Too Soft Or Just Dealing With In a Mature Way For the Kids?

I understand your want to keep the friendship alive with the kids... but to help a man you still have feelings for, go for an overnight visit with his NEW girlfriend??? Are you a glutton for punishment or something???

Oh, this must be a tough situation for you. I understand you not wanting to let the kids feel affected by this. But, I think it might cause some confusion for them. I think you should probably slowly stop babysitting your ex's son. It makes it double hard because you still have feelings for him. I hope it all works out for you.

All I can say is..........I wouldn't or couldn't do it. Babysit for him while he goes out with a new girlfriend, that just wouldn't happen. I have to ask, is he paying you to babysit? Cause if not, sounds a little on the side of 'using' you to babysit. Sorry, but I've been through 3 divorces, and a recent break-up after being together for 4 years. I can say that if my last ex asked me to babysit while he went out on a date, it wouldn't be happening! But I guess what really matters is how you feel about it. Are you maybe doing it because you still have feelings for him and hope that he'll see that?

hi ellie..nice to see you around..well your too kind..and thats you show your good intension to the kids..that was good hope the father can realize that.,,have a nice day

It's good that you can set aside your differences for the kids' sake, but I don't think it was appropriate for your ex to ask if you could babysit his kid so he could stay at his new girlfriend's house! Be careful, it could easily turn into him walking all over you. Regular play-dates are o.k. for the kids' sake, but don't become his personal babysitter.

With no other information what I have to say may sound meanso please do not take offense. If after two years he does not want to be with you then you should cut ties with him. He is not going to take care of you or your child. If he needs an overnight baby sitter then chances are he does not even want to take care of his own child. I understand that your children have spent alot of time together but what are you going to do when his new girlfriend has kids? spend time with all of them? If he has someone else then you have to do what is right for you, if it is right for you then it will be right for your child. The other child no matter how much you love him is not your concern anymore. I'm sorry if this seems mean but his new girlfriend can now take care of his kid.

I think you're dealing with the matter in a very adult way, my friend. I presume this is the guy I saw when visiting, (R?), and if so, it's a favour returned, I guess. No matter what your feelings are towards him, or his towards you, you're still friends, and your respective kids are friends. That's all that matters at a time like this and I feel you did the right thing by both the kids and him. Brightest Blessings, my dear friend.

Good lord Ellie hun, are you some sort of saint? Cos I wouldn't be able to do that! I have no ties with my ex (just as well we didn't have kids) - after well over a dozen years with him it took me several years to get over him and I didn't want to look backwards. I'm not sure who is the mother of your ex's son, whether it's the new gf he's spending the night with or another woman who is also his ex now but either way I personally wouldn't be able to handle this situation. By having this sort of contact with him, doing him favours, etc, you're not able to cut off ties with him and it's harder to get over someone if you think in the back of your mind there's still a chance no matter how small it might be. You could be using the kids as an excuse - that you're putting them first but ultimately whilst you still have feelings for him it's just giving yourself false hope in a way and hurting you emotionally without you probably even knowing it and not leaving the door open for some really decent loving guy to come into your life and treating you like the precious person you really are. xx

You shouldn't think with your heart and use your head.

Hi ellie, Sweetie, don't let this guy take advantage of your sweet nature. If you want the boys to see each other then arrange a play date. If the ex and his new squeeze become a permanent item, there is little doubt that you'll be out of the picture for good. She won't want you near her new little family. I know I sound harsh but you need to prevent anymore heartache. Protect your heart, he won't.xoxoxo leenie

I think you deserve an award! Congratulations on thinking not only of your ex's (who is now a friend?) son's feelings, but thinking of your son's too. Parents dating can be a pretty upsetting time for kids, and helping to keep a little continuity in there is a good idea for them. Can you handle seeing your ex with another woman? Time will tell. You are doing the right thing, as long as it doesn't tear you apart doing it.

You're a good person to be putting aside your personal differences for the children when you weren't even married. I know divorced couples who have less maturity than you. I guess the children could miss each other if you were together for a number of years and you're good to let them have time together. I don't think I would be able to do it.

