you are with them. Think of how this is going to affect the kids. The kids will see each other at school so you don't need to worry about them losing touch. You could even have his kid over during the day for a play date. I don't think Babysitting is such a good idea. This might give both little boys the idea it is okay to treat women that way. You really need to think about the kids. They know you were with "ex" and now they see someone else with "ex" and you are okay with it so it must be okay to use people in that manner. It's admirable that you are thinking about the kids, now you have to think about the big picture for the kids.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
2 Mar 09
Hi Mommaj, I am not doing this to keep around him although I can see why some would see it this way, he has told me he thought he was in love with me but it is this woman that he is really in love with so I just have to accept that and move on but we have to see each other daily during the week and he only lives 5 doors away from me so I cannot detach that easily. His son feels safe with me so for the time being I don't mind at all but his new partners has insecurites about me so I have stepped back and told him no stopping in at mine for a cuppa just drop off and pick up to give their relationship a chance as it must be difficult for hewr to comprehend in a way eh!. Time will heal my hurt. We have always spent time together with the children and never kissed and cuddled in front of them so they still see as us friends the only difference is that the lads dad doesn't sometimes stay in my house anymore but I will take into consideration what you have said about the signals it is sending them but we never lived together so nothing has changed really for the boys except this new lady seeing the dad and my son not even seen her. Huggles. Ellie :D
@mommaj (22768)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Great to know the kids didn't "see" anything but you wouldn't believe what kids figure out on there own. Actually if they never saw you and the ex in that way then it would actually be good for your son to see the new one with him holding hands or whatever. Then he will know there is no possibility of that man being in his life like a father. Besides the kids can still go to each other's house and nothing will change for them.
1 person likes this
@elmiko (6640)
• United States
7 Mar 09
your doing good. i don't see a problem with it considering how you feel.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
7 Mar 09
Thank you Elmiko, It will get easier in time. Huggles. Ellie :D
@guybrush (4661)
• Australia
1 Mar 09
You are definitely behaving in an adult way, Ellie! It must be extremely hard for you, knowing this lad is going out with someone else - but putting the kids' friendship first is wonderful, as the issue between their parents is nothing to do with them. Besides, maintaining a friendship with your ex is a very good thing - you never know what the future holds, and you may both decide down the line you were meant to be together after all!
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
2 Mar 09
Hi Guybrush, Thank you for your kind words, I am not living in a false hope of that happening and if he does end up marrying this new love then the need for me to babysit won't be there anyway as they will all be under the same roof but as the kids go to the same school and we all live in the same town it is easier if things are amicable. Huggles. Ellie :D