Hi Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, what am I ever going to do with you?? :D How do you ever get yourself in such pickles? Personally, and you know this very well, I think you are too soft, but I suppose that is what makes you so lovable isn't it? First of all yes of course the children should be put first but since you still have feelings for this guy maybe he should have tried to make other arrangements, after all you can't be the only person in the World that he knows and while it is nice for the children to be together, couldn't they be together with some play date another time? What if you and your son had been out of town or unavailable? Would this mean that your Ex would have stayed at home and not gone out or would he have found another kind soul such as yourself? I do not know if this guy knows you still have feelings for him but if he does, then it was not a very nice thing for him to do, asking you to baby sit while he has his own play date with some other woman and if he doesn't know that you have feelings for him then it is truly up to you to inform him of this. This does not have to be any big confrontational thing, quite the opposite, but he needs and deserves to know how you feel about him and about baby sitting for him when he goes out with someone else. You can easily sit him down and tell him that even though you are not a couple any more that you still have feelings for him and it makes you uncomfortable and unhappy to baby sit for him when he is going on a sleep over with some other lady. Then you can always go on to tell him that you are generally happy to baby sit, when you are available, but during normal times and not when he wants to spend the night at some other lady's house. If he is a true friend he will see where you are coming from and he should not have any problems accepting this fact and also make other arrangements for his son when he is planing on being out all night! Who knows? Have you ever thought that Maybe he still has feelings for you too?? Good luck Ellie and Please, if he doesn't know how you feel and you haven't told him the at least think carefully about what I have said?? Other than this lecture! Hope everything else is going well for you and of course your beautiful son also! ;)

i think you're doing this not just for the kids but also to get near the guy...i mean, this is hard for you isn't it?? isn't there another way to take care of the kids other than this way.... ummm.... not that i'm suggesting you to stop doing this cuz i really dont know what it's like there for u and him and the kids... anyway... just make sure you're only giving help to the extent that it's not too much for you... i mean if i were you, i'd be on the verge of going crazy hehe and needing psychiatric help. LoL... that's because im emotionally weak. :(

I just realized how convenient it is for your ex-BF to just let you babysit his son from his other GFs. And knowing that, he is doing this to have time with another girlfriend. Don't you think you are being too much of a martyr in here? But for the sake of your son and his step brother I guess there's really no choice right now. But I think you should set some rules on it because your are being too soft to your BF which might come to a point that may be abusing your being that.

This is very kind and grown up of you. As long as you aren't thinking that you two may get back together. You were with him for awhile. The children became close as I'm sure you got close to his son. It's not good to completely stop the children from being together if it's for the good of them. Being frinds with your ex is good. But not if it's hurting you to see and be around him. Follow your head not your heart this time.

your doing good. i don't see a problem with it considering how you feel.

You are definitely behaving in an adult way, Ellie! It must be extremely hard for you, knowing this lad is going out with someone else - but putting the kids' friendship first is wonderful, as the issue between their parents is nothing to do with them. Besides, maintaining a friendship with your ex is a very good thing - you never know what the future holds, and you may both decide down the line you were meant to be together after all!

very kind of you Ellie.you are taking care of your ex boyfriend son because he is going to his girlfriend?wowww you must have a big heart and willing to sacrifice to make them happy.yes always the kids first.i would say your ex boyfriend is very lucky to have you as an e girlfriend. what you did is just too much and i hope someday your ex boyfriend will realized how nice person you are.

Wow! What a tough situation. I'm not sure you are putting the kids first in this matter because like you said you still have feelings for him and if you can find any way to be in his life it has to be to babysit for him. He is in love with someone else. This has to be hard for the kids seeing him go out with someone else while you are with them. Think of how this is going to affect the kids. The kids will see each other at school so you don't need to worry about them losing touch. You could even have his kid over during the day for a play date. I don't think Babysitting is such a good idea. This might give both little boys the idea it is okay to treat women that way. You really need to think about the kids. They know you were with "ex" and now they see someone else with "ex" and you are okay with it so it must be okay to use people in that manner. It's admirable that you are thinking about the kids, now you have to think about the big picture for the kids